The Eyes of the Moon
by eiluned price
Summary: Sometimes one thing changes everything. When Edward encounters Bella in biology class, that one thing sends their destinies spinning in a different direction. A translation of "Les Yeux de la Lune" by Elysabeth. AU.
1. First Sight

_Note from eiluned price: Recently, I was introduced (thanks, Shalow!) to a retelling of "Midnight Sun" that was so richly imagined and sweetly rendered that I asked the author if I could take a stab at putting it into English. She graciously agreed (despite my inexperience in translating fiction)._

_It is, of course, better in the original, so if you can read French, check out "Les Yeux de la Lune," by Elysabeth, which is linked to on my Favorites page and my profile page. If not, well, you're stuck with me. :) But don't let that stop you from reading!_

_Fun fact: The French title of "Twilight" is "Fascination." Therefore …_

_Disclaimer: "Twilight" and "Fascination" belong to Stephenie Meyer._

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><p>Chapter 1: First Sight<p>

Lunch in the cafeteria was the hour I loathed most. All these minds gathered in one room irritated me. The mixture of insipid thoughts bored me more every day. There was a time when this cacophony was a welcome distraction during the interminable days of high school. As the years passed, though, I learned to close my own mind to the minds of others, partly out of courtesy but mostly because of the tedium of their banal and trivial thoughts. They never changed, year after year, decade after decade. Generations came and went, but they were all the same. It quickly became tiresome to repeatedly hear the same questions, the same doubts, the same thoughts that preoccupied the typical adolescent. Now I blocked them out.

But today the clamor of excited thoughts filling the cafeteria was so deafening, so chaotic, that it was impossible for me for ignore. And it was all because of a new student.

Isabella Marie Swan. The only daughter of the chief of the Forks Police Department and the latest star attraction in the school. I felt sorry for the girl for having to be in the spotlight, but at the same time, I was relieved that for once the Cullens were not the center of attention. Her novelty value would not last, I knew, and inevitably my family would once more be the subject of ignorant but harmless gossip about our legendarily bizarre lifestyle. Harmless, that is, as long as nobody asked himself the right questions about us.

For the moment, though, all the talk was of the new student. If she had come here straight from Mars she couldn't have provoked more curiosity. But then, it didn't take much to capture the interest of the children of Forks High School.

I had encountered the Swan girl only once this morning. Emmett and I were on our way to Spanish. We were late; the bell had rung a few minutes earlier. We knew, though, that the teacher wouldn't reprimand us: we knew the language too well - better than she did, in fact - for her to punish us for missing the start of the lesson.

We were alone, but the lack of interest we had in sitting through Spanish class did not encourage us to hurry, to move at a vampire pace, so we wouldn't be quite so late. And it was a good thing, because, upon turning a corner of a silent hallway, we had been surprised to find a student walking alongside the wall, so near to it that her arm grazed it.

I was amazed that I hadn't detected her presence. I was less astonished that Emmett hadn't: there were too many human odors in the hallways, some recent, some older, for him to perceive that a student was lingering. As for me, I had an early warning system. At least, I was supposed to have one, since usually I could hear someone's mind well before happening upon him or her.

But that wasn't the case this morning. What would have happened if Emmett and I had opted for a normal pace – that is, normal for us? That girl could have seen us and caused trouble.

I reproached myself for my lapse. It was my job to protect my family, and reading others' thoughts was an important tool for avoiding mistakes that could betray our true nature. Alice could have foreseen that this girl would be in the hallway and that we should be careful to act human, but she was too focused on Jasper today. He was testing his limits. It had been more than two weeks since he had hunted and he wanted to see if he could still control himself among all these warm-blooded students -there was nothing more appetizing than hormonally unstable adolescents. Alice concentrated all her psychic energy on seeing if Jasper was going to succumb to his thirst. She had confidence in him, but Jasper was the least resistant member of our family. He was all too aware of that, and he saw it as a weakness. He fought ferociously against his nature, but mistakes were sometimes impossible to avoid. Or rather, they would be impossible to avoid if Alice were not with him to warn him and lead him away from temptation.

I concentrated on the girl who shouldn't have been in the hallway and knew immediately that it was the new student whom everyone was talking and thinking about. I was duty-bound to know all the students at Forks High, and I didn't recognize her. When we moved here two years ago, I had scanned all the faces, scrutinized each mind, to be certain that none of them had a too-active imagination and that the gossip about us didn't extend beyond our unusual looks and peculiar relationships.

Isabella Swan was acting strangely, so strangely that I forgot my unease in discovering that I somehow wasn't hearing her thoughts. She walked slowly, her hand skimming over the lockers, the doors, the water fountains. She touched everything in her path. Emmett said nothing aloud, but I heard his mocking thoughts: _That gal's crazy._

My brother quickly classed people as inferior to himself, a habit I disapproved of. That was Emmett: a simple creature with simplistic judgment. But this morning, I had to admit that he wasn't wrong. The Swan girl's behavior was truly odd. It was obvious that she thought she was alone in the hallway. Normally, the members of my family were the cynosure of all eyes. No one was indifferent to us, willingly or not. This morning, however, Isabella Swan was the exception to the rule that all humans were as attracted to us as metal was to a magnet. She had ignored us, continuing on her way, walking through the empty corridor.

Emmett and I had also gone on our way. She hadn't acknowledged us? So be it. We certainly weren't going to criticize her for it. To pass by unnoticed, to melt into the crowd, it was what my family wanted most, after all. It was pointless to think about her further. Her mind was unreadable, but that was probably because it was empty - nothing to see there, nothing to read.

I thought no more of the school's newest attraction, and Spanish, like all the other classes that morning, proceeded as always, dull and boring.

At lunchtime, my family and I were thus at our usual table with our usual prop trays and our usual prop meals. The density of minds overexcited by the new student put me on edge. Still, I didn't bother to figure out why they considered her so special. It didn't interest me. For my brothers and sisters, it was a pleasant break from maintaining our human façade. Since we were always at the center of attention at school, we had to watch our smallest acts to not to reveal what we were.

The arrival of the Swan girl in Forks was a welcome respite from being so careful. A respite that only Rosalie didn't appreciate. She adored being watched, being admired and feared at the same time.

_She's here!_

_There she is!_

_That's her!_

There was no need to wonder who the subject of these thoughts was. Isabella stepped hesitantly into the cafeteria. I glanced at her casually to see if I had missed anything this morning. She looked ordinary. Uninteresting. A translucent complexion that revealed the blue veins under the delicate membrane of her skin. She was almost as pale as us, and her chocolate eyes were dull, lifeless. I could tell she was nervous to be in a crowd, because her heartbeat sped up and her breathing stuttered.

In just one morning, though, the Swan girl had already found a male admirer. Mike Newton led her to his table, and Isabella followed him slowly, even clumsily. Mike introduced her to his friends. She smiled. It was intended to be gracious, but her cheerful expression was belied by the sadness of her eyes.

Automatically, in a defense mechanism against suspicions about my family, I tried to read the girl. But once again an invisible wall blocked me. It was very frustrating. Never had I failed to get into someone's head. Never. I tried harder, and opened my mind to its maximum, with the only result being the amplification of the mental cacophony in the cafeteria.

_She could have been so pretty._

_It's sad._

_What a shame. What a waste._

_What is she going to do? She won't survive a week in this jungle._

_She's so lucky. She won't have to do gym._

All these thoughts were about Isabella Swan, and I wondered what they meant. Their tenor was puzzling. I perceived a collective sentiment of intrigue and ... pity? I was, however, too annoyed that I heard nothing of the mind I wanted to understand to pay more attention to the strange thoughts of the others. I stared at her, studied her, to try to pierce her mental wall. Another failure.

Isabella ate her lunch and answered the anodyne questions of the other students at the table. She corrected everyone on her name: "I prefer Bella." She had a soft voice, barely a murmur. She was polite, friendly, but I didn't need to read her thoughts to see her deep unease at all the notice she was getting. She chewed her lower lip, a sign of shyness. Her fingers trembled as she held her fork, and her frail shoulders were hunched.

I stared at her so intently that my brothers and sisters were astonished.

"_What's going on?"_ thought Emmett.

"_What's so interesting about her?" _Rosalie added snidely.

I shrugged indifferently in the hopes they would stop paying attention to me. I didn't want to alarm my family. The inaccessible brain of this girl wasn't going to remain that way for long. I was determined to get into her mind, and I would succeed. It was only a matter of time.

Alice immersed herself again in her visions, scrutinizing Jasper, who was still fighting his burning thirst. Emmett returned to thinking about the new wrestling holds he planned to try on me or Jasper this evening. Rosalie, in character, thought about herself.

As for me, I focused more than ever on the Swan girl. And this time I made the mistake of attracting the notice of Mike Newton and Jessica Stanley.

"_What do you take her for, Cullen, staring at her like that?"_ Mike thought indignantly.

"_The new girl is getting her share of curiosity,"_ Jessica scoffed. "_She's even roused the attention of the untouchable Edward Cullen. It's enough to make you believe that you need to be a permanent cripple to get a guy. Pfft."_

Her petty thoughts baffled me.

Permanent cripple?

I had noticed Bella Swan's uncertain, clumsy gait, but I didn't see it as a reason for mockery.

Jessica Stanley had always had an egotistical, hypocritical mind, and she was being exceptionally two-faced today. She was friendly and warm to Bella on the surface but all she really wanted was the attention that came with being near the new student. Jessica put on a good show, and I had a burst of compassion for the poor Swan girl, who knew nothing of her lunch companion's juvenile malice.

I hastily repressed that wayward surge of sympathy. I couldn't let myself be touched by Bella Swan's apparent vulnerability. After all, she might have a mind as twisted as Jessica's.

I was pursuing my incessant assault on Bella's mental wall when someone new showed up at her table.

"Hey, Bella!" Angela Weber said cheerfully. Bella barely raised her eyes toward Angela. That could have been seen as a sign of indifference or boredom if a happy smile hadn't lighted up her face.

"Angela, right?"

"You have a good memory! Did English go okay?"

"Yes. Thanks for helping me find my class this morning."

"_It was a good thing I was going to the restroom. How long would she have wandered the halls looking for the right class if I hadn't run into her? Poor thing."_

Ah, that's what the girl was doing in the hallway this morning. She was lost. Why, then, hadn't she asked me or Emmett for help in the first place? I knew we were intimidating, but not to the point of making a lost student cling to the wall in terror.

"No problem," Angela answered. "I'll show you to your next class, if you want."

"Thanks, I'd appreciate that. In two days, I won't need help anymore, you'll see. I'll be able to find my way by myself."

I detected a note of annoyance in her soft voice. The Swan girl was touched that someone helped her, but she wanted to manage by herself as quickly as possible, to not to have to depend on anyone, to rely on anyone. Even as I wondered why she was so adamant about being autonomous, I congratulated myself for deciphering something about her without having access to her mind.

"Please sit with us, " Bella continued, recovering her enthusiasm. "That is, if there's room."

Angela joined the little group and exchanged banalities with her classmates. Jessica pouted while I continued to stare at Bella.

"You should count yourself lucky, Bella," Jessica said. "Your first day at Forks High, and you are getting noticed by a Cullen!" Her words were meant to be condescending, but nobody seemed to take them that way.

The girl frowned.

"A Cullen?"

Jessica repeated all the usual blather about my family. Nothing astonishing in that. Each newcomer to the school heard more or less the same nonsense about the strange Cullens. I waited for the inevitable glance of fascination and doubt in our direction. But it never came. Bella Swan contented herself with shrugging and smiling at Jessica.

"It's a rather peculiar family from what you say, but what family isn't a little weird?"

I would have laughed if I hadn't been so irritated that I was unable to read what she truly thought of us. After all, my gift served to protect us, to ferret out those who asked themselves too many questions about us. To not be able to use it on the new girl bothered me beyond measure.

Still nothing.

Hearing our family's name, my brothers and sisters started paying attention to the conversation I was spying on. They too waited for the dumbfounded look in our direction. Like me, they were surprised that the Swan girl didn't even turn her head toward us, but perhaps she was merely extremely polite. I already was imagining the hypothetical mother reprimanding her young child: "It's not nice to stare, Bella dear. " Maybe the girl was too well brought up to look at us. That's what my brothers and sisters thought before dismissing her and returning to their previous trains of thought.

I was the only member of my family deeply preoccupied with her, and all because I couldn't read her.

The lunch hour passed without my gaining any purchase on her mind. I left the cafeteria before everyone else, no longer able to tolerate being in the same room as that enigmatic girl. I went to biology and sat at my lab table. I rested my chin in my hand and lost myself in thought as I contemplated the forest through the window. I paid no attention to the other students who trickled into class. As usual, nobody came to sit next to me. So much the better. I felt more asocial than ever today.

Banner arrived with his briefcase and started the fan to chase away the traces of chemical vapors that remained from the previous class. A single sniff was enough for me to identify them: sulfuric acid, carbon nitrate and sodium phosphate. The earlier class must have been studying the different levels of pH in soil. The fan quickly dissipated the odors, which pleased me; I detested strong artificial smells.

_Oh, here's Charlie's daughter. Damn. How should I act? C'mon, Banner, pull yourself together. Treat her like every other student. It's probably what she wants. _

Despite myself, I turned my head toward the door. Bella Swan entered with what I was beginning to see was her typical gait: tentative and slow. It seemed that I wasn't done with her. I was going to have to endure her in bio. Great. Just great.

Why did she make Banner nervous? Because she was the chief of police's daughter? Did Banner feel guilty about something? Had he broken some law and feared betraying himself before the daughter of a representative of law and order?

No. Impossible.

My gift was useless on the Swan girl, but with everyone else it was infallible: Banner was an ordinary man, with an unremarkable history. What, then, was his problem?

Instead, it was Bella who should be nervous. She was the new girl, after all.

Angela accompanied Bella as they had agreed on at lunch. Before going to her usual lab table, she introduced Bella to Banner. He gulped and forced himself to greet his new student as any teacher would.

"Welcome, Isabella."

"Bella."

"As you like. So, did you get the proper textbook?"

"Yes."

"Good. If I'm not clear, if you have questions on the material, don't hesitate to come see me at the end of class."

"No problem. Don't worry. I'm used to it. I have everything I need here."

Bella slid off her backpack and tapped it.

Used to it? Used to what? To changing schools in the middle of the year?

"Okay. In that case, all you need is to find a seat."

Find a seat.

I suppressed a grin. There was only one seat available, and it was next to me. I exulted in silence. We were going to see if the Swan girl lost it next to a Cullen. Suddenly, the prospect of having her so near delighted me. I would no doubt be able to defeat her mental defense if she was closer.

"You can sit with Edward. Straight ahead, second row," Banner said, turning back to his desk.

Bella obeyed, her backpack under her arm, and I noticed that she counted her steps under her breath. Another odd habit. She passed in front of the fan as she walked.

I was slapped in the face by her scent.

At that moment, my world shattered.

The Edward that I had built up in the last several decades was banished and replaced by the monster that always slept in me. It was as if the monster had merely bided its time, that it had waited for the perfect scent to emerge and destroy the little bit of humanity that remained in me. I felt certain that I had searched all my life for this aroma, of having lived just in order to find it, taste it, and devour it.

My throat burst into flames, venom flowed in my mouth, ready to spread in the veins of my next victim. All my muscles coiled, ready to spring on my prey. Bella Swan no longer existed. She was only the frame, the container in which circulated a blood that was mouthwatering, intoxicating and unique. From that container wafted a scent that was horribly delicious and tempting. My body fought the last shreds of humanity that nailed me to my seat and prevented me from acting. The monster in me screamed, protested, salivated. "Take her," it ordered me. "Seize her, drain her, satisfy your thirst as never before!"

_NO._

Why must that scent exist? Why must this girl smell so good? Why had she made the fatal choice of going to the same school as me?

I cursed Fate and I cursed myself for being so weak.

I was not going to allow this human to destroy a century of abstinence and discipline.

I hated her for existing, for upsetting the equilibrium that I had so painfully attained.

My internal conflict endured only two seconds. The most abominable two seconds of my life. I gripped the table and forced myself to face her, to look her in the eyes, to see the human, not the prey; the girl, not the quarry.

She moved closer to me and I thought I would meet her gaze before she sat down, but she didn't look at my murderous face. She took her place next to me, expressionless, unaware of the danger that loomed over her. She pulled out her class materials while I fought with all my might against the desire – no, the _need_ – to bite her. I stared at her, unable to tear my eyes from her throat.

I knew I was a good actor, but my bizarre behavior was surely going to be noticed. My intent gaze, however, had not frightened her in the least, and I asked myself why. I peered at the girl, her and her innocent air, while she set up a laptop on the table. We were in an age of ubiquitous technology, but in this school it was unusual for a student to use a computer to take notes.

She finally seemed to realize that I was scrutinizing her like a predator about to pounce on its prey. But instead of fear and apprehension at the sight of the monster next to her, I saw only a friendly, warm smile. Her gaze turned to me, but did not reach my eyes. Bizarre. She held out her hand.

"Hi, I'm Bella. You're Edward, right?"

Her polite question did not hide any sort of fear. She was sincere. Serene.

Completely bewildered, confused, I managed to forget her appetizing scent for an instant and looked more closely at her face. The monster in me lay in wait, intrigued. It wasn't used to people being indifferent to its presence, and it didn't know how to react. The Edward that I wanted to be, who had long battled his despicable nature, resurfaced long enough to analyze this girl's delicate countenance, her gracious, welcoming expression. An unfeigned kindness, disconcerting to me, emanated from her gentle face. A kindness that I didn't deserve.

Her greeting was not a mere formality. It was genuine. Her entire expression was an invitation, an opening. Her entire expression except in one feature of her face: her eyes. Her gaze was empty and lifeless.

I suddenly realized my stupidity. I understood now why no other new student had excited so much attention in this school before, why the monster in me didn't frighten her.

Isabella Marie Swan was blind.

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><p><em>Translator's note: Elysabeth reads English extremely well, so don't hesitate to post a review or ask a question here. In fact, you should definitely post a review. (It's nice to shill forthrightly for someone else, rather than shyly for oneself.)<em>

_Elysabeth has this planned out as a trilogy, and the first book is completed. So you need wait only for me to do the translation, and I'm not sure yet how quick I'll be. But it'll be quicker than I post for my own stories._


	2. Confrontation

**Chapter 2: Confrontation**

_Disclaimer: "Twilight" belongs to Stephenie Meyer. "Les Yeux de la Lune" belongs to Elysabeth, who says "merci!" for your reviews. _

_T/N: In Elysabeth's version of Forks High, ExB's biology class is sometimes before lunch, and sometimes afterward (as it was at her own high school in Quebec), which means the other classes shift around too. _

Chapter 2: Confrontation

_One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes … But eyes are blind. You have to look with the heart._

- "The Little Prince," Saint-Exupéry

I didn't take her hand. Could she not realize that she would be condemning herself to death if she touched me? The briefest contact and I would be overcome by the warmth of her skin, the thin membrane covering the most delectable of nectars.

Fantasizing about her taste sickened me, revolted me. The monster in me was thrilled to learn of my victim's handicap - for she would be my victim; it was inevitable. "Perfect," the monster told itself. "She will be easier to trap. She won't know what is happening to her. She'll be dead before she can understand." And the Edward in me - the weak man who was losing the battle - would cower at the bottom of the abyss with the sole consolation of knowing that Bella Swan had never seen the monster. She would have believed, until the last drop of her life was swallowed, that I was a normal student, ordinary, just like the others. The last memory she would carry into death would not be about the abominable vampire Edward Cullen. She would not detest me as she died.

_NO._

I could not permit the monster to gain ground. I had to leave. I could hold my breath, cut myself off from that exquisite scent, but the memory of her perfumed blood would reside forever in my killer's brain. The temptation to take her would remain too strong. She was too close. So I would leave. I stood up, barely noticing the surprise on the girl's face when she heard my chair scrape the floor. I murmured a vague excuse to Banner and left without waiting for his permission.

What pretext did I use? I couldn't figure it out even a week later, while I was wallowing in the darkness in Denali, the only place I felt at home besides Forks.

Everyone there welcomed me without questions, although they all suspected that something serious had happened - had nearly happened. My family had let me leave without judging me or voicing disappointment in me. They understood my reaction. Of the seven of us, I was the one who was the least accepting of my nature and they knew that I was tortured by just the possibility that I might have succumbed to the urge to kill. I knew that they would never reproach me for failing, that they would be sympathetic, that anyone could make a mistake. They would forgive me. But I would never be able to pardon myself.

Some days spent far from her, from her fragrance, had allowed me to take stock of the situation. My family missed me, but they respected my decision to leave. Still, my absence pained them, and that was part of the reason I decided to shorten my time in Denali. The other part, though, was _her_. I wasn't going to let this human girl unknowingly dictate where I lived. I would not let her control my existence. I wasn't going to tear my family apart because of her - for that was what would happen: some would leave Forks if that was the only means of avoiding a murder. But others would want to stay. We had just restarted this cycle of pretending to be students, after all. We were settled in Forks, and we liked it. We felt at home.

No, I wasn't going to force my family to decide whether to move. Carlisle had confidence in me, and I wanted to prove that I was worthy of that confidence. He had taught me everything, had helped me preserve my humanity - at least, what remained of it. I wasn't going to disappoint him.

So I returned. For good. I would confront the cause of my torture and overcome it. No, a mere human girl would not defeat me. I wouldn't allow it.

I was ready to return to school. As a precaution, I hunted more than necessary the evening before, and I was glutted. My brothers and sisters were watching me. I detested being a source of worry, but they were doing what family did: they were supporting me.

This time, Alice focused on me and not Jasper. She was 90 percent sure that I would control myself today. I forced myself not to think of the 10 percent chance that I wouldn't, a chance that I found much too high. I didn't breathe. I blocked my nose and kept my mouth closed, just in case a trace of the girl's scent was in the air.

We had taken all the precautions except the most logical one: flight. Waiting two years for her to finish school and leave. But I wasn't a coward and ignored that option.

That morning, we took our usual places at our table in the cafeteria, on tenterhooks. We were being cautious. Class began in a half-hour.

"She'll be here in 15 minutes, " Alice predicted.

I prepared myself mentally, then spent the minutes that remained scanning the minds around us, to see if my precipitous departure last week had raised suspicions.

Nothing.

Nobody thought anything of my return. The students here were accustomed to our frequent absences, but the Swan girl could have told someone that I had acted oddly before I left. Nothing, however, in these minds indicated that the girl had said anything compromising about me. Although upon reflection, I had to believe that there was nothing compromising to say since she had seen nothing of the thirsting killer who had sat next to her in bio. I didn't have to fear a rumor about me, a rumor that would rouse suspicions and fears. For her, I had shown myself to be impolite by ignoring her greeting, but that was all.

"In 10 seconds, she will come through the door," Alice whispered. My family closed ranks around me, a rampart against her scent.

I stared at the door, my jaw locked, ready to confront the girl I hated, this human unaware of the power she had over me. I hated her for smelling so good. I saw her shadow in the doorway, and when I reflexively tried to penetrate her mind, I hated her still more for remaining so enigmatic, so impossible to read.

She was there, framed by the jamb. At the sight of her, the monster in me recalled her fragrance. I didn't breathe, but my memory insistently provided me a reminder of how appetizing she smelled. I heard her heart beat calmly, regularly. I saw her blood run under her thin, translucent skin, a quiet crimson stream circulating peacefully . A tempting stream, but I wasn't going to drink from it. Never.

I forced myself to look at her face: the container and not the contents. And I had a shock. In seeing her delicate features, her good-natured smile, her eyelids half-open, her pale complexion, her thin shoulders, her sadly inanimate irises, the hate consuming me vanished. How could I detest someone so innocent, so fragile? It was impossible to believe that such a vulnerable girl could inspire hate in anyone. It wasn't her fault that I was weak. She couldn't help what she was, how she smelled.

There remained in me only the hate that I had for myself.

How could I have failed to notice her dead eyes that first day? It was so obvious now. I was the most observant creature in this school, even more than my siblings, and I hadn't noticed her blindness. Perhaps I was too focused on reading her mind to realize anything that day.

She stepped into the cafeteria. Alone. Where was her escort?

She walked more confidently now, aided by one of the long metal canes used by the visually impaired. Why didn't she have it the first day? And why was I wondering? What was it to me?

She went to the counter to get something to eat. Nobody stared at her. Even with her handicap, everyone had forgotten the new student. Her novelty was gone. Even the circle of classmates who had made her part of their group was no longer preoccupied with her. They all greeted her briefly when she sat down, nothing more. Only the thoughts of Angela, Mike and Jessica turned to the Swan girl.

_She nearly crushed my foot with that effing cane_, Jessica bitched.

_I wonder if she can help me with my English homework_, Angela thought.

_Go out with her or not?_ Mike asked himself. _I'm sure nobody will ask her to prom. If Jessica doesn't give me an answer, I'll try Bella._

I was strangely irritated by Newton's vaguely formulated plans. Why?

Bella opened a bottle of white liquid (milk?) and unwrapped a pastry (that was called a muffin, right?) . She seemed less shy than the last time I saw her. The people crowding her the other day had embarrassed her, and today she seemed relieved to be out of the spotlight. She kept herself a little apart from the three others and that seemed to agree with her. Bella Swan was a solitary soul.

Mike regarded his own muffin with a grimace, then shot an envious glance at Bella's. _She took the last raisin one. _I saw his mind consider the possibilities while he looked at the two muffins. _She won't know what I'm doing. She'll just think that she took the wrong muffin from the counter._ His decision made, he took advantage of Bella's taking a drink of milk to silently swap his muffin with hers.

Angela gave him a silent look of reproach while Jessica stifled a laugh.

I tensed in my chair and released a growl inaudible to humans but clearly distinct to my family. Emmett gripped my shoulder, misunderstanding my reaction. The others were ready to hold me back, their bodies leaning toward me. To an outsider, it looked as if they were leaning across the table to hear me tell a secret.

"It's not what you think," I mumbled.

Why had I reacted this way to an unimportant scrap of human? Why this sudden anger that Mike wanted to have some fun with the Swan girl?

I considered my attitude, then I understood. That Mike took advantage of her handicap was despicable. As despicable as the predator in me who wanted her desperately. Did I not want to take advantage of her also?

It was humiliating to be as despicable as that jerk Newton and I realized that this anger I felt was directed at me and not him.

Bella set her bottle down next to the muffin she had just unknowingly inherited. She smiled. "I don't like blueberries, either, Mike. Could you give me back the raisin muffin, please?"

Newton's jaw dropped. Jessica and Angela simultaneously exclaimed, "Oh!" and I was surprised at having to suppress a laugh.

My siblings also were following the conversation. They didn't laugh, but displayed different degrees of surprise and incredulity.

Bella Swan was blind, but she was nobody's fool.

And that pleased me.

I stopped snickering at that observation. Nothing about her should please me. Her blood pleased me too much already.

Mike was floundering.

"How – how did you –"

"I noticed that the raisin scent was replaced by that of blueberries. And I could smell your aftershave. It's rather strong."

Betrayed by his aftershave.

Newton's feelings of shame and humiliation were obvious on his face.

"Sorry, Bella," he mumbled sheepishly.

"No problem. It's not the first time someone's tried to trick me."

She held her hand out to Newton, and he returned her property. She bit into her muffin, her expression mischievous.

Jessica shrugged and Angela silently congratulated Bella.

Bella was still smiling, and I would have given anything to know what she was thinking. Was she hiding anger behind that smile? Was she mentally cursing out Newton? She hadn't reproached him out loud at all. She even seemed to find the incident humorous.

"Look, Edward Cullen is gracing us with his presence." Jessica had suddenly remarked that I was back in school - and still staring at the same girl.

Bella seemed surprised and … worried?

Was she worried because I was in the vicinity? In our last encounter, had she finally sensed, one way or another, the killer in me? After all, she had detected Newton's attempted theft so she was probably intuitive enough to perceive the danger I represented.

"Oh, he's back … I hope he's better. He didn't feel well, I think."

I was thunderstruck. She wasn't worried about the killer. She was worried _for_ the killer.

"Pfff. I bet he pretended to be sick to skip class," Jessica said. "The Cullens are so smart that they can miss lots of school."

"I didn't have the impression that he was acting. He really seemed to be in pain."

She hadn't seen the killer in me, but she had observed my suffering …

"He's watching you again," Angela said quietly without daring to glance too often at my table.

Bella raised an eyebrow.

"Really? Maybe I have a milk moustache."

"No, you don't. I think he likes you," Angela said.

Like! Oh, yes, I liked her. In a lethal way.

Bella's sudden laugh rang in my ears. It was like crystal, appealing, light, happy.

"_I _think that he's simply not used to be around somebody blind. That's common. People are always curious that way, " she said with a shrug and a rueful smile.

From her tone, I knew that I wasn't the first to stare. Though I also knew that I was doing so for quite other reasons than her handicap.

When it was time for classes to begin,I stayed in my seat. The humans filed out, and I caught myself trying to distinguish her footsteps from those of the other students, as if there was something important or unusual about them. How stupid.

My family made no move to leave either. They waited to see what I would do.

Would I go to class, sit next to the girl where I could smell the absurdly potent scent of her blood, and feel the warmth of her pulse in the air against my skin? Was I strong enough for that? Or had I had enough for one day?

" I … _think_ it's okay," Alice said, hesitant. "Your mind is set. I think you'll make it through the hour."

But Alice knew well how quickly a mind could change.

"Why push it, Edward?" Jasper asked.

Though he didn't want to feel smug that I was the one who was weak now, I could hear that he did, just a little.

"Go back home. Take it slow," he advised.

"What's the problem?" Emmett said in disagreement. "Either he will or he won't kill her. Might as well get it over with either way."

"I don't want to have to move yet," Rosalie complained. "I don't want to have to start over. We're almost out of high school, Emmett. Finally."

I was just as divided as my family. I wanted, badly, to face this head on rather than running away again. But I didn't want to push myself too far either. It had been a mistake last week for Jasper to go so long without hunting; was I about to make just as pointless an error?

I didn't want to uproot my family. None of them would thank me for that. But I wanted to go to biology. I realized that I wanted to see her face again.

And that was what decided me. That curiosity.

I hadn't wanted the silent mind of this girl to make me unduly interested in her. Yet here I was, unduly interested. I wanted to know what she was thinking. I wanted to learn how to interpret the clues given by her expressions, her body, her voice, even her silences.

Why did I so want to know her? No other human had ever inspired such an interest before. Never. Why then did I want so much to see her again? What was the compulsion that pushed me to find out more about her? What good did it do?

The rational part of my mind answered that if I learned more about her, I would see the human in the prey. If I knew her more, I would see her as a whole person, a being with feelings, aspirations, dreams. Little by little, with care, I would not longer see the prey, would no longer thirst to destroy her.

The other part of my mind - a hidden part whose existence I hadn't suspected - offered another answer: if I wanted so much to know her, it was because she had awakened in me something that had been sleeping for a century.

I stiffened and dismissed that thought.

"No, Rose, I think it really will be okay," Alice said. "It's ... firming up. I am sure that nothing bad is going to happen if he goes to class."

She looked at me inquisitively, wondering what had changed in my thoughts to make her visions now more secure.

Would curiosity be enough to keep Bella Swan alive?

"Go to class," I ordered.

I stood up and strode away from the table without looking back. I could hear Alice's worry, Jasper's discontent, Emmett's approval and Rosalie's irritation trailing after me.

I took one last deep breath outside the biology classroom and held it in my lungs as I walked into the warm, small room.

I wasn't late. Mr. Banner was still setting up for the day's lab. The girl was seated at my - our - table, taking out her laptop. I examined her gear as I approached. Certain details had escaped me last time as I struggled with her scent: I noted that her keyboard had no letters, but raised dots instead. Braille, I realized.

I pulled out my chair with unnecessary roughness, dragging it noisily on the floor. I wanted her to know that I was there. I knew that she had heard me because she paused for a second in organizing her things, but then she went on without acknowledging me.

She didn't greet me as she had last time, give me a friendly look, or offer her hand. She had definitely noticed my impoliteness the other day. She feared another rejection if she tried to approach me.

I had to be sure to give her a different impression of me this time.

"Hello," I said in a quiet voice, the one I used to put humans at ease, and smiled politely, being careful not to show my teeth -even as I wondered why I made the effort for someone who couldn't see it.

She looked up then, intrigued, and turned toward where she judged my face was.

"Hi," she answered. She smiled, cautiously.

"You must be Bella?"

"Yes."

"My name is Edward Cullen. I'm sorry I didn't say hello to you last week. I wasn't feeling well."

"Not a problem."

Silence.

What else could I say? I wasn't used to making conversation. The only people who talked to me were the members of my family, and I never wondered what to say to them because I could just read their thoughts.

"So, how is it living in Forks?" was what I managed to come up with.

"Oh, it's less overwhelming than Phoenix."

I looked in her lifeless eyes.

"It has to be overwhelming wherever you are," I blurted.

I cursed myself. What a way to begin a polite conversation - I couldn't have found a better way to sound as if I was mocking her for her handicap.

"I mean -" I stammered. I couldn't believe it - it was usually the humans who hesitated, stuttered, spluttered when they had to speak to me.

She perceived my embarrassment and shook her head, giving me a reassuring smile.

"Hey, it's not a taboo subject, my blindness."

I could say nothing further, because Banner called the class to order and issued instructions about the day's experiment. There was a microscope on each table, and we were to identify the different stages of mitosis on onionskin cells. We were supposed to work in pairs, but obviously that was impossible.

"You, Bella, write a description of the phenomenon." Ah, Banner was giving her a special assignment.

"Yes, sir." She began writing on her Braille keyboard. What appeared on the screen, though, were letters - her software translated Braille into Latin letters.

With a sigh of resignation, Banner handed me five slides to identify. _Why do I even bother to make him do this lab? He'll be done in 10 minutes_. Ten minutes? I could do it in two minutes, if I wanted. I suppressed a smile and started the work. Perhaps I should deliberately make an error or two to avoid Banner's suspicions, act like every other student of my supposed age?

But I rapidly filled out the worksheet, without bother to conceal my speed. My neighbor couldn't see me; why bother maintaining a human pace?

"You're done?" she asked, pausing in her typing. It wasn't a question, but rather a request for confirmation.

I was too astonished to respond immediately. How could she have known? Hmm. Perhaps she no longer heard me manipulate the microscope and she had deduced that I was finished. I should have worked at a human speed, after all; she was going to find my rapidity strange.

I told myself that I could lie and claim that I wasn't yet finished. I could play with the microscope to give credence to my lie.

"I'm done, yes."

The words came out on their own. I realized that I didn't want to lie to her. I wanted to be as honest as I could while still keeping my nature secret.

I was troubled by my sudden desire for candor.

"Good," she said. She didn't seem the least impressed by my speed.

Apparently, she too had finished. On her screen I could see a long, precisely rendered essay describing the phenomenon of mitosis.

"Could you do me a favor?"

A student asking a Cullen for a favor? That had never happened before. The instinct for self-preservation subconsciously told humans to not trust us, and so no one dared ask us anything, even to borrow an eraser. But Bella Swan's subconscious wouldn't counsel prudence since she couldn't see the predator in me

"I would like very much to do this lab."

"Oh."

Something pinched in my chest, but I couldn't figure out its source. Pity? Bella wanted to do what the other students were doing, to be treated like the others. Wasn't that what my family and I wanted as well? To be as human as possible, to be normal.

Discovering that I had something in common with this girl gave me a start. A start that fortunately no one around me noticed. For a long second, this observation disturbed me.

The hunter aspiring for the same thing as his prey. What irony.

I looked at my neighbor's profile, delicate but also proud. Bella Swan neither needed pity nor wanted it. She accepted her condition. That, that was something that we _didn't_ have in common: after 90 years, I was still repulsed by myself, and my encounter with the Swan girl had made me only detest the monster that I was all the more.

"Can you review each slide for me?"

I shook off my thoughts so I could concentrate on the girl next to me.

"Review?"

"Yes. Describe to me what you see on each slide. I'll try to figure out what phase of mitosis it is."

Silence.

She probably interpreted it as unease on my part, and her smile faded. In fact, I was speechless: no student in this class was thrilled at having to do such a difficult lab and they all envied – I heard in their collective thoughts – Bella Swan for being spared this exercise. But now the only student in class who could skip it wanted very much to do it, and I was amused.

Bella's shoulders hunched and I supposed – it was the only option I could suppose – that she felt that she was being annoying. "Would you?" she added, more timidly.

I saw no reason to refuse.

"Okay," I said in a welcoming voice so that she would understand that I was far from finding her annoying.

I didn't bother to look in the microscope. I could recall each particle, each cell, each chromosome corresponding to the different stages. I began by describing metaphase. The raising of her eyebrows told me that my description astonished her in its scientific precision. Having two medical degrees had its advantages. But my vocabulary soon no longer surprised her. She listened carefully to what I was saying, and I saw a flash of intelligence in her dead gaze; Bella Swan was impressed by the knowledge I possessed, but not confused by it. I saw from her attentive features that she understood each word that would have been a foreign language to the average student.

"Metaphase," she said the instant I had finished my description.

I smiled. Bella Swan was brilliant.

"That was my conclusion as well," I told her.

I described the other phases, and she identified each with a disconcerting rapidity.

"We have arrived at the same conclusion for each slide," I said. "I can put your name on the lab sheet, if you wish."

A smile of pleasure brightened her face. My suggestion touched her. She was content to have been able to do this lab, to do something like all the other students.

"If that doesn't bother you."

I shook my head stupidly before remember that she couldn't see me.

"Not at all."

I wrote down her name, after which I corrected the two incorrect answers that I had listed in order to avoid Banner's suspicions. With two of us, it was credible that our lab was perfect. Besides, after a week, Banner had surely noticed that his new student was nearly as gifted as I was in biology.

She gave me another smile, then scooted away from me. I was curiously disappointed that she had turned away. Had I been disagreeable in some way without realizing it?

Then I realized that she didn't want to bother me further. She still thought that I helped her out of politeness, even pity, and she was trying to let me know that she wouldn't ask for favors in the future. I searched for a way to retain her attention as, to pass the time until the other students had finished, Bella returned to her keyboard to open another program. She started to write something, but it was impossible to read what was on the screen: everything was in dots, in Braille.

Just like her mind, this language was impossible for me to decipher, and I was exasperated by it. It was completely absurd to be irritated so thoroughly by something so banal. I wasn't the only person in the world not to know Braille. Why did it bother me, then? Because there were already enough mysteries in Bella's head without my being unable to even read what she was writing? I knew dozens of languages and dialects, but it had never occurred to me to learn Braille. I promised myself to remedy that as soon as possible. Why? I didn't know.

I shook my head, failing to understand my own behavior. I wanted to pull her out of her bubble and find a way to make her speak, to tell me more. There was surely something in what she had said that would help me understand her better, to comprehend why her mind was closed to me – why she fascinated me so much.

However, there was a problem: I was out of air. I didn't need to breathe, but to speak my vocal chords needed air to make their vibrations. I leaned as far away from her as I could without leaving my seat, turning my head. I steeled myself, locked my muscles and took a rapid inhalation through my mouth.

Ahh!

It was truly painful. Even without smelling her, I had her taste on my tongue. My throat was again on fire, wanting her as strongly as the first time I encountered her fragrance, last week. I clenched my jaw, trying to regain power over my urges. It was as if I had to marshal every ounce of self-control I had acquired during 70 hard years in order to turn again toward the girl.

I repressed my pain and concentrated on the curiosity I wanted so much to satisfy. I opted for a frequent topic among humans: the weather.

"So, are you happy about the rain?"

She lifted her head, weighed my words for a few seconds, perhaps asking herself if they were really addressed to her. Then she frowned and pivoted to me, a sign that she was amenable to a conversation even if the subject surprised her.

"You really want to talk about the weather?"

No, what I really wanted was to prove to her that I could have a normal conversation with her, and proved to myself that I could ignore the predator greedy for her blood, that I could control it and behave like a human next t her.

"I guess so."

She shrugged.

"I like the rain."

All the students here – in fact, all the young people in town – complained about the eternal rain of Forks, but Bella Swan liked it. More and more interesting.

"Then you are going to like it here."

"I hope so. Anyway, everyone is nice."

It was obvious that she included me in "everyone." How mistaken. _Don't trust me, Bella. Make it easier for me: don't be interesting, so easy to talk to, so included to be friendly. Run from me! _

I mentally put myself on guard and her as well. But I continued the conversation, as simple as that.

"You certainly had quite a welcoming committee," I said, teasing, remembering the excitement her arrival had caused.

"Oh, in the beginning everyone tries to help, out of politeness, but it stops after a few weeks. People get tired of being Good Samaritans."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, I drive people away, usually. They don't know how to act with me."

How ironic life was. As they did with me, people stayed away from her because she wasn't normal. As with me, they were uneasy with her. At least I had my family to turn to. Whom did she turn to?

"Please, don't pity me. I detest that." She has accurately interpreted my silence, this time. Or rather, almost accurately. It wasn't pity that I felt, but rather … sadness.

Just what I needed - the lion feeling sad for the lamb!

I was finding myself ever more exasperating.

"I manage pretty well, you know," she went on, unaware of my internal self-derision. "I've been this way for a while. And there are even advantages to my condition."

I was skeptical. As a vampire, I saw few advantages to being an ordinary lamb, and it was still more difficult to find any in being a blind lamb.

"I'm sorry, I don't see what they are."

"Well, for example, I don't have to fear being asked a question in class; the teachers avoid it – they worry that I'll feel embarrassed, inferior, if I don't know the answer to their questions. Another advantage: I can pretend to take notes in class. When my screen is in Braille mode –" she pointed to her laptop "– nobody knows what I'm really writing. I can do whatever on my computer without the teacher realizing that it has nothing to do with class."

I realized that what Bella was writing wasn't meant to be a secret from _me._ She wasn't seeking to hide from me what she was doing - Braille mode was for Banner, in case he passed by and looked at her screen.

I smiled again, ridiculously relieved.

"So, right now, what you're writing isn't about biology."

"Indeed."

"And what are you writing?" I asked, astonished at myself for being so curious.

She hesitated a moment. A wrinkle appeared on her forehead and once more I would have given anything to know what she was thinking. I had to content myself with observing her expression, her body, looking for a physical clue that would help me understand her hesitation. She lowered her head and hunched her shoulders, twisting her hands together.

And finally I got it. Bella Swan was outgoing when it came to explaining her condition, to putting people at ease about her blindness, to satisfying the curiosity of others, but she was not at all accustomed to questions about herself. Nobody had ever been interested in the human being behind the disability. Once their curiosity was sated, people lost interest.

I became aware that beyond the desire to penetrate her mind, I wanted to know more about the girl behind the handicap, behind the lamb. And this desire wasn't motivated only by my conscience seeking to humanize the girl to repress the monster. I truly wanted to know her.

I found then, through joking, a way of encouraging her to open up.

"Promise I won't tell on you," I said conspiratorially.

She leaned toward me to whisper and I blocked my nostrils as her breath swept over my face.

"It's a score," she revealed. I was relieved that she couldn't see the grimace I made at her sudden proximity. To forget my discomfort, I concentrated on her voice. It was a bit embarrassed, as if she expected me to ridicule her for writing music.

"You compose songs?" I said, striving for a neutral tone.

"From time to time." She blushed, and the flood of blood to her cheeks would have my mouth fill with venom if her words hadn't shaken me so.

A musician.

"Do you play an instrument?"

She appeared stupefied at my question. She must have believed that I would mock her for her passion instead of being interested.

"Uh, the piano," she murmured.

Why was I disturbed? She wasn't the only girl of her age to play the piano. To discover that I had something else in common with her shouldn't have surprised me.

"I play it too," I couldn't stop myself from saying.

Her fixed eyes widened.

"You like the piano?"

This common interest surprised her as well, I remarked.

Just then, Banner arrived, and I inhaled with relief his banal odor that allowed me to push down the monster in me.

"You're done, Edward?"

"Yes, Mr. Banner."

He took the worksheet I handed to him and scanned it. He frowned in reading the heading.

"Edward, I'm sure you had the best intentions in the world in writing Isabella's name on your worksheet, but …" He glanced at my neighbor and continued silently, _"She can't get special treatment because she's blind. Doing her work for her won't get her far in life." _

Even if he was mistaken about my motivations, I had a lot of respect for a teacher who was determined that a gifted student, even a blind one, made her own way alone. But I changed my mind when I heard the rest of his thoughts. _"I bet that she's the one who asked him to put her name on this worksheet. It's hard to refuse a favor for a handicapped person. Perhaps she took advantage of his good will. If she keeps doing that, she'll need a good talking to. She can't use her handicap to manipulate the other students to do her work."_

I wanted to protest somehow without revealing that I knew the false conclusions that Banner had drawn. I was curiously irritated that he tarred my neighbor with having such intentions. I didn't like it that someone accused her in this way, even mentally.

But Bella answered before I could.

"I did what you asked, Mr. Banner."

Her fingers tentatively sought out the screen of her laptop. She clicked an icon that opened her bio text and turned the computer so that Banner could glance at it.

"I see. Print that, in that case. I will grade it with the other worksheets." He turned again toward me. "Erase the name of Miss Swan from your work, Edward."

I wanted to explain that Bella had correctly identified the phases and that she had just as much of as right as I to inscribe her name on the cursed worksheet, but Banner stepped away to work with the other students, who were all still studying their slides.

Bella shrugged. She hadn't even tried to say that she had done the lab. She had done it differently, but she had done it. She merely reached into her backpack and pulled out a little portable printer that she attached to her laptop. She inserted a blank sheet of paper and the machine started printing.

"Why didn't you say anything?" I wanted to know.

"Eh, it's pointless. You made it so I could do the lab, I know I got it right, I don't need Banner's approval. I wanted only to test myself, to see if I could do it. That's all that matters to me. I don't need to prove it to anyone else."

"How do you know you identified the phases correctly?"

"You smiled each time I gave my answer."

True, but how could she have know that? Why did she believe that a smile corresponded to a correct answer? I was a student like any other. I too could make errors. Why did she have such faith in my abilities? Had I betrayed myself without knowing it?

As I remained silent, Bella snickered mischievously.

"That surprises you, huh?"

She didn't know how much.

"I don't see anything, but I can analyze the tone of a voice and associate the facial expression that goes with it. Right now, you aren't saying anything, but I know that your eyes are wide in surprise, your eyebrows are lifted and your mouth is half-open."

She was correct again.

"When you described the phases to me, you spoke rapidly, with assurance. You didn't stumble over the multisyllabic scientific words. Your diction was natural; you didn't give me the impression of reciting from a biology textbook. You simply know what you're talking about. That's why I trusted your judgment that I was right when I gave my answers. I knew from the first day that you were advanced in bio, anyway."

"From the first day?"

"Yeah. A student working alone in a biology course when working in pairs is frequent, that's unusual. If Mr. Banner let you do half the year alone, it's because he knows you don't need anyone to help you. You can do it all yourself."

"You are quite astute, Bella."

"No, just observant."

Our faces were turned toward each other and we exchanged a smile. She didn't see me, but even so she smiled at the same time as me. I didn't have to worry about my razor-sharp teeth, which normally made people recoil when I smiled fully. But with Bella, I didn't have to hold back. I wanted to smile – a real smile, not just lifting the corners of my closed mouth – and so I did.

A comfortable silence descended on us that my curiosity propelled me to interrupt.

"I can ask you a question?"

"Go ahead."

"Why didn't you use a cane on your first day?"

Her face darkened.

"I overestimated my abilities."

"I don't understand."

"I believed that I could manage without aids, with just my four senses. I come from Phoenix—a big city where I went to a huge school. I stupidly believed that here in Forks, in a much smaller school, I would get around without problem. But even here there are too many obstacles."

"Wouldn't a guide dog be better?"

She broke into a laugh even more appealing than the one in the cafeteria. It sent shivers up my spine.

"I tried that," she said when she had calmed down.

"Oh?"

"When I was 13. At the end of two months I ended up in the hospital."

"How?" I asked, worried.

_Worried?_

Why did I feel this way? All that I should worry about was not sinking my teeth into her neck. Nothing else.

"I'm allergic to fur," she explained.

"Oh, too bad."

"I've found other ways to be independent," she said, tapping her cane against her seat. "But it's not enough …"

She bit her lip as if she wanted to take back her last words. She had said more than she wanted to. Bella was forthcoming only to a certain point. I realized that she had no hesitation about talking about her disability – to be part of society, she had no choice but to speak openly about it to put the people around her at ease – but she wasn't inclined to talk about herself.

And I was too greedy to know more to respect her reluctance to talk.

"Why?"

She inhaled, steeling herself to finish what she had started.

"My mother remarried."

"And you don't like the guy."

"No, it's not that. Phil's nice. He's a baseball player, not a very good one. But Renee adores him. He's always traveling and they miss each other. My mother could have gone with him, but she stayed because she didn't want to leave me alone. I saw that it was hard for her, so I decided it was time to bother Charlie a little."

Bother. A joking way to say that she saw herself as a burden, one that she had taken from her mother and loaded onto her father. Obviously, Bella Swan accepted her condition, but couldn't stand being a weight on others, a responsibility.

"She was unhappy so I told myself that she deserved to have some time with Phil."

"And now you're unhappy."

"No."

"Really?"

She scowled. I had touched a sore point.

"And you?" she asked.

"Me?"

"What's your story?"

Bella was avoiding my question, but I didn't push her. I didn't want her to withdraw from me. I didn't want to get her hackles up.

"I'm sure you've already heard everything," I said, wanting to talk about myself as little as she did.

She looked offended.

"I am not in the habit of believing in gossip. If I want to know someone, I ask him."

I recoiled, realizing suddenly that everything that had happened in the last hour was a mistake. I had had a conversation beyond the usual banalities like the weather. She had talked about herself and expected me to do the same.

A definite mistake.

It was out of the question to talk about myself. I could, of course, invent something, but it would have gone against my inexplicable desire not to lie to her. So I opted for retreat. I turned my body that had unconsciously leaned toward hers and made my voice hard.

" Believe me, you don't want to get to know me."

With one sentence, I destroyed the camaraderie that had been building between us. My cutting voice made her jump and she understood that our conversation was over. Her expression was questioning and … hurt. I forced myself to ignore the guilt that squeezed my chest.

She moved away from me brusquely, and her hair swinging with the movement, just as I decided to take another breath. A particularly concentrated wave of her fragrance hit my throat.

It was just like the first day – like a ball of flame. The pain of the dry burn made me dizzy. I had to grip the table to stay in my seat. At least this time I had a tiny bit more control. The monster groaned inside, but took no pleasure in the pain. He was too tightly restrained. For the moment.

I stopped breathing and moved as far away from the girl as possible.

No, I couldn't permit myself to find her fascinating. Our encounter was an aberration, a distraction that could not be repeated. For the more I talked to her, the more interesting I found her, and the more chances I would have to kill her.

I thanked heaven when the bell rang.

I left like a gust of wind, surely too quickly. I couldn't care. I needed to put as much distance as possible between me and her. I inhaled a huge breath of fresh air once I was outside. It was raining, and I welcomed the drops on my face. As if they could wash away the hate I felt for myself. As if they could chase away the monster in me. As if they could chase _her_ from my thoughts.

Once I was more or less calm, I made my way to my next class. The day passed without my seeing the girl again. I didn't show up in the cafeteria at lunch. I ran into my siblings, though, and I saw the relief in their thoughts. Alice was content although her visions about me were still cloudy. I understood that I wasn't out of the woods, that I couldn't relax even though I had passed this first test.

At the end of the day, I was the first at my Volvo and I had to wait for the rest of my family. Everyone was walking carefully across the parking lot, and I wondered why. I realized then that the temperature had dropped after the rain and that a sheet of ice covered the asphalt.

I wanted to laugh at the awkwardness of the humans – how hard could it be to walk on ice? I'd never really understood this inability to keep a firm footing. But I didn't have the leisure to do that for I saw Tyler's van take off at top speed. He would quickly lose control of his vehicle.

The idiot.

He was going to collide with a vehicle parked at the other end of the lot. The van would take the force of the impact on its passenger side – at most Tyler would be knocked out. It would be the parked vehicle that would get the brunt of the damage.

I was already losing interest in the imminent accident when I saw a white cane enter my field of vision, followed by a silhouette taking hesitant steps and holding on to the fronts of the parked cars to keep her balance.

Isabella Marie Swan was squarely in the trajectory of the out-of control van.

_A/N:_

_I would like to thank a particular reader who left me a very touching and encouraging comment. This reader has a point in common with my Bella. She is blind and I was very touched that my story had captured her interest. I know absolutely nothing about the world of vision-impaired. I write (forgive the pun) in the dark, so to discover that someone in the same situation as Bella was reading me was a stroke of luck._

_She very kindly responded to all my harassing questions about her everyday life (For example, "um, thanks for reading me, but …. If you're blind how CAN you read me?" She explained to me the marvels of computer technology for the visually handicapped, which has been very helpful in my efforts to make a blind Bella credible. So thank you very much to Léa alias Lilyssy. You are very inspirational and I admire you greatly!_


	3. Fissure

_Disclaimer: "Twilight" belongs to SMeyer. "Les Yeux de la Lune" belongs to Elysabeth._

_All the typos, alas, belong to eiluned price._

_Elysabeth sends you bisous (kiss, kiss!) for your reviews._

* * *

><p>Chapter 3: Fissure<p>

It all happened in three seconds.

In the first second, Bella lifted her head at the sound of squealing tires, searching for its origin, and when I saw her face freeze in horror, I knew that she had understood what was going to happen and that it was too late, even with the best human reflexes, to escape the careering van. In that second, I also heard the panicked, incoherent thoughts of Tyler, who saw the girl in his path. I looked through his eyes at Bella's face, closer to him than I was. There was terror and fear there, but even more, a sort of resignation that set me off.

Not her! No, not her!

In the next second, I flew. I was ahead of the van in a flash and at Bella's side. I took her in the circle of my arms, and I could see the fear give way to surprise when I pressed her against my chest. Had she understood who was at her side in that second? My intuition told me that, yes, she recognized me. Her four working senses allowed her to identify me, I was certain.

I felt her tense during that second when she realized that I wouldn't release her. She wanted to push me away. She had accepted her fate, and couldn't abide the idea that someone else would share it. Her efforts were unavailing, and when my hands tightened around her, she gave up. Through my hold, I wanted to send her a message to trust me. Did she feel that the arms around her were stronger than iron? Did she sense my superhuman force? Did she understand that there was no other place, in this second, safer for her than in my arms?

I couldn't read her face, because her head was nestled in the curve of my neck. Her movements spoke for her - her fingers released her cane and came to my chest to grip my jacket, but the rest of her body was pliant, cooperative, ready to follow me no matter where in the next second. The lamb trusted the lion.

In the third second, I spun with her body in my arms. I heard the wheels of Tyler's van run over the metal cane. It broke with a sinister crack that underlined that it could very well have been the bones of this girl under those wheels if I hadn't reacted in time.

Finally, I took the force of the collision on my back. The frame of the van bent as it hit me. I felt no pain but the impact sent me rolling on the asphalt. I slowed down my fall, but not enough to keep the girl from cracking her head on the ground. The shock reverberated in my own body. I cursed myself for not being able to control everything. I knew that she wasn't bleeding – the monster in me would have been screaming if she were – but I couldn't know if she had an internal injury.

In the final tenths of that second, I had a flash of realization about the dented frame of the van: somebody might try to figure out how it had been damaged. I quickly directed a solid kick at the door of the old Ford that Tyler's van would have been twisted around if I hadn't been there. We were lying between the two vehicles, so I slid us to the side so people would believe that I had pushed the girl out of the way, and not taken the force of the collision on me.

The precaution taken, I focused once more on Bella. I could hear her heart hammering in her chest, and her erratic breath blowing on my neck was extraordinarily painful. Before moving away so I could examine her, I wanted to satisfy the monster in me – by punishing him. I offered him a teasing hint of what he could never have: I closed my eyes and glided my nose along her jugular, inhaling her intoxicating fragrance. It was exquisite and scorching at the same time. The monster roared, but the Edward was too worried about the possibility having hurt the girl to pay further attention to the beast.

I pulled away just enough to scrutinize her ashen face. Her eyes were closed.

"Bella?" I asked, anguished.

She no longer moved, no longer breathed.

I was swept under by panic. Had I killed her? Had the blow to her head been fatal? Had my efforts these last days, these last instants, to keep her alive been in vain? I had ended up killing her, just not the way I had feared. The monster in me didn't even consider launching itself on the corpse, though I was expecting it to grumble impatiently: "_She's dead, so what do you have to lose? Take her while her blood is still warm!" _But there was nothing, only a bottomless hole into which I was plummeting … until I heard a whimper.

I resurfaced. The eyelids of the corpse were twitching, then opening.

Unconscious! She was merely unconscious! What a cretin I was! In my panic, I hadn't even thought to listen to her heart.

"Bella! Can you hear me?"

She started when my voice managed to penetrate her mind. I locked my eyes on hers even she couldn't look back.

"Edward?'

Her weak voice tormented me beyond endurance.

She seemed disoriented, lost. I could tell she was making an effort to recall what happened before she blacked out, and I could tell when her memory suddenly returned to her. She remembered everything. She took in a big breath as if to calm herself. One of her hands moved from my jacket and I was unable to anticipate what she would do next, unable to avoid it: she touched my face. Fortunately, she was wearing mittens. But that didn't prevent me from feeling her fingers on my marble cheek or sensing her warmth.

"My God! Are you hurt? Are you okay?"

I understood that this tactile contact was her way of assuring herself that I was in one piece. She was in the shadows, and touch was the only way she had to be sure what condition I was in.

At that moment, I learned something else about Bella Swan: she put the well-being of others above her own. When I took her in my arms, she had first sought to push me away, to let her fend for herself with the van heading straight toward her. And now, instead of worrying about herself, she was worrying about me.

I brushed off her concern.

"I'm fine," I said brusquely.

She withdrew her hand, reassured – and surely worried that I was offended by her touching my face. It was better that she didn't touch me. Paradoxically, I would have liked her hand to stay where it was … and that desire didn't come from the monster.

"What happened? Didn't the van hit us?"

"No, Bella, I pushed you out of the way."

"I … I felt the impact."

"You're in shock. You hit your head pretty hard."

She seemed confused. My version of the accident didn't make sense to her. Still, she had no choice but to believe it.

The thoughts around us were chaotic, frightened. The mind closest to us, Tyler's, was only half- conscious. If he had hit the car, he would have barely been injured. I, however, was a more solid obstacle than a car. I felt a twinge of guilt toward this human, but it didn't last long: this way, he'd learn his lesson about speeding off in such dangerous conditions.

I saw nothing from where we were lying, hidden by the two vehicles, but I knew that everyone was running toward us, teachers and students. I immediately located my family in the tide of human thoughts. I could read in their minds that they had seen everything.

Alice was angry with herself for not having predicted the accident. She had been focusing too much on me to see anything else.

Emmett didn't understand why I had done what I had done. Humans died in accidents every day. If we started playing the hero each time a catastrophe threatened, we would spend all our time saving them.

Jasper was more pragmatic. If the girl had died, the temptation of her blood would have died with her. There'd be no more risk that I would attack her and reveal what we were. I had thwarted Fate and he was unhappy about it.

Rosalie followed the same line of reasoning as Jasper, or almost. She was furious: "Great, what if someone saw you? We'd be in real trouble." Her thoughts grated on me, but she was right.

I had to make sure that I hadn't made an enormous mistake. There had been spectators, but a dip into their minds showed me that they hadn't seen me literally fly toward Bella. I had been too fast. They believed that I simply had already been next to the girl when the van started skidding. I had halted the vehicle quite close to the old Ford, and I had dented the car door almost simultaneously so that it appeared that the two had made contact. No, I hadn't made any mistakes.

I heard a siren. The ambulance would arrive in 20 seconds.

I returned my attention to Bella. I still hadn't released her, and I had no desire to, but I had to move away from her before her warm body next to mine ended up reawakening the monster.

I started to pull away. Bella tried also to stand up, but I held her down by her shoulders.

"I can get up," she protested.

"No. Don't move."

"I'm fine."

She tried to free herself, but then she grimaced in pain.

"Ow, my head."

"I told you not to move."

The EMTs were here. I let go of Bella and stood up. It was clear to everyone that I didn't need to be examined, and the paramedics focused on Tyler and Bella.

The spectators formed a circle around the scene of the accident. The ambulance was soon ready to leave, the injured on stretchers. The back door closed upon a Bella who was protesting, "I told you that I'm fine!"

I smiled. Bella detested being the center of attention, even injured.

Injured ...

I strode to my Volvo, noting in passing Rosalie's mental warning: _"Tonight we have to talk. All of us."_

Oh, yes, I was going to have to explain myself. And I would. Later.

My siblings guessed where I was headed, and I sensed their curiosity, their puzzlement. Why would I follow her there? Hadn't I done enough damage today?

They were right, I knew it, yet it beyond my strength to stop myself.

I arrived at the hospital before the ambulance. I rushed to Carlisle's office, and fortunately, he didn't have a patient. Seeing me burst into his office, dismay on my face, he misinterpreted the situation.

"Edward - you didn't - ?"

He noted my still-golden eyes with relief. "No, of course not. Pardon me for -"

He feared that I had succumbed, but I didn't have time to be hurt by his assumption.

"It's nothing," I interrupted him. "But something has indeed happened to her."

I quickly explained the situation. "I'm sorry to have done that in front of everyone," I finished. "But I took precautions. I swear to you that nobody will suspect anything ..."

Carlisle smiled and put his hand on my shoulder. In his mind I found indulgence and understanding. He had worked for so long in an atmosphere where humans died everyday without his being able to help that he couldn't rebuke me for having reacted as I did.

"It's okay. Let's discuss it tonight. For the moment, it seems that I have a patient to examine," he said with a smile.

"Please."

My father had realized that I wanted him to take charge of her. The least I could do for the girl I had hurt was to provide her with the care of a doctor who had hundreds of years of experience.

"I'm so angry with myself for hurting her ... she's blind, too. What if until now her handicap had been only temporary, and she still had the possibility of seeing again? And I've destroyed that possibility by damaging her brain, or an optic nerve or -"

"Calm down, Edward. I'll have her medical history sent to me to see if that could be. She surely had a specialist in Phoenix."

We both heard the siren announcing the arrival of the ambulance.

"I'm going."

He laughed gently. "It's been an interesting day for you, hasn't it?"

I could read the irony of my situation in his mind. I had been transformed from killer to protector. IT was indeed something to laugh at. I had been certain that I was the greatest danger that Bella Swan could encounter, and all it took was three seconds to change everything.

"Go home," Carlisle told me. "We'll go over everything later."

"I should stay. I should listen in to see if anyone thinks -"

"You told me yourself that you took all the necessary precautions, didn't you?"

"Yes -"

"Well, then, there's no reason to stay. Go to the house, son."

So I did. My family greeted me with silence, but their thoughts assailed me.

Rosalie's anger: _"You owe us a good explanation!"_

Emmett's teasing: _"Edward, the vampire hero. Hah!"_

Alice's tranquil assurance: _"You did well, Edward. Imagine all the blood if the van had crushed her … All of us would have had difficulty controlling ourselves."_

Jasper's worry: _"I hope that the repercussions of what you've done don't ruin everything."_

Esme was the only one to not be judgmental. She loved me too much to criticize me. She stepped to me and kissed my forehead. _"You did what you felt was right,"_ she thought with an affectionate smile. My mother had enough faith in me to not worry about the repercussions Jasper was thinking about.

The hours that followed were atrociously long. How was the girl? And what version of the accident was she telling?

When Carlisle arrived, he wore a reassuring smile. We all awaited him at the table we used for family meetings.

I mentally threw myself on him, seeking information.

The girl was fine. Her X-rays were good. Her medical records had been faxed from Phoenix: her blindness was irreversible and permanent. I hadn't damaged her eyesight more than it already was. She had been released from the hospital, while Tyler, who was in worse shape, was spending the night. The boy was overflowing with remorse, but I didn't care about him. All that mattered was that Bella was better.

Carlisle sat at one end of the table, in the seat reserved for the head of the family.

I was the first to speak. "I'm sorry for having taken a risk, but I would do it again," I said.

Alice stared into the distance, lost in her visions.

"It would have been horrible for Chief Swan if something had happened to her. She's all that he has."

She emphasized her words by showing me images of Charlie's agony, of possibilities now happily rendered moot. Charlie adored his daughter and losing her would have slowly killed him. She sought to support me for having saved Bella, but I couldn't help feel a wave of remorse: Charlie still ran the risk of losing his daughter, because I was still here, still thirsty for her blood.

Emmett, impatient, wanted facts. "So, are we in danger or not?" he demanded.

"The girl said nothing." Carlisle spoke with conviction. "Bella Swan was asked several times to describe what happened, and she said only what you told her, Edward: you pushed her out of the way before the van could hit her."

He relived for me what happened while he was studying – or rather, pretending to study – Bella's X-rays, and Chief Swan burst into the examining room.

"_Bella!"_

I now understood Alice's vision even more. Chief Swan was worried, anguished, upset and furious.

"_Char – Dad?"_

"_I just heard on the radio. Bella, are you all right? Good God!"_

"_I'm completely fine. It's just a lot of fuss over nothing, I promise you."_

"_And that bump on your head, that's nothing too?"_

I saw through Carlisle's eyes the bump that alarmed her father. Her injury had had time to swell, and it appeared enormous to me. Another wave of guilt swept over me. I told myself that I had averted something worse, but it was little consolation. How strange it was to feel so culpable. I wasn't used to that. Nor was I used to being so wrapped up in someone else's well-being, especially a human's.

"_Tyler's in worse shape than me, Dad."_

"_He definitely will be once I'm finished with him."_

"_It wasn't his fault."_

"_I owe a lot to the Cullen boy, it appears."_

"_Yeah … he was there at the right time."  
><em>

I noted her hesitation and held my breath.

"_He pushed me out of the way," she said._

That was it.

She had apparently decided that my version was the right one, but I felt even worse. To lie to the girl, to play on her blindness, was reprehensible.

Carlisle stepped over with the X-rays and I was absurdly happy that his proximity allowed me a better view of her face through his memories.

"_Dr. Cullen!"_ Charlie hastily shook Carlisle's hand, fortunately covered in a plastic glove. _"I owe a lot to your son. Thank him for me."  
><em>

My father gave Charlie his well-practiced friendly smile that put humans at ease instead of frightening them.

"_I'll be sure to do that."_

Carlisle's recollection was interrupted by Rosalie, who exclaimed vehemently: "It's not the girl we have to worry about. She can't see anything, and nobody will believe her. We need to know if there were witnesses. Inconvenient witnesses."

I met her angry stare.

"There are none. We're safe."

I was certain of that. Nobody had seen anything. I had been too fast. But I knew Bella had suspicions. She had decided to stick to my version when people questioned her, but what did she really think? What part of the truth had she grasped? I just couldn't know without reading her thoughts.

Rosalie immediately saw the doubt in my eyes.

"You don't seem completely sure."

"It's just that …. I can trust only my intuition. I …"

It was tremendously difficult for me to confess my inability to read her, to admit to another weakness. I hadn't yet told my family because I was ashamed of my failure. But it bothered me that my family underestimated Bella, believed her inferior, classified her as unimportant. She had seen nothing, but she had sensed what had happened.

"I can't read Bella Swan's thoughts."

Everyone was shocked.

"What?" Rosalie shrieked.

"Don't you realize," Jasper asked, "we have no guarantee she'll stay silent?"

"It doesn't matter what she saw – or rather perceived – because she won't say anything." I said.

I didn't know exactly why I had this conviction, but it was there, deep in me. Bella Swan wouldn't talk, even though she had noticed that I wasn't normal. Had she not told me, fiercely, that she didn't listen to gossip? No, I couldn't imagine Bella starting a rumor about anything, including vampires.

Carlisle put his elbows on the table and knotted his hands. "I've seen for myself that her version of the accident was the same as yours," he said. "She's holding to your truth. For the moment. But is she asking questions? Could one day she draw different conclusions than the official version? Has she accepted your explanations?"

"Not really –"

Rosalie slammed her fist on the table, cracking the wood. "She has suspicions!"

I lowered my head, avoiding the eyes fixed on me.

Rosalie directed the conversation to her own concerns. "We're going to have to move! To begin again!"

Jasper's expression was suddenly determined. "We can't move," he argued. "In any case, not immediately. We've always left behind us only rumors, never witnesses."

I saw his intent in his mind: eradicate the risks.

I snarled and jumped from my chair.

"NO!"

Jasper didn't even raise an eyebrow. He was decided.

"I warn you, Jasper, I won't let you do that," I said, teeth gritted.

Emmett snorted in exasperation. "What? What is he thinking of doing?"

"Killing her," Alice murmured.

I had a double perspective of what Jasper was planning. In his mind, he was calculating how he was going to do it, and in Alice's vision I saw him put his plan in action.

I let loose a growl of rage.

Why so much rage?

The rational part of my mind reminded me: I was enraged because for days I had been torturing myself, restraining myself so this human would stay alive. And now all my efforts were in vain because of my brother who wanted to eliminate the direct witness of the incident that put our whole family in danger. It was frustrating to know that I had done all that for nothing, that I had suffered pointlessly.

But the other part of my mind, that which was hidden and whose existence I had never known existed, had an entirely different explanation: If I was enraged, it was because Jasper sought to destroy something that I had long searched for, something I didn't want to lose. And it was my fault that he was set on this fatal solution. It was my fault for putting my family in danger.

"She should have died today anyway. It was her destiny," my brother said.

I tried to recover my sangfroid and he helped me with a wave of calm.

"I don't want to fight you, Jasper," I warned him, "but if it's necessary, I will make it so that you never touch the Swan girl."

We stared at each other and he let me see his fears: he loved Alice above all else, and worried about what would happen to her if our secret was discovered.

"You can't read the human's intentions, and that makes us vulnerable," he said. "We are at her mercy."

"She won't say anything!"

"You have no proof of that except your own belief. I will not allow Alice to be in danger."

But Alice stood up, suddenly smiling.

"I know that you want to protect me, and I appreciate it," she said. "I love you and I don't want anything to happen to you either." She looked at us both affectionately. "I don't want you to fight. In any case, we have nothing to fear."

She appeared confident and I saw in her mind why.

"I don't see us moving in the immediate future," she announced.

"Because I'm going to take care of the problem," Jasper interjected.

"No, Bella Swan is still alive from what I can see. Though it's not clear, because everything turns on you, Edward."

Turns on me? What could that mean?

I tried to see it for myself, but Alice was right: her visions were too indistinct to understand fully. All that I could see was that we continued our human lives as before and that Bella Swan was still at school.

Alice had proved to us more than once that we could count on her judgment, and that soothed the fears of my family and put a brake on Jasper's need for action. At least for now.

Esme rose and put one hand on Jasper's shoulder and the other on mine, a gentle encouragement for us to reach a truce.

Carlisle looked at all of us and declared: "The Swan girl is innocent. It would be a shame to use such radical means to protect ourselves, Jasper. I know that your intentions are good, but … I would like our family to be worth protecting. The … the occasional accident or loss of control is a regrettable part of who we are."

It was very like Carlisle to include himself in the plural, even though he had never had such a lapse himself.

"To murder an innocent child in cold blood is another thing entirely. I believe that the risk she represents, whether she voices her suspicions or not, is nothing to the greater risk. If we make exceptions to protect ourselves, we risk something even more important: we risk losing sight of who we are, of what distinguishes us for the rest of our kind."

It was well said, and everyone agreed, or nearly so. Jasper was the most pragmatic member of our family. He had spent a century viewing things in a clinical, impersonal, detached manner. He couldn't change his old habits, and I saw that he hadn't changed his opinion. He would act as he saw best. The end justified the means.

"Let's wait to see what happens," Carlisle continued. "We will see how the situation evolves. At the least doubt, we'll reconsider."

Jasper looked at me again, distressed and determined at the same time. "At the least doubt, I'm going to act, Edward, I assure you," he said.

Having a confrontation was the last thing we wanted. We loved each other like brothers. But unity, the preservation of our family, and the love he had for Alice were much more powerful than brotherly love.

I answered in the same melancholy voice as his. "Then you'll find me blocking your path."

* * *

><p>As Alice had foretold, we returned to school the next day to find no compromising gossip about my exploits. Of course, the accident was the happening of the century, and everyone was assailing Bella. I was the hero of the story, but the wariness of the humans spared me the questions that Bella couldn't escape.<p>

Once more, she was the center of attention, and I didn't need to read her mind to know that it embarrassed her enormously. She nonetheless repeated my version of the story to everyone, which reassured my siblings.

At lunch, however, she did something I didn't expect.

She stepped into the cafeteria slowly – her cane was ruined and she apparently didn't have another one. But she must have made a mental map of the high school, for she walked with more confidence. She didn't go buy something to eat. She went to her usual table, but remained standing.

"Angela? Could you tell me what direction the Cullen table is in?" she asked.

My brothers and sisters were listening along with me.

Emmett muttered, "What does she want?"

Jasper interrogated our walking radar. "Alice?"

"I didn't see anything!" she wailed. "She just decided, on impulse. She didn't warn me!"

"Don't look as if you can hear everything! Play human, for Chrissakes!" Rosalie hissed.

As for me, I was listening to Angela, who was looking at Bella with astonishment. I saw through her surprised eyes a Bella who was nervous but determined. That augured nothing good.

Angela gaped for a few seconds – nobody went visited the Cullen table.

"_Perhaps she wants to thank Edward for having saved her,"_ she concluded. I hoped she was right.

"Ummm … you're sure?"

"Yes."

"Well, okay."

Angela took Bella by the shoulders and turned her toward us, taking care not to look directly at our table.

"Go straight ahead and in 30 feet you'll be there."

"Thanks a lot."

My family and I pretended not to notice her, forcing ourselves to converse like everyone else. When she approached us, we affected surprise at seeing her stop at our table and adopted the same politely interested expression – a useless precaution for Bella, but we knew that all eyes were fixed on us. It wasn't every day that a student took the initiative to talk to the Cullens.

Bella smiled, but it was a smile too tense to be sincere.

"Hello," she said, addressing herself to all of us.

Alice responded with her joyous, chiming voice, "Hi, Bella!"

Bella's smile grew. It was sincere this time. Alice's voice had pleased her.

Under the table, I stepped on my sister's foot, hard, to show her my disapproval. We should be distant, not friendly!

"_Ow! Come on, Edward, we have to be polite!"_ she thought, repressing a grimace.

"Hi, Edward. Are you okay?"

The sound of her voice saying my name should not have been so appealing.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

I was brusque. I had to be. I had to push away any new effort by her to be friendly with me. Saving her from the van was not an excuse for establishing a relationship with her. She had to understand this. I had to stay away from her to ensure my family's safety. I was becoming stronger, but I could still succumb. Alice's visions were of a living Bella, but that was perhaps only in a context in which Jasper no longer needed to put his plan into execution. As for me – the killer thirsty for her blood – there was still nothing clear about Bella's future. Or her death.

She flinched at my brutal tone, but continued on.

"No post-traumatic stress or anything like that?"

"Nothing at all."

"That's good."

Courtesy demanded that I ask her the same questions in return, did her head hurt, was she traumatized… and I wanted to know that she was fine, but I couldn't let her think I cared.

"Can I speak to you a moment … in private?" she went on.

Jasper's eyes widened. _"Say no!"_

Rosalie glared at me. "_Don't let her get you alone to ask you questions. You might let something slip."_

That was insulting. I was a very good liar. I was used to it. But then, with Bella I had that uncontrollable desire not to lie to her…

Emmett shrugged. _"Go ahead, Edward. Smooth things over. Convince her."_

I agreed with my brother.

"If you wish," I said.

I rose and the mental warnings of my siblings trailed after me into the hallway.

I turned around, making sure not to breathe, and saw Bella following me hesitantly.

"Edward?"

Her head swiveled around. She was searching for me.

"I'm here."

She turned to the sound of my voice.

"Huh. I thought my hearing was good, but I didn't hear your footsteps," she said, perplexed.

Of course, she hadn't heard them. I was more furtive and silent than a cat. I just made another mistake that would lead Bella to believe that I wasn't … normal.

I was deeply irritated by my error, and my bad mood made my response crueler than needed.

"I can't help it if you're unobservant."

She flinched. Again.

Could a heart that was already dead break? I was sure that mine just did.

I ignored it the best as I could and continued with the same brutality.

"What do you want?"

"Are we alone in the hallway?"

There were no human thoughts within 10 yards of us. We were alone.

"Yes."

"Good."

Her chin jutted with determination. "So just what happened in the parking lot yesterday?"

My suspicions were correct. Bella Swan hadn't swallowed my story.

I had to make myself convincing. I adopted a detached tone.

"You know as much as I do, Bella. You were there."

"No, I missed things. I'm sure of it. We were struck squarely by the van. "

I sighed to show my boredom with the subject. "Bella, you hit your head, that's all. The impact made you imagine things."

Her face hardened.

"I'm blind, not stupid. We were hit by the van!"

I took on the necessary incredulous, mocking tone. "You really think that we'd be talking here right now if we had been struck by the van?"

This time, she was angry.

"Don't pretend that I'm an idiot. You took the impact on yourself. You stopped the van."

I answered coldly. "Say what you want, nobody will believe you."

"I wasn't going to say anything."

I was relieved, though I reflexively hid it behind an indifferent expression. She would say nothing. My instinct was right. Jasper didn't have any reason to kill her.

She lowered her head, now more unhappy than angry. "I just want to understand," she said.

"There is nothing to understand."

Her voice became pleading. "Please. I'm already in darkness. Give me a little light, Edward."

I realized that it wasn't the desire to figure out what I was that motivated her questions. Bella lived in a world of shadows, and she was frustrated not to be able to visualize what she had experienced.

If she only knew how it tortured me to disappoint her!

"You can't just thank me and forget about it?"

She jumped.

"Thank you," she said instantly, but not with any sense of finality.

"You won't let this go, will you?" I said.

"Not until you have explained it to me."

"In that case, I hope you like disappointment," I answered, and stalked away.

* * *

><p>After that day, I never spoke to her. In biology, she greeted me a couple of times, at first with a certain hope that filled me with remorse, then out of politeness. When she realized that I wouldn't answer, she gave up.<p>

She got the message. I had done what I had to do. The farther she stayed from me, the less risk that I would kill her. I was rejecting her for her own good.

Why, then, did I feel so uncomfortable? I shouldn't feel guilty. I had hurt her for a good cause: her survival.

And I should rejoice that the episode with the van didn't have any repercussions, shouldn't I? Bella kept silent. She knew some things, had surely guessed others, but she wouldn't talk. She would never get answers to her questions. She would stay in the shadows. Her lifeless eyes had protected her in a way: she didn't know what had happened, but at least she was alive.

With time, she would forget all about the accident, forget her questions and suspicions. Edward Cullen, the strange classmate who had saved her life, would soon have no interest for her. I had gone from friendly to forbidding, but she would forget all about that too. It was better that way.

To be forgotten by Bella Swan was the best thing that could happen to us both. So why did the idea of that tear me in two?

* * *

><p><em>TN: Seriously, if you see typos, let me know – it's easy to make them in this type of work._

_Laurie: I see what you did there :). If you have time, read one of these chapters, then read Elysabeth's original; you'll be surprised to see how much you understand, I bet._


	4. Discovery

**Chapter 4: Discovery**

_Disclaimer: Smeyer owns "Twilight." Elysabeth owns "Les Yeux de la Lune."_

_eiluned price owns the typos. _

_Elysabeth thanks you all for reading and sends her regards to all of you who have made clever guesses. She just won't say which ones of you have made the right ones._

Chapter 4: Discovery

The world changed around us while we stood frozen in time. I stagnated, like a pond, flat and still, while everyone else raced on like a swift-running stream, animated, always moving.

I played human as I had always done. I led the same non-existence as before. I had again taken up the endless cycle of human life that we had pursued for decades. It was the life that we had chosen, a life of endless new beginnings. This cycle was no different from all the others, and yet, from the day when I began pretending that Bella Swan was nobody to me, I found it more tedious and bleak than ever before.

The days and weeks that passed were painful. It shouldn't have been so difficult. No, it wasn't normal, but I couldn't help myself: having to ignore her make me sullen and irritable. I was more bad-tempered than normal, more taciturn. More lifeless. But I had to stay away from her. She was in danger just from being in the same school as me. Alice's visions were still cloudy - she couldn't be absolutely certain that I wouldn't be overcome by my thirst. It was that uncertainty that I focused on to keep myself away. For I suffered from having to flee Bella Swan, even more than I did from smelling her intoxicating fragrance.

I forced myself to not make my family suffer too from my bad mood. But they knew. My brothers and sisters felt sorry for me even though they didn't really understand my behavior. I didn't understand it myself.

Esme sensed my loneliness, and her thoughts only heightened my awareness of a sad reality: I was alone. Before Bella Swan's arrival, I had accepted my solitude. I dealt with it. I was used to it, and never sought to change it. It suited me. At least, that's what I believed …

Carlisle, more rational, speculated that it was my thirst for the girl that made me so irritable, that I was like an alcoholic trying to dry out. There was no doubt some truth to his hypothesis.

I was indeed thirsty for her, but not for the reasons he thought.

It was probably this new sort of thirst that pushed me one day to look in on Bella Swan. Just a look. And not even directly. I watched her through the mind of Angela, the only classmate whom Bella really had a tie to. There was nothing wrong in looking at her just a little bit. I needed to make sure that Bella was staying true to her word and keeping silent about the odd aspects of her accident, didn't I? I was just doing my duty as a protector of my family, nothing more.

My eavesdropping allowed to verify that she hadn't lied – _my God, had I really missed seeing her face that much?_ The conversation that she had with Angela was innocent – _the giggle that escaped her at one point was like a caress to me._ Nothing compromising about my family. Good. To be sure, I listened in again at lunch_. Was I wrong, or did she seem melancholy? Was I imagining things, or did she seem as downcast as … me?_ Bella spoke little and nothing she said concerned me. So much the better. Apparently the accident was all in the past. People had stopped asking her questions. That was a good thing. I was almost reassured. But to be completely certain, I should investigate the situation thoroughly …shouldn't I?

What was at first just a look became daily monitoring. I soon could no longer stop myself from spying on her through the minds of the students surrounding her. I was surprised to find myself watching her least movement. I sought out her pensive expressions, drank in each of her words, whatever they were. I watched her wherever she went. I made it so I could scrutinize her discreetly. I knew that my classmates observed me – the ordinary human couldn't help himself. We attracted attention despite ourselves, and if somebody noticed me spying on Bella Swan, she would hear about it. I could already imagine the comments: "Hey, Cullen's staring at you again, Bella!" And she would ask herself why I ignored her even as I secretly watched her, I had to be prudent. Bella had to believe that I was indifferent to her. Thus I limited myself to watching her through the eyes of others.

I justified my behavior to myself by saying I had to watch her so I wouldn't inadvertently breathe her scent. But … eventually I had to admit the truth: I didn't watch her to control the monster in me or to be certain that she wouldn't talk about me. I spied on her because I still wanted to know her, to take up from where we had left off that morning in biology.

Her routine mesmerized me. Never before had I been so engrossed in the daily lives of humans. I envied their mortality, their soul, their innocence, but their lifestyle held no interest for me. The existence of Bella Swan, however, completely captivated me. The more days that passed, the more my fascination grew. Finally, I could no longer restrict myself to observing her at school. I started to follow her after class. It soon became a habit to walk with her in secret to her house. It then became another to wait outside her house in the morning so I could walk her to school.

I quickly discovered that I wasn't the only person to watch over her secretly. Every morning, or almost, her father followed her from a discreet distance in his patrol car until she was on school grounds. It took me a moment to unlock his mind the first morning I saw him follow Bella, creeping along at five miles an hour. Apparently mental walls were hereditary.

But I didn't need to read him to understand that Charlie was worried about his daughter. For someone with Bella's handicap, walking from home to school was filled with peril, and the accident with the van had made him more nervous about letting her go on her own. There were all sorts of obstacles, easily avoidable for sighted people, but dangerous for Bella: uneven ground, potholes, cars that ran stop signs, passers-by who could jostle her…

Charlie wanted to protect her, but he knew that his daughter wanted autonomy, wanted to manage by herself. Her independence was vitally important to her – I had observed her enough at school to understand that. And Charlie had only to watch her to know that Bella managed perfectly well. She knew the way by heart; she had constructed a mental map of the town and knew to anticipate obstacles. After all, she came here from Phoenix, a huge city where she got around without problem. But Chief Swan couldn't keep himself from watching over her without her knowledge. And I realized that it was the same for me.

After a month, Charlie watched her less and less. He was convinced that his surveillance was superfluous. In fact, it was superfluous because I made it a point of honor that nothing unfortunate happened to Bella Swan. But he didn't know that.

The lion watched over the lamb. Pathetic.

Each morning I inspected her path to school before she left her house. I made sure there were no branches that had fallen on the sidewalk during the night. I assured myself that Bella wouldn't stumble on anything and that nothing would disturb her morning routine.

Then I returned to her house and watched her leave, hidden in the shrubbery or in the heights of a thick evergreen – she couldn't see me, but the neighbors would have found it curious that a high school student was spying on the police chief's daughter.

In the afternoon, after the final bell, I made the same survey in reverse. My vampire speed allowed me to do my job unnoticed and to return to school before Bella had even crossed the Forks High parking lot.

Watching her walk became more and more captivating to me. I found it fascinating to see her act so .. normally. To move with so much ease and grace. Bella lived in a universe of shadows, but she had succeeded in adapting herself, in being like other humans.

Was I not also living in the shadows? Vampires were condemned to an eternal night, far from the world, the real world. My family and I forced ourselves every day to adapt also, to fit in. Bella had managed magnificently. And I admired her for that. Just as we needed strength to not succumb to our killer instincts, Bella also showed strength and tenacity.

I continued thus to observe Bella Swan from a distance, wherever she was. I convinced myself that I wasn't betraying the promise I had made to stay away from her. Technically, I wasn't anywhere near her. I was keeping my word, in my own fashion.

My observations taught me that she excelled in many areas of study. Her blindness was no obstacle for her. She was at the level of my siblings and me in some subjects – and she had the merit of having earned her knowledge. We succeeded in class only because we had studied and restudied the same material for decades. We owed our achievements to repetition. But Bella owed hers to a single lifetime of study and hard work – doubly hard because of her handicap – and that was much more worthy of praise. Once again, I was full of admiration for her.

Going to school every day was no longer a chore. Playing human no longer bored me. Little by little, without my realizing it, my bad humor ebbed. I no longer needed to force myself to smile at my family. I became, in a way, more … light-hearted. All because I allowed myself to spy on Bella Swan.

My family found my new pastime strange – what was so interesting about watching a human walk down the street? But since I seemed less depressed than before, they left me alone.

Alice had said that Bella's future pivoted on me. It was the opposite instead: I turned tirelessly around her. Although I was perfectly aware that my behavior verged on obsessive, I continued to be Bella's shadow.

I took pleasure in this routine in which I kept my promise to stay away while gathering every crumb of knowledge that Bella unwittingly gave me about her life, about her. That was enough for me.

At least it was until the day when I saw in the collective minds of the students that a dance was approaching. This event was in everyone's thoughts. I had never understood the interest in this type of activity. To gather in a group to dance to some deafening racket, to show off before everyone, to mock those whose clothes weren't in the latest style ... what was the enjoyment in all that? In fact, enjoying oneself seemed to be optional; what was more important was to impress the crowd. And look down one's nose at everybody else. What was the point? Rosalie, of course, loved this sort of thing. She eclipsed everyone and derived an almost sick pleasure from it.

I never paid attention to these dances. But then came the day when I discovered that Mike Newton was working up his nerve to ask Bella to go with him. He had already been turned down by Jessica and wanted to console himself by finding a replacement: Bella.

At lunch, I wanted to be a direct witness to the scene that was coming, and so I sat between Rosalie and Emmett. That meant I had a view on Bella's table, but seated between my brother and sister, I gave the impression of participating in their conversation. We were only three today, Jasper and Alice having left to hunt in British Columbia. There was an overabundance of coyotes in the region, and they were wandering into inhabited areas.

Before she left, Alice had made a general survey of the future to assure herself that nothing important was on the horizon. She didn't like being far from us; she was too conscious that her mental radar was an important security measure for us.

"We're going for three days," she announced. "There is nothing new in the future except that Peter and Charlotte are planning to visit us on the last weekend of the month."

Carlisle had been listening intently and Alice understood his tacit question. "They won't be hungry," she said. "They will hunt before coming into the area. You don't need to worry."

My father didn't want to forbid Jasper to see his old friends, but he imposed a condition: non-vegetarians who came to visit couldn't hunt on the Olympic Peninsula. It was a matter of exposure – and ethics.

Alice turned toward me. "If I see anything, I'll call you. Everything will be fine, you'll see."

By "anything," Alice of course was speaking of the possibility that I would succumb to my thirst for Bella.

"Of course everything will be fine," I retorted, annoyed. "And Emmett and Rosalie are here to monitor me."

I hated being watched like a bomb liable to explode at any moment, but I had to convince Alice that I was in good hands. She would never leave if I didn't show that I was sure of myself. Jasper really wanted to go on this hunt, and I understood why: coyotes were much more interesting to chase than elk and deer. And Alice deserved a break from constantly scrutinizing my future.

So they left, leaving me with Rosalie and Emmett. Or at least, I was physically with them until Newton put his plan into motion. After that, I paid attention only to what was going on at Bella's table.

Mike plopped himself in front of Bella, who was sitting, as usual, a little apart from the group. He looked a little cocky.

"You know, the spring dance is coming up," he said.

"I can't help knowing, since everyone's talking about it."

"I was wondering if you wanted to go with me."

I saw through Mike's eyes a dumbfounded Bella. I was certain that she had never been asked to attend such an event.

"Sorry, Mike. I can't."

"You're going with someone else?" he asked.

No, there was nobody else, I would have known otherwise, but there was an offensive incredulity in Newton's voice. As if it was impossible that a blind girl would be asked to a dance by anyone who had another option. I wanted to grab Newton by the throat and throw him against the wall of the cafeteria.

Bella chuckled. "No, Mike, I'm just not going."

Did she think she wasn't worthy or capable of going to a dance? Had she already decided to refuse even before anyone asked her?

My imagination ran wild: I would show her that she, too, could impress the crowd. I could make her dance like everyone else, and she would be stunning no matter what she wore.

"Why not?" the boy persisted.

"I'm going to be in Seattle that weekend."

"You can't put it off?"

"No, I really have to go."

"I see."

Second rejection for Mike in a day. I enjoyed seeing his smug face fall.

"That's too bad," he said. "Maybe next time."

"That would surprise me."

Mike flinched at her tone. He said nothing, but Bella must have guessed that her words could be interpreted as an insult.

"I mean," she said, "I don't like that sort of thing. It's a certain disaster."

"How so?"

"Too many people. Too –" She twisted her hands together, lowering her head, movements that indicated her uneasiness. "Too many obstacles, too much sound. It … it unnerves me."

Ah, Bella _did_ think she wasn't able to attend a dance, but not for the reasons I expected. She wouldn't feel comfortable. A big room filled with dancers and loud music had to be disorienting for someone who couldn't see.

I would personally make sure that nothing bothered her … but she couldn't know it.

"Oh, okay. That's a shame," Newton said, turning away and already thinking of another girl to ask to the dance.

I was sadistically pleased that Newton had been rebuffed. But if Bella hadn't been blind, would she have said yes?

And if she had, what concern would that be of mine?

I felt a very disagreeable pain in my chest. Was that jealousy? Never had I experienced such an emotion. It was a reaction that was so … human. It was disconcerting.

Why was I feeling that way?

To be jealous over some hypothetical future partner was puerile. I was being decidedly ridiculous. I had no reason to be jealous. None. Being jealous implied that I wanted to be take someone else's place I _could not_ want to be that hypothetical partner. It was against nature, against logic, against the laws of the universe. The lion and the lamb could be nothing other than two incompatible creatures, divided by an unbridgeable chasm. But … had I not been defying the laws of nature these last weeks?

I pushed away that thought.

In any case, Bella would not be going to that stupid dance. Why was she going to Seattle, so far away? What was there? And why in hell did I want to know?

Seattle …

I was suddenly as tense as a bowstring. Peter and Charlotte might be there at the same time!

They wouldn't hunt on the Olympic Peninsula out of deference to us, but nothing stopped them from going to Seattle, a city that offered a vast choice of prey, before visiting us. What was the probability that they would choose Bella Swan to satisfy their thirst? One in three million. But this tiny chance meant that I had to be sure that Bella Swan waited until our visitors had left the area.

If I asked Alice to concentrate on Bella, she would tell me if the girl ran a risk or not. But the hunt was a matter of impulse among vampires. Only the most sadistic planned where and whom they would attack. Peter and Charlotte weren't vegetarians, but they weren't twisted either. They hunted when they were thirsty and out of public view, falling upon a convenient victim. Alice couldn't see what they would do because they hadn't decided. When it was a question of hunting, a vampire decided at the last minute, following his instinct and the scents around him. I could have Jasper contact them and ask them politely to avoid Seattle. But would they keep their word? I knew better than anyone how thirst and an appealing scent could overwhelm somebody's will ….

No, I had to stick to my first plan: prevent Bella from going. Hmm. It would be too difficult to do without being noticed. The solution was to follow her without her knowing. But first I had to know the circumstances of her trip to prepare myself. And what if it was sunny this weekend? That would certainly complicate things.

I had to know more, but how? Her classmates didn't know anything about her plans. Once again, I was profoundly frustrated that Bella's mind was inaccessible to me. How could I find what I needed?

Chief Swan.

He knew. He would have to drive her that day. Unless she took the bus?

I looked at the clock on the cafeteria wall. There were 45 minutes left of the lunch hour. It was time enough.

I hesitated a half-second.

Was I being completely paranoid to worry about such a small risk?

No. I wasn't being paranoid. I was being … prudent, that's all.

I left Emmett and Rosalie, who were too preoccupied with gazing into each other's eyes to pay attention to me. I ran to the police station, and heard on the police radio there that Chief Swan was investigating a burglary. I went to the scene, but Charlie's mind wasn't helpful; he was concentrating only on the crime. Charlie Swan would tell me nothing right now, and I was too impatient to wait.

What could I do? While I was asking myself this, I realized that my me were taking to the Swan house. I stopped in front of it, torn. Was it wrong for me to go in? Surely it was. But I had a good reason, didn't I? There could be a note inside, some information somewhere that would shed some light on this trip. Yes, I could go in. It was for the good of the girl.

Fortified by this thought, I pulled out the key hidden under the doormat. I inhaled one last breath of fresh air, air laden with scent of the forest around me. Bella wasn't inside the house, but it was impregnated with her fragrance, and I knew all too well how that affected me.

Inside, the house was silent, modest but comfortable. Nothing was on the floor, and I suspected that it wasn't because of a desire for neatness. Everything was in its place so Bella could negotiate the rooms without stumbling.

I was oddly excited to be in the girl's home. Until this moment, I had let her alone while she was in her house. She left it during the weekdays only to go to school, and she stayed entire weekends inside. I took advantage of the times she was confined to home to go hunting. I would return just in time to be there when she left on Monday morning. The idea of following her inside hadn't seemed to be … sane.

But now I was in her house my common sense disappeared. I was so devoured by curiosity that I went looking for her room.

As I mounted the stairs, I noticed several framed photographs on the wall. That seemed to be typical for humans: they immortalized certain moments of their lives. I had never understood the interest or the need for that. For vampires, each second of our existence was engraved in our memory in photographic detail. We didn't need artificial aids to remember an event. Apparently that wasn't true for humans.

These photos were no doubt destined solely for Charlie's enjoyment, considering his daughter's condition. I scanned the images. In some, her father proudly displayed a big fish, but the majority of the snapshots were of one subject: Bella.

Bella wasn't forthcoming about herself, but I had gathered some bits of information from her answers to her classmates' questions. I had thus learned that, until recently, her visits were just occasional. Her father saw her only during vacations, and their relationship had become distant, almost impersonal.

At least, that's how it seemed on the surface, but I had only to look at these photos to see that Charlie had missed Bella during all those years she lived with her mother. These images had been Charlie's only link to his daughter since he practically never saw her. Charlie wasn't much of a talker, but his actions were unequivocal. Alice was right; Bella was everything to him.

Studying the photos, I could see a newborn grow into a little girl, but there was no recent photo – it was as if Bella had ceased to exist when she was 10. I lingered on an image of a child in a pink tutu awkwardly striking a ballet pose. She was laughing and overflowing with life. Her mischievous, inquisitive eyes were sparkling.

And looking straight into the camera.

I finally got it: Bella had not always been blind. Her father had spread out on the wall the past of a Bella who had in some ways had disappeared forever. He was memorializing the brief time when his daughter could lead the life of any ordinary girl.

I stared into her wide chocolate eyes and was saddened. I had always thought that Bella had been born blind because she seemed so accepting of her condition. If she had never experienced a life in which she could see, she couldn't know what she was missing. But I was wrong.

It seemed terrible to me that a child so full of life would be suddenly thrown into darkness. Her adjustment must have been long and difficult. She would have had to relearn everything, and once more I was struck with admiration for this young woman.

I continued on before these images could trouble me more and I found her room. It was unadorned. I should have expected that. What good was ornamentation to her? Instead, there were many shelves filled with enormous books in Braille. I noticed a great variety of CDs, but all the labels were in Braille as well. It would be impossible for me to discover Bella Swan's taste in music. I was frustrated by this, and recalled my vow to learn Braille. I would rectify my omission soon.

Her bureau was littered with sheets of paper – class notes? music scores? – covered in dots. There was a computer, more sophisticated than her laptop, and a special printer that could produce Braille. On each side of her bed was a table, but instead of a lamp there was a sculpture. Bella liked art? But what good did these statues do her if she couldn't admire them?

I was asking myself these questions when I remembered the point of my visit here. I was disgusted with myself when I realized what I was doing.

I was a voyeur and an obsessive.

Wasn't I stalking her? I had heard it said that what you didn't know couldn't hurt you. Bella didn't know what I was doing, so I shouldn't feel guilty. But I knew it. And I felt reprehensible. Not only was I a vampire ravenous for her blood, I was an obsessed voyeur as well.

I hurried out of her room, repulsed with myself.

Find information about her trip to Seattle, that's all I should do.

However, I discovered nothing conclusive. All I found connected to the trip was a notation on a calendar by Charlie. On the weekend in question, he had crossed out a reminder saying, "Fishing with Harry." Under it, he had written, "Appointment in Seattle." Nothing else. Nothing saying whether his daughter was going alone, for how long, if she was meeting someone, even her destination in the city.

Dissatisfied and still disgusted with my behavior. I left immediately. So. I had to find another way to get information. There was only one option left: interrogate the girl. I had to break my promise not to talk to her again. But did I have a choice? I was trying to make sure she lived, after all.

I had 15 minutes before class started.

I headed to school, taking out my cell phone and punching in a number. Jasper answered even before it rang.

"_Yes, Edward?"_

I gaped at the receiver. How had he known?

Alice, of course.

I returned the phone to my ear. "I guess you know what I'm going to ask," I said.

"_I'll call Peter, but do you really worry that –"_

"That their thirst will overwhelm them. Yes. That's why I'm going to follow her to Seattle that weekend. But I would still like you to warn your friends, Jasper."

"_Why watch out for her more than some other human? All humans are in danger wherever Charlotte and Peter go. You can't worry about all of them. You are going to make yourself distressed for nothing. Vampires hunt, humans die. There's nothing to be done about it."_

"I know. But her .. I don't want her to run the least risk."

I heard him sigh, then Alice's chiming voice demanding his cell phone.

"Edward?"

"Hello, Alice. Do the coyotes taste good?"

"_They are bad-tempered and fast. We're enjoying ourselves,"_ she said quickly before turning to another subject. _"Oh, Edward, do you not see what you're doing, where all this is going?"_

I was going at this moment to school, but I suspected that wasn't what she meant.

"What are you talking about?"

"_You still don't understand what is coming? Oh, if only you could see what I see…" _

"What? What is going to happen?" I was in an instant panic. What had she seen? Had she envisioned me being overwhelmed by Bella's scent? "Tell me, dammit!"

How I regretted that she was hundreds of miles away, so that I couldn't see her visions!

"_Calm down. Nothing unfortunate will occur. To the contrary…"_

"Could you _please_ be more precise?"

"_You'll understand yourself soon enough."_

"I hate it when you do that, Alice!"

She laughed. _"Everything's falling into place. It's become clearer. I should have realized from the beginning that this was going to happen. It's obvious now. Your behavior was revealing…"_

"I've had it with you!"

I hung up, irritated.

From her teasing tone, I knew that she had seen nothing negative, but being left in the dark disturbed me greatly.

I took a deep breath in an effort to calm myself. I was nearing the school and I had to prepare myself to execute my plan. When Bella left the cafeteria, I called to her.

"Bella?"

It was the first time in more than a month I'd said her name and it made me flinch.

She did the same at the sound of my voice. She stopped and turned in my direction. It was also the first time in more than a month that we were face to face, that I looked at her directly instead of through someone else's mind. I felt such sharp relief that I was shaken.

I steeled myself and approached her. No more hesitating. I had to go straight to the point.

"What's in Seattle?"

"How do you know I'm going to Seattle?" she asked, lifting an eyebrow.

I definitely was making mistake after mistake. I had to get myself out of this mess, and I decided to make a joke about it.

"Gossip spreads quickly, don't you know?"

"I only just mentioned it to Mike, so how could you have known?"

No, joking hadn't worked.

"I – you didn't answer my question."

Her sulky expression was evidence that she was still upset by how I had treated her. I had observed that Bella's features were normally so imbued with gentleness that others didn't notice her brief flashes of anger. But I certainly did, and I was disturbed that I had inspired her scorn.

"You don't even answer me when I say hello, so why would I respond to your questions?"

I felt my face grow sullen. "Hello," I said shortly, as if that could make up for all the times I had ignored her greetings.

She crossed her arms over her chest. Her body language clearly said that she was closing herself off to me. "So, you're no longer pouting? You're talking to me again?"

Was that what I was doing?

"Not really."

"Then why do you care about what's in Seattle?"

I was taken aback, unable to answer that question myself. Could I say, "I care about it because I'm afraid that two vampires are going to drain you?" There would be a good possibility that she'd scamper off like a rabbit.

"I don't know," was my response. It wasn't polite, but there was nothing more true: I didn't know why I was torturing myself for this human who ran only the slightest risk of falling into the hands of Peter and Charlotte.

She shook her head, wary. "You are really hard to keep up with, Edward," she said, sighing. "I'm going to see my new ophthalmologist if you want to know. Happy now?"

What? An ophthalmologist? What was wrong? Was she in pain? Had there in fact been damage from the accident?

"Is there a problem?" I asked, hoping that my worry wasn't too apparent.

"Routine visit. Is there anything else you want to know before you start ignoring me again?"

She was definitely still annoyed by my behavior.

I was again hit by a wave of remorse.

"I'm sorry," I said.

If she only knew how many things I was sorry about! _Sorry for wanting to kill you, sorry for being so remote, sorry for ignoring you, sorry for spying on you, sorry for breaking and entering …_

"I'm being very rude to you, I know. But it's better this way, really."

"Oh, don't worry, I had merely overestimated you. I had thought we had something … special between us during that bio class, but I was mistaken. It's too complicated, too strange to be friends with a handicapped person, yeah?"

I was astonished. Is that how she interpreted my standoffishness?

"You think I ignore you because of your blindness?"

"Wouldn't be the first time."

"You are a million miles from the truth."

"In that case, what's the problem? What did I do to offend you?"

_Oh, Bella, you did nothing. It's not your fault. It's me, only me._

"Why were you so friendly to me only to go off and pretend I don't exist?" she continued.

I lowered my head, ashamed and frustrated. "We can't be friends," I muttered.

"I don't understand."

"It's better that we're not friends."

She seemed to consider my warning, then lashed out: "It's too bad you didn't figure that out earlier. You could have saved yourself all this regret."

"Regret? Regret for what?"

"For not just letting that stupid van squish me!"

I was twice as astonished now. Regret having saved her? It was just the opposite. Saving her life was the one acceptable thing I'd done since I met her.

"You truly think that I regret saving your life?"

"It's clear that you do. I just don't know why –"

I cut her off. "You don't know anything," I said acidly.

She sighed again, then turned and stomped away. She'd had enough of me.

I now knew why she was going to Seattle, but I'd paid a high price for the information: Bella was even more resentful of me. Perhaps it was best that she detested me, all things considered.

Tired of my internal conflict between what I wanted and what I should do, I ditched my next class. I sat in my Volvo and put in a CD. Debussy calmed me a little. I would think about Seattle later.

I was too absorbed by the melody to realize that someone was walking toward my car. It was only when I heard tapping on my window that I looked up.

It was Bella. I stared at her a few seconds, speechless. What did she want with me? And why was her face glowing, smiling, when she had left me in a fit of anger just five minutes ago? _Good God, how wonderful it was to see that smile._

I got hold of myself, turned off the stereo and took care to hold my breath as I lowered the window.

Hearing the sound of the glass rubbing against the felt, she spoke feverishly: "Sorry to bother you, but I heard the music and—" Her lifeless eyes now were shining with an emotion whose origin I didn't understand. "Oh, I've looked for this piece in lots of record shops and I have never found it. This version of 'Clair de Lune' is so rare – where can I get it?"

I was stupefied. Bella Swan loved Debussy … Bella Swan, a 21st century teenager, liked Debussy.

"You know "Clair de Lune,'?" I asked in surprise.

Bella's smile vanished at the sound of my voice. "Edward?"

Ouch. I should have known that her smile wasn't for me. She had followed the music to the car without knowing it was mine. I was the last person she expected to encounter, and I was absurdly vexed by that.

"Who else?" I said harshly.

"Sorry. Forget it."

She turned away and was on the point of stomping off even faster than she had before, but I interrupted her. "I'll make you a copy," I told her.

I belatedly realized that I had stupidly had gotten out of my car at an inhuman speed and that I had grabbed her arm. Fortunately it was covered by a sweater.

Where had all my resolutions gone?

"How did you –" she started. "Oh, and what does it matter to you—"

I chose to ignore that she had noticed my quickness.

"Did you hear me?" I said instead. "I will make you a copy."

I released her arm only when I was certain that she would stay.

"Why would you do that?" she asked.

Good question. I hid behind joking once more.

"It's the rare person who appreciates the old classics. It's important to encourage the preservation of culture." I became more serious. "I didn't know that you have an affection for Debussy."

"There's a lot you don't know about me."

"True, and –"

"And it's better that you continue not to know. That's what non-friends do." She jerked away from me. "I'm going to be late. And you are too."

And she left. Again.

I deserved her scorn. She didn't understand my behavior, which wasn't surprising since I didn't understand it myself.

I didn't understand myself, but the fact was that the next day there was a CD on our biology table. I had learned that before setting down her laptop on the table, Bella ran her hand over the surface. It was part of the routine she did before class. And this morning I arranged it so that her fingers would encounter the CD box when she checked the table.

Bella frowned, surprised. Just one touch sufficed for her to guess what I had done.

"Thanks," she said.

She seemed calmer today. Her anger had passed. I saw the astonishment on her face; she hadn't believed that I would make a copy for her.

"It's nothing," I answered.

She caressed the box with reverence, as if it was a treasure.

"Really… thanks. Thank you very much."

Her voice cracked, and I was perturbed. Why so much emotion? It was only a CD. Was she touched because it came from me? I started to hope so.

"Is Banner here yet?" she asked after a few seconds.

"No, why?"

"Because I can't wait."

She hurriedly opened her laptop and inserted the CD. She fished out an iPod from her backpack and yanked out the headphones so she could attach them to the computer. She put the buds in her ears, then pressed a key in Braille that must have been Play.

My vampire hearing allowed me to hear the music begin. Bella skipped the Prélude and the Menuet of the Suite Bergamasque and went directly to the third movement, "Clair de Lune." She closed her eyes and a beatific smile lighted up her face.

"It's been so long," she murmured. "If you only knew how much I've missed _seeing._"

"I don't follow you."

Bella didn't respond immediately, listening to the notes of the D flat major scale. She smiled at me, and I realized that for the moment she had forgotten her grievances against me. I engraved the memory of her radiant smile in my mind to pore over when I once more had to stay away from her.

Did it really take so little to give her pleasure? My family and I, we took pleasure in cars, houses, islands … Humans, too, coveted material things, if more modest ones. But for Bella, a single piece of music was enough. It would be so simple to make her happy.

"Debussy's work is sensory, above all," she said. "His compositions aim to make the listener experience particular sensations by translating precise impressions into music. He matches colors to notes wonderfully, for example. I can really see the moon in this piece. It's been so long since I've been able to see that I've forgotten what some things look like. Debussy helps me to remember."

I remained silent, struck by her words.

It was so strange to find an echo of myself there, for Debussy helped me remember too. His work evoked human emotions that I had no memory of since I became a creature of the night, cold and stone. To listen to Debussy was to hear long-forgotten sentiments, to be reminded of feelings that I would never have again. It was like having an auditory glimpse of emotions in their raw state, at their purest, their most human. Emotions that had been locked away from me for nearly a century … until now.

I froze.

I was pulled under.

"Clair de Lune" played on, sad and sweet, and I drowned in it. I couldn't name the sensations that swept over me, but they engulfed me. I lost myself in a maelstrom in which the notes of the piano were my only points of reference. I could do nothing except let myself be carried away by the piece as it intensified and reached its height. At this moment, for the first time, I fully understood it. I was living it.

At the last notes, I was pulled back into reality. I emerged overwhelmed, but serene.

How could I not have understood sooner what was happening to me?

Alice's words came back to me: _"Edward, do you not see what you're doing, where all this is going?"_

What I was feeling was what I had always believed was impossible for me to feel.

It was still night when I came to the surface. Still night for me, but now it was illuminated by the gentle light of the moon. And my moon was sitting next to me, still cradled by the notes of the piano.

I was desperately in love with Isabella Marie Swan.

_T/N: Thanks for reading and supporting Anglo-French understanding! (ie, forcing me to look words up in my French dictionary :) )_


	5. Approach

**Chapter 5: Approach**

_Disclaimer: "Twilight" belongs to Stephenie Meyer; "Les Yeux de la Lune" belongs to Elysabeth._

_eiluned price owns the typos, comme d'hab. Let me know._

Chapter 5: Approach

The rest of biology class went by in a haze. I was deep in my own thoughts, musing on what I had just discovered.

In love with Bella Swan. Completely. Totally. Irrevocably.

In love. What an astonishing phrase. What a mind-blowing concept. A concept that, until this second, was thoroughly foreign to me.

I couldn't do anything about it. I didn't want to do anything about it. Never had I ever felt as good … and as frightened … as at this moment. At last I could give a name to what had happened to me. I could finally understand my protective attitude, and I was relieved to be able to explain the reason for my obsession.

I felt good because this emotion was both gentle and powerful, destructive and supportive, ardent, overpowering, pure and absolute. I had believed that I loved my family beyond measure, but it was nothing compared to what I was experiencing right now.

And frightened because I was more afraid of the monster in me than ever before. I had to be even more prudent, to be constantly on my guard. If I harmed Bella, it would be only by accident. A horrifying accident. And I knew what this accident would lead to – I would do much more than curse and reproach myself. I would never recover. I would wish only to die myself.

Astonishingly, I did not question myself about the _why_. Why was I in love? Why did I love someone who wasn't even the same species as me? Even more, why did I love a blind girl? Why was the lion so captivated by the lamb? A part of me said that I had to ask these questions, to investigate the basis for this love.

But I ignored that part of me. This emotion invaded me, upsetting all my existence, changing forever how I saw the universe. All that was important to me, essential to me, led to one person, and asking why was pointless. It would be like asking why the earth revolved around the sun or contesting the law of gravity. It was impossible to change. All I could do was accept it.

It went without saying that Isabella Swan was the most lovable person in the world, the most deserving of being sheltered and protected. What she didn't deserve was being loved by a killer. What I felt and would always feel was pure and good, but the bad part of me was still there. That I loved didn't make me any less a monster.

What was I going to do? I would love her. But she wouldn't know it. Truth was a slippery slope: she would end up discovering what I was and I would lose her. I didn't want her to fear me, to flee me, to loathe me. I preferred her indifference to her hate. I would stay near her, around her, without her knowing. I would love her in silence, in secret. It was all I could do. If I would truly loved her, I would do everything to hide the truth. She would never, never know.

I would love her and watch over her from afar, watch her mature, to live her own life, a human live. She would have the best life possible. She would be happy - I would make sure of it. She would find a partner in life, and it would not be me. She would have children, perhaps. She would have the life I never did.

I was committing myself to an unrequited love, but the thought of it was so sweet that I was at peace with it. Yes, I could be content with loving her without expecting anything in return. As long as I could follow her, guard her, I would be happy. Happy for her. Her happiness would be mine. She would have a long life of perfect health; I would ask Carlisle what he could do for her. She would experience everything she wanted to; I would make her dreams come true. She would have a full life and die happy.

And when she was gone, I would do what I had to do to join her. For creatures like me loved only once. She was my only impetus for living now, the only person who could give meaning to my non-existence, and I would have no reason to stay on this earth when she was no longer here. She would take my heart into the beyond.

My fate was fixed.

I turned toward the object of all my thoughts and gazed at Bella. How could I have deemed her ordinary-looking that first day? She was anything but. For the first time, I perceived her warmth and soft skin as something other than as a thirsty monster. I loved her gentle heartbeat. It was soothing, no longer enticing, regular, serene, calm. There was no more pleasing sound: proof that she lived, that she was here at my side. Her expression was distracted, dreamy – she was reminiscing about the piano music she had been forced to silence when Banner showed up. She was still thinking about the sweet melody, lost in her memory. How I wished she was thinking of me.

At the end of class, Bella turned in my direction. She hadn't paid any more attention than I had to Banner in the hour that just passed. She was smiling, but still wary.

"Thanks again, Edward."

Hearing her mouth say my name made me shiver.

"It did me good to hear Debussy again," she continued. "He was the one who saved me and –" She clapped a hand over her mouth and grumbled to herself, "I'm saying too much."

What did she mean? Once again, the silence of her mind was unendurable.

She bit her lip, bid me a vague farewell and left at her usual careful pace.

Bella expected nothing more from me. She was enormously touched by my gesture, but felt I could hurt her again without warning. She didn't know how I had been changed in the last hour. She didn't know that she was now my sole reason for existing. She didn't know that never again would I do anything that could make her sad.

I left biology in a trance. As usual, I accompanied her in secret to her house. The walk seemed too short. I didn't want her to go inside, to close the door and block my view of her face. I hated that door which separated me from her – it was a symbol of my relationship to Bella, a door that I could never go through. A door that she would never want to open to me. A door that I could never permit myself to push.

I returned to school to retrieve my Volvo. Rosalie and Emmett were waiting for me inside, one exasperated and the other irritated. My secret routine with Bella intrigued them, and when they saw me slide in behind the wheel, looking haggard, they sat up in their seats.

Emmett furrowed his brow_. "What's going on? It looks as if he's seen a werewolf…"_

Rosalie feared the worse. _"Has he –?"_

"I haven't done anything," I interrupted her immediately.

I took off with screeching tires. Their silent hypotheses and questions assailed me all the way home. I knew I should explain what had happened to me, but that could wait until Alice and Jasper returned. Alice already knew, but she wouldn't say anything without my speaking first. The news was going to put us in a delicate situation, and we would have to have another family meeting soon.

But not now. I didn't know how to announce my news. I was being assaulted by all sorts of emotions that were so … human. So bittersweet. I couldn't understand it all. It was too new.

We arrived home and Esme noticed immediately that something had happened to me. She observed my half-tormented, half-dreaming expression, but didn't ask any questions. At least, not aloud. My family was being understanding and patient with me, and I was grateful.

I spent the evening and part of the night on the Internet finding out as much as possible about Braille. Understanding that writing would allow me, I thought, to be closer in a way to Bella. I learned the basics rather quickly – I had a photographic memory, and it was very useful for memorizing the dozens of ideograms. After some hours of study, I wanted to put my knowledge into practice, but I didn't have any Braille books at hand, and I doubted that the Forks library would have any either. I could go to the city, but all the libraries and bookstores would be closed at this hour.

There was a single place in Forks where I could find what I was looking for: Bella's room. I hesitated for a few seconds, but finally impatience overruled my scruples. I wanted to test my new knowledge, and so I would.

I left the house running and crossed the forest. I had been disgusted with myself earlier for breaking into the Swan house, but now that I knew that my love for Bella was the cause, the act no longer seemed as objectionable. I acted out of affection, not an unhealthy obsession. Furthermore, tonight the goal of my visit was strictly educational. I could even sneak out the books, take them home and return them before dawn. I didn't need to even stay in this house.

But once I had climbed up to the window of her room, any notion of leaving disappeared. To see her stretched out on her bed was like a balm for my heart. I realized that I had missed her face. I knew then that a long separation – a trip to visit her mother, for example – would be a torture for me.

I looked at the window and shook my head. Had I not told myself that I would never step through her door? I had avoided the door, but here I was at her window. I laughed silently at myself at my contradictory behavior, then focused on the interior of her room. I wanted to go in just to see her.

Only see her.

I held my breath, aware that in this room were only the lion and lamb. No family to hold me back, no witnesses to my actions. I would be entirely alone with her. I had to be extremely careful.

I raised the window inch by inch, as quietly as possible. I slipped into her room without a sound, more frightened than ever of the monster in me. Was it going to take advantage of being so close to its victim? Was it going to find it irresistible to see her so defenseless, so easy to overpower?

Just hearing her slow, regular breathing calmed my nerves. No. I would not hurt her tonight. I loved that peaceful sound too much to ever disturb it.

I gazed at her dark hair spread out on her pillow, her slender arms, her half-open lips …

Could I really content myself with loving her in secret?

I burned with the need to touch her …

No. I couldn't. Her arms were frail, so fragile, and her body so delicate. One false move and I could break her so easily … No, I couldn't touch her. I had done it to save her from the van and to keep her from pulling away, but that was a matter of reflexes. I had held her only to protect her. But now, this desire to touch her came from the man in me, the man who wanted to embrace her. But what would be for me a tender hug would be for her an iron vise that would crush her bones.

In any case, I would never permit myself to do anything without her consent, even to take her hand or stroke her hair, and I would never get such consent because I would never put her in a position in which she would be confronted with the choice.

Once more, I was being hypocritical. I wouldn't allow myself to touch her without her agreement, but I was spying on her. I was a walking contradiction.

I gave up analyzing myself: love made a person irrational.

Bella was sleeping with her iPod on – she had already transferred the music from the CD I had given her. I would have liked to have known what she was dreaming of, for she had a half-smile on her lips. Perhaps she saw the moon in her dream, the moon that Debussy's notes described for her.

How long did I stand at the foot of her bed watching her sleep? I don't know. Time became relative with Bella Swan. Sleep was something foreign to me. Such a state of lethargy and abandon captivated me, and it was even more fascinating to observe it in the person for whom my heart would have beaten if it could.

With a considerable effort, I managed to tear my gaze away from her sleeping figure and glanced at her bookshelves. By touching them, I was able to read several titles, most of them classic novels. I scanned the CD cases and was surprised to find almost nothing modern. Her musical tastes were eclectic, with artists from all over the world. I'd learned from my observations of her that Bella was interested in foreign cultures. A country's folk music was perhaps her way of "seeing" the people who lived there.

I examined again the notes written on her computer and printed in Braille. I could read only the titles: "Test Compositions." I had guessed correctly on my first visit: they were musical compositions. I couldn't read the notes and the staffs. I still needed to learn musical Braille. The Internet wouldn't help – I had to find an institution that specialized in Braille. Or I could ask Bella to teach me?

Hmm, a bad idea. How would she interpret my intention of learning Braille? Could I convince her that it was merely personal enrichment? No, she would suspect something. And I had to stay away from her. I could ask her nothing.

I would find a way to teach myself, and I would come back here later to decipher these compositions. But – what was I saying? Come back later? Could I allow myself to behave so badly again?

I felt uneasy and excited at the same time. Yes, I would come back. The monster hadn't made an appearance while I was here, so there probably was no danger. This nocturnal visit would not be the last. Such visits would surely be the only times I could observe Bella to my heart's content without drawing notice.

Was I condemned to being only a phantom at the periphery of Bella's existence? Could I aspire to something more … concrete?

Perhaps I could make a compromise with fate. Perhaps I could permit myself to be a little closer to her while maintaining a certain distance.

We could at most be friends. It was better than nothing. Would she want that? Would she want a vampire friend? No.

But if the monster was sleeping for good, would she want Edward? Just Edward? I was tempted to say yes. After all, would she have been so angry if my rejection had left her unmoved? _"I believed that there was something special between us in that biology class."_ She also had been drawn to me, and for once it couldn't be the result of the physical attributes that lured humans to us. She had been drawn to me, only me.

Suddenly, I had a dangerous idea. Dangerous, but I had to try it.

I withdrew into the corner next to the open window. I was ready to flee in case this dangerous idea overwhelmed me. Then, without further ado, I breathed in through my nose.

Her fragrance assaulted me. My throat was on fire and venom filled my mouth. I closed my eyes to concentrate on this scent, to control it, to push it away. I had to get used to this pain, I had to suffer, if I wanted to have any contact with her. I had to tame the temptation.

I watched my beloved stretched out, arms and legs tangled in the covers. Gazing at her helped me repress the pain, but I didn't take another breath. I had tested myself enough.

But I had passed that test, and I knew I could try to win Bella Swan's friendship. Being friends would simplify a lot of things. I wouldn't have to follow her in secret to protect her in Seattle. Yes ... why not? Why not use this trip to Seattle to get closer to her?

The sun was starting to rise behind the clouds and I cursed it for ending my visit. I left Bella unwillingly and returned to the forest. I went home to change clothes and I noticed that my brother and sister hadn't waited for me: the Jeep was no longer in the garage. Carlisle was still at the hospital on his night shift. There was only Esme to see me dash into the house. She wondered where I had spent the night, but again did not question me. To thank her for her understanding and especially to thank her for being who she was, I kissed her on the temple before leaving for school. That pleased her and reassured her too.

I jumped into the Volvo and sped to school. Once I'd parked it, I ran to survey Bella's path. A child had left his tricycle on the sidewalk in front of his house. I put it on the lawn. I saw nothing else on her route that could trip her up so I went to wait at her door. And to imagine that it was hardly two hours ago that I was inside her house ….

Usually, the thoughts inside that house were calm. I had difficulty reading her father's mind, but I could at least clearly sense his emotions. And the same emotion emanated from him every morning: uneasiness about letting Bella leave by herself. But this morning there was another emotion: sadness. I was astonished by it and wanted to know more. I concentrated on that mind that I could not penetrate without effort. Bella was a solid wall. Charlie's mind was like a thick fog in which I could sense thoughts but not see them.

I finally grasped, after a great deal of concentration, the origin of this sadness. Charlie was distressed that Bella was confined to the four walls of the house. She was a solitary girl, but he didn't want her to be isolated because of her handicap. Bella spent the majority of her time in the house, and he wanted her to go out a little, to do what the young people of her age did. This morning, he wanted to discuss his worries with her.

I couldn't see Bella through her father's eyes, I couldn't put myself in his place, but I knew that she was about to leave for school and that Charlie was intercepting her before she stepped through the door. I couldn't see their interaction, but I could hear it.

"Bella …"

"Yes?"

Silence. Her father was hesitating.

"You … Is everything all right at school?"

"Of course, why?"

"You've … you've made some friends?"

Another silence. Bella doubtless guessed what Charlie was worried about, because her response was vague, but positive.

"Some."

"You know, if you want to go out with them, to have a little fun, I don't see any problem."

"I don't need to go out, Dad."

"Still, it'd be good for you to get out of the house for a while."

Still more silence. Was Bella realizing that her father wasn't wrong?

"Angela's going to Port Angeles to look for a dress for the dance. I'll go with her."

Due to my surveillance, I had overheard a conversation in which Angela offered to take Bella shopping, but she had politely declined. I realized that to ease her father's worries, Bella was changing her mind. She would go for her father's benefit.

"Well…" Her father approved of this expedition, but something else was troubling him now. "And this dance, do you want to go?"

"I was asked."

"You were?"

I sense her father's happiness. He was relieved that his daughter attracted boys despite her handicap. If he knew that Mike had asked her only as a second choice, he would be less pleased. And if he knew that his daughter had truly attracted a vampire, he would be wild with rage.

"Yes, but I said no."

"Why?" her father said, unable to hide his disappointment.

"Because the dance takes place the same day as my appointment with Dr. Emingford. And in any case, you know that I can't stand that kind of place."

"Oh."

Another flash of sadness. Charlie was unhappy that Bella wouldn't go because she didn't feel comfortable enough to deal with the noise of a dance hall.

I heard the unmistakable sound of a kiss, and thinking of Bella's lips curved in a kiss rocked me.

"I'm off. Have a good day."

"You too, dear."

Bella left, carrying her new cane, and headed for school. She did nothing different, followed her usual routine; there were no changes in her manner, her movements, yet I looked at her in a whole new way that morning. I was transported, lost between happiness and bitterness, excitement and dread.

I followed her once more without her knowledge, thinking about what I had just heard.

Would she always be alone, isolated in her house, by her own choice or not? Did she find it too complicated to leave, to participate in outside activities? Was she solitary by nature or because she had no other option?

If she wanted to go out, she could rarely do it alone, at least without already knowing the place she was going. Without guidance, she couldn't try anything new. Did she value independence so much that it prevented her from asking for help? Or did she fear being a burden?

If we became friends, I could be her guide, and I would make it so that she could go wherever she wanted. Seattle would be only the first of the places that Bella could explore. I would take her to Singapore if she wanted. It would be child's play for me, considering my family's means and contacts. Bella was interested in foreign cultures? She would no longer have to rely just on music to know them. I could allow her to discover for herself any country on the planet - as long as the sun wasn't shining.

Ah, I shouldn't get carried away. I hadn't made friends with her, so I shouldn't think yet about becoming her official guide. In fact, I shouldn't even be harboring the hope of forming some degree of friendship with her. It was arrogant of me.

I was arrogant. But persevering. I wanted to try to be her friend and I would take my chances.

Once at school, I was considering ways to approach her when Bella suddenly provided me with a perfect excuse to do so. A seam of her backpack was on the verge of ripping open and her laptop would fall onto the pavement at any second.

I silently moved close to her and waited for the sound of threads tearing so that I could intervene. Bella felt the movement in her backpack and when she realized that her laptop was going to be damaged, she cried out, "Oh, no!" She tried to stop its fall, but it was useless: I had already grabbed it before it could touch the ground.

"Here it is."

At the sound of my voice, she raised two thin eyebrows in inquiry. "Do you always appear out of nowhere?"

It was a rhetorical question. She took back her laptop with a sincere thank you. She then continued on her way. When she heard my footsteps match hers, she stopped, suspicious.

"Are you following me?" she asked.

If she only knew! I had followed her ceaselessly for weeks. The situation made me laugh despite myself.

"You could say that."

She heard my lighthearted tone and seemed confused by it. And no wonder: for more than a month I had ignored her and for the last two days I seemed to seize on any excuse to talk to her.

"I thought you were supposed to act as if I didn't exist."

I resumed a serious expression.

"I tried."

"And apparently you failed."

"I have failed enough to offer to drive you to Seattle."

The direct route was the quickest.

Bella blinked, incredulous.

"You're joking."

"I am quite serious."

Extremely serious.

Increasingly taken aback, she was silent for a few moments, her lifeless gaze directed up at my face as if she could clear up a mystery.

"What a U-turn …" she murmured. She looked skeptical. "I thought we shouldn't be friends."

"I said we shouldn't be friends, not that I didn't want to be."

She sighed in irritation. "Edward, I'm already in the dark, so could you clear things up for me?"

True, I should be clearer. I should at least warn her that in one way, a lethal way, I was a danger to her. She should stay on her guard with me. I owed her that. I should give her an out in case she ever understood the risk I was to her.

"It would be more … prudent for you not to be my friend."

I couldn't be more precise, seeing all the heads turned in our direction and all the thoughts about us. Our conversation was being listened to: Edward Cullen willingly talking to a student who wasn't a member of his family, that was something new.

Bella couldn't have cared less about the people around us. And I was certain that it wasn't because of her blindness that she wasn't noticing their behavior. It simply didn't matter to her.

She tilted her head to the side, and a little mocking smile appeared on her lips.

"What, are you in the mafia?"

If it were only that easy!

"No."

"Part of a terrorist group?"

"Not that either."

Bella shrugged. "Well, frankly, I don't see the problem then."

The problem was that she saw things only in a human context. She wasn't aware of the supernatural in this world.

Suddenly, she shot me a sharp look. Dead, but sharp.

"Fine, it doesn't matter what you are, I'm taking you at your word, Edward Cullen. That weekend, my father would miss a fishing expedition he had been planning for a long time if he had to drive me to my appointment, so it's very convenient that you're offering to be my chauffeur."

She was clearly challenging me, trying to call my bluff. What she didn't know was that I was absolutely sincere in making such an offer. The real challenge was that we were going to be in the same car for hours and her intoxicating scent could tempt the monster. But I had two weeks to prepare myself. Two weeks to test myself, to strengthen my defenses. Two weeks in which I would no longer ignore Bella Swan.

"Perfect," I said with determination.

The bell announced the start of class, and I turned away from the subject of all my thoughts.

"You really should stay away from me," I murmured as one last warning.

She gave me an easy smile before heading toward her own class. "You don't scare me, Edward."

That was because she didn't know the truth.

At lunch, I was the first to arrive in the cafeteria, and I took a table close to the window, a little aside from all the others. The other students sent me curious looks. I read the thoughts of my brother and sister as they sat down at our usual table.

"_What are you doing?"_ Rosalie grumbled.

"_You've been losing your marbles for a while, little brother."_

I ignored them and waited for Bella to walk in. Angela was already seated, and like all the other students, she glanced at me furtively. _"Strange ... why isn't he with his family today?"_

I had captured her attention, and that was what I wanted. I intercepted one of her glances and sent her a friendly smile. It startled her and I made sure that she couldn't tear her eyes from mine. I could be hypnotic when I chose. When I was sure that Angela wouldn't turn away from me, I pointed my chin toward Bella, who was approaching with her tray, and pointed to the seat opposite me. Angela considered her neighbor, then me, and understood.

I liberated her from my hypnotic stare and she exhaled: she hadn't breathed during our mute exchange. She swallowed painfully. Holding the gaze of a vampire was an ordeal.

"Um, Bella?" she said when she had regained her composure.

"Hmm?"

"I think Edward wants you to go see him."

Bella, who was just about to sit down, froze.

"What makes you think that?"

"He's signaling me to direct you to him."

She frowned, and although I couldn't read her thoughts, I was certain that she was reckoning that I wanted to speak to her to withdraw my offer from this morning.

"Oh? Well, I'll go see."

With her tray in hand, Bella headed toward the Cullen table.

"Wait." Angela stopped her. "He isn't with the others. He's in back near the window. All alone."

Bella appeared intrigued with my change in routine, but still walked in my direction. When she reached my table, I smiled at her. I knew she would sense it.

"Why don't you sit with me today?"

"I'd eat with you?" she said, disbelieving.

"You should get to know your official chauffeur a little better."

I wanted to subtly assure her that I would keep my promise.

"You're really going to take me to Seattle?"

I was right – she hadn't taken me seriously.

"I gave you my word," I said solemnly.

She set down her tray and pulled out the chair opposite me. I immediately put on mute the mental cacophony that our encounter was provoking.

"Why this sudden change?" she asked, still disconcerted by my attitude.

_It's because I'm desperately in love with you._

"I want to make it up to you."

Her expression became fierce, and she moved to edge of her seat, hands gripping her tray, ready to take flight. "If you're doing this because you feel guilty about the poor handicapped girl, I'm leaving."

That's how she saw my altered behavior? She thought I pitied her?

"No, please, Bella," I said as she stood up. "Don't go." My voice was almost pleading. "Your handicap has nothing to do with it. We can be friends. I want to be. But if you were smart, you'd avoid me."

I had to make her understand that the problem wasn't her, but me, only me.

Bella seemed to relax then, but she was still intrigued. She settled down with her tray and I knew she was giving me the benefit of the doubt.

"So, as long as I'm being not smart, we'll try to be friends?"

Friends … that what I had hoped for. The word wasn't enough for me, but knowing that she wanted that, to go beyond being just classmates, make me euphoric.

"We can try, I suppose. But I'm warning you now that I'm not a good friend for you."

My warning didn't seem to disturb her at all.

"You're repeating yourself." She bit into her sandwich and reflected a moment. "Well, I guess I'm a real idiot since I want to try. To try to be … friends again."

She had one of those mischievous smiles that shook me so much. "A normal person would be really pissed at you after your spectacular rebuff of me. But the Debussy helped make up for that."

She couldn't have been more right: a normal person would have realized long ago that I wasn't someone to spend time with. But her blindness hid that from her, and that was why I should keep reminding her that she should be wary of me. I would have had a guilty conscience if I didn't make the effort to put her on her guard; it would be taking advantage of her handicap.

"So, you're no longer angry with me because of the CD," I said conversationally.

"Let's say that I think it's worth trying to be friends with someone whose has the same eccentric tastes as mine."

She once more tilted her head to the side, her eyes dreamy. Would one day I no longer be frustrated about not being able to read her?

"What are you thinking?" It was the question I had longed to ask since the first time I laid eyes on her.

"I'm putting together the puzzle."

That didn't tell me anything. "Meaning?"

"I'm trying to figure out what you are."

That was very bad.

I held the smile on my face, locking my features, while panic twisted through my body. Of course she was wondering that. She wasn't stupid. I couldn't hope that she would be oblivious to something so obvious even to a blind person.

"Are you having any luck with that?" I asked as lightly as I could manage, but I was in agony. What had she imagined?

"I'd rather you decide to tell me yourself."

"You'll wait a long time," I said curtly.

That didn't seem to bother her.

"I am very patient, don't worry." She took another bite of her sandwich. "Could you do me a favor?"

"That depends," I said warily.

"It's nothing much." She bowed her head, embarrassed. "The next time you decide to ignore me for my own good, could you warn me beforehand? Just so I'm prepared."

It was a confession. A confession that my rejection had affected her. Truly affected. I couldn't help rejoicing in that, because it meant that I mattered to her in some way. Even if I didn't deserve it, I was happy that Bella felt a hundredth – no, a thousandth – of what I felt for her.

"That sounds fair," I said, smiling again. "Then can I have a favor in return?"

"Okay."

"Tell me one theory."

She shook her head obstinately. "I said that I would wait for you to tell me."

"And I said that you would wait indefinitely."

I had discovered another way we were similar. We were both stubborn.

"We could compromise," I suggested. "I'll say if you're hot or cold."

She snorted and leaned across the table. "Mr. Cullen, I doubt that you want to hear my theories while we're in a room filled with students greedy for any bit of gossip."

So whatever she guessed about me, she knew that it shouldn't be public. But she was smiling, so none of her theories could be terrifying. Should I be assured by that, that her suppositions were far from the truth? That should have been my reaction: relief. Instead, I was disappointed. Disappointed that she didn't know me, that she was drawing a portrait of me that was a million miles from the truth. She didn't know me and never would. Wasn't that what I wanted? Wasn't that what I had vowed to myself?

But how could we be real friends if I wasn't honest? I was certain that Bella was honest: being her friend required being transparent, true, authentic. Otherwise she'd walk away. She wouldn't bother spending time with fakes. Hadn't she quietly distanced herself from Jessica? Hadn't she realized how much of a hypocrite she was? Yes, she had understood Jessica's true nature. And that was why Angela alone had earned her esteem, because Angela was completely without pettiness.

What about me? When and how would Bella realize that I had never been entirely honest with her? When she did, would she reject me? Without the shadow of a doubt, yes.

Not wanting to dwell on Bella's probable future rejection of me, I adopted her lighthearted tone.

"Very well. I can wait until next time."

She looked at me in mock surprise. "Who says there'll be a next time? Tomorrow won't bring another of your spectacular changes of heart?"

Her joking tone amused me, even if it masked real reproaches and apprehension.

"Didn't I promise to warn you?"

"Okay." She feigned nonchalance. "If you do, try to do it after the Seattle weekend. It would be a pain to have to find a taxi at the last minute."

I too then leaned across the table, and spoke in a low voice. "You know what, Miss Swan? I don't have the strength to stay away from you anymore."

Silence. A complicit silence.

As we had during that day in biology, we exchanged the same smile.

That's how we left things. Time had passed too quickly, and we had to go back to class. We left each other without ceremony, but we both knew that we would see each other soon: tomorrow at noon, we would take up our conversation again.

To be certain that she fully understood that I wouldn't push her away again, I met her at the door of her history class the next morning.

"Would you like to eat outside?"

It was raining today, but hadn't she said that she liked the rain?

She shrugged, pretending indifference, but I knew that she was hiding her surprise and her … pleasure? that I had come to get her.

"If you want."

I led her outside, to the edge of the forest, under a pine tree whose dense branches blocked the rain.

My suggestion wasn't innocent. I wanted to be alone with her. I didn't want witnesses to our conversation because I intended to bring up the subject of her theories about me. Besides, I wanted to put the monster to the test. In school, it needed to control itself, aware of the danger of appearing in public. It had even controlled itself in the bedroom of its would-be victim. I wanted to see if it would rouse itself in the forest.

In preparation for this, I hadn't visited her bedroom last night. Instead, I had gone hunting even though I wasn't thirsty. I had warned my family of my plans, but since Alice hadn't called, they weren't worried. The night before that, we hadn't heard from her, but my decision to go into her room had been impulsive, and Alice could predict only things that were decided after some reflection. Today, though, my decision was reasoned and calculated. Alice had plenty of time to see something untoward. My cell phone was silent, a good sign.

Emmett and Rosalie were nonetheless on the alert, ready to listen in on what was happening in the forest. They had considered me strange before, but now they thought I was a complete idiot. In contrast, Carlisle thought it courageous of me to confront my temptation and overpower it. He, too, in the past, had struggled with his nature, and had to overpower it so he could do the work he loved to do. He could only agree to my plan, and Emmett and Rosalie trusted his opinion. Carlisle's confidence in me warmed my heart, and I would endeavor to show myself worthy of it.

While Bella sat down and leaned against the trunk of the pine, I took a quick inhalation through my nose.

Holy hell!

Her aroma in the humid forest was even more irresistible than inside.

As I battled the monster, I grabbed onto a tree branch for support, too tightly. It cracked and disintegrated into pieces.

"What's that?"

I hated it, but I had to lie to her. "I stepped on a twig."

Breaking a twig was human, easy, believable. Breaking a thick tree branch, no.

I hoped my voice didn't betray the torment I was enduring. Apparently, I was a good actor, for Bella casually took her lunch out of her knapsack. I focused on her innocent face to find the strength to resist temptation.

It was easier than I expected. The fight didn't last long. A few seconds were enough for me to regain my control. Loving Bella Swan no doubt had something to do with that. My feelings were stronger than the monster. For the moment.

I wouldn't breathe again this hour.

I sat down on a tree stump rather far from her. I would keep a prudent distance.

Bella nibbled at her lunch in silence. Was she asking herself what she was doing out her with what she had probably decided was the strangest student in the entire school?

"So?" I asked, drawing her out of her reverie.

"So, what?"

"Your theories."

I went straight to the point. Beating around the bush wasn't my modus operandi, nor hers.

"You're persistent."

"I'm curious."

"No, you're … anxious."

She was right, but I was too proud to admit it. "Why would I be anxious?"

"Because you're afraid to see how close I am to the truth."

My mood darkened. Nothing escaped her, or nearly so.

"So?" I asked again. I was trying to be patient, but she was taking too much time for my taste.

"Well … bitten by a radioactive spider?"

Disappointment. Was that all she could come up with? Comic books? Her theories went behind normal humanity, but seized on caricatures invented by normal humans.

"Rather a cliché, isn't that?"

"It's crazy, I'll give you that."

She seemed to reflect a bit more. "Exposed to radiation?"

"Colder."

"Umm. Susceptible to kryptonite?"

"Colder." I would have thought her more perspicacious. "I can give you a hint: I'm not a superhero."

She shook with laughter and I realized that she was teasing me. She hadn't really thought that I was a comic-book character. How could she joke about this while I was being consumed by anxiety?

"Wait, wait, I was sharing my sillier theories. I'm getting to the more serious ones."

Her face lost all trace of mockery. She looked at me gravely.

"You're dangerous, Edward."

Shock.

I was mistaken: she was closer to the truth that I had thought. But … if she knew I was dangerous, why didn't I feel her fear, her wariness? Why didn't I detect the warning signs of an imminent flight, even a faster heartbeat?

"Dangerous, but not bad," she clarified.

She smiled at me as if she had sensed my sudden tension and wanted to lighten the atmosphere.

"You're wrong," I contradicted her.

Obviously I was bad. For me, dangerous and bad were identical.

Bella slowly shook her head.

"You're trying to tell me different, but I know I'm right. Somebody who saves someone from death can't be bad. All the more so if that somebody loves Debussy!"

I was grateful to Debussy for opening my eyes to my feelings, but I was resentful that he had clouded Bella Swan's judgment. "The worst psychopaths are big fans of the classics, don't you know?"

"You see yourself as a psychopath?"

"What if I were?"

I waited for her answer, torn in two, wishing that she finally understood and fled, knowing that I would die if she did. God, I was being so melodramatic … so human.

"Insane people always think they're sane. That's not true for you. If you're convinced that you're a psychopath, it means that you aren't. I therefore concluded that if you're dangerous, you don't mean to be. You can't help it, which leads to my second serious theory: you hate what you are."

I tensed at this theory that wasn't really a theory. She wasn't speculating – she believed what she was saying.

She couldn't say what I was, but she was intuitive and observant enough to sense how it affected me.

I realized that I had underestimated her. All this time that I had ignored her, she had made guesses, reflected on my behavior, put together the pieces of the puzzle that I had revealed to her without meaning to, drawn conclusions. Her instincts had not led her astray.

"I'll take your silence for a yes," she said after a moment.

She bit into her sandwich. It was as if our conversation were as anodyne and banal as if we were discussing sports or the weather.

"So, you're dangerous and you hate that part of yourself," she continued. "You hate it so much that you are convinced that I would too if I knew you better, which explains your incredible U-turn after the accident: you preferred to run away from me than to see me run away from you."

I thought back to my behavior since the accident, since the instant she tried to discover more about me during biology class. I had fled because I was endangering her, and because at the time I feared the gossip she might spread about me. Now I realized the primary reason I distanced myself from her wasn't fear of the uncontrollable monster or the possible rumors.

The real reason was that I was afraid of her. Afraid that she would realize that I was deeply evil creature, an aberration of nature, and that she would reject me. Even before I knew I loved her, I feared her rejection. And Bella had understood that more readily than I had. She couldn't suspect that I loved her, but she was perfectly capable of discerning my impulse for self-preservation. It was disconcerting to be analyzed so well by someone who was so different from me.

I tried once more to read her expression, to decipher the smallest trace of fear, but I found nothing. Bella knew that I was dangerous, but she was still here, near me, unafraid.

She again interpreted my silence as a yes.

"So, apparently, I've hit the mark this time too," she said with satisfaction.

I couldn't no longer limit myself to studying her for signs of the fear I expected so much, the logical fear that anybody else would feel in her place. But I had to be absolutely sure, to hear it out loud.

"Aren't you afraid?"

She seemed astonished by the question, as if I was the illogical one in this situation.

"If you hate that part of yourself, I can only be grateful for that."

I was dazed.

"You have extraordinary strength, strength that could be dangerous if used unwisely, but you used to save me, Edward. You used that dangerous part of you to do something good. How could I hate a part of you when it's the reason that I'm alive?"

A thousand and one conflicting sensations hit me at once. I was relieved that she interpreted the accident in this way, that she wasn't really trying to find out what I was. Understanding my non-normality was secondary – instead she wanted to understand my motive for keeping her away, which meant that Edward the person mattered more to her than the wild beast that anyone else would have seen in me. For that I could only love her more.

She knew I was unusual, strange, but she trusted me. I didn't deserve this trust. A blind trust, one could say. This faith in me touched me and tormented me simultaneously.

I was infinitely grateful to her for not fearing me, and I had an insane hope that if she ever came to know the truth about me, she wouldn't run. Perhaps she would be afraid, but she wouldn't run.

At the same time, she was very naïve to be thankful for the dangerous part of me. That part of me had nearly signed her death warrant that first day. I had to find a way to make her understand just what a risk she ran in being around me, but I was too selfish. Too much in love.

I didn't answer her declaration, and perhaps Bella guessed that it had shaken me, because she didn't seek to make me continue this conversation. If she wondered about the origin of my dangerous strength, she didn't insist on finding out. She would wait. The ball was in my court. Except that I had no intention of hitting it back. At least not today.

I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't help feeling liberated. An enormous weight had been taken off my shoulders: Bella had seen the tip of the iceberg of what I was, and although it was only a tiny part of a terrible truth, she wasn't terrified. I allowed myself to be happy for the moment. It was wrong to exult in the confidence she had in me, a confidence that was only the result of her lack of prudence. Any other human discovering this tip of the iceberg would have either taken off running or shouted out that I was dangerous. Perhaps both.

I shook my head, pushing back my guilt. She trusted me? Then I had to endeavor not to betray that trust. To deserve it.

There was a comfortable silence between us. I watched her finish her lunch, more smitten than ever. The only sound was the patter of the rain; it was almost melodious. Based on her peaceful smile and dreamy expression, I would say Bella liked it too,

The alarm of her talking watch told her that the lunch hour was over. I damned this watch for tolling the end of our time together, while Bella stood up.

"Will we have lunch together tomorrow?" she asked.

I noted the apprehension and doubt on her face. Her head was bowed and she twisted the strap of her knapsack nervously. I realized she was still worried that I would reject her. She probably thought that our strange conversation had disturbed me and that I wanted to take a step back. Such was the irony of life: we both feared being pushed away by the other.

"Same time, same tree," I said before leaving her. I turned away from her, but I sense that she was smiling at my back.

In the days that followed, we spoke no more of theories. By silent agreement, we avoided the difficult subject of my identity. Our conversations were carefree and varied, but most often about our common passion: music.

I astonished myself by taking so much enjoyment in our talks. Speaking with humans had always been tedious for me because, first, I knew everything that they were going to say: there was no surprise, no novelty, no discoveries. And it was tiresome to have to be so careful about what I said to humans. Always monitoring my words to avoid saying something suspicious. I constantly had to lie. As it was, not many people talked to us, so I didn't really know what it was to have a conversation with someone who wasn't like me.

I discovered that talking to Bella Swan was always fascinating. For the first time, not knowing what somebody was thinking pleased me. I didn't have to pretend to be interested. Everything that she said, important or not, silly or serious, was something unexpected, original, new. It was strangely educational to hear a human's point of view about certain things, to see life from a perspective that wasn't that of an immortal creature. Even more, I didn't really need to be circumspect in talking with her: Bella knew I was peculiar, and she accepted it. I didn't have to play a human role, to pretend to be normal. I could, up to a certain point, be myself.

She trusted me and it was mutual, for I knew that Bella would never reveal what she knew about me. She didn't know the exact nature of my secret, but she knew that it was crucial that no one found it out. I knew she was pleased that I trusted her, that she even felt privileged to be in my confidence. She knew I had never been as close to anyone outside my family as I was to her. As for me, I was touched that she sought out my company when normally she was so solitary.

It was truly easy to be friends with Bella Swan. It was even easier to fall in love with her more.

My family worried that I was playing a dangerous game, but since several weeks had passed without incident – no gossip, no attempts to kill her – they were willing to be patient. Alice had returned and her indulgent thoughts comforted me. She knew that I wasn't ready to tell everyone the truth and she waited without complaint. Carlisle was proud of me. He had always hoped that we wouldn't lose our humanity completely, that we wouldn't isolate ourselves from the rest of the world. He still didn't know what tied me to Bella, but he had understood that she had succeeded in making me view the human world other than as populated by unwitting victims of an unseen menace.

It was Alice's indulgence, Carlisle's understanding and the patience of everyone else that fortified me in my decision to stay near Bella Swan without constant guilt.

The rest of the week passed this way: I spent the nights watching her sleep and I spent lunch every day in her company. It had become a ritual to meet under the same tall pine. The peaceful spot pleased us both. It was refuge, a shelter from the rest of the world, my vampire world and her human one.

The weekend, though, meant two days without seeing her even through the eyes of our classmates, without being able to talk with her about anything and everything at lunchtime. I would have to content myself with my nocturnal visits. To make up for her absence, I decided to do more research on Braille.

Bella and I discussed many things in our conversations, but never our personal lives. It was another thing we had in common – we didn't like talking about ourselves. Once I had dared to ask her where she got her reading material and she told me that a bookstore in Aberdeen sent her books in Braille by mail. So that's where I planned to go that Saturday. Surely there would be information about musical Braille in this bookstore,

I used the sunny day to hunt in the national park near town. I couldn't take the risk of being in public even if was just leaving the car to walk to the door of the bookstore. In any case, I hadn't drunk all week and I shouldn't tempt fate. Thus it was only after sunset that I headed to Aberdeen.

My cell phone rang while I was on the highway, and I saw on the screen that it was Alice. I had a bad premonition and hastily answered.

"Alice?"

"_Edward, where are you?"_

My sister's panicked voice made my muscles coil in preparation for the blow to come.

"I'm just about to enter Aberdeen. What's going on?"

"_Turn around immediately!"_

"Why? What the hell is wrong?"

While I waited for her answer, I obeyed her order. My tires squealed as I made a 180-degree turn and found myself on the other side of the road, followed by blaring horns.

"_It's Bella!"_

My reaction was immediate: my foot pressed the gas pedal to the floor. In a second, the Volvo was speeding at more than 140 miles an hour.

Something had happened to Bella. Or was going to happen. From my sister's shaking voice, I knew it was something serious.

But what? It couldn't be me, because I was 100 miles from Forks. Nor could it be Peter and Charlotte; they weren't in the vicinity yet. Therefore it was something human. Serious, but human.

I contemplated the possibilities. She was at home, studying, reading, listening to music or writing. What could happen in her house to justify a distress call from Alice?

"What? You've seen her fall on the stairs? Becoming ill?"

"_She's not at home, Edward! __She's in Port Angeles!"_

Port Angeles … Port Angeles! I knew that Bella had changed her mind and decided to go out with Angela. But I hadn't heard her mention it to Angela all week. They had discussed a science competition, coming exams, the approaching vacation, but nothing about Port Angeles. Had they talked by phone today, organized this trip? It was highly likely: this had been the only day in which I was too far away to know her plans.

Dammit, the single day I stayed away from Bella was the day something bad would happen to her? What abominable luck!

"What have you seen?

"_Oh, Edward, they … You have to stop them. They're going … you must get there before them!"_

_Thanks for reading! And remember Elysabeth loves your reviews! _


	6. Rescue

_Disclaimer: SMeyer owns "Twilight." Elysabeth owns "Les Yeux de la Lune."_

_And what I realized translating this chapter: French has many more words for "bruise" than English has. Odd._

* * *

><p>Chapter 6: Rescue<p>

I found their minds first. Minds dripping with such ugliness and debauchery that they hit me even before I reached the town. Human minds hazy with alcohol, wandering the streets in search of entertainment. My hands squeezed the steering wheel while their explicit imaginings passed before my own mind's eye. The Volvo almost shook at the roar of fury that escaped me. One of the minds, that of the leader, the most vicious, barbaric and sick, was delighting already in what was to come.

I saw through his perverted eyes my Bella lost in a dark, deserted street lined with rundown buildings. What was she doing there? Why had Angela abandoned her, left her to her own devices? She should never have been in such a place, and I was angry with Angela even though I didn't know the circumstances that had led Bella to that seedy neighborhood. Even more, I was angry with myself. Had I not promised myself to watch over her for the rest of her life?

But my guilt and rancor were buried by my rage. The gang was following Bella at a distance, the leader, Lonnie, in front. In his way, he was a monster just like me. But an even more abject one because he wanted this act of violence, enjoyed it, while I was disgusted by the monster in me.

I saw in his mind that the sort of encounter he was planning was nothing new for him. The excitement of the hunt was familiar; he had left behind a considerable number of victims. I was sickened by his mental recounting of his previous targets. Girls with glassy eyes, lying lifeless in alleys, their faces mixed with images of Bella. For him, they were all the same.

He was a predator as much as I was, but he would soon learn what it was to be the prey. For he would be mine tonight. Without a doubt. It could not be otherwise. He didn't deserve to walk this earth, to breathe the same air as she did. Bella was next on his list, but he, he was on mine.

This wasn't my first hunt either. I had already tracked his sort. Suddenly I was as excited as he was. For so long I had led a life of abstinence, for so long I had not given my baser instinct free rein. Tonight, the monster in me would be slaked. It would serve my cause. For this one night, I wouldn't hate it. It would be of use, and I would recompense it by letting it have its fill of this other monster. It would never indulge in the unparalleled blood of Bella Swan, but the other monster would be reward enough for tonight.

I was already recalling the thousand and one tortures I had inflicted in the past on inhuman humans like him. I savored in advance his tormented cries. I rejoiced at the prospect of seeing his extended agony. For he would die slowly. Very slowly. His death would be very long. He would beg me to end him quickly, but I wouldn't give him this favor. Just for having thought of Bella Swan as his plaything, he would perish in the most horrible way.

I focused once more through his perverted eyes, which were following Bella's slender silhouette. When he saw her white cane, he exulted.

"So easy!"

Had I not myself once had the same thought? The monster in me had reacted the same way the day we first met. It, too, was in ecstasy that Bella Swan was blind and thus easier to trap. For a second, my need to kill was swept away by bitterness and nausea. The man Lonnie and I had targeted the same victim. Couldn't I say that I didn't mean it, that I hadn't chosen to be a monster, that it was against my will? Probably yes, but that wouldn't keep me from loathing him until the end of time. What a contradiction I was: the Edward who want to save her at any cost, and the monster who wanted above all to kill her.

The second passed and rage descended upon me again. I was entering the city just as Lonnie was intercepting Bella. She turned in the gang's direction. I read relief on her face at first: she was lost and thought she had finally found someone who could direct her. The relief quickly gave way to doubt when she heard the voices of the men surrounding her.

"Hey, beautiful."

"You alone?"

"You lost?"

"Wanna come have some fun with us?"

Her doubt was replaced then by fear. I cursed the heavy traffic that prevented me from going as fast as I wanted. I cursed just as much this busy town that had too many pedestrians for me to abandon my Volvo and run. To remain unmoving in a car would be unendurable even if I were able to push it to its maximum speed. If I could use my two legs I would have the satisfaction of doing something concrete. This immobility was killing me.

I saw six perspectives through six pairs of eyes, and they all showed me a Bella who was tense, rotating her cane in her hands as if she wanted to use it in defense.

"Leave me alone."

Her voice didn't betray her fear. It was firm and determined.

"C'mon sweetheart, don't be like that."

The man Lonnie approached her and had the audacity to take a lock of her hair and roll it around his fingers. Bella recoiled instinctively, but stepped into one of the other thugs, who grabbed her arm with a guttural laugh.

"Let me go!"

I roared. I had to release the steering wheel to avoid tearing it apart. My fist smashed into the driver's side window, breaking it into pieces that fell onto the asphalt like a crystal rain. Taking my rage out on the window was only a brief relief, just enough to allow me to continue driving without going insane.

I finally made it to the neighborhood where Bella was and rapidly found the street that Alice had seen in her vision while she was out hunting. I saw things then through my own eyes and not those of those abominable creatures. Bella was now cornered, trapped against a brick wall, and sent a well-aimed blow with her cane against one of her aggressors. But the man Lonnie was able to overpower her with one arm. His fingers tightened around her throat. Bella could make only a strangled noise in protest.

I leaped out of the Volvo and crossed the deserted streets in a second. They didn't see me coming. I was among them too quickly. From one blink of their eyes to the next, their group went from six to seven.

When they realized that I seemed to have materialized right in front of them, they halted their nasty games to stare at me, speechless. But they didn't have time to ask themselves questions. The one who had grabbed Bella's arm was the first to be sent unconscious against a streetlight. I needed to use only the tiniest part of my strength. What I wanted first was to get this girl away from these lowlifes and then I would take care of them. At the sight of their associate lying inert on the ground in under two seconds, they panicked and fled.

Let them run wherever they wanted. I would find them all one by one. But there was one I wouldn't let run. Before he could take two steps, I grasped Lonnie by his neck, lifted him and slammed him into the brick wall. I didn't use too much pressure. To break him would be too easy, too quick, and I would derive no pleasure from it. I would merely immobilize him at first. I held him up and let him see what a monster I was, showing him my razor-sharp teeth in a hungry, greedy grin. He saw that my eyes were two dark slits more terrifying than the eyes of the most dangerous of wild animals.

Lonnie had crossed from predator to prey, from murderer to victim. I felt his cockiness vanish. The blood drained from his face.

His fear only stoked my wrath.

I let myself go in my murderous fantasies, considering how I would begin. The fingers? Yes, the fingers, that would be good. I would break, one by one, the bones of his hands that had dared grip Bella's throat. Why not puncture his eyes as well? He would know what it was like to be plunged into darkness, to be disoriented and lost. And what if I bit him without killing him? I could stop myself from ending his life instantly if the monster in me knew that its reward would be all the more sweet later. I could let my victim suffer an entire day, let the venom incinerate his insides, but not long enough so that his transformation made him invulnerable. He could die, he could suffer, a thousand different ways.

My muscles were rigid with anticipation, tensed to their maximum. I sensed more than heard the man Lonnie moan, for my own grunts covered his pathetic voice.

I was there on the point of deciding how to execute my vengeance when a soft sound succeeded in penetrating the fog in my mind. A sound that I hadn't heard before because I was too deep in that fog to notice it. It was becoming more insistent even as it became gentler and calmer. Where did this calm sound come from? It resonated in me like a purest musical note in the bloodthirsty chaotic concert of my mind.

"Edward."

That sweet note was in reality a voice, a voice that soothed the discord inside me.

The fog dissipated. The concert of my vengeance fell silent and I gradually returned to my senses. First, the sense of taste: I tasted the acid in my mouth, my own venom, and I was sickened by it. Then sight: I saw the terrified monster in front of me, and saw my own face through his eyes, and the image disgusted me. Third, smell: I inhaled a familiar fragrance right next to me. A scent that the monster in me would have adored, but at this instant, it was my salvation. I perceived her warmth, her intoxicating perfume, and I used it to overpower the odor of the other monster.

The return of my hearing let me perceive something other than the chorus of vengeance in my head. I heard two heartbeats: one racing, the other calm and regular. I matched my breathing to the rhythm of the second heartbeat, focused on its soothing pulse. Finally, there was touch: I felt a feather land on my outstretched arm, which was still crushing my victim into the brick wall. The feather was in fact a pale hand. Delicate fingers brushed my jacket, and even through the leather, I felt their satin gentleness and the soft pressure on my coiled muscles.

"Edward."

I slowly turned toward that sound, then found the origin of the melodious note that sang my name.

My moon. Right next to me.

"Edward, you don't want to do this," she said serenely, but with authority.

My arm trembled while I lost myself in her gaze: two fathomless wells, empty of life but full of solicitude.

"Let him loose. Let's get out of here, okay? You don't want to do this. I know you don't. You will regret it."

The feather on my arm became more insistent, and I suddenly released the throat of my victim, who slumped to the ground with a strangled groan.

Bella put her hands around my arm and pulled so that I would follow her. I let myself be led away, as obedient as a puppet.

I had emerged completely from my murderous trance. But the rage was still there, the desire to kill still urgent. _You will regret it_. Yes, I would. Lonnie didn't deserve to live, but I would regret my action. Because that would mean that I wasn't any better than he was. Who was I to decide who should live or die? Long ago, I had played vigilante, I took myself for an avenging god, but eventually my deeds had repulsed me.

As we walked down the dark street, Bella spoke again: "Um, I don't know where to go, Edward. I thought I heard a car. Are you parked nearby?"

My car.

I found my Volvo, still running and parked sideways on the street.

"This way. " My voice was only a hoarse growl.

We had to get out of here as quickly as possible, because I could still hear the disordered thoughts of that other monster. I had to get far away.

Like an automaton, I guided Bella to the passenger door and then sat behind the steering wheel. She had barely retracted her cane and sat down before I sped away. I drove randomly before parking outside a supermarket.

"Are you okay?"

She was asking me how I was? She had nearly been - And she was asking _me_ if I was all right?

I looked at her, calm and perfectly composed. Too calm. The calm before the storm. She was going to collapse. Bella knew very well what fate she had just escaped. She couldn't help having a reaction to that.

"No," I answered bitterly. "Distract me, please. Just talk about something unimportant until I calm down. If not, I'm going to turn back and –"

I didn't finish my thought; it would be too tempting to act on it. I stared into the darkness in front of me, my hands clenched on the steering wheel.

"My father just got a prototype of a new stun gun," she said after a few seconds.

I had told her to talk about anything, but I was wondering where she was going with this.

"Since he's a police chief, he gets sent all sorts of high-tech gadgets to test. And Monday, I'm going to use it on Tyler Crowley."

What, she was going to use a weapon?

"It doesn't kill, but it packs a big shock. Perhaps he'll let me alone after that," she continued.

I started to understand. To try to make up for nearly killing her, Tyler had decided to help her in the school science contest. But all he did was make mistake after mistake, sabotaging her project despite his good intentions.

I remembered the plans for the science contest that I had seen through the eyes of Angela, her partner. Tyler was wrecking everything Bella and Angela had done, and I couldn't help laughing. Bella had repeatedly insisted that she could manage by herself, but Tyler wouldn't pay attention. He must be truly annoying if the peaceful, patient Bella was willing to go to such lengths to get him out of the way.

Ah, this was working. I was calming down.

Hearing my unsteady laugh, Bella reiterated her first question: "Better?"

I sighed. "Not really. Are you planning to tell me what you were doing in a place like this all alone?"

I immediately regretted my brusque tone, but the words had spilled out of my mouth.

"I was with Angela, but we split up. I wanted to go to the bookstore to find a book on tape, but Angela needed shoes for her dress. We agreed to meet in an hour in a restaurant that just opened up here."

"She left you all alone in the middle of town?"

Her reply was laconic. Bella hated it when someone doubted her ability to manage by herself.

"I can do this. I already went to the bookstore – I know the neighborhood pretty well … at least, I thought I knew it," she added sheepishly.

I noticed that her hands were fidgeting with a little rectangular object.

"You have a cell phone and you didn't think to call her when you realized that you were lost?"

"I wanted to try to find my way back myself," she said. "Besides, I was just about to call her when … you know. But I think the battery's dead."

I handed her my own cell. "Use this to reassure her."

She examined the buttons with her fingertips; my phone was more complicated than her own. I turned it on, and hearing it whirr, Bella asked me what I planned to do.

"I'm taking you to dinner at that restaurant."

I didn't know if my proposal suited Bella, because she had managed to punch in a number and I could hear ringing. Angela answered immediately.

"_Hello?"_

"Hey, Angie."

"_Bella! Where are you calling from? My screen doesn't recognize the number… I was really worried about you! What happened?"_

"I got lost."

Bella added nothing else. I was only barely surprised that she didn't mention her experience.

"_Try to ask someone where you are and I'll come get you."_

"I don't need to. I ran into Edward and he'll take me. We're heading to the restaurant. I'm calling from his cell."

"_Edward? Edward Cullen?"_

"Yes. Save us a seat, we're on our way."

"_Um, I was really hungry and –"_

"Oh, it doesn't matter if you've already eaten. He'll drop me at the restaurant and we can go straight back to Forks from there. Hey!"

I had snatched the phone away, not pleased by her plans.

She had to eat. An empty stomach and an assault didn't go well together. And I didn't want to hand her over to Angela. I didn't want to leave her. I _couldn't_ leave her. If I was alone, my violent instincts would have the upper hand on me. Staying with Bella would prevent me from acting unwisely.

"Good evening, Angela," I said into the phone.

"_Uh, hi?"_

"Would it bother you if I took Bella somewhere for dinner? I'll drive her home afterward. That way you won't have to wait while she eats."

"_Uh … okay."_

"Good. Bye, Angela."

I ended the call and saw from Bella's sulky expression that she was displeased that I had taken over.

"I don't want to make you waste your time."

"The events of this evening must have made you hungry."

"I'm not."

"I insist."

In silence, we headed toward the restaurant Bella indicated. After a few moments, she rubbed her arms. She was cold. Cold from fear. The first sign of shock.

"Why do you have the window open in the middle of March?" she asked, her voice shaking.

My window! What an idiot I was. I thought Bella was exhibiting the symptoms of shock, but she was reacting merely to the cold wind coming in. I hadn't noticed the frigid air, and I had been so preoccupied by what had nearly happened that I had forgotten the window.

"Sorry, the window is broken."

There was no point in adding that I had broken it. I whipped off my jacket and gave it to her.

"Put this on."

She did so, looking puzzled. Was she wondering how I had taken it off so quickly while driving?

My jacket was as icy as the wind blowing into the car and I hoped that her own body temperature would heat it up for her. Fortunately, we were close to the restaurant and she could warm up inside.

I guided her resolutely to a quiet table and she sat down, but not without saying a dozen times that she wasn't hungry.

Was that an excuse to get away from me? Would she have preferred to have left with Angela? After hearing me terrorize a gang of thugs, had she finally realized that I was more dangerous than she believed and that it was better to stay away from me?

Her hands were trembling and her heart was beating wildly. Was this the reaction to the attack I had expected, or did I make her nervous? Was this the fear, the repugnance that I had so worried would finally appear?

I was losing hope. My shoulders slumped in defeat. I should perhaps call Angela so she would come back to get Bella. She couldn't have got too far from Port Angeles. If Bella wanted so much to leave, to escape me, I couldn't reproach her for it. I alone was the reason.

I was berating myself in silence when Bella murmured, "Please, could you - would you just describe the restaurant to me?"

I blinked, taken aback by her odd request.

"Describe the restaurant?"

"I … I really like to be able to make a mental image of the new places I go. I don't feel comfortable if I can't picture the area around me in my head."

So that was why she was nervous? She had just been attacked, she had been witness to my murderous impulse and the only thing making her nervous was not knowing the size of the restaurant?

I shook my head, surprised and at the same time relieved to not be the source of her anxiety. I laid out for her with an architect's precision the dimensions of the room, the number of tables and the location of the kitchen and the restrooms, and described the other diners.

Once her curiosity was satisfied, she seemed much more relaxed. As relaxed as she was in that alley when she had stopped me.

I started to find the whole situation strange. On the scene I had been too enraged to realize it, but now that I was more or less calm, I suddenly wondered how she had recognized me. I hadn't said a word when I was crushing Lonnie against the wall, so how did she know who was saving her? I had certainly snarled, growled, snapped my teeth, but that certainly wasn't enough to identify me.

"How did you know it was me?" I asked abruptly.

She shrugged.

"An intuition. I told myself there was only one person able to make a whole gang of criminals scatter."

And this person could only be me, apparently. That made it all the more fortunate that Bella wasn't the type to talk. Otherwise, tomorrow the whole world would know about the mysteriously heroic Cullen who overpowered six thugs.

I reconsidered those thugs. Before Bella intervened, it was clear that they wouldn't survive their encounter with me. I couldn't have cared less about showing them my true nature, because once my vengeance was complete, there would be no witnesses. But now that I was relatively reasonable, the situation had changed. Perhaps I had endangered our secret. Would they talk about what had happened? Or would pride keep them silent? People don't brag about being scared off by a single teenager. Besides, they were all drunk. Tomorrow, they probably wouldn't remember a thing.

That reassured me, but I was going to have to scan the collective minds of Port Angeles in the coming days.

"What about you? How did you know where I was?" she asked in turn.

I should have expected such a question. I gave myself a half-second to reflect. I hated to lie, but did I have a choice? If I said that my vampire sister had had a vision while she was in hot pursuit of the blood of large mammals, how would Bella react? She had taken the fact that I was dangerous rather well, but my sister's talent, that was even more abnormal. Nor did I want Alice mixed up in all this. I shouldn't involve my family in this. At least not yet.

"I didn't know. I was in the area by chance."

She snorted derisively, which clearly indicated that I should have found a better lie.

"Of course. What a coincidence, huh?" she said sarcastically. "A lucky chance."

I pursed my lips.

I didn't want to linger on this topic. I focused once more on her too serene face and tried to see evidence some sort of trauma.

"You don't feel nauseated, dizzy …"

"Nope. Why?"

"I'm waiting for you to go into shock."

"I'm fine."

"A sensible person would be traumatized."

"I guess I'm not sensible, then. I feel fine, I assure you "

"If you knew the horrible things they were thinking, you wouldn't be so calm."

A corner of her mouth curved up, mischievous.

"And you do know?"

I rebuked myself once more for my mistake. I said too much when I was with her. I forgot too often that she knew only the tip of the iceberg of what I was and that I shouldn't reveal too much if I didn't want to frighten her off.

"It's not difficult to guess," I retorted, acting as if it were obvious.

"I'm nonetheless going to add that to my confidential list for coming up with theories," she said before nonchalantly raising her water glass to her lips.

A list? She had made a list?

What had I inadvertently said to give her enough information to draw up a list?

I didn't have an opportunity to ask because the waitress came to ask if we were ready to order.

"I'm not hungry," Bella repeated.

I insisted on reading her the menu. I didn't know most of the dishes listed. Human cuisine was a completely unknown – and useless – realm of knowledge for me.

"I'll feel better when you have eaten a bit. Choose or I'll do it for you."

My obstinate tone persuaded her and Bella reluctantly ordered something at random.

The waitress wrote it down and turned to me.

"And you, young man? _Beautiful man, rather. Lord, I've never seen such an Adonis."_

So it was that she was remarking on my beauty, even though a half-hour earlier she would have seen my face deformed by hatred and anger into a horrifying predator's mask. Being with Bella not only calmed me, it made me more human. The killer had slipped away, leaving only the eternally compelling features my vampire anatomy had given me.

"Nothing for me, thank you," I answered with a polite smile.

The waitress left, disappointed that our exchange had ended so quickly. When I turned my attention again to my neighbor, I saw that her mischievous expression was back.

"What?" I said, suspicious.

"I'll also add that to my list. You never eat."

"Of course I do," I lied.

"I don't have eyes, but I have ears. This week I never heard you unwrap a sandwich, bite, chew, crunch or munch anything."

"I'm on a special diet."

She snorted again in disbelief. Why did I persist in denying it even when I knew very well how astute Bella was? Probably a reflex.

Bella's meal came and the waitress lingered, finding excuses – is it hot enough? Do you need pepper? Parmesan? More water? – to surreptitiously admire me.

Bella ate, albeit without much enthusiasm. I didn't question her – I wasn't going to make her speak until her stomach was full. She was much too thin in my opinion. She was so frail, so fragile. Silken skin over bones of glass. It wasn't surprising that Lonnie found her alluring; the most tempting victims were also the most vulnerable.

"That's twice now," she said after a moment. I waited for her to be more precise. "That you saved my life."

Wrong. It was three times, counting the day we met. But she didn't need to know that.

"Let's not try for three, agreed?"

She put her fork on her empty plate and turned her head in my direction. Her empty gaze was sudden very intense, disconcerting.

"Thank you. For everything."

I savored her words, which strangely comforted me. I became aware that I owed her a lot too. I wondered which of us had saved the other one. If Bella hadn't intervened, there would be six deaths on my conscience. She had saved me from myself … even though she would have had been justified in letting them die. No one would have blamed her if she decided not to try to spare those six lives, considering what they planned to do to her.

But Bella was much more magnanimous than I. Vengeance resolved nothing. She knew that, and I tried to emulate her pacifism and convince myself once and for all that I was right to leave the monster in me unsatisfied. Without much success, sadly. I wasn't naturally forgiving. I was not as good of a person as my moon …

"Thank you for … for stopping me before it was too late," I said. "Sometimes I have a problem with my temper …"

I stopped short. My anger was resurfacing. It was better not to think of _them _or my urge to kill would rush back.

She smiled, sensing that I had tensed up again.

"I can tell you other inane things to distract you if you want. Do you know that Charlie's stun gun can give a shock of 30,000 volts?"

I laughed. Only Bella knew how to defuse my anger. I decided to play along.

"You should keep it with you in case your buddies come back for a visit."

"No need if you're always around _by chance_ to save me."

Again, a complicit smile.

I neither confirmed or denied her words. I let her interpret my silence as she thought best. She would probably come to the right conclusion.

I didn't want to leave, but there was no reason to stay since Bella had finished. I asked for the check, and when Bella reached for my jacket, which was hanging on the back of her chair, her movement uncovered part of her arm that had been hidden by her blouse.

I couldn't help my epithet at the sight of the mark on her skin.

"What is it?" she asked.

"You're not hurt?"

"Where?"

"Your arm."

"Oh." She hastily drew on my jacket to cover the contusion. "It feels a little tender, that's all." She affected an indifferent expression to play down the gravity of her injury.

"You're going to have an enormous bruise," I said.

"Eh, it could have been worse."

True. And just thinking that unnerved me.

"How are you going to explain that to Charlie?" I asked, hoping that my voice didn't betray my rage.

"I'll tell him that I bumped into a table or something like that. He's used to it; I'm always running into things when I'm in a new place. When I was younger, my mother called me Smurf because I was always bruised."

She snickered to show how unimportant it was, but I wasn't in the mood to laugh. How many years did it take her to learn to anticipate obstacles? How many injuries had she endured as she sought to be autonomous? What price did she pay in bumps and bruises for her independence?

We walked silently to the Volvo, I brooding, she always so … relaxed.

Once we were at the car, I contemplated it while Bella slid into her seat, without knowing that I was hesitating. I realized that this time I would spend more than just a few minutes inside a car with Bella Swan. Driving her to Seattle would be real test of my self-control. This trip back to Forks would be a good practice run. Before arriving at the restaurant, the monster in me was too focused on Lonnie to wallow in its proximity to its preferred victim. But now Lonnie wouldn't distract me. I would be fully conscious of Bella right next to me. Being two inches away from her would not be easy, even for 20 minutes.

But I felt capable of doing it. I just wouldn't breathe. In any case, the wind coming through my window would carry all sorts of scents that would dilute Bella's.

I sat behind the wheel and started off. The monster in me was muzzled, but I was nonetheless completely aware that I was very close to her. I had feared the monster, but it was the man in me who was reacting to her presence.

I could almost graze her shoulder; I could see in my peripheral vision her delicate profile. If I had had a heart, it would have been hammering. I longed to touch her mistreated arm, as if my caress could erase her bruise. But with my strength, what I considered a soft caress would probably only aggravate her injury.

"It's at times like this that I'm grateful to be blind," I heard her say after a few minutes.

"Why?"

"I don't feel the car run – it feels as if it's flying like a rocket."

A hundred miles an hour was my usual cruising speed, but since it wasn't normal by human standard, I decided not to mention it.

"I'm happy not to see the countryside pass by at this speed. I'm sure I'd get sick. Do you always drive this fast?"

"I like speed."

"So I've noticed," she said, laughing.

I still couldn't understand how Bella could laugh and joke after what she had just experienced. It wasn't normal. Was it my fault? Was I somehow preventing her from letting her emotions out?

"Bella, do I inhibit you?"

She seemed confused by my question.

"You don't have to be embarrassed or intimidated, you know," I went on. "Earlier, we were in a busy restaurant, and I can understand that it could be uncomfortable to break down in public, but now you can fall apart, to be afraid, to scream if you want."

Bella sighed, exasperated, and I was glad that the wind blew away her exhalation.

"I don't need to go into hysterics."

"That would be rather … healthy."

"I assure for the hundredth time that I'm okay."

"But –"

"Edward," she interrupted me. "Pull over."

"What?"

"Park on the shoulder."

I complied, uneasy. Had I driven so quickly that she was indeed sick? Or did she feel that she was going to have the nervous breakdown I kept warning her about?

Once the Volvo was stopped, I turned to her, ready for anything.

"Look at me," she ordered.

That's all I ever did!

"My words don't seem to work, so look at me closely, Edward. What you see is the face of a Bella who feels very secure. Note it well, because that's how it will always be when I'm near you. I simply do not feel traumatized, upset or frightened when I'm by your side. It's as if I'm surrounded by bulletproof glass that repels all those emotions."

I was speechless. I didn't know how to respond to that. And she didn't expect me to.

I went back on the road in a euphoric silence.

Bella Swan felt safe with me.

It was absurd.

It was unheard of.

It was … touching.

Part of me was suddenly thrilled to have inspired so much confidence in Bella, while another part was horrified that she felt secure with the monster who wanted her dead.

The lamb felt safe with the lion.

All things considered, if she wasn't in a state of shock after this attack, perhaps her blindness had something to do with it. After all, she hadn't seen the thugs' leers, so she couldn't have realized what they wanted to do. Same for me: She hadn't seen my killer's face that first time we met or my predatory look when I came to rescue her.

I would have to be prudent for her.

I swore to myself that Bella would never know the entire truth about me. She could trust me to a certain extent, I was certain. After that, her trust would be transformed into terror.

"Here we are," I soon announced, parking across from her front door.

Her father's uneasiness emanated from the house. The television was on - a baseball game. Charlie was watching with only half his attention. He was thinking about his daughter. He was happy that she had decided to socialize a little, but he impatiently awaited her return. He couldn't help but worry.

And he was right to do so: Bella had been attacked and now a vampire was her taxi driver.

"Oh, you know where I live," Bella said, distracting me from Charlie's thoughts.

Dammit. I hadn't even thought of pretending not to know her address. Yet another slip.

"You live in Forks, Bella. Everyone knows where everyone lives, especially the police chief's daughter."

I was rather proud of my lie, but her half-smile told me that she wasn't fooled.

"Of course. If you don't mind, I'm still going to add to my list for theorizing."

Again that cursed list?

"Ah, you're scowling," she lamented.

Had I spoken aloud without realizing it? Definitely, nothing escaped her.

"Every time I try to find out something about you, you have the same reactions."

"You close down just as much as me when I try to find out more about you."

She thought about that. Bella was apparently in no hurry to get out of the car. Nor was I eager to see her go. Every second I could spend near her was a benediction.

"What if we both give in a little, tonight?" she declared suddenly.

I didn't like the sound of this, and I waited for the rest with apprehension.

"Let's make a deal. I ask you a personal question, just one, and you answer without evasion. And then you do the same for me."

No, I didn't like this at all. Even the most personal and embarrassing question I could ask her wouldn't be as compromising as the question Bella would want to ask me.

But I wasn't a coward.

"Okay."

Her expression became ecstatic.

"I'll begin."

I grumbled while she rubbed her hands together in glee.

"Hmm." She tapped her chin, thinking, and I damned her mental wall yet again for blocking me from seeing what was going on in that too-perspicacious head of hers.

"I've got one."

"Go ahead."

Despite myself, I stiffened and clenched my teeth, my anxiety reaching a peak.

"Do you miss your old life?"

I blinked several times, not sure what she really meant by my "old life." Had she discovered everything? Did she know that I was no longer human? Did she think of my old life as a state, a condition that I no longer had since I was now a vampire?

"My old life," I repeated warily.

"Yeah, your life with your biological parents."

Oh, she was talking about _that_ old life. The one we had invented to explain my adoption to humans. Although … there was some truth to that story: I had indeed been adopted by Carlisle after the death of my parents.

Of all the questions that she could have asked me – why I knew her address, why I never ate, why I was dangerous, why I was in Port Angeles tonight – Bella had asked the last I would have expected.

"I remember almost nothing of them," I said. But I missed my old life all the same: I missed my mortality, my innocence… "Carlisle and Esme have made it so that I don't miss them."

Bella heard the tenderness in my voice.

"You love them very much."

I could permit myself to be honest about that.

"They are terrific."

"Hmm, it's not that -" Once again she was thinking.

"Not that what?"

"From the first day, I noticed in your voice something -" she was thinking still, as if she was searching for the right word – "something melancholy. It's always in the background. Whether you laugh – which is rather rare –or you're angry – which is more frequent," she said with a teasing expression, "that touch of melancholy is there, and I told myself that the loss of your parents had affected you … But apparently, it's not that. I wouldn't say that you are unmoved by their deaths, but this constantly sad note in your voice is caused by something else."

Melancholy … of course I was. I cursed my state, I saw the world change around me while I was frozen in time and I desperately loved someone I could never have … But I thought I was a good actor. I was sure that besides my family (and even with them I forced myself to hide from them my permanent sadness), nobody had ever seen me so clearly.

I was stupefied. Bella never ceased to amaze me. She had an extremely developed capacity for auditory analysis, and she had deciphered a part of me that no one had before. I felt uneasy at being thus … exposed. An uneasiness that was strangely mixed with contentment. There was something right about my melancholy being understood by the most important element of my existence. At this moment, I felt closer to her than I ever had - and that I ever would.

Bella pulled me out of my stupor. "I'm going to find out what it is," she said impishly.

Oh, no, she wouldn't. I refused. Understanding me meant knowing what I really was, and I couldn't allow that.

I didn't want her to linger on this subject. "Your turn," I said, and I snickered diabolically.

Bella bit her bottom lip, obviously reluctant. "I feel as if I'm heading to the gallows."

I found the situation hilarious: of all the things Bella could fear from me, it was being questioned that worried her.

I thought a few moments, and chose a question stemming from one of the many mysteries about Bella Swan.

"I have it: Why did you say Debussy had saved you?"

Her eyes widened.

"And no evasion," I reminded her.

Bella twisted her hands together nervously. She didn't answer immediately, and I saw that she wasn't sure how to formulate her response. It made me only the more curious.

"Well…" she began, uncertain.

She inhaled, as if to steel herself. My curiosity was soon replaced by perplexity. I hadn't thought I had asked such a troubling question. What was it that required so much courage?

"I didn't always take things well," she started again with new resolve. "I accept what I am today, but in the beginning I had difficulty …"

She hesitated.

"When my sight weakened and I finally understood that it was permanent, I took it …very badly. I fell into a sort of … depression that led me to do something completely stupid."

She twisted her hands even more, and it was only at that instant that I realized that it wasn't her hands that she was rubbing together, but the inside of her wrists. I observed for the first time, with horror, old scars there. Bella was chafing them unconsciously, as if she could make them disappear.

I had promised myself to always protect her, and I was ready to destroy anyone who wished her harm. Now I had just discovered that Bella had wanted to harm herself.

I couldn't understand it. And I was outraged.

She had lost her sight, but she still at least had her soul! Why would she want to end her life over that? It was such a small thing compared to the loss of her humanity. I didn't understand this urge to end it, this depression … How could someone willingly give up such a precious gift as life, an innocent life, a life with a soul?

I imagined for a horrible second a scenario in which Bella had succeeded. Certainly, I would never have experienced her crippling fragrance, but I would also have never known the state of beatitude, of sweet enchantment, of serenity that she had brought me. I would have continued to merely exist, believing myself an island entire of myself even as I was unconsciously seeking my moon to light my eternal night. A light that I would have never seen because it was already snuffed out …

Bella continued, unaware of my fury.

"Fortunately, I was stopped in time. After this idiocy, I was sent to a rehabilitation center for the handicapped, and it was there that I heard Debussy for the first time. I finally understood that there were other ways to _see._ The moment I realized that, I got a hold of myself. And that's why I say that he saved me."

For a long moment, there was silence.

"Um, I shouldn't have suggested this exchange of questions," she finally declared. "It was a bad idea. Sorry."

I got myself under control. I was still furious, but pleased to have learned something about my moon.

"It wasn't all that bad."

All that I hoped was that never, never again, would she have such a horrible impulse.

I contemplated her again: the same delicate face, pale and serene… No, I had nothing to fear. Bella had changed. She knew she had made a serious mistake. Debussy had truly opened her eyes – in all senses of the term. And I was grateful once more to that composer.

She took off my jacket and handed it to me. I took it, but didn't put it back on. Her scent had impregnated it, and now was not the moment to surround myself with her fragrance while she was so close to me. The monster in me would seek out the source of this aroma, I knew. Later, I would allow myself to breathe in her scent. I would use it as an exercise in control.

Her searching fingers found the door handle.

"See you on Monday. Thanks for everything."

"Wait," I interrupted her. "What are you going to say to your father?"

"That I had a great time with Angela."

"You're really not going to tell him anything about those … those guys?"

"No point in rousing the troops. The worst was avoided, that's what matters."

A shame, that. Knowing her father's protective attitude, I was certain that he would use every means at his disposal to track down her attackers and put them away for a long time.

Bella would have probably told him if she had understood the true extent of their vileness. She didn't know they were killers.

I had counted on her father to take care of the thugs, but I was going to have to come up with another idea. Not the bloody vengeance I would have wanted, but I wasn't going to let these animals go free, lying in wait for another Bella.

I returned my attention to my neighbor. I wanted her to think about some things. She wanted to minimize the seriousness of the attack? Fine. But she shouldn't minimize me.

"Do you even know how far I was ready to go if you hadn't stopped me?"

"I suspect that they wouldn't have enjoyed the experience."

"More than that, Bella. I would have annihilated them. I wanted them dead. And not just literally — I truly wanted them destroyed."

I emphasized those last words so that she would understand the depth of my murderous instincts.

Bella tilted her head to the side, her eyes narrowed. "Are you trying again to put me on guard against you?"

Without waiting for my answer, she continued, "It doesn't matter, because it's too late."

"Too late?"

She smiled shyly, then shrugged. She pulled open the door and left, leaving my question unanswered.

"Good night, Edward. See you Monday."

"Monday," I repeated, taken by surprise.

The door closed and Bella walked into her house.

"Or rather, soon," I murmured, looking up at her window.

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><p>As always, thanks for reading and reviewing! And remember, a link to Elysabeth's story is on my profile page if you want to try it in French.<p> 


	7. Pas de Deux

_Disclaimer: SMeyer owns "Twilight." __Elysabeth owns "Les Yeux de la Lune."_

_T/N: There are a couple of cultural references in here that would be well known to French speakers, but not to us poor Anglophones. I'll explain them at the end. _

_In contrast, Elysabeth, who adores all your reviews, notes that her English-speaking readers are much better acquainted with the geography of the Olympic Peninsula than her French ones. Just assume that Edward drove from Aberdeen to Port Angeles at Mach 1._

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><p>Chapter 7: Pas de Deux<p>

Before going to join Bella in her room, I headed home. When I got to the drive leading to my house, I stopped the car. I took the jacket that Bella had worn all evening and breathed in, allowing myself to smell the garment fully.

_Feel the burn. Experience it, endure it._

The pain hadn't disappeared, but I tolerated it better. The more I practiced, the easier it would be. I knew that I could control myself, that I could muzzle the monster. My goal was to no longer want that wonderfully scented blood, but to appreciate it for what it was: a substance that allowed Bella to exist, a liquid that represented life – her life.

Soon, I could repeat this exercise in Bella's room, but not tonight. I had to work up to it.

Pleased with my practice session, I headed to the garage. Rosalie was playing with the M3, and I parked my Volvo next to it.

"I'm bringing you some work."

She stood up gracefully, a cylinder in her hand. A fashion model-mechanic: an always amusing vision. Rosalie loved working on cars, and I had something to keep her busy tonight. I indicated to her my window-less car door, and she immediately assessed the situation with her expert eye.

"It was broken from the inside. I'll definitely have to replace the door."

"Do your best. I'll cover the cost."

She rubbed her hands together, thrilled to have a little challenge. But she was intrigued, all the same: I'd never had an accident.

"What happened?"

"I …tapped on the glass a little too hard."

I left her with that vague explanation. She shrugged and shook her head in annoyance before going to work.

Alice had returned from her hunt and awaited me, sitting on the stairs.

"Hey, sis."

I ruffled her hair.

"I want a yellow one," she said.

"A yellow what?"

"You are soon going to offer me an Italian sports car to thank me for having warned you in time."

I chuckled at her teasing little smile. I did owe Alice a lot. Without her, Bella would be lying inert in some dark alley and -

Thinking about what could have happened reawakened my fury.

"_Easy, easy. It's over now. I told Carlisle to get his bag ready. He doesn't know why, but I told him that you would explain it."_

"Thank you, Alice."

She had seen my plan.

Carlisle was in his library, and when I described to him what had happened, he was perplexed.

"_That's incredible. I would never have believed that possible._ She really … stopped you, Edward?"

I had expected that he would ask me about the thugs we needed to hunt down, about the peaceful way – too peaceful for my taste – we were going to ensure that justice was done, but I hadn't suspected that he would linger on how my … plans had been interrupted.

"Yes, she stopped me in my tracks."

Memories flooded his mind, and I understood his astonishment. Carlisle was recalling the era when he had tried to dissuade me from leading a non-vegetarian lifestyle. Nothing had stopped me. I was too rebellious. He had tried several times to make me see reason. He had even followed me and put himself between me and my victims. It hadn't worked. No words of wisdom or appeal to compassion from Carlisle had opened my eyes and I had attacked without caring about anything other than quenching my murderous thirst.

"Do you realize what the Swan girl has done? _Where I failed, she succeeded … it's extraordinary,"_ he thought, scrutinizing me.

He knew well from his own vain attempts to do so that no one could stop me once I had started. And he found it strange that the girl with the intoxicating perfume had managed to do just that. I could have very well turned from Lonnie and launched myself at Bella. We went into a sort of trance when we hunted that kept us from distinguishing our prey from non-prey.

I knew why Bella had been able to stop me. I loved her beyond measure, and she had a power over me that was stronger than my vampire instincts – at least to a certain point – and while Carlisle didn't know the reason, his thoughts were speculative. He was beginning to understand what had happened to me.

He didn't ask me to confirm his suspicions. Carlisle knew that I would speak of it myself when I was ready.

He took up the conversation where we had left it.

"You very much want these men to be punished?"

"Yes."

I knew that Carlisle would help me tonight, but he wanted to put me on guard, to underline what it meant for us to do this.

"The advantages our state gives us should not be used to interfere in the world of humans, Edward. We should let that world change at its own pace. If we get involved every time a criminal is on the loose, soon that would be all we did. Men like that are unfortunately abundant. I know that we are playing policemen tonight with good intentions, but what is to say that it won't become a habit? We shouldn't develop a taste for it. Sooner or later, we'll end up believing that we're superior, even that humans are incapable of protecting themselves. We have to trust that these thugs will be tracked down sooner or later."

Carlisle was right. Carlisle was always right. For any other victim, I would have been unhappy and frustrated, but I would have gone on my way. But because they had chosen Bella, I couldn't be rational and impartial. It was beyond my power.

"Just this once, I want to make an exception and … speed up the process, to nudge the human authorities in the right direction."

"Because Bella Swan is involved, yes?"

Although his sentence was formulated as a question, it wasn't one.

I nodded, but avoided his analytical gaze.

Carlisle didn't ask for more. He simply smiled and placed a paternal hand on my shoulder. "Let's go take care of those men."

It was all over before midnight. Justice was served. The human authorities were going to find the criminals and they would pay for their actions. They all had long records and the police had been looking for them. We discreetly deposited their sedated bodies in front of the Port Angeles police station.

Well, Carlisle had done all that. I had restricted myself to locating their minds. I wasn't sure that if I came too close to them I would be able to keep myself from ending them.

Mission accomplished, my father returned home and I spent the rest of the night with Bella. To see her sleeping so peacefully reassured me, calmed me. I couldn't tear my eyes from her body overcome by sleep, her mind overcome by dreams. I envied her. I would have liked to have rested my mind as well. I was still thinking about my unassuaged desire for vengeance, about what could have happened, and I would have liked to have been able to forget all that in sleep.

As morning broke, I left, intent on getting away from Forks. I couldn't stay with Bella without drawing attention, and I feared falling back into my murderous trance if I couldn't calm myself by seeing her face. I needed to go far away so I wouldn't be tempted to return to Port Angeles and finish what I had started with those pieces of scum …

After making sure that Bella would spend her Sunday safely at home studying (it was idiotic to worry about her constantly, as if something could happen to her if she merely stepped outside her house, but I couldn't help it), I returned to my project of the night before: learning musical Braille. I headed south to Aberdeen and found what I needed. At the end of the day, that language had no more secrets from me. I had even learned mathematical Braille.

I knew that it wasn't prudent, but I wanted to read Bella's compositions. I wanted to know her style, her inspirations, her influences. I welcomed the moment she went to bed and fell asleep. I took my customary position at the foot of her bed and gazed at her a long time before turning toward the papers still piled on her desk. I looked at the series of raised dots and began to decipher the notes.

I studied one piece in particular, and it made my jaw drop. Bella was a gifted composer. Very gifted. I was even more astonished by this because there was no piano in the house. She had written all this without musical aid. Her piece was complex, and unlike anything I'd ever seen. It was clearly destined to be played on a piano – and not just any piano, but one with eight octaves, 97 keys, a rare model. By an odd coincidence - in fact though, I realized, it probably wasn't a coincidence at all - it was the only model that permitted a pianist to play Debussy's works the way the composer intended. As it happened, it was a model that I had in the living room of my house…

I read the score several times, imagining the melody play. I glanced at Bella, still sleeping, while the chords echoed in my head. Her piece was a gentle litany, subtle though clear, but with an undercurrent of sadness and bitterness. It stood on its own, but I had the distinct impression that it was unfinished. There was something missing that I couldn't identify. Nonetheless, the composition was balanced, the silences in good places, the rhythm fluid … No, the piece was finished, but my fingers began to twitch. They played on an imaginary keyboard another melody that was taking shape in my mind, inspired by Bella's work. A melody that I didn't understand, but it was there, in my head. It demanded my attention. It was mysterious, multifaceted, but I felt it could complete what Bella had started.

Imagining the music in my mind was soon no longer enough. I wanted to play. I _needed _to play.

I left my moon and returned home. I went directly to my Bösendorfer. I scrutinized the keyboard, uncertain. It had been a good decade since I had touched it. I hadn't played for a long time. I was never in the mood, never inspired to compose … until tonight.

I sat on the bench and tried out some keys. They were in tune. Esme still secretly hoped that I would play again and she made sure that my piano was always ready, just in case.

Grateful to her for that, I let my fingers run along the keyboard. It was only in hearing the chords resonate that I realized how much I had missed playing. The notes of Bella's composition sang in my head, but I didn't play them. I didn't have the right: it was her composition, her piece. It belonged to her. It _was _her. The two were forever entwined, and I had the feeling that I would be stealing part of her soul if I appropriated it. Instead, I would use her piece to fashion my own composition.

I felt it being born at my fingertips as I played. Soon the piece would be finished and would come to an abrupt, sinister end. I would have wanted to have found another denouement, but I couldn't go against my instincts as a musician. The crescendo of the final octave could lead only to this brutal finale. I played my creation again, hoping that my imagination would deviate from this path, but no; this ending demanded to be played. It could not be modified. In playing it this second time, I had the same impression as with Bella's piece – it too was complete, but there was a feeling that something was missing.

I played my new composition again and again, losing awareness of the house around me. I kept my eyes closed in concentration, spirited away by the melody, by these decisive notes, so in harmony with my own mood. It was only when six intrigued, inquisitive minds surrounded me that I stopped.

I opened my eyes with the sensation of coming from far away, from another world. It was difficult to return to reality, but I finally realized that my family was gathered around the piano.

I read the astonishment in their minds; they knew that I hadn't had the heart to play for ages. They had heard the melancholy and the passion of the piece, an indication of my state of mind. They understood that something had changed in me, that this music was born of very powerful emotions.

It was time for me to tell them the truth. My playing had betrayed me, in any case.

Alice sought my agreement and I blinked at her in a sign of assent. I didn't know how to announce it and I was grateful to my sister for taking charge of the matter.

"He loves her."

No need to hear her name to know who it was. Everyone knew that I had been behaving strangely with her for a while. Now they were evaluating my actions of the last weeks in the light of Alice's revelation.

"That can't be true!" Rosalie exclaimed.

The rest of the family had varying degrees of surprise.

"Edward, in love with a human?" Jasper said, incredulous.

Emmett started laughing. "So that's what it is? Good luck, buddy!"

Carlisle saw that his suspicions had been confirmed. "That's what I thought."

"In love with the girl he saved?" my mother said. "A human …"

It was typical of Esme to see her as the girl I had saved, not as my potential victim. Her thoughts orbited around the idea, considering it from the point of view of a mother who wanted her son to be happy. And she concluded that, human or not, if Bella could draw me out of my state of chronic solitude, that was all that mattered.

But she knew nothing of my plan: I would remain alone, for I would never let Bella know my feelings.

As usual, Rosalie thought about her own concerns. She couldn't help thinking of how little interest I had shown in her when Carlisle had sought for us to … be closer. She couldn't get over the fact that I had scorned her only to choose a human nearly a century later, and I growled when she spoke her thoughts out loud.

"Edward, in love with a handicapped girl … My God, you really don't know what to do with yourself."

Jasper considered the news with this usual unshakable practicality. I saw the path his thoughts were taking and it made me erupt in rage.

"No! That won't happen! She will stay human."

My family immediately understood Jasper's unspoken idea.

Emmett shrugged. "That'd take care of a lot of problems if you let Carlisle do that: you'd have her for eternity and there'd be no more danger that you'd kill her. You'd even be her hero since you would cure her blindness. She'd love you instantly for that – she'd rush into your arms."

I gritted my teeth and my hands clenched into fists. Emmett's nonchalance was normally refreshing, but not this time.

"Bella would never want to regain her sight at the price of her mortality!

There was an insidious part of me that found Emmett's suggestion appealing, and I hated myself for even thinking about it. No, I would never make the only woman I would ever love endure the same fate as me. It was too cruel.

Carlisle shook his head in disapproval. "Never would I take from her family an innocent child in perfect health, even a blind one, to make her one of ours. Doing that is a last resort, not a choice," he said to Emmett and Jasper.

The latter shrugged and turned to me.

"Why don't you let her choose?" he asked.

"She won't choose anything, because she's not going to know about us, much less how I feel about her."

Esme was suddenly disappointed. "You won't tell her anything? Oh, Edward …" She realized that this love would remain secret and unrequited.

"I don't expect anything from Bella. I don't have the right to upend her life. I don't have the right to tell her what I am or what I feel. I'd rather that she not know than for her to be afraid of me."

I looked at my family an instant before dropping my eyes to my keyboard. The black and white keys seemed symbolic: that was how life seemed to me, black and white. I was black, she was white. "Nothing will change."

Since they were all mated, they were imagining an existence in which their partner was unaware of them, and I felt their pain to the sixth power. They couldn't live apart from their mate, but I didn't have a choice – the person my dead heart had chosen was unattainable. My family knew that my feelings would never change, for they too were attached forever to the person who was their mate by a chain that would never be broken. That's how vampires were: once they loved, once someone touched their dead heart, it was for eternity. We loved only once, and this love was indestructible, limitless. It could be blissful – or very destructive.

I saw in my family's thoughts what they feared: they would lose me in the near future. Too near for a vampire. They knew that I wouldn't survive Bella's death. They knew what I would do if she died from illness or age. The prospect saddened them, and that distressed me, for I loved them and didn't want them to suffer. But they knew better than anyone that we would not survive a lost love. All of them would seek to end themselves if their mate disappeared. They all knew what awaited me.

Still, my fate was sealed. Some of them accepted it, some hoped something would happen to change the future and some were frustrated. Jasper and Rosalie resented this human who had stolen my heart, for she would die sooner or later and I would die with her. Esme would be inconsolable, and in a domino effect, the rest of the family would scatter. Did Alice see that far ahead? Did she see the day that Bella would breathe her last, announcing the end of our family?

It was almost nauseating, thinking of Bella's death. No, I didn't want Alice to see that, but she was seeing something else …

Alice was suddenly lost in her visions and soon let out a gasp of surprise. She showed me an image that shocked me: she and Bella were together, arm in arm. And smiling. The white skin of my sister contrasted with Bella's pale complexion. The strangest part of this vision was that Bella didn't appear disgusted in the least by Alice's cold arms around her.

"I'm going to love her too, in my way. It's becoming more solid. It doesn't matter how your relationship goes, we will be friends. Will she know what we are? I don't know yet, but we will be real friends and I will love her."

Friends?

How could such a thing happen?

I recalled Bella's smile when Alice greeted her in the cafeteria. She had liked it. Did that presage a future friendship?

Jasper's mood changed almost automatically. He couldn't hate what Alice cherished.

Rosalie, however, was still full of animosity. For her, Bella was the catalyst for the destruction of our family, whether she was friends with Alice or not.

Esme had a resurgence of hope. In her opinion, if Alice and Bella become friends, that meant something for me. Bella would be part of my life one way or another, or rather, she would be aware that she was, for she was already part of my life forever. She just didn't know it.

Emmett was already imagining the horrible grimaces he would make at her without her realizing it.

Carlisle was considering the possibilities. He would have resisted any other human's having close contact to us, but he knew that Bella was trustworthy since she hadn't talked about the supernatural circumstances of my saving her. His thoughts were intriguing. She would never know our secret, I had sworn that. But we could be closer to her than anyone else since she couldn't see us. We could … omit certain things, skirting the truth but not lying. I could allow myself - NO. I could not allow myself.

"I'll wait until you decide before I approach her," Alice said tranquilly.

"That I decide what?"

"I don't really know. I just should … wait. That's all that's clear for the moment. Everything else is hazy. Everything concerning you is cloudy – there are all sorts of paths you can choose. You're at a crossroads."

These multiple paths I could see in her mind, but I didn't dare explore them for fear of becoming more confused than I already was.

Esme stepped over to me and caressed my cheek tenderly. "Be careful, Edward."

By careful, I knew that my mother wasn't alluding to the risk that I'd kill Bella. She was warning me to be careful with my heart. I shouldn't make myself more unhappy than I already was.

But that's what was in store for me, wasn't it?

Dawn had arrived. A new week of playing human was beginning. My family scattered, more or less shaken by my news. Their minds reflected waiting and hope: they waited to see how this situation would evolve, and they hoped against hope that it wouldn't end like my composition – brutally and sadly.

That morning, I decided to change my routine. I wasn't going to survey Bella's path. Taken by a sudden impulse, I decided to show up at her door when she was leaving. Why couldn't I for once accompany her openly instead of in secret?

When Bella stepped out with her cane, I announced my presence quietly so as not to startle her.

"Edward?" she asked.

"Shall we walk together?" I suggested without preamble.

She didn't ask me why I was there when my house was at the other end of town, nor why I was walking when I had a car. Bella greeted me simply, with an enchanting smile that rocked me. She was happy that I was there, that I was no longer limiting our contact to our conversations in biology and at lunch.

I exulted silently that Bella, despite all she had to fear from me, still sought my company. I should graciously accept all that she could give me, and her friendship, sincere and true, was without a doubt the most precious thing I could expect, even if the lover in me aspired to more.

We walked side by side. We didn't speak about what had happened on Saturday night although it had charged the atmosphere between us. The incident in Port Angeles was taken our relationship to a different level. Not intimate, but everything that occurred that night had made us closer. Or at least I liked to believe.

As always, our main topic of conversation was music. We talked spontaneously, finishing each other's sentences, and even as we debated, I surreptitiously inspected our path. I watched her steps out of the corner of my eye, making sure that nothing would trip her up.

Our arrival at school did not pass unnoticed. People still had difficulty imagining Edward Cullen and Bella Swan spending time together.

"Is Angela around?" Bella asked me suddenly.

I sought out her mind without tearing my gaze from Bella's face.

"She's near her locker, why?"

"I have to talk with her about the science fair, and I especially have to apologize for running out on her on Saturday night," she said wryly. "See you later."

_See you later_. I loved these words, what they promised of a later conversation, a later proximity, of another moment - other than those when I accompanied her via someone else's mind – that I could be near her. I feared the day when Bella would no longer say those words to me, when for justifiable reasons, she would have had enough of being with the strange Cullen who couldn't tell her the truth of what he really was. I dared hope that day would never come.

She left me, and I tried to suppress the ridiculous feeling of being abandoned. Angela was her friend too, one of the rare people to have built a relationship with Bella. I shouldn't interfere with that

I went to my English class, listening to the two of them all the while. Angela was surprised, even impressed, that her friend had spent Saturday night in my company. She wondered why Bella wasn't intimidated by me, but didn't say this aloud.

They talked about the dance to come and the science fair, then Angela asked a question that roused my curiosity.

"So, before you ran into Edward on Saturday, were you able to find the book you wanted so much?"

Bella looked disappointed. "No, it's not available yet."

"Too bad."

The bell rang and I could learn no more.

Why had Bella seemed so let down that her search had failed? She hadn't given me that impression when she mentioned it on Saturday, but perhaps she was preoccupied by the attack – or rather by my murderous impulses – at that moment.

I sought out information in Angela's mind, but she didn't seem to know anything about what book it was. All that she knew was that this book had just come out and that Bella really wanted it.

I waited impatiently for biology class.

"What book were you looking for?" I asked Bella abruptly.

Surprise.

Bella was used to my going directly to the point. But was she wondering if I had eavesdropped on her conversation with Angela? Was she wondering if she had mentioned it on Saturday night and it was mere coincidence that Angela had brought it up this morning?

Hmm. No. Bella was too clever to believe in coincidences. She would no doubt add this to her _personal list _of things that made me … unusual, but I couldn't care. After all, her theories could not lead her to vampirism. The clues I had inadvertently given her were too vague to send Bella down that path.

"The last book of Jacques Arago," she said once she had recovered from her surprise. "Actually that book was written more than a century ago, but it was just discovered."

Arago … I had spent countless nights in the last decades reading all sorts of books of all genres, and I knew of this author. He was a blind playwright and explorer.

I smiled. It wasn't surprising that Bella would seek out his work; he must be inspiring to her.

"I didn't find it," she continued, "but I should have expected that."

"You should?"

"It came out too recently for it to be an audiobook or in Braille. It sometimes takes a year before a new book is available to people like me. And in this case, I doubt that it ever will be. He's not famous enough. Usually, only the most popular books are adapted. I have tastes that aren't that … commonplace."

It was only a book, a distraction, something unimportant, but her visible disappointment made me ache for her.

"I could read it to you," I offered.

Her eyes widened. "It's 900 pages," she objected. "You have better things to do, I'm sure."

"I want to read it to you," I insisted.

"Listen, I don't –"

"What's the title?" I interrupted her.

More and more disconcerted, she gave me the information I wanted, but continued to refuse my proposal. I ignored her protests and turned my attention to Banner, who was starting the lesson.

"We'll begin at lunch," I said.

Obliged to listen to the teacher, she was unable to object further.

When lunchtime came, Bella, still unpersuaded, found me under our tree.

"You don't have to do this," she said.

She was always worried about asking others for help, of being a burden … as if what I was going to do was a big sacrifice. As if she could bother me in any way.

I told her to sit down, I opened the book – which I had hastily bought between biology and history – and began to read. I couldn't read her mind, but I had learned to interpret all her expressions: Bella listened to me at first while chewing her lower lip, full of doubt and apprehension about my reactions. She refused to become too captivated, fearing that at any moment I would tire of reading to her, that I would give up and that her curiosity would be forever unsated. She watched for the least indication of boredom in my voice. I knew that if she sensed the smallest sign of a lack of interest, she would demand that I stop. But I read to her enthusiastically, Arago's words tumbling out of my mouth. She soon let herself be carried away by my voice and relaxed completely. She listened avidly. As I read to her, I gazed at her radiant face and was thrilled that I had been able to give her this moment of pure happiness.

That's how life would be with Bella. I would assure her happiness, indulge her desires. It took so little to delight her that it would be easy. I would show her in my own way how much I loved her, in little anodyne, innocent gestures, gestures that were meaningful but would not reveal exactly how strongly I was attached to her.

I had time to read three chapters before classes resumed. That night, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, I walked her home and we started discussing those first three chapters. I was entranced by this author who had traveled the world and had discovered with his remaining four senses all these different countries. I was fascinated by how someone who couldn't see relied on the same senses as vampires to analyze his environment. Like us, he depended on his hearing and his sense of smell. The similarities with us were remarkable.

This book also interested me because I found Bella there – like Arago himself, she was a fighter who didn't let her handicap get in the way of her ambitions.

I knew that Bella was as captivated as I was by this book, though not of course because of its connection to vampires. In watching her as we talked, though, I saw that something in the text bothered her.

"What's rubbing you the wrong way?" I asked.

"Everyone keeps talking about God, and it's annoying. There's a famine? Heaven will help us. War? God will be on our side. My son is sick? I leave his fate up to God."

I furrowed my brow, not sure if I was pleased or dismayed by her words. "You don't believe in God."

"I believe that there is something greater than us, but I prefer not to give it a name. Every culture, every country, has its own interpretation of the divine, but for me it's all the same. It annoys me that everyone Arago meets relies on these higher powers to take care of his problems. In my opinion, there is nobody better to help ourselves than ourselves. What about you? What's your opinion?"

My opinion was that I had all the characteristics of a demon – I was the opposite of divine. I wasn't sure how to answer her, but I wanted to be as honest as possible.

"I think there is someone or something greater than us. I certainly believe in the Last Judgment."

"You think that when someone dies, there is something above … and below? Heaven and Hell?"

For me, there was only Hell.

"Yes. I think there are two possible destinations after life."

Life? In my mind, life included a soul, and it was clear that I didn't have one. I should have said "existence," but she would have found that an odd choice of words.

Disinclined to expound on my opinion, I steered the subject back to her,

"And you?"

"Hmm, I don't know … I haven't really thought about life after death. After … this - " she showed me her scarred wrists "- I understood that you have to live your life fully without worrying about what is to come. Besides, there's no proof that there even is an 'after.' So if there really is nothing, you would have just squandered the precious time that you have in wondering about nothing. You have to live in the present and not think about what happens to your soul, your mind, whatever you want to call it, when everything's over. Life's short, don't waste it."

Life was short for humans, yes. Me, I had eternity to wonder about the great beyond. Eternity until I decided that I'd had enough … or someone managed to destroy me.

In fact, though, my life _was_ short since I knew that the moment Bella ceased to exist, I would too. Perhaps she was right. Perhaps I should stop asking myself what awaited me _after _and enjoy the decades that remained to me.

"You are afraid of the Last Judgment," she declared suddenly.

I stiffened, not liking the turn in the conversation.

"No, I'm not afraid. I'm resolved. I know what's in store for me."

"And what is that?"

"The flames of Hell," I said with a humorless laugh.

The certainty in my voice surprised her.

"You are convinced that you deserve to go to Hell?"

"Yes."

"You really have a sorry opinion of yourself." She shook her head, dismayed and exasperated at the same time.

"You don't know me well enough to discern whether good or evil is stronger in me."

"You are good enough to save my life, in any case."

"One good deed doesn't make up for a life of sins."

Based on the wrinkles in her brow, she was intrigued by my train of thought.

"You are a sinner, then?"

"You have no idea."

I allowed myself a knowing laugh that left her perplexed. The double meaning of this conversation was material indeed for dark humor.

We had arrived at her house. Bella stopped and turned to me, her lifeless eyes fixed on my chest.

"You know what? The Hell you're expecting, you're living in it already. You spend your time cursing yourself, believing that you're evil. You've constructed your own Hell, Edward, and you're up to your neck in it."

Although she couldn't see my reaction, I reflexively avoided her gaze. I was shaken to be exposed thus by someone who couldn't know anything of the true nature of my torments.

"I deserve it," I replied stubbornly.

"I'm not so sure of that," she said with her half-smile.

On that she went inside, leaving me with wild ideas of redemption and hope that I tried to chase away. I didn't have the right to clemency even if my moon thought I did.

Our discussion the next morning, when I met her at her house once again, turned to less philosophical aspects of Arago's book. I continued my reading at lunch and we again debated the chapters after school.

The explorer often contrasted his life before he went blind to his life afterward. He treated the two eras as if he had been a different person before he lost his sight. I was once more impressed by the resemblance to own history. For us vampires also, our life before the transformation was completely disassociated from our new existence, like memories torn away and put in a vault that was very difficult to open.

I often regretted being unable to open that vault and I wondered if Bella had a similar regret.

"Do you miss your old life?" I asked, repeating the question she had posed to me.

Reluctance. Personal questions always disturbed her. She nonetheless seemed more inclined to give me a response than during our question game on Saturday night.

"Not really. When you accept things, there are no regrets."

"You don't miss anything?"

"Some things I miss, sure. Like …"

There was a pause. The list must be very long.

"Like?"

She seized on one item among so many others.

"Jacques Gestalder."

"Another Jacques?"

"Yes!" she said with a laugh. "A sculptor this time. When I was a little girl, I visited a museum on a school trip and I fell in love with Gestalder's dancers – the body in motion was his favorite subject. They were life-size, and massive. Gestalder had made them ethereal even though the material he used to sculpture them was heavy and imposing. The contrast between light and hard had struck me. These dancers literally flew… And that's why I wanted to start ballet."

I recalled the photo on Charlie Swan's stairway. I knew that she had been a ballerina, but I had to feign astonishment.

"You did ballet?"

"For a time, yes. I wanted to reach the perfection of the dancers captured in marble." She sighed, nostalgic. "I miss not being able to admire those sculptures."

I remembered the two statuettes on her beside tables. They must be miniature reproductions. She probably kept them as a souvenir.

I regretted bringing up an old pain, and I turned our conversation back to Arago.

The third day passed in the same way as the two preceding except for one thing – that afternoon, when we arrived at her house, the patrol car was in the driveway. Charlie had finished work earlier than usual and from what I heard from the house, he was getting his fishing gear ready for the coming weekend.

"Your father knows I'm driving you to Seattle?" I asked.

"I told him that the appointment was canceled."

"It was?"

Disappointment. I had lost an opportunity to be with Bella and I was not even relieved that I would be spared the test of being alone with her for three hours in a small space. I couldn't even manage to see the silver lining: by staying in Forks, she wouldn't risk running into Peter and Charlotte.

"No, the appointment is still on."

Relief.

"But Charlie doesn't know that," she continued.

"Why not tell him that you found another driver?"

"I don't like catching him unawares, but it's better to present it as a done deal. I want him to concentrate on organizing his fishing expedition."

"He wouldn't agree to my taking you?" I asked.

_And he wouldn't be wrong_.

"I don't know. I just don't want him to ask me a bunch of embarrassing questions every day about the person taking me."

She bid me goodbye and walked toward her house. "Thanks again for Arago. Till tomorrow, Edward."

I rejoined her at her door. "I'll go in with you."

"What? But … come on, it's pointless."

I turned the doorknob myself. "Introduce me to your father. I want to do things right."

And I especially wanted to have a good reason to bring Bella back to her father alive. If I knew that Charlie was counting on me, the monster would control itself.

In resignation, Bella led me inside.

"Hi, Dad."

Charlie abandoned his lures and line when he heard his daughter's voice. He came to meet her, cheerful.

"Ah, there you are. How did your day –"

Her father saw me and stopped short.

"Hello, Chief Swan," I said.

I could see that Charlie was sizing me up. Knowing how protective he was, I gave him a friendly smile and made sure to stay a respectable distance from Bella. He had to feel confident that my intentions were honorable. I didn't want him to tell his daughter to stay away from me. Bella would do as she wished, but I didn't wish to be a source of friction between father and daughter.

Bella didn't need eyes to guess that Charlie was giving me an X-ray stare.

"Charlie, Edward Cullen. Edward, Charlie."

My name relaxed him immediately. He had heard of my family, but until now had met only Carlisle. I saw in his mind hazy images of Bella in the hospital after her accident. He remembered that I had saved her.

He held out his hand and I shook it. My icy grip could be plausibly attributed to the cold outside.

"Pleased to meet you," he said sincerely. "How is your father?"

"Very well, thank you."

"I never had the chance to thank you in person for having rescued my daughter."

"It was the natural thing to do."

It was even vital.

Embarrassed that we were talking about her, Bella sought to get immediately to the point of my visit.

"Um, Edward has offered to drive me on Saturday. That okay with you?"

"I thought your appointment was canceled?"

"I … I lied," she said pathetically. "I didn't want you to miss your fishing trip."

"Oh."

Bella's savior or not, in his eyes I was still an adolescent with raging hormones and I needed to reassure him.

"With your permission, I can easily take Bella," I said. "I promise I'll take care of her. We'll come back that night."

I must have been convincing, because he became less suspicious. He was even rather pleased. One of his greatest fears was that Bella would never have a boyfriend and he realized suddenly that I was not at all uncomfortable about her handicap, unlike most of his daughter's acquaintances.

"All right. I'm counting on you, Edward."

His tone was affable, but there was still a warning in his words. I took that warning seriously, aware more than ever of the monster I had to muzzle. I wanted to deserve her father's trust.

Bella blushed, uneasy about being the subject of the conversation. I smiled once more at her father and turned to the door. She walked me there, a dismayed expression on her face. She mouthed a "sorry" at me to apologize for Charlie's protective attitude, and I chuckled to show that I wasn't offended.

"Until tomorrow, Bella."

* * *

><p>On the fourth day, I wasn't at all surprised to see the patrol car still in the driveway. Charlie had decided to leave later for work that morning so he could watch his daughter go to school. He had made up some pretext for his delay, but I had no need to look at Bella's face or to read his mind to guess that she didn't believe him. She knew she was under surveillance.<p>

She must have told him after I left the night before that I had been walking with her for the past several days, and her father wanted to see for himself. I pretended to not see him lurking at the window as Bella joined me on the sidewalk, although I heard his contradictory thoughts to the end of the block. Charlie was pleased that his daughter had a friend of the male sex, but at the same time he planned to teach me a lesson if I dared to try anything with her. In his mind, Bella was still his little girl.

I smiled, understanding her father's mistrust – besides, he was completely right to fear me even if he was completely wrong about why: the last thing I could allow myself to do was try anything with Bella.

As we walked, I noticed that Bella had left her retractable cane in her knapsack. When had she stopped using it? I didn't know; I had been too engrossed by our conversation these last few days. It was only this morning that I suddenly realized that Bella was relying on me to guide her. Without my being aware of it, she had started to depend on my voice to avoid obstacles. She had understood that as Iong as I was next to her, nothing obstructed her path. It was the same at school: she didn't have to think about the crowds of students in the hallway because everyone instinctively moved aside when I passed. Much of the time, I left her at the door to her classroom, and met her there to escort her to her next class.

I knew that Bella was fiercely independent, that she didn't want to depend on anyone to get around the school. I was delighted that she had made an exception for me. Perhaps she sensed that I didn't pity her or see her as helpless. I was simply there in case, to reassure her and guide her.

Once more, Bella was demonstrating that she trusted me, that she counted on me, that she felt safe with me.

Once more, I was touched and dismayed.

That fourth day, I followed her through her classmates' thoughts until it was time for gym. Excused because of her condition, Bella usually went to an empty lab room to work on her science project or to the library to study. In either case, I couldn't see her since she was alone. It was painful for me, but I tried to endure her absence with patience. This day, though, some intuition prompted me to ditch my own class to look in the library. She wasn't there. I then searched the labs in vain.

I began to worry to the point where I sneaked into the girls' restroom. Nobody.

I surveyed the school, but nobody had Bella in his field of vision.

Where had she gone?

She was a creature of habit. What had happened to make her change her routine?

In my anxiety, I allowed myself to do something I could never have done a month ago without losing control: I tracked Bella's scent.

I sniffed the air, ignoring the odors of cooking and unimportant humans, and isolated her enthralling fragrance. It seared my throat, but I was too worried to pay it much mind. I traced her to the forest next to the school.

I ran there, finding her quickly. Relieved that she was safe and sound, I followed her in silence, discreetly. My anxiety transformed into intrigue: why had she left school? What did she plan to do in the forest?

Her knapsack on one shoulder, her cane in one hand and her other extended before her, she walked unsteadily in the woods. She stumbled over rocks, branches and stumps, and each time I had to force myself not to catch her. Why was she inflicting this on herself? She panted, leaned against trunks, slipped on moss, tripped, fell. I impotently clenched my jaw and my nails dug into my palms.

The bruise on her arm wasn't enough for her? She was a masochist.

_Stop, Bella, please. Turn around. You're going to hurt yourself._

I observed that she was counting her steps in murmurs, and her outstretched hand touched everything it could reach. I had learned that this was how she learned a route by heart. People like Bella developed a phenomenal tactile memory.

The ground eventually became more even, the trees farther apart, the rocks less common. She stopped in a little meadow, then navigated a circle, touching all the trees and pausing at one, a massive oak with a twisted trunk and low branches. She put her knapsack on the ground and pulled out her laptop, then two small speakers. She switched on her computer, touched a key and put it on the grass. She put her speakers at some distance from each other on the ground. I heard Debussy then, the notes of the piano echoing in the forest.

Bella wanted to be alone to listen to our favorite composer, but why did she feel she had to go so far away?

She stood up and removed her jacket and shoes. She took a barrette from her pocket and put her hair up into a chignon.

She walked into the middle of the meadow, inhaling deeply and closing her eyes. She lengthened her neck and pointed her chin up. She let one foot glide along the grass, then another, making a circle with her leg in a rond de jambe. And I realized what she planned to do.

Dance.

Bella slowly lifted her arms toward the sky and it made me think of a swan spreading its wings. Giving herself over to the movements, she executed several sequences of steps and I recognized the rudiments of ballet. I remembered the awkward young ballerina in Charlie's photographs. She had perhaps become a talented little dancer … before her illness ended it.

The night before, in asking her that personal question, I had not only awakened her childhood memories, I had prompted her to try something that she probably hadn't done for years.

I knew then why she wanted to be alone; she didn't want an audience because she was testing herself, relying on memory to execute these steps, obliged to trust in instinct rather than sight. She had to find her equilibrium with her four other senses. And she feared looking ridiculous in front of someone else. I felt uneasy, a bit of a voyeur, but I couldn't stop watching her. And even if Bella were clumsy, I wouldn't have been able to mock her.

But she wasn't. She moved with so much grace and elegance that I could see that she hadn't forgotten what she had learned when she was younger. Today, she had her own style, less restrained and more fluid than the traditional rigidity of ballet. She executed the cabrioles, jumps, turns and pirouettes that Debussy inspired in her.

She bounded around the meadow, her confidence increasing, and finally rose lightly onto her toes. She pivoted, soared, spun. She never bumped into anything. She had a map of the meadow in her head, and used all the space available to give herself over to her dance. When "Clair de Lune" reached its end, she finished with a twirl and an elegant arabesque and sprang into the splits. That was her finale.

Breathless but happy, Bella went to her knapsack and took out a bottle of water. She had apparently put Debussy on repeat, for the piece began to play again on its own. After a few sips, she put down the bottle and walked to the old oak. She curtseyed to it deferentially in greeting. She began to dance again, but this time the tree was her focus, her imaginary partner. She spun around it, touched it with her fingers, her leg stretched into a perfect arch. She paid homage to it. She repeated the same sequence several times and suddenly I wanted to be closer to her. I leapt into the branches of the oak and had a view down onto her delicate silhouette. I watched her pivot around the tree – around me.

Bella stopped when the piece ended, and I reckoned that she would start again when the song did. I slid silently to the foot of the tree and when she curtseyed to the oak, she was curtseying to me. I became her partner without her knowing it. I copied her movements, then started to complete them. All more quietly and discreetly than ever.

I was so close, yet so far. Never would I permit myself to touch her, even to graze her skin. What was I playing at? I didn't want her to become aware of my presence, my intrusion, but I needed to dance with her, to transform her solo into a pas de deux.

Bella was a three-dimensional painting and I was her frame. I matched my steps to hers.

Once, Bella missed her cue. She stayed a moment too long in her arabesque, frowning. I was mere inches from her, my face right next to hers. I became stone. She was waiting for something, listening, thinking of I don't know what. Had she sensed my presence?

The piano started another measure and Bella took up where she had left off. She finished her arabesque and continued her sequence. I continued to follow her, warily.

I noticed a small change in her choreography. She modified her steps. Soon I no longer knew who was accompanying whom. Who was anticipating? Who was completing? Who was guiding? She matched her movements to mine and we blended, all without physical contact.

A waltz.

She abruptly stopped dancing and stretched her hand in my direction. I retreated to avoid contact.

Her palm was vertical, waiting. Through an impulse beyond my control, I reached out my own hand toward hers. Our palms almost touched. Bella drew a circle in the air and my hand synchronized with hers. She stepped toward me, I stepped back. She stepped to the right, I stepped to the left. She slowly knelt in the grass. I followed, like a mirror. We stayed a long time like this, face to face, palm to palm. Lion to lamb. Predator to prey. Human to non-human. Soul to soulless. Fire to ice. Mind to … mind.

She knew. She knew I was there.

She didn't seem angry or frightened. Perhaps perplexed, but her expression was calm.

Her face lit up with a smile intended for her partner. At that I fled, disappearing from the meadow.

What had I done?

I returned to the school. I should regret having followed her and betraying my presence, but I couldn't. I had loved this dance, and she had too. I couldn't regret that. I had the feeling of having exposed myself more through our waltz than I had in any words – words that I would never have allowed myself to speak. What was most disconcerting of all was that Bella had reacted positively. Her body had moved with mine in harmony.

I was shaken and troubled by this. A jumble of emotions, of illusory hopes, invaded me. I forced myself in vain to repress them, to convince myself that I had an overactive imagination.

I knew that Bella would return to school for her next class; she was too conscientious to stay in the forest all morning. And in her way she was doing her own gym class with all her cabrioles. That's probably how she had justified to herself leaving school without a pass.

I found her again thanks to Angela, who was in math class with her. Bella's cheeks were pink, and she was still panting a bit. She wasn't in the habit of exercising. Angela asked her why she was breathless, and Bella told her that she was so absorbed in their science project that she hadn't heard the bell ring and had to run to get to class on time.

Through my eavesdropping I learned that she didn't plan to meet me at our pine tree at lunch. Fortunately, what had happened in the meadow wasn't the reason: the science fair was next week and she wanted to use the time to work on her project with Angela, especially because Tyler was busy with basketball practice and couldn't "help" them.

She asked Angela to look out the window to see if by chance I was already at our pine, but I arranged it so that I was walking _by chance_ in the same hallway as they were.

"No, he's at the other end of the corridor," Angela reported.

"Oh, okay. I'll meet you in the lab. I need to go tell him."

She left Angela and called to me, uncertain how far away I was.

"Edward? Edward, are you there?"

I came to her, not sure how to act. Should I behave as if nothing had happened?

"Hi, Bella. Are you ready for Chapter 7?"

I decided to mimic her own attitude toward our previous … encounter, but even so I would pretend to know nothing of her plans for the lunch hour.

"Not today. I have to finish the ultrasound machine with Angela."

No awkwardness, no embarrassment, no mute reproach, no questions. No allusion to what had occurred. Nothing.

I had probably fooled myself. Bella hadn't sensed anything at all and I did indeed have an overactive imagination.

"If all goes well, we'll be done tomorrow," she added, her expression cheerful.

I knew that the competition was important to her, a way of showing everyone that her blindness wouldn't keep her from accomplishing something. It was a personal challenge as well. I admired her for that, but the besotted man in me couldn't help but be disappointed at being deprived of her presence … However… I could perhaps combine the two. Something in her voice and expression told me that she too was disappointed to not spend time with me now. I was elated by this observation and I searched for a solution that would please us both.

"I'm curious. I'd like to see your machine," I said.

Bella was agreeably surprised that I wanted to know more. She was so enthusiastic about her project that just my small manifestation of interest provoked a torrent of explanation. I listened attentively, even if, thanks to my daily espionage, I already knew everything about this machine that emitted ultrasounds that were supposed to affect human behavior.

We headed to the lab room and when Angela saw me come in, she couldn't get over it. She was cutting some cardboard that was probably meant to be a poster for their display and she froze in shock.

"_Oh, my God. He isn't going to stay here, is he? I can't work if he's here. I can't focus."_

Her scissors fell to the table and I stifled a laugh.

"Would it bother you if Edward had a look?" Bella asked, unaware that Angela was in fact very bothered.

"Um… no, not at all. I … I –"

She seized on the first excuse she could find to escape.

"Um, I forgot to bring my lunch. I'm going to get something from the cafeteria and come back_. And I hope he'll be gone when I do._"

Bella slid her hand along the machine sitting on the table, already concentrating too much on it to notice her partner's awkwardness.

"Okay, see you soon," she said, distracted.

I nodded politely to Angela, trying to not be too intimidating, but my nature was my nature, and all I got from Angela was a grimace before she high-tailed it out of the lab room.

Bella turned on the machine, tested some frequencies and noted them in her laptop.

"I wish I could have seen Angela's face," she said.

"What do you mean?"

"You scared her off. She didn't forget her lunch at all. I can smell the ham and cheese on the lab table. What is it about you that makes her so nervous?"

Always so observant even when she didn't seem to be noticing anything.

I could have answered her question in a variety of ways, each one more terrifying than the other, but I didn't. Instead I asked more about her machine.

"It's not ready yet," she said, resigned to not getting an explanation from me. "We need to make it so that the frequencies are synchronized to get the desired response from human listeners. For the moment, if the machine is set at its maximum, you hear nothing because the frequency is too high to be perceived, but the sound waves in the air make people edge away. They're disturbed, even though they don't know why. It's a rather subtle response. But Angela and I want to get the opposite effect: to draw people closer instead of pushing them away. We haven't managed to do that yet." She demonstrated by turning the dial all the way to the right.

My reaction was explosive. I hadn't expected this, even though I should have suspected the possibility from the beginning. With my hypersensitive hearing, the high pitch was not just uncomfortable, but unbearable. The strident noise made my ears ring. I shoved the heels of my hands into my temples, overcome by a horrible pain that vibrated from my eardrums into my brain.

"Stop! Stop it instantly!" I cried, nearly paralyzed by the pain.

Bella, not anticipating my violent reaction, was startled by my cry and slammed her hand into the point of Angela's scissors…

I saw red.

* * *

><p><em>AN: In this chapter, there has been a lot of discussion of art in its many forms and I apologize to those of you who read fics for the typical vampire suspense of "Twilight." This chapter is more … tranquil? than ordinarily. Which is what I wanted. You see, in Meyer's version, Bella and Edward are simply made for each other, but I've always wondered about their relationship. Aside from gazing longingly into each other's eyes, what do they do? Aside from his physical qualities, what does Bella see in Edward? What do they talk about when they're not canoodling? We know that an indestructible love ties them together, but Meyer doesn't clearly define the nature of this love. It just _is._ So I wanted to write some conversations in which they discuss their own philosophies, find some common interests that will make their relationship fuller, more complete. So that's what I did in this chapter. And as you can see, the plot picks up at the end …_

_T/N: As promised: Jacques Arago (1790-1854) was a blind French writer and explorer, member of a family of distinguished writers, scientists and statesmen. (The French have a charming habit of naming everything for historical figures, and there are many Boulevards Aragos in French cities – much better than the American practice, as the poet Billy Collins describes it, of naming streets after the animals and plants that were eradicated to build them, like Pheasant Ridge Lane and the like. End of digression.) The book Bella and Edward read is "Souvenir d'un Aveugle: Voyage Autour du Monde," which does not appear to be in print in English. Fun fact: Arago also wrote an account of his journey in which the letter A never appears._

_Jacques Gestalder (1918-2006) was a French sculptor who specialized in statues of dancers and artists._


	8. Confession

_Disclaimer: Smeyer owns "Twilight" and a producer credit on that movie that just came out. Elysabeth owns "Les Yeux de la Lune."_

_T/N: Ah, I knew you guys would like the dance scene in the last chapter. It was one of the things that had me itching to translate this._

* * *

><p>Chapter 8: Confession<p>

Everything around me – the tables, the chairs, the walls of the lab room - fell away. All I could see were the tiny drops of blood on her flesh. My muscles coiled; my whole body responded to the irresistible urge to attack. My jaw opened automatically and my teeth were covered with venom. Never was I as close to succumbing as at that moment.

False.

I wasn't _close_ to succumbing. I was succumbing _already_.

I bent toward the cut, the victim unaware that her predator was dangerously close, too occupied in finding something to clean her wound to think about her approaching death.

This precious fountain was going to be wasted, wiped away, diluted by an antiseptic, smothered by a bandage, dried by some absorbent material. Its warm, fresh taste would soon be only a memory, an unslaked fantasy. Oh, no, she wouldn't clean it up. I wouldn't give her the chance. What an insult to seek to stop this stream, to keep it from escaping the skin that held it back.

But then that horrible ultrasound machine became Bella Swan's salvation.

I regained my reason when I leaned too close to Bella, who was right next to the infernal thing. The sound waves attacked my brain even more strongly. She and Angela had done their work well on the machine when it came to pushing people away. Me, it made flee the school in a flash. If the monster in me had not been so distracted by the torment of the strident noise, Bella would be dead.

It was fortunate that it was lunchtime. Everyone was in the cafeteria and didn't see me running much more quickly than a normal human. In my flight I had a glimpse of Emmett running through a hallway, Alice at his heels. She had seen what was happening. Not rapidly enough, alas. Emmett was coming to stop me, but the machine had done it for him.

I paid no attention to them. Only one thing mattered: getting out.

I had to go away before those terrible sound waves stopped and were no longer able to keep me from attacking. I ran deep into the forest, as far as I could. Running kept me from thinking. I knew that everything would catch up with me when I came to a halt, but like a coward I wanted to put off the moment when reality would capture me like a suffocating net.

I paused only to throw myself on an elk buck whose path brought him fatally close to me. I drained him, and he had a horrible death. Normally, my prey didn't suffer long. Not this time. His agony was long. I punished him the way I needed to be punished myself. But I was indestructible, and this poor animal was a substitute, a replacement, a scapegoat. He was my release. I gave him the treatment that I would have inflicted on myself if only I could destroy myself. My thirst raged. I longed for a nectar far more satisfying than this bland liquid. But I drank till the last drop of blood to torture myself for desiring that other nectar.

And when everything was over, I was so disgusted with myself that I started running again. I fled as if I could leave everything that I was behind me, as if I could run so fast that my actions couldn't follow me. Yet it all clung to me like two magnets, one positive, one negative. The negative one was unbreakably attached to all that was positive in me. I couldn't pull away one without the other following.

Still, I ran until there was no more ground under my feet. I had reached the cliffs, and the ocean waves echoed as they hit. The breeze cleared my mind, but not in a soothing way. Instead it blew away all my dreams and hopes, all that I secretly longed for, all the light that had been in me these last weeks. It swept away all illusions. It carried off all the serenity that had come from simply being near Bella Swan. All that was taken from me, leaving behind only the things so heavy that no wind could make them disappear: bitterness, defeat, remorse, guilt.

What had I done?

What had I been about to do?

I had been ready to kill her, my only love. And that is what I nearly did, what I had _wanted _to do.

How could I have claimed to be strong? How could I have even thought myself capable of handling this sort of situation? I had wanted to protect her from Charlotte and Peter, yet it was _I _who was her biggest danger. How could I have had the arrogance to believe that I could be her protector while I was a constant risk to her?

I had imagined all sorts of scenarios in which I inhaled Bella's captivating perfume, but none in which she had accidentally hurt herself.

I had to go back to the starting line, to that first day when the monster so nearly succeeded in his goal. To begin my training once more.

No. I couldn't.

I couldn't restart anything. I couldn't expose Bella to the permanent danger that I posed. I had been wrong. Wrong all along. I would never be strong enough, controlled enough, to handle the sight of her blood. I couldn't resist it. I couldn't prepare myself. I had trained myself to be around her aroma as long as her horribly tempting blood was safely contained. I wasn't ready for a Bella who was bleeding. And I never would be. Humans were so fragile, so prone to hurting themselves. Whether it was a little cut or a major accident, it was all the same to me: to see her blood run like a precious trickle of water in an oasis was a test that I could never pass.

All that I had done, all that I had created, all that I had shared with Bella Swan these last days ... it was all an enormous, deplorable and tragic lapse in judgment.

I couldn't be her friend. I couldn't love and protect her in secret. I was a paradox. The best way to protect Bella was to stay out of her life. To disappear.

I had to go away, Very far away. The other side of the ocean in front of me if necessary. I couldn't stay here. I couldn't win this combat against myself.

I berated myself for having been the indirect cause of Bella's injury, but at the same time I was grateful that it had happened. This incident had opened my eyes: I couldn't be near her. Unless she was in a suit of armor, Bella would hurt herself again in some way or another during the course of her life. And she wouldn't always have near her that damned ultrasound machine to distract the monster. Humans always hurt themselves; their skin was so easy to break, their flesh so easy to tear open … I had needed years of training to resist the view of human blood. Even then I was far from having the restraint of Carlisle. And for Bella, it would take me a millennium, with her blood so appetizing to me. It would take longer than a human life to strengthen myself. Bella would die of old age before I could approach her without risk.

I realized suddenly that loving Bella Swan for eternity was my punishment for what I was. For loving Bella Swan was like loving an illusion, an intangible dream. Loving Bella Swan was to understand how much of a despicable creature I was.

I watched the sea crash against the foot of the cliffs. If only it could swallow me up…

I don't know how long I stayed there lamenting my fate. I was vaguely aware of the day passing, the night coming. My family had probably looked for me, but surely Alice had seen that I would refuse to talk to them, that I would run from them. I had no need for their compassion, their support. I didn't want it. Alice had probably told them to leave me alone for now.

I stayed where I was, a cold statue overlooking the ocean, consumed with sorrow. Humans often said that crying brings relief. For me to find such relief, my tears would have to equal the water in the sea beneath my feet.

"Edward!"

I was hearing her call my name now. She was so deeply embedded in me that I was having auditory hallucinations.

"Edward!"

No, I was wrong. It was too real to be a hallucination.

"Edward!"

Her voice was getting closer.

Not possible.

I stiffened as a too-appetizing scent reached me. Reflexively, the result of my training these last weeks, I stopped breathing while I turned around to face the forest behind me.

Bella was there, making her way hesitantly through the trees.

How was it possible? She was the last person who should seek me out – and, paradoxically, the only one I wanted to see.

"Edward, answer me, please! Where are you?"

Surely she hadn't been searching for me all day? How had she been able to find me? I was miles from the school. I had left her without warning. I had vanished from the lab room in less than a second. She couldn't have followed me.

It was improbable, illogical. Yet Bella was there, stumbling through the woods. Her bandaged hand reminded me of what I had done and I groaned.

"Go away!" was all I could manage to say.

_Go away before I kill you! Run for your life!_

Like a startled wild animal, I jumped high into a tree and crouched among the branches.

My voice must have revealed my location, for she walked to the foot of the tree and called to me again.

"Edward, where are you?"

"Go away!" I repeated, gripping my temples with my hands as if that could stop me from hearing my name in her gentle voice.

A voice marked by concern, however. Bella was worried about me even though the only thing she should worry about was her own survival.

She lifted her face to the branches high above her, surely wondering how I could have climbed up so fast, but that was the least of her worries. Something else was preoccupying her.

"No, I won't go away."

I kept my eyes closed. I didn't want to see her. It was torture to look at her, to see all that I had lost –or rather, all that I never had and never would.

"How did you find me?" I demanded from my aerie.

"It doesn't matter. I'm here now."

"Go away, Bella. Don't stay here. It's a mistake. We … we shouldn't see each other again. Go away," I said despairingly.

I wasn't looking at her. I couldn't see the effects my words had on her, but I knew they wounded her. I wasn't so deluded as to believe that she loved me as much as I loved her, but I knew that our friendship was important to her. That I was rejecting her suddenly without warning would be like a punch to her stomach.

Could I hate myself even more than I did already? The word itself, hate, was too mild for me – I would have to create a vocabulary to find words strong enough to describe how I felt at this moment.

Bella spoke once more, her voice tired and lifeless.

"I hadn't thought that this would happen again, that I would experience another of your 180-degree turns. You … you promised to warn me, so that I could be prepared, remember?" she said, sounding disillusioned.

I remembered perfectly. But the day that I had made that promise, I was too naïve. I had made that promise only to reassure her, for I was certain that I would never again need to push her away, that I loved her too much.

"I don't keep my word, as you can observe," I replied, as disillusioned as she was. "I'm like that. You can't count on me."

She didn't know how true that was.

Bella seemed to draw herself up to her full height. "I'm not going to let you do that to me again! I'm not going to let you ruin everything! You can't turn your back on me. At least, not without explaining why."

Why… it was a legitimate question.

I opened my eyes, absorbing the pain caused by the view of this being whom I loved and whom I was going to leave. I wanted this pain. It was a fair price to pay for what I was about to do: make her afraid.

I jumped from my aerie and landed at her feet.

"It's so you'll live! That's why!"

Bella recoiled at my words, as taken aback by their meaning as by my silent leap that kept her from knowing where I was exactly. But my words raised more questions than they answered, apparently. And those questions kept her from retreating. She was prepared to confront me. Or so she believed.

"I said before that I would wait for you to be ready to tell me everything. I have been patient, but now I've had enough. I repeat: enough. Tell me what you are, Edward. You've known for some time that you can trust me. That's the key, isn't it – if you tell me the truth, I'll understand everything else, won't I?"

She spoke to me with composure, but I sensed her urgency to know, her need to know.

"You don't want to hear the truth," I gritted out.

"I can hear anything!" she yelled in exasperation. "For God's sake, I want to understand who you are. It's frustrating to be constantly in a fog with you. Why did you leave me like that? Why are you so remote from me now when just this morning we were so … close in the meadow?"

I flinched at her words. I wasn't the victim of an overactive imagination: Bella had been completely aware of my presence.

This reminder of what we had shared this morning led me back to my sad reality: we had made a mistake.

Bella made her voice reassuring. It was almost convincing. "Whatever you tell me, it won't affect anything between us, I promise. I trust you."

"You shouldn't."

"Why? You spend all your time warning me off, but I haven't seen anything, in the little bits of information you've told me, to make me scared of you!"

She said this with conviction despite the quaver in her voice. "You … you saved my life, more than once. How can you say that I can't depend on you? On the contrary: you're like a pillar, a unmovable boulder that I can cling to. You realize, I don't even need my cane with you! And that's just one thing among so many others."

I couldn't contradict her - this Bella shaking in her vehemence before me was overwhelming.

"You … you really seemed to appreciate me as a person. I don't feel blind with you. I don't feel constantly reminded of my handicap, of what makes me different from everyone else. With you, I feel at ease … I feel like myself."

As I felt at ease with her. With her, I didn't feel constantly reminded that I was a vampire. I forgot what I was when I talked with her and I lost myself in her quiet gaze. … But all that was just another mistake. I shouldn't discover more things we had in common, things that showed we weren't so unalike, because they were just more attachments that I had to cut. And the pain, hers and mine, would be all the more unendurable.

Sensing my effort to distance myself, that I didn't want to hear any more, Bella moved closer to me. I stepped back.

"You even read to me! I never felt that you were forcing yourself." Her voice became unsteady, and I made myself stay unaffected by her wet eyes. "You have no idea how much that meant to me … You aren't bad, Edward. Leave that hell that you have created for yourself, I beg you. I doesn't matter what you are hiding – I know that what's in there is good."

She pointed at my chest. At my heart. And her gesture chilled me.

"What's in there is dead," I said harshly.

Her eyebrows drew together and she shook her head in confusion. "I don't understand," she said.

Bella has accepted that I had a dangerous side, but when she learned that side of me was an aberration, a curse, she would reject me. She had to understand, once and for all. The sight of just one drop of blood would have meant her death if the ultrasound machine hadn't been on. I had to prove it to her so that she would have a normal human reaction and run away from me. If I made her hate me, fear me, she would flee. I had wanted to keep Bella Swan in the dark, but it was dishonest and unfair. She had to know, to know just how vile I was. She had to realize that she had flirted with death more than once in my presence.

I had always feared her rejection. It was the worst calamity I could envision aside from killing her by accident. But now I wanted to incite her to hate me because I deserved it. I would suffer, but that would be right. I had to make her hate me to punish myself. And knowing that she would push me away would no doubt help me go away more easily, to leave this town so Bella would no longer be in danger from me.

My warnings hadn't been enough. My words had been futile, but my actions, they would convince her.

"So you want to understand? You're going to …"

I broke the rules I had imposed on myself. I had the audacity to move closer to her than was prudent. I stepped next to her, leaned down, put my lips to her ear and purred.

"Listen to my voice. It's the most bewitching sound that you could ever hear. Everything about me is a lure. I'm sure you've been told more than once that I'm the most attractive boy in school. There's a reason for that. Everything about me invites people in: my voice, my face, even my smell."

I let a bitter smile spread across my face; I knew she would sense it. I straightened up so I could gauge the effect of my voice on Bella. She shivered when my breath caressed her temple and her heart beat wildly. But she didn't move an inch; her entire being was waiting for me to speak further.

"All those things serve simply to attract our prey. My physical attributes are a camouflage. I'm the world's most dangerous predator, Bella."

Her mouth opened. I didn't know if she was on the verge of contradicting me or voicing her astonishment, because I cut her off.

"I am a killer."

This time, my voice was incisive, fatalistic.

I didn't give her time to absorb this revelation. I grabbed her and held her in the cage of my arms. Bella gasped in surprise and I jumped to the top of the tree. The flight took her breath away. She saw nothing, but I knew that the speed of our movement would tell her that I had made a leap that no human could have done. I instinctively found footing on a branch. I kept her prisoner, the monster leashed but pacing inside me. I held her, her back against my chest, my arms serving as chains around her waist. I bent my head again to her ear.

"You feel that? Do you think that's normal?" I murmured, almost cajoling.

Then I let myself drop from the branch, carrying her with me. Bella made a strangled cry. We descended more than 50 feet and the sensation of free fall made her heart miss a beat. I landed on my feet, absorbing the shock for her, but she was still shaken by the impact.

Bella panted, her eyes wide and dazed, but she didn't try to escape my iron grip. She waited. I took her hand and planted it on the bark of the tree we had just fallen from.

"Keep your hand on that tree," I ordered her. "Feel what happens."

I seized the tree and pulled it out of the ground. Bella heard the roots being torn away from the earth. The bark under her fingers slid as I raised the tree, and then she felt the soil-clogged roots, her jaw dropping, before I threw the trunk into the air, sending it crashing into an enormous boulder. We could easily hear the wood splinter as it hit, echoing throughout the forest.

"I am stronger than 10 men put together."

I went on, not waiting for her reaction.

"I'm faster, too." I jumped onto the boulder, then ran to different points of the forest at each of my words. "And more agile." Another jump put me suddenly behind her trembling figure. "More than anything that you can imagine." Bella spun around, disoriented, unable to understand where I was after I leapt once more, landing 30 feet away.

We again were face to face and she startled when she heard my voice so close after believing that I was still far away.

"Do you think it's normal that I can do such things?"

I grabbed her again and flew her to the cliff. I dangled her over the edge. Her eyes widened even more when she heard the waves hit the rocks beneath her.

"A creature like me could let you fall at any moment without the least remorse."

I pulled her back to solid ground and curled my hand around her throat. I let loose a groan rough with greed at the feel of her pulse.

"I could break your neck with one hand, one finger, if I wanted to," I warned her through gritted teeth. "Can't you feel how cold I am, frozen from the inside, petrified and dead?"

The warmth of her skin against my icy fingers gave proof to my words.

"I am a monster, Bella, designed to kill humans, because it is humans who feed us, me and those like me. Your blood is our drink, our diet. I am a vampire, Bella."

I spat out those last words with disgust. They echoed through the forest, their sinister truth sinking into my bones. An unendurable, leaden silence followed.

I read on her face so much confusion mingled with so much disbelief that I couldn't tell which had the upper hand: did she believe me or did she think I was playing a very bad practical joke on her?

I perceived the doubt in her dead eyes, the mirrors of her silent mind. I realized that her "confidential list," her theories, hadn't even come close to reality. I saw the skepticism in her irises. For her, this was all myth and folklore. Still, she was starting to see the truth, to consider the thing as a possibility. I guessed that from her increasingly troubled expression, closer and closer to what I expected: fear. I took advantage of the fact that her mind was half-open to the idea to drive my words home and prove to her the truth: undeniable, fatal, destructive.

"I wanted to drain you. Your scent is the most appealing of all fragrances. Your blood is like a drug to me. I want it. I long for it. I've wanted to kill you from the first day."

Hammering heart. Shaking limbs. Wide eyes. Bloodless face.

Finally, finally … I was seeing what I was seeking and fearing so much: fear. Terror. I loosened my grip and Bella swayed. She collapsed onto the ground, and didn't try to stand back up. Her trembling legs could no longer support her. She didn't say a word; she didn't scream. She was paralyzed by fright. Horror covered her normally delicate, warm features.

I had thought that I was prepared for her reaction. I had _wanted_ this reaction. But actually seeing it at this instant, I felt worse than I could have imagined. Overcome by remorse, I let myself fall into the abyss. The bitterness of my despair and her fear spread in me like a poison. I was being ripped apart.

The black hole pulled me under as I fell to my knees. My legs, too, were too weak to support me. The burden was too heavy to bear. I collapsed, my fists, eyes and teeth clenched, and I longed for the ground to open up beneath my knees so that Hell would swallow me up forever. I wanted to scream, but no sound came out - I was all knots, gaping holes and torn flesh. I was a ruin built of regret and disillusionment. I hated myself as I never had before.

I had never deserved her friendship, much less her love, and what I had just done proved it. I was loathsome. I was unworthy even to walk next to her, to speak to her. I deserved to be alone for the rest of my eternity, lonely and despondent. I deserved the punishment of Hell and a thousand damnations.

I had to get away, but I didn't have the strength to leave. I had to plan my immediate departure. I should think of my family, how I would hurt them by abandoning them. But I couldn't do any of that. I was unable to move, to think of anything than the horrible pain that was raking me.

After I don't know how long, I suddenly sensed someone creeping over to my carcass. I shook and curled into myself more, pushing away this presence who I knew was filled with disgust toward me now. I had thought she was far away by now, running as fast as possible to put the greatest distance possible between herself and the monster.

But she was still here. She was trying to get closer to me. Perhaps she would curse me for having misled her, for pretending to be friends so I could play with my prey…

A familiar feather caressed my arm.

I raised my eyes and met two bottomless irises. The terror I had seen there had been erased by something stronger and completely unexpected: serenity.

I regarded her more closely. I opened the least dangerous of my senses so I could scrutinize her. Bella seemed strangely calm. Her heart was beating frantically, but she was clearly trying to show that she was in control of herself.

I glanced around us. The sun had set. The night had crept into the forest.

I had remained a long time in the abyss, and as for Bella, she seemed to have done a lot of thinking. She appeared exhausted but at peace, as if she had been waging a long battle and had come out of it the victor. Purple circles were under her eyes, a physical sign of her strenuous mental combat. While I was agonizing, she had reflected, meditated. And she had made a decision. I didn't know what the nature of that decision was, but I knew the result of it: she had decided not to run from me.

I was too disoriented and overwhelmed to move or speak, even to utter a sound of stupefaction. I was more animal than human at that moment. More animal than vampire, even. More unapproachable and more savage. Bella must have sensed the fear and uncertainty that ruled me, because she moved away from me, just a little. She sat cross-legged in the grass, patient, silent.

There was only the movement of the waves and the shaking of the leaves during a silence of a minute, or an hour, I didn't know. In this indeterminate time, I tried to understand the behavior of Bella Swan, to find the logic of it. I had been so certain of her rejection, expecting nothing other than that, and the knowledge that she was next to me was impossible to grasp.

I understood nothing of anything, and not being able to read how she was going to react, to anticipate her reactions, to divine what she was going to say or do, made me even more wary. I remained curled on the ground, unease and apprehension joining the flood of emotions warring in me.

"All this is … unsettling," I heard suddenly.

She had apparently understood that I would say nothing, so Bella spoke as if she was talking to herself, not waiting for a response. Her voice was trembling, hesitant yet determined all at the same time.

"I considered myself someone pretty open to different races, cultures, the different facets of life in the world. But this facet, I confess that I had never suspected its existence. And yet, there you are: an example of the supernatural in the flesh."

There it was: she no longer saw Edward, but a freak show.

Was she still here because she had a morbid curiosity that was stronger than her instinct for self-preservation?

"I'm afraid," she said simply.

This frank confession took me by surprise. It should have wounded me, made me suffer even more. I knew she was afraid — I had felt it. But that Bella had described herself as frightened should have been an even bigger blow. After all, it was a confirmation of everything that I feared.

However, her words intrigued me more than they hurt me. Bella seemed to regret her fear. There was a note of guilt in her voice.

Incredible. She was sorry that she was afraid of me! She was apologizing for reacting normally to how I had just mistreated her! It was completely absurd.

Without realizing it, I had straightened up, no longer cowering like an animal, and was now staring at Bella Swan, my gaze questioning and confused.

She played nervously with a dead leaf that her fingers had found on the ground.

"Vampire…"

The word made her smile ironically. She considered that word, studied it. I knew that from her gaze, fixed as always on nothing, because I had learned to discern in her dead eyes when she was thinking intently. She was now trying to figure out how an element from myth and legend fit into reality.

She absently rubbed her bandaged hand. "I understand now why you ran from the lab room, now."

It was all starting to make sense to her. Bella had realized that I hadn't run from her, but rather from the temptation posed by her injury.

"Would you believe me if I told you that I feel exactly the same as I did the morning when I woke up completely in the dark?"

She continued without waiting for me to answer.

"The night before, I still saw shadows. Everything was blurry and hazy, but I had been told that the loss of my sight would be gradual. I didn't expect that from one day to the next everything would be lost. That morning, I was afraid. Very afraid. I was disoriented, lost, anguished. Just as I am now."

She added in a rush, unconsciously leaning toward me: "But it's not you I'm afraid of. Instead, it's the fear of the unknown. It's all so … unexpected. So new. So strange."

Her shoulders lifted as she breathed in, as if to give herself courage.

"But … I'll adapt. Just as I adapted to my blindness."

Adapt? Had she lost her mind? Her reasoning made no sense!

I could no longer keep silent. "The two situations are completely different. You can't adapt to the fact that I'm a monster. You can accept an illness, but not an aberration of nature," I said dully.

Bella shook her head.

"You are not an aberration. I know what you tried to do earlier, but those weren't the acts of a monster. You scared me, I won't deny that. I can't say that I didn't consider running. I'm afraid. But as I already told you that night as we were coming back from Port Angeles, it's too late. I can't run away from you. I'm not able to."

The selfish part of me wanted to rejoice that Bella Swan was as averse to the idea of leaving me as I was of leaving her, but I repressed that part. Instead, I had a surge of anger.

"Do you care so little about your life? I've killed people. I wanted to kill you," I reminded her.

She recoiled and gulped. I sensed that she was fighting against the current, the current of fear.

"But you didn't."

I crawled on my hands and knees closer to her, aware that my proximity would accentuate that fear of the unknown, as she said.

"I have to fight every second to keep you alive, Bella."

Moments passed as she battled to keep her composure. But eventually she crawled to me, closing the last few inches between us.

"I trust you. You won't hurt me."

Those weren't empty words. Bella was sincere. Despite the terrifying truth about me, she continued to trust me. Even though I desired her death, she had chosen to have faith in me.

A faith I didn't deserve.

One last time, I sought to test her acceptance, her capacity to control her fear. I moved closer, forcing Bella to retreat until her back was against a boulder. I put my palms on the rock, bracketing her shoulders with my arms. I leaned down so my eyes were on the same level as her, even if she couldn't return my intense gaze.

"Didn't you hear me? I've killed people," I said in a menacing voice.

She seemed nervous and my breath on her face made her shiver. But that was all. Her tone remained calm and controlled.

"And there is no question that you are sorry about it," she said, tilting her head to the side, considering. "I can sense how tortured you are. You punish yourself. I don't need to condemn your actions; you flagellate yourself quite enough."

Nonplussed, I dropped my hands, liberating her.

"How can you be so nonchalant about the fact that I'm a murderer?" I asked, dazed.

"Nonchalant?" Bella stepped away from the boulder and tried to close the distance I had again put between us. "Oh, Edward, just the opposite: I am in a whirlwind. You wanted to make an impression on me earlier, to show me the extent of your dangerousness, and it worked. But I know that you hate what you are. Why would you stay among humans if we are your meals? You aren't so evil as to spend time with humans and … drink them without remorse. You'd have to be totally vicious and cruel to live in society and kill without scruple the people you see every day. And you're not like that. I feel it. You're not twisted like that. You're different from the myth everybody knows. So I have to conclude that if you killed before, it's because those people deserved to die."

Considering everything, I no longer sought to frighten her, since I had manifestly failed to make her run away. So I resigned myself to explanations.

"I don't drink from humans. At least, not now. Which doesn't mean that I don't want your blood," I confessed.

I felt uneasy. Never before had a human heard the truth. No mortal had ever been in our confidence. I had heard of cases in which humans had found out that we existed, and their fear and mistrust had led to compromising talk, so that the Volturi, the self-proclaimed leaders of our species, had been obliged to eliminate the witnesses. But I had never heard of humans accepting – or even tolerating – the supernatural reality of the world. Bella seemed to be a pioneer.

It was a new, complicated experience for me, to expose myself like this, to speak without constraint. Right now, I felt more afraid than Bella did. Like her, I was frightened of the unknown. I was breaking new ground, and I didn't know what awaited me.

Bella chewed her lower lip, curiosity and confusion in her in her eyes.

"And before, those humans you … drank from, they were like those men in Port Angeles, yeah?"

Always so astute.

"I didn't want to be a monster, so I told myself that if I was ridding the world of a different kind of monster, then Fate would not reproach me as much for what I am."

The more details I offered, the more her curiosity grew.

"And now?"

"We hunt only animals. We're not like the others of our kind."

"Who is 'we'?"

"My family."

"All of you are … vampires?"

"Yes."

She blinked in shock.

"Huh. And here I always thought Forks was boring." A nervous giggle escaped her lips.

I got to my feet, exasperated. Bella rose, too, intrigued.

"You're angry?" she asked.

I paced in agitation. "Yes, I'm angry!" I yelled, stopping in front of her. "How can you react like that? Why aren't you screaming? Earlier when I had you -" I saw again in my head an image of me dangling her from the cliff and I couldn't finish my sentence. "You were frightened to death. And now, you -"

Once more I couldn't make her behavior make sense.

But Bella did it for me.

"I realized that if I screamed, if I took off, if I let fear control me, then I would be running away from something too precious for me to give up."

I froze.

Precious.

I had thought earlier that she had stayed because of morbid curiosity, but I had underestimated her. So that was the reason for her acceptance? That our attachment to each other was more important, more precious than the risk I posed…

I wavered between happiness and torment over this revelation. I was paralyzed by indecision.

Bella continued, apparently unaware of how her words had affected me. "What you did before … your demonstration of your … abilities …"

"It was unforgivable of me," I cut her off, still unable to move.

She shook her head.

"No. It was motivated by your desire to protect me."

"Stop making excuses for me."

"And you stop believing that you are worse than you are. You are convinced that you're bad for me and so you wanted to leave. It's because I realized this that I had no reason to run away. You used an extreme method, but it had only one goal: to save me. It's because of your concern for me that you tried to make me run off. An amoral person wouldn't have dreamed of protecting someone else from himself. You are _good_, Edward. Good enough to fight against what, I guess, is a big temptation for someone like you. Somebody bad wouldn't have cared less that he gave in."

I didn't know what to add to that. I had never considered the situation that way.

Whatever I said, whatever I did, Bella saw only the positive side. No matter the danger or my inexcusable actions, she saw everything through the lenses of charity and understanding so that all that was left was whatever was good, human, kind. She saw everything with mercy. I was almost convinced to show some mercy toward myself.

Still curious, she sought more answers. However, she weighed her words carefully, knowing how little I cared for personal questions. At least that was the case before, but now that she knew almost everything, such questions displeased me less. But they still made me uneasy, and I still worried that my answers would finally be too much for her.

"Is it difficult for you to be near me now?" she asked.

"Yes."

She took a step back, but I was certain it wasn't out of fear. She was trying to make things easier for me.

She was always that way, thinking about the well-being of others before herself. She constantly worried about being a burden, a nuisance. That step back showed me all the altruism and empathy she was capable of having toward others, even a vampire.

How could I love her even more than before? Love was a word too insignificant for me, too small for what I felt toward her.

"If it's so difficult, why do you torture yourself by being around humans?"

"It's difficult only with you, Bella. Your fragrance is unique."

She chuckled nervously. "I'll take that as a compliment."

I would have laughed too if it weren't for the fear that any one of my words could make her turn around and run.

Bella sobered, observing that her attempt at joking hadn't lightened the atmosphere.

"Why did you seek out my company despite this … constant temptation?"

_Because I love you. _

"I … needed to be with you, to get to know you. I refused to let my instincts get the better of me. I wanted to control myself and I could … at least, until you hurt yourself through my fault."

She reflexively hid her hand behind her back. As if not seeing her bandage could stop me from being completely aware of her dried blood and the puncture underneath!

"I guess your hearing is different from ours – that's why you had such a reaction to the ultrasounds."

"Be grateful for that machine, Bella. Without it, you wouldn't be alive."

She shook her head obstinately.

"I don't believe it. Ultrasounds or not, you wouldn't have hurt me."

"You overestimate my control."

"_You_ underestimate it, I would say. I think that if you were going to give in to temptation you would have done it a long time ago."

She extended her hand – the uninjured one – toward me, in a gesture of invitation, of welcome. She wanted to touch me to emphasize her words, to persuade me that she had reason to trust me.

It took everything I had to resist the temptation to accept this invitation. The monster in me was present, however distant, buried by the Edward who so much wanted to draw his own confidence from that of his moon …

But even if the monster was far away, he was still there, still real.

"It's a mistake," I said, refusing to take her hand. "It was irresponsible of me to approach you. We're opposites, two beings destined to avoid each other. I am everything that you should be afraid of, everything that you should run away from. I am a nightmare, an aberration. I am the lion. You are the lamb."

Bella dropped her hand, and her movement could have been interpreted as a surrender, a failure, but she had apparently decided not to give up.

"Forget the lion. Put aside your state for an instant. Forget you're a vampire. What's left when you take that away? Someone good enough to have saved my life several times, generous enough to read to me, someone infinitely rich on the inside. A musician I can share my passion with. A person with whom I feel … right. An aura that surrounds me and makes me feel that nothing can hurt me. What's left is just Edward."

I was hanging on her every word, each of which insinuated itself into my conscience, each a bit wild hope.

"Now forget the lamb. Put aside my state for an instant. Forget the prey. Forget my blood. Forget the blind girl, the human girl. Take away everything that makes me different from you. What's left? Someone crazy enough to believe in this … connection between us. Someone who wants to find out where that can take us. Someone who believes that all is not lost. Someone who sees everything you offer me, who doesn't feel she has the right to judge what you are. Someone who doesn't notice time passing when she's with you. The musician who wants to continue to share her passion with you. The listener who loves so much when you read to her. What's left is just Bella."

Scorning the distance I forced myself to keep between us, Bella stepped toward me.

"We are first and foremost Bella and Edward, don't you think?"

She smiled at me. A tender smile completely at odds with the situation. Bella couldn't, shouldn't, smile at me. No longer. I didn't deserve it. But she smiled all the same and it felt as if an invisible weight that had oppressed me for a century had been lifted off me, a weight that I had never suspected existence until now, so accustomed I was to carrying it.

"Are you still afraid?" I wanted to know one last time before letting those bits of hope take root in my being.

"Terrified," she said honestly.

"That makes two of us."

This time I was the one to take her hand, to seek out that invitation, that welcome she had offered earlier.

I calculated my movement, taking a thousand precautions so I wouldn't break her fingers in mine. I watched her reaction as she felt my glacial skin against her warm flesh.

No discomfort, no disgust. Her smile only widened at my initiative.

Encouraged, I squeezed her hand just a little tighter.

That didn't seem to hurt her. I had calibrated the pressure properly.

I wasn't used to touching a human. I had done it before only as reflex. Never had I done it willingly, with forethought.

I congratulated myself for passing this test: not breaking her hand. If I could do this, I could allow myself more …

Before getting carried away by my longings, I returned to reality. I would enjoy in silence the pleasure this contact gave me without aspiring for more. I had to be grateful a hundredfold toward Bella, toward Fate, for allowing me to hold this hand. I should be all the more grateful that my moon was so exceptional, so understanding, so perceptive.

Perhaps loving Bella Swan wasn't a punishment for being what I was, after all. Perhaps loving Bella Swan was my compensation precisely for having fought what I was.

I smiled too, then. The first real smile since noon. It might as well have been a century for me, as difficult as it was for my jaw to let go, as if I had completely forgotten how to smile.

"We can take it step by step and conquer our fear," I murmured.

Bella tried to raise her hand, and for a second I feared that she wanted to pull away. But I quickly realized that she didn't want to break our contact. She wanted only to lift both our hands, and I let her do it, curious.

She unlaced her fingers from mine. I understood what she wanted to do. Our two hands were now flat against each other, palm against palm. As in the meadow this morning, she wanted to re-create the mirror effect in our pas de due. Only this time, there was no space between our hands.

We stayed that way, unmoving, palms together. We were no longer the lion to the lamb, predator to prey, human to non-human, soul to soulless, fire to ice. Instead we were mind to mind, musician to musician, dancer to dancer, partner to partner, reader to listener, philosopher to philosopher, reflection to reflection.

Edward to Bella.

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><p><em>Elysabeth thanks you for reading and reviewing! <em>


	9. Theory

**Chapter 9: Theory**

_Disclaimer: SMeyer owns "Twilight." Elysabeth owns "Les Yeux de la Lune."_

_Well, this took more weeks than I would have expected. If it's any consolation, it's a respectably long chapter._

Chapter 9: Theory

Why does time fly when you're enjoying yourself and drag on when you're experiencing something painful?

We remained a long time next to the cliffs. We no longer talked, but we were stretched out alongside each other in the grass. We accepted the silent presence of the other simply for what it was: restful, mute, calm. Bella had closed her eyes, soothed by the sound of the waves, while I stared up at the night sky, or more specifically at the moon that adorned it. We were isolated from the rest of the world, each lost in our own thoughts. I once more wanted to know what Bella's mind was hiding, and if her thoughts were as strangely serene as mine.

I wondered that because, although she seemed calm on the surface, her heart hadn't returned to its normal cadence since I had revealed my secret truth to her.

Time was conspiring against us. And there was only one way available to get her home at an early enough hour so that Charlie wouldn't send the police force searching for his daughter: me. Bella had agreed to let me serve as her means of transport.

I had already been … molded to Bella before. After all, I had taken her in my arms to save her from the van, and just a few hours earlier, I had done the same to show her … my nature. But those moments of contact had been only reflexes. And had lasted barely a minute. In this case, I would be holding her for at least a 15-minute run.

I shook off my fears.

I could do it. I just wouldn't breathe. That was the key. I decided to act immediately so I wouldn't find other reasons to dissuade myself. I picked Bella up and hoisted her effortlessly on my back. She didn't expect me to move so quickly and she gasped. Nonetheless, she settled on me without protest.

I tried, in vain, to ignore the effect of her arms around my neck, of her legs wrapped around my hips, of her heart beating ever more strongly in solo against my back. Was it _I _who made her so nervous? Or the run ahead? Both, probably.

And if I had a working heart, it would have been hammering along with Bella's.

"Ready?" I asked.

"Ready."

I took off at a slow, prudent pace into the heart of the forest, observing all the reactions of the feather I was carrying. I twisted around trees, gliding over the grass as smoothly as I could. I ran, feeling buoyant and light-hearted. It was second nature to me, something natural. I was in my element.

"Are you really running?" she asked me.

I didn't stop, but I had to yell over the wind I created. "Of course I'm running, Bella!"

Her laugh rang right next to my ear. "You don't run; you fly!"

A second crystalline laugh vibrated from my ears into my chest. Was I misunderstanding her, or was she truly enjoying this run?

"When you were in my Volvo, you didn't seem to like speed," I said, perplexed but amused.

"I said that would have been the case if I could have seen the countryside pass by. This … this sensation, it's … Wow!"

Bella apparently did like it.

"Then hold on, spider monkey," I called, encouraged by her high spirits.

I became more daring: I leapt over a stream, jumped from boulder to boulder, and ran even faster. My movements didn't seem to frighten her, to go by her laughs and squeals.

It was easier that I would have thought. Running into the wind blew her scent away from me, so I didn't have to fear breathing in her intoxicating fragrance. Only the knowledge that our time together would soon end bothered me. Intensely.

We reached Bella's house much too quickly for my liking. I had to stop at the edge of the forest. Even if it was night, we shouldn't risk attracting attention to the vampire and his passenger flying faster than the wind.

"We're here." I crouched so Bella's feet could more easily reach the ground. I had an unpleasant feeling of loss when her body was no longer clinging to mine.

"Already?" she said, sounding as disappointed as I felt. Was she disappointed that her amusement park ride was over, or because we had to pull away from each other? I didn't dare ask for fear that her answer wouldn't be the same as mine.

"That was … amazing!"

The wind had tousled her hair and I longed to push back a lock off her face. I just managed to stop myself by shoving my hands in my pockets.

"You liked it?" I asked for confirmation.

"We can do that whenever you want!" she exclaimed.

I laughed, surprised and enchanted. The fear of the unknown that had gripped us both seemed to have dissipated in this moment. Bella could have found my speed strange and frightening … that would have been reasonable. But she always reacted contrary to how I expected.

"Where are we exactly?"

"Behind your house."

"Oh."

She seemed to me to be forcing herself to return to reality. I wished that just like me, Bella didn't want to leave.

"I hope Charlie isn't worried. He thinks that I'm at Angela's working on our machine."

I sensed no feelings of worry coming from the house. At least, no more worry than usual, for Charlie was always worried about his daughter, no matter where she was. I concentrated harder to locate her father's mind, and figured that he was in the living room, absorbed in a baseball game. The usual.

"He's wondering if he should go pick you up or let you come back by yourself," I said, scrutinizing his thoughts.

"You think that?"

"I don't think it, I know it. I hear him."

"You hear him. Oh, of course, with your response to the ultrasound machine I should have suspected that you have very developed hearing."

She was barking up the wrong tree.

I considered what I should do: Could Bella handle yet another supernatural revelation about her vampire friend?

I contemplated her tranquil gaze and her delicate features, always open, accepting, non-judgmental.

Yes, she could. Tonight was a night of confidences – I might as well go for broke.

"I do hear better than humans, but that's not what allows me to hear your father. Because he's not saying anything. He's thinking."

"He's thinking? How can you know what he's thinking?"

"I can read his thoughts."

She frowned. "Huh. That explains a lot …"

She must have put some other pieces of the puzzle that was Edward Cullen into place.

"The night's surprises aren't over, I guess." Her smile was small and uncertain, a reminder of her fear of the unknown. "All of you hear everything other people are thinking?'

"Only me. It's a gift that I have. Certain of my kind have a special talent: mine consists of reading the minds of everyone. Well … almost everyone. Your mind is completely inaccessible to me. It's the first time that's happened to me and it's very frustrating."

Bella thought about this a moment.

"There's something wrong with me?"

I shook my head, incredulous. I released a short, exasperated, albeit affectionate, laugh.

"I tell you that I'm a vampire, that I can read minds, and you think there's something wrong with you!" I said. It just seemed natural to take my hand out of my pocket and ruffle her hair. "You are impossible."

My brain caught up with my body then, and I pulled back immediately.

Her scent had surely impregnated my skin – a great deal of humans' scent was concentrated in their hair. I had blocked off my sense of smell, but I buried my hand in my jeans pocket to escape the temptation to inhale my own scent mixed with hers.

Bella didn't notice my internal battle and snickered. She shrugged in excuse for her abnormal way of absorbing my strange reality. Then she sighed, turning in what she judged the direction of her house. She seemed to find the prospect of saying goodbye distressing, and I felt butterflies in my stomach to see that.

"Tell me …" She was looking for excuses to put off her departure. I could have jumped for joy.

She twisted her hands together, a gesture I had learned to interpret as a sign of apprehension. Bella wanted to ask me something, but was hesitating.

"Yes," I encouraged her, a smile in my voice.

My tone reassured her. "That first day … you weren't sick during that first biology class, were you?"

I didn't like to be reminded of the day when the monster almost triumphed, but Bella wanted information and I owed that to her.

"No. My kind never becomes ill. I rushed out because I smelled your scent. I couldn't continue to resist it so I fled."

"But you came back."

"Yes, because I couldn't stand by and let you destroy years of control and discipline. I was testing myself by approaching you, proving that I could go back to my little human routine. But here we are. What at the start was supposed to be only an exercise in control was transformed into curiosity. You are so different from everyone else … and not only because of your blindness or my inability to read your mind. You are so interesting… It's so easy to talk to you. I've never been friends with a human before because everyone instinctively recoils from us. But not you. You didn't have the urge to recoil because you didn't see my strangeness, my differences, my peculiarities. You saw…"

"I saw only Edward," she finished for me.

I was grateful that her blindness kept her from seeing all the love that must have been obvious in my gaze. I didn't want her to know how much I loved her. That, that was a secret that I would never reveal. Oddly enough, it seemed more compromising and troubling than the secret of my vampirism. Because that truth implicated my frozen heart which had learned to love. I didn't want to see her reaction if I declared that love. I had feared her rejection of me as a vampire, but I was even more afraid of her rejection of my love, of her refusal to be loved by a creature of the night. I couldn't expose myself like that. I wanted to keep it for myself. I didn't want to embarrass Bella, to force her to respond to a sentiment that she didn't feel. We were already defying all the laws of nature in speaking face to face like two … friends. It was a lot more than I deserved.

And even if she had an affection for me that transcended friendship, her feelings would never equal mine. There would always be an inequality because vampires felt emotions 10 times more strongly than humans did.

I continued my story, shoving aside my usual reserve.

"But it was a mistake. I realized that when you wanted to know more about me. Humans keep far away from us, and for my family, that's a good thing because we don't like to lie. If people approach us, talk to us, questions about our family and our lifestyle come sooner or later. We can never tell the truth. We are constrained to keep our secret because the world isn't ready to accept our existence. So, when you tried to find out more about me…"

"You preferred to push me away."

"I didn't want to lie to you. And being too close to you was risky … for your survival. So, yes, I pushed you away. But it was too late: you had already had too important a place in my life… I just hadn't realized it then."

Had I said too much?

No. After all, she couldn't understand what the word "important" meant to me. It could be simply the importance of a friend.

A bit of our fear of the unknown twisted in my chest.

"I still don't know if we're right to do this. It's not safe to be near me."

Bella swept my worry away with the back of her uninjured hand. "I'll try to stay away from sharp objects, that's all."

She played down the risks, minimized the dangers, even poked fun at them.

"Never forget what I am, Bella," I admonished her.

"I'm totally aware of that, believe me."

I could believe her, because her heart had not stopped hammering, an audible witness to the tumult my confession had caused her.

We silently agreed it was time for her to go. Bella resigned herself to turning away, but stopped in her movement t. I saw worry on her face.

I was assailed by doubt. What did she fear? Was it I?

"We'll see each other tomorrow? You're not going to disappear in the morning, like a chimera? After all, you are a myth."

She didn't fear me, but instead the possibility that I would leave her again, reject her again. I closed my eyes for a second, savoring her desire, despite everything, to continue to spend time with me.

Then I tried to reassure her. "I am indeed real. And I will be here tomorrow if that's what you want. But…" It was my turn to worry. "Is that really what you want? I don't know what you're thinking, if you're forcing yourself to ignore a fear greater than that of the unknown, if you feel under pressure. So, you must tell me the truth. You have to tell me what you truly think."

Our roles had been switched and it was Bella who tried to be reassuring, smiling in that peaceful way I loved so much.

"I'm not hiding anything. I am always honest with you. I'm not playing a game and don't feel forced to do anything."

Relieved, I answered her smile with my own. "Good. So, I'll see you tomorrow."

Could it be as simple as that? Could we leave each other with a casual goodbye after all that had happened today?

Apparently, yes. It was that simple. A terrifying chapter ending with a light-hearted paragraph. A tempestuous concerto that concluded with a gentle note of serenity.

Bella said goodbye in her own way. She sought out my hand and found it hidden in my pocket. She extracted it and squeezed it a moment before releasing it and turning slowly away from me. I felt each millimeter of my skin tingle where she touched it, a tingling that continued even after the contact ended.

I tried to ignore it, to not be distracted by that, because a mystery remained unresolved.

"One last thing, Bella."

She stopped and waited.

"How did you find me?"

I hadn't insisted on an answer during our encounter on the cliffs, but now that the painful events surrounding my confession had receded a bit, I could repeat my question.

This time Bella's smile was a little mischievous.

"Apparently you'll figure out that by yourself soon enough."

What would I figure out myself? I wondered.

She turned away for good, delighted that she could leave me hanging.

I didn't dwell on my frustration, because Bella was leaving me and I would soon be unable to see her for much too long. I wanted to indulge in the last seconds remaining for me to gaze at her silhouette in the darkness. Still, I didn't feel quite as abandoned as I had every time I left her before, because I knew that I was going to see her again in her room during the night.

It was an addiction I couldn't shake, watching her sleep. That was the lover in me, unable to get enough of his beloved. And since that addiction was a direct result of the love that I would never dare reveal to her, Bella would never know of my little nocturnal habit.

She turned the corner of the house to make it appear that she was coming from the street and went in by the front door.

As I listened to Charlie greet his daughter while hiding his relief that she had arrived safe and sound from Angela's house, I brought my hand – the one that had ruffled her hair and that Bella had taken in her own – to my nose and inhaled the scent of her on my skin. It burned, but it wasn't the usual burn, the one that scorched my throat. Instead I felt it in my chest, as if it was warming me from the inside. This fragrance, a mixture of her and me, was pleasurable, even reassuring, as if it was a symbol of a relationship that until now had been only a fantasy, a mirage. This new scent was like a promise of a union that I had never dared hope for. This aroma convinced me one and for all that it wasn't a mistake for the lion and the lamb to be together.

"Thank you for being who you are, Bella," I told her silently even as I listened to her steps as she mounted the stairs to her room.

I owed her so much … my silent gratitude wouldn't suffice. The awareness of my good fortune wasn't enough. I had to find a way to thank Bella. Apart from watching over her for the rest of her life, I didn't really see how to demonstrate my gratitude. Watching over her, that was just something that I would naturally do. I needed to do something more concrete, something that she would enjoy.

An idea began to take root in my mind. I smiled in the dark, one eye on her window. Hmm, yes, that would work… it would be a delicate task, but Bella was worth it.

I worked on the details of my plan while waiting for Bella to go to bed.

She was restless tonight. Her sleep was disturbed by some dream I wished I could chase from her subconscious – I suspected that I was the cause of her torments. She had gone through a lot today because of me. She had been confronted with an awful reality and I was sure that her mind was dealing with the shock in her dreams. I felt guilty for troubling her usually peaceful sleep.

While Bella tossed and turned, her brow furrowed, I told myself that it would probably be better if I left her alone tonight. Her subconscious was perhaps alert enough to detect my presence so close to her bed.

I scrutinized her, studying her body curled up, her tense face. I didn't know anything about sleep, but I was certain that she wasn't experiencing a nightmare. I knew the signs of terror in Bella – I'd seen them this afternoon when I had behaved so abominably. What I saw now didn't resemble terror at all, but … pain? Yes, that was it. She wasn't having a nightmare, but an unhappy dream.

I was curious about the source of her sadness. I once more cursed the mental wall that concealed her mind from me. I wanted so much to know more, but my questions would never be answered. The only effective manner with Bella was direct questioning, but how could I do that without betraying myself? "Oh, Bella, what were you dreaming about last night that made you so sad?" I didn't see that going well. She had accepted the vampire, but she would surely reject the nighttime voyeur.

I resigned myself to leaving for the night. I should give her some space. I dragged myself over to the window, wishing, heart and soul, that I didn't have to go.

Soul? Since when did I have a soul?

"Edward?"

I jolted and turned around. She had awakened! My God! I should have left earlier. What could I say, what could I do? Never before had someone detected me when I wished to remain hidden.

It felt as if the gears in my brain couldn't turn quickly enough to find a solution. A second's thought for me was worth several minutes in a human. A second would normally be enough for me to find the perfect excuse, but I was so disconcerted that Bella had seen me that I was rooted to the spot, my eyes wide, fixed on her in her bed.

She rolled over, sighing, and stayed there, in the fetal position, wrapped in her blankets.

"Edward," she said again, listlessly. Her eyelids were still closed.

I was incredibly stupid. Sleep was such an unknown commodity to me that I couldn't tell the difference between sleep talking and a word said in a state of wakefulness.

But here was the proof that her unpleasant dream was indeed about me. All that she had experienced today, she was reliving in her sleep. And it was obviously a powerful dream: I had never heard her speak in her sleep before.

Was this a nightmare in which I allowed the monster in me to satisfy its murderous urges?

No, Bella still looked distressed, not frightened.

Sadness…

I had expected to cause all sorts of feelings in Bella: anger that I had lied to her, fear of what I was, regret for having befriended a monster. But I wouldn't have predicted sadness. I couldn't understand what I could have done to provoke such an emotion.

Again she murmured as she moved restlessly.

"Don't go away… don't disappear."

I was dizzy.

Bella Swan was dreaming that I was leaving her. That's what was making her so sad.

She wanted me close to her, even in her sleep.

I fell into a state of sweet euphoria. The love that I felt for her anchored itself even more deeply in me, in every cell of my body. She didn't love me as I loved her, but she felt enough for me to want to keep me nearby ….

But what sort of traitorous dream was Bella experiencing that would make her beg me to stay? Her subconscious had transformed me into some sort of imposter. The real Edward would never disappear. Had I not been clear this evening when we had bid each other goodnight? Had I not told her that I would see her tomorrow morning? Apparently, that hadn't meant in her mind that I would be also see her all the other mornings after that …

I had to find a way to reassure her. I had several supernatural gifts, but not the ability to enter a human's dream. What would I do? I could simply let her dream run its course; it was after all, just a dream. But I was incapable of standing by, arms crossed uselessly, watching her suffer.

"I'll never leave you, Bella."

I whispered these words as persuasively as I could, but they didn't seem to reach her.

My feet moved of their own accord to her. They no longer obeyed me. I had lost control. However, I hadn't lost it to the monster in me, but to the lover.

How long did it take me to bend to her? It felt as if it took an hour for me to hinge a few degrees closer. After each tiny movement, I paused to accustom myself to her proximity, to let the lover put another padlock on the door that held back the monster. At the end of an eternity, I had leaned over enough so that my head was next to her sleeping face.

At this point, I could no longer calculate, no longer hesitate. Because if I thought about it any more, I would find a thousand reasons to retreat. I shouldn't think about how this was a mistake. I should simply act.

Which I did.

My cold lips found her forehead and pressed oh-so-gently against it. Her soft, silky skin was a paradise to my marble lips. How could such a light touch have such an effect on me?

I felt her shiver as my glacial skin made contact with hers. I jumped back and nearly knocked over her bureau. On tenterhooks, I waited for her to react.

The shiver that went through her make her pull up the covers more closely around herself. But the lines in her forehead disappeared, the tension vanished and her whole body relaxed. A small smile even appeared on her lips.

I was arrogant enough to believe that I had convinced her subconscious that I would always be there for her.

My touch had soothed her.

Bella finally slept peacefully, dreamlessly, overcome by the fatigue of her day. I left her at dawn, in a state close to ecstasy, my lips still burning with the memory of what I had dared to do.

I arrived home to find my family waiting for me, some with a smile, others with irritation.

They knew that Bella was in on our secret, thanks to Alice, and most of them were relieved that Bella had taken the news so well. They hadn't thought that I would dare tell her everything – nor had I. But because of Alice's second sight, they had seen, like me, that terror wasn't the only possible reaction that a human could have to our real nature.

Rosalie was discontented with this turn of events; that was no surprise.

But one member of my family had a reaction that I didn't understand: Alice. She was looking at me with defiance, as if she expected me to reproach her. I was puzzled until her thoughts suddenly flooded me, despite her efforts to hold them back.

I was plunged into her memories of the afternoon and I understood the meaning of Bella's words last night: I would figure it out for myself.

In Alice's mind, I saw Bella approach her in the cafeteria and ask if she had seen me. Bella was looking for me desperately. I saw through Alice's eyes a Bella bent on understanding my abrupt departure. That determination prompted Alice to concentrate on me so she could guide Bella to my location.

"I will drive you as close to him as I can, but you'll have to do the rest on foot," Alice told her. "Follow the sound of the waves and you'll find him."

"Why can't you take me straight to him?"

_Because he'll hear my mind and run off immediately_. "Because he won't be able to stand to be with anybody but you."

"Okay," Bella agreed.

"Above all, don't tell him that I took you to him. In any case, he'll find it out himself sooner or later."

Bella was so worried about me that she had had accepted Alice's conditions without asking why my sister would know where I had run off to. She immediately trusted her … as she had me.

What was most disconcerting in this vision was how comfortable Bella seemed with Alice during their brief encounter. They went straight to the point. Was this the beginning of the friendship that Alice had foreseen?

I saw something else in my sister's head. Not a memory, but a vision about my reaction. I saw myself angry at her. It was true that she had led Bella to me when I could have killed her, when I was still unhinged by having seen her blood in the lab room. That was something I could be angry about, I supposed, so why didn't I feel furious?

Seeing my anger in advance pushed me to analyze the situation. Was I right to be angry? If Alice had led Bella to me, it was because she had seen that nothing horrible was going to happen on the cliffs. I sought to confirm this supposition in looking at the various chains of events that my sister had seen as possibilities or certainties. I saw nothing concerning Bella and me. Alice had thus acted on instinct, not because she had seen anything.

I understood then that that was why I would become angry: because Alice had simply trusted me, had had faith – a sentiment that was quite unreliable – that all would go well. She had thrown Bella to the wolves.

Or the lion, rather.

"She would have found you herself, trust me," my sister said, detecting the first signs of my coming anger. "Bella had already decided. She was going to find you, even if she had to go to Timbuktu."

She showed me paths that I hadn't paid attention to before. Indeed, I saw Bella do everything humanly possible to find me. If my sister hadn't helped her, she would have even asked her father to organize a police search.

"Didn't she show you tonight how she felt about you?" Alice asked. "All I did was help along what would have happened anyway."

I calmed down. Jasper probably had something to do with that.

In any case, I should thank my sister. After all, I was here, at home, I hadn't killed anyone, and Bella was still my friend despite the truth.

A little yellow sports car appeared in my mind. I would take care of it tomorrow.

Alice jumped with joy, seeing that she would soon get the present that she had predicted that I would give her.

I ruffled my sister's hair and she seized my hand to sniff it.

"Mmm. She does smell good."

I rolled my eyes, simultaneously envious and exasperated. I envied my sister her ability to breathe in Bella's scent without becoming thirsty. She could appreciate the bouquet without drinking wine, that one.

"I can talk to her now? I can take her shopping?"

"Shopping?"

I again saw her vision of her and Bella arm in arm.

"Her clothes are so nondescript. They do nothing for her. I want to fix that."

I broke into laughter. That was so typical of Alice.

I saw in her mind how she perceived Bella: her clothes had no style, no personality.

Never before had I paid attention to Bella's wardrobe. It didn't matter to me – she could be wearing a paper bag and I would still find her stunning. But seeing her through my sister's eyes raised questions for me. Did Bella dress so simply because of her blindness? Did she opt for clothes that all matched because she couldn't organize them? If she had the ability, would she care about fashion? Or did she not care, since she couldn't see herself anyway?

Perhaps it would be good for Alice and Bella to become friends just so my sister could help her with her clothing.

Knowing how enthusiastic Alice could be, though, I worried that she would overwhelm Bella.

"No, no, I won't unnerve her," she assured me before I could say anything.

Alice danced away, already imagining a thousand outfits for Bella.

I got ready for school, musing on what this new friendship could bring. At least Alice was on my side. She was the only one of my family who wanted to approach Bella for herself, not Bella-the-human-whom-Edward-was-mooning-over. Rosalie and Jasper were wary, and I hadn't expected anything different. As for Carlisle, Esme and Emmett, they would accept Bella because they wanted me to be happy. Bella herself didn't interest them, though they were curious what it was about her that drew me to her.

Carlisle thought that it was her humanity, that I was seeking in Bella my own lost human side.

Esme was more romantic. With Bella, I could be a hero, she thought.

As for Emmett, he had no theories. He couldn't understand what I could find so fascinating in a human. He wasn't necessarily being insulting. He just didn't find humans interesting.

I left my family to their thoughts and returned to Bella's house, impatient.

It was a morning like all the others when I had come to escort her to school, but it was the first morning in which Bella Swan would open her door to Edward Cullen the vampire and not Edward Cullen the strange classmate. This morning felt like the start of a new era. I finally felt free to be myself, no longer constrained to show only the surface. Until now, Bella Swan had known only the tip of the iceberg; today, the entire glacier would emerge.

Of all the cycles of school and college that I had experienced, this one was different. And no matter how many more such cycles I would undergo in the future, none would be routine, tedious, monotonous, because one way or another Bella would be there, near or far, and everything would always be new. Before, I had been walking on a treadmill. Now I was on a road stretching to the horizon, littered with obstacles, with mountains and valleys to cross. This road could be exciting or terrifying - I didn't know what to expect. All that I knew was that it would terminate in an abyss: the death of Bella Swan, inevitable not because I was a mortal danger to her, but because death was the natural outcome of life. One day Bella would die. It would be the dead end of this road; only the void awaited beyond that.

I was grateful to Fate for having put Bella in my path, but one day Fate was going to make me pay for having given me Bella's acceptance of my nature. The time would come when my eternal night would longer be lighted by the gentle glow of the moon. I would pushed back into the shadows when it disappeared. The day would arrive, far in the future I hoped, when death in the form of age or illness would take Bella Swan away from me. I feared that day, but expected it, for mourning, darkness, the abyss was a fair price for having had Bella in my existence.

And in waiting for that fatal day, I should take advantage of each second of her presence, and that was just what I was going to do this morning.

I waited on the sidewalk, knowing that she would leave her house in a few seconds. I felt a wave of happiness when her door opened. I stared at her forehead as if I could see the invisible imprint of my lips there, symbol of my promise to never leave her.

Bella stepped out hesitantly. Her fingers gripped her bag more tightly than usual and in her other hand, where I could see a small bandage, she held ... her cane.

My shoulders slumped.

She didn't need her cane, I was here!

Did she intend to walk to school by herself today? But then why had she insisted last night on knowing that I would be here?

Puzzled, I examined her more closely before greeting her.

Her cane was retracted. She seemed unsure that she would need it.

That's when I understand.

Bella had doubts. She had feared that I wouldn't be here this morning and she had her cane ready in case.

Her subconscious may have understood that I wouldn't leave her, but it obviously hadn't transmitted that message to awake Bella.

"Hi!" I said quickly.

My voice startled her. The smile that spread immediately across her face told me that I had guessed correctly: she had thought that I wouldn't show up.

Bella stuffed her cane in her bag and stepped off her stoop to join me, this time with no hesitation, but almost bouncing. Her greeting was full of relief and happiness.

We headed to school. She talked to me of music, and I realized that she was seeking to convince me that everything would be as before, despite my terrible truth, that we would simply take up where we had left off last night.

"Do you still want to read to me at lunch?" she asked me, suddenly uneasy.

"Of course," I said as reassuringly as I could.

"And tomorrow, we're still going to Seattle?"

The fateful test.

"Yes," I said, tenser now.

The day passed like any other. I accompanied her in thought and in person everywhere. At noon, we crossed the Andes with Arago and at school's end I escorted her home. We said goodbye as normal, but our journey tomorrow haunted the atmosphere. Our trip to Seattle was a crossroads, a point of no return.

Returning home, I concentrated on the two ideas that I had had the night before: finding a way to thank Bella, and finding that car for Alice. If I focused on those projects, I might spend less time worrying about tomorrow.

Still I asked Alice to reassure me, and she saw nothing untoward happening. Or at least, I was firmly committed to not allowing the monster out, which meant her visions about Bella were clear, but she couldn't never predict everything. Decisions, those Alice could see, but accidents were too random. Nonetheless, Alice's confidence was comforting. She had as much faith in me as Carlisle and Esme.

For my secret project concerning Bella, I asked my mother's advice. Touched by my intentions, she gave me all the information I needed. If everything worked as expected, Bella and I would do more tomorrow than just visit her ophthalmologist ….

Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper were bemused by my plans and made bets on the likelihood that Bella would return alive from our trip. Idiots.

However, I didn't say aloud what I thought of this bet because I wanted Jasper's help and thus had no desire to provoke him. To do what I wanted tomorrow, I would need his talents for computer hacking and fraud. Many times before, he had gotten us out of potential trouble thanks to his gift for manipulating human technology. Jasper was essential for my project.

When I told him of my idea, he was perplexed, and it was only out of politeness that he agreed to help - and for the challenge of it. Jasper would need a good part of the night to assemble the materials and information necessary, and I left him to it.

As for me, I did some research and made some calls so that Alice would get her reward.

I didn't visit Bella. I spent my night hunting, gorging myself as never before. I needed all the help I could get, spending hours enclosed in a car with Bella.

When I returned at dawn, I saw that my instruction had been followed to the letter. The transfer of an amount double the sticker price from my bank account to the dealer's had been sufficient motivation for my sister's car to be delivered posthaste.

Alice was exultant, Rosalie studied the motor with her mechanic's eye, Emmett was openly envious and Jasper was eager to take it for a spin. As for Carlisle and Esme, they looked on like two parents watching their children playing with their new Christmas toys.

At my arrival, Alice hugged me. I wanted to share her enthusiasm, but I was too nervous. Each minute that passed brought me closer to the test I was so afraid of failing. Indeed, this was the first time that I wasn't in a hurry to be with Bella Swan.

I didn't want to poison the joyful atmosphere in the house, so I left to get ready. I would collect Bella at the same time as usual, only this time I would arrive in my Volvo. It would be my first time driving it since Rosalie had repaired it. I liked my car, but this morning I looked at it warily. Today it would be an instrument of torture, a prison in which the lion and the lamb would be trapped for hours. For me, it was no longer a car but a hermetically sealed compartment that would be filled with Bella's fragrance. I went almost every night to her room, but there was more space. I could keep a distance between me and her sleeping form. There was always the window for a quick escape if needed. And especially, there was Charlie next door as a psychological obstacle. But in the Volvo, I would be truly alone with Bella, with only my self-control to rely on.

I sighed, steeled myself, and grabbed my keys.

It was time.

My family didn't say goodbye, but I could still hear the encouraging words from Alice, Carlisle and Esme in my mind, mixed with Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper's jibes.

I was at Bella's quickly. The patrol car was there, but I knew from the mental silence from the house that Charlie had already gone fishing. His friends must have picked him earlier. Too bad … a last paternal warning would have been useful. "Take care of my daughter, Edward. I'm counting on you." Knowing that her father was worried would have made me even more cautious. In fact, I knew he was worried, but he trusted his daughter's judgment. It remained to be seen whether her judgment was correct…

At the sound of the Volvo's engine, Bella stepped out of her house. I got out, opened the passenger door and she climbed in, giving me her usual casual greeting.

I didn't respond. I contented myself with closing her door and sliding behind the wheel. I didn't close my own door. Closing it was symbolic of our isolation, of the test ahead in which I would be mere inches from her for three hours. I delayed, scrutinizing the sun visor, the dashboard, the glove compartment, the gearshift. Everything was fine: nothing near Bella could cut her, which was my worst fear – that she'd get scratched or somehow draw blood during our journey. I had trained myself to handle her scent, not her blood. If she hurt herself again …

"I'll bring you back, Bella. I promise you ... I _swear_ to you."

I stared at the windshield and silently repeated my words, like a mantra.

"Of course you're going to bring me back."

A warm, white feather slid between my clenched fingers. Bella was trying to reassure me (and I couldn't help noticing: she had hurt her right hand, so it wasn't that one she used to reach her goal). Her left hand managed to insinuate itself into mine and she smiled at me. She tried to transmit to me through her touch her own assurance. It worked. At least enough to persuade me to close the door and pull away from her house.

She wanted to release my hand so I could drive, but I wouldn't let her. This physical contact, her heat against my coldness, reminded me what she was. A human, who need her blood to live. A human full of life and warmth. If I reminded myself of this during the journey, the monster would stay hidden. Or if he showed himself, Edward would fend him off.

"Don't you need both hands to drive?" she asked, interrupting my mental chanting of my mantra.

I looked at her, astonished, before reminding myself that Bella didn't know all the advantages of my nature.

"I can drive with my eyes closed, Bella."

"That, I wish I could do!"

I immediately regretted my remark. That wasn't the sort of joke to make to a blind person.

"I'm sorry …"

Her shoulders shook in silent laughter. She tightened her fingers around mine.

"Don't worry about it. In fact, it's a very good thing that I can't drive with my eyes closed."

"Why? It would be quite an ability to have," I said.

"Sure, but then I wouldn't need the services of my official driver."

A reminder that we would have missed an opportunity to see each other outside school.

Luxuriating in the implication of her observation, I relaxed a little and tried to see our time isolated together in a different light. I was close to my moon. Very close. I should enjoy these precious hours of such proximity. All the more so since I was looking forward to Bella's reaction to the surprise I had for her.

The drawback in holding her hand was that the lover in me delighted in this contact, and the moment we had to break apart would bring a feeling of loss and abandon. The more I touched her, the more I wanted to touch her. I would never get enough of Bella, and thus it would be for eternity. The day would come when I could no longer satisfy even the hundredth of my desire to touch her, for on that day she would be six feet underground.

My heart twisted painfully.

_Don't think of that. Be in the moment. _

And what of her? She didn't seem at all uncomfortable sitting here, her hand in mine. But perhaps she was acting only out of compassion. Bella had noticed that our contact gave me strength. She supported me, encouraged me, showed me all the trust she had in me through this touch. If she didn't need to encourage me, would she hold my hand just for the pleasure of it? When the time came for us to unlace our hands, would she experience the same disappointment as I inevitably would?

What if Bella was a very good actress? What if my icy fingers actually bothered her? What if she was forcing herself to hold my hand so as not to offend me? Bella was so kind; perhaps she was trying simply to spare my feelings?

I lectured myself: I shouldn't fall prey to such pessimistic notions. Bella was here of her free will, and nothing indicated that she felt the disgust that I so feared.

After some minutes of silence, Bella cleared her throat.

"Say…"

She hesitated. She slumped and chewed her bottom lip.

"What?"

"Nothing. Forget about it."

Damn her mental wall!

"Tell me what you're thinking, Bella," I begged her.

She sighed and her exhalation filled the interior of the car.

Danger.

_Stop breathing. Close mouth. Keep eyes on the road._

There was only one sense I couldn't control: touch. While her hand was in mine, I was used to it. But feeling the warmth of her breath in the air, on my skin … that I wasn't used to. Her exhalation was like another presence in the car.

_Concentrate on what she is hesitating to say. _

"Well?"

"It's that … I'm curious. I'd like to know more … about you."

I had told her the essentials. That wasn't enough? She really wanted the morbid details of my life?

I thought for several seconds. I'd offer a compromise. I was curious too.

"Ask me what you want. But in return, you have to answer my questions."

"Okay."

She accepted quickly. Giving up my usual reticence about personal questions was a small price to pay for satisfying her curiosity.

She started questioning me, at first with an embarrassment that was natural considering how previously I had closed up like an oyster when she tried to find out more about me. I made an effort to answer her sincerely, without any impatience in my voice.

I too was uncomfortable at first. Bella wasn't judging me, but her questions could have been colored by unspoken – and perfectly legitimate – reproaches. When I described my non-vegetarian years (how did we get on that subject?) I expected questions such as, "How many people have you killed?" But instead she asked, "How many women and children did you save from these killers?"

Whatever I told her, she saw only the positive side.

Still, I was anxious. I dissected her reaction to my answers, always afraid of giving her that one detail too many, the one that would make her order me to stop the car so she could run off screaming into the forest.

But that moment never came. There were a couple of times when she had swallowed hard and her heart started hammering, despite my care in choosing my words.

Sometimes her questions made me laugh with their naivety ("Are you allergic to garlic?"), sometimes they troubled me with their gravity ("Does the transformation hurt?"). But I hid nothing from her.

I stopped only to inhale; I needed air to make my vocal cords vibrate. Each time, my throat burst into flames, but holding her hand helped me push away the thirst more easily. Her scent impregnated the car, but I was growing accustomed to it. And having her fingers threaded through mine, feeling her life circulate under her skin, reminded me to think of Bella Swan as Bella Swan, not as a carrier of the most exquisite of nectars. I gradually was able to almost ignore her fragrance, pushed by a desire stronger than thirst: the desire to talk with her.

I realized that it was easy. Once over my initial reluctance, I found that my reserve disappeared. I became aware that I _needed_ to talk. I told her everything that occurred to me. I no longer even needed her questions to launch into a long monologue. Bella's attention and sincere interest made it all come naturally. She wasn't listening to me out of politeness or malicious curiosity. It wasn't the vampirism in itself that interested her, but Edward. That she was interested in me and not in the freak show was what made my inhibitions vanish for good.

In all my existence, I had never talked so much. It was as if I was releasing a reservoir of information that had been held back until now by dams of self-censorship. I felt so light, so liberated. I needed to tell her, to tell her everything, all that I was, all that I embodied. I wanted her to know me. And I realized sharing with her all that I was, all that I had done, all that I had experienced, was like therapy. I felt freed.

I stopped only when I became aware that we were more than halfway to Seattle. Time was always relative with Bella Swan.

"Your turn, now."

Bella pouted.

"Fine. But my short and insignificant life is far from being as exciting as yours, I warn you."

"Nonsense."

Everything about her was interesting. Everything.

Carried along by a lightheartedness and joy that was novel to me, I asked her my own questions. And with her interrogation of me, we started with reticence and uncertainty. I too hesitated, not wanting to hurt her feelings with my questions about her illness, how she had come to terms with it, but she responded to me with as much sincerity and patience as I had.

I wanted to know about her childhood, what it was like to grow up as a child like everyone else but then see her life turned upside down when her illness appeared. Strangely enough, her life had changed forever just as mine had when Carlisle had intervened. The circumstances and causes were different, but the result was similar: our lives would never be the same. We had in a sense died and been reborn to a new existence.

I remembered almost nothing of my own childhood, my parents, my boyhood activities, my dreams, my aspirations. All that was hazy, and buried deep in the vault of my memory. But hearing Bella Swan talk about her own childhood helped in a way. Details of her life, insignificant for her, were triggers for me. Memories flashed through my mind, still foggy, but I had never been as close to grasping them as right now. Bella Swan's childhood was a sort of echo of mine. Still, I put those flashes aside, too absorbed in hearing about the life of my moon, what she had been, what she had accomplished and experienced until our paths had met.

The existence of humans had never been interesting to me. Humans were born, lived their short, simple lives in ignorance of the dangers of the supernatural world, aged, died. That's all they did. But to hear Bella speak of her own life was fascinating. It was a life in which everything was new, not on endless repeat as mine had been for a century. Bella's life was certainly simple compared with mine, but it was _her_ life, the path by which she had arrived here, the events that had made the person I knew today. Her entire life from her first steps to her illness to her presence with me now was precious to me.

And when there was almost nothing more to say about that life, I had new questions on a different topic. Bella contained mysteries and enigmas that I desperately wanted to resolve, and since we were now confidants, perhaps she would enlighten me.

"I'm very curious about your theories about my nature. You know, that confidential list?"

Since her fingers were prisoners of mine, she couldn't twist her hands together as she did whenever she was nervous.

"You're going to think I'm ridiculous."

"I'll try not to laugh."

I doubted that I'd have to repress a laugh anyway. I was incapable of laughing at her, no matter the context.

"Thank you in advance for not damaging my self-esteem," she said wryly before resigning herself to answering my question. "I had a strange theory about you, and several factors suggested that I was perhaps correct in believing in this … hypothesis."

"What kind of factors?"

"First. There was the van. I figured that you'd have to be ethereal in some way to not feel pain in absorbing such an impact."

"Ethereal?"

"Yes, ethereal, even intangible. Not made of flesh and blood. Ethereal characterizes you as does … omnipresent. I don't know why, but I always feel you around me, even when you're not nearby."

Well. I definitely had underestimated Bella. She had sensed that I was following her wherever she went. I'd have to double my precautions to allay her suspicions. I didn't want her to feel harassed by me, which would be inevitable result of her knowing just how close I always was to her.

"Since I've met you I no longer feel … uncertain in my movements. Even before you started to escort me every morning, I felt that my way to school had been made safe."

Dammit, she'd even figured out that I inspected her route to school?

"I thought I was crazy until you intervened in Port Angeles. I told myself then that I wasn't wrong to think that I was being constantly followed. After all, you always showed up when and where I needed you, so you must have been watching me, either closely or from afar. But you were so discreet that nobody around me noticed you. What kind of being could be so close to invisible?

"So a theory grew in my too fertile imagination. I tried to ignore it, but even so I continued to notice other things: you never ate, for example. It was another proof of intangibility. It had to be that you didn't have a physical nature if you didn't need to eat.

"You also knew my address. Omnipresence, again. From that I deduced that a being who was everywhere and nowhere at once had to automatically know these sorts of details. Also, you seemed to always know what was going on around me. For example, you knew that Mike had invited me to the dance though you couldn't have heard our conversation since the Cullen table is at the other end of the cafeteria. What other than omnipresence could explain this phenomenon? Later, when you copied the CD for me, I told myself you had to be some sort of personification of my personal tastes, a duplicate of myself, because I was convinced that nobody liked the same music as I did.

"And then, I'd also noticed that everybody avoided you. People are uneasy with you, and I deduced from that that it was because of your otherworldiness. How could someone be comfortable with such a creature? Omnipresence, your strength, your invisibility, your discretion, your unearthliness and your constant protection of me meant that this odd theory in my imagination made sense. And … today still, I think that I wasn't wrong even if the truth isn't what I thought."

I was beginning to have a notion what this famous theory was, but I wanted to hear it from her.

"And what was this theory?"

She hesitated before whispering timidly, "You were an angel."

I shook my head in frustration that my guess was right. She shouldn't idealize me so.

"You were quite naïve to have thought that."

"Or very lucid."

I snorted, which didn't stop her from continuing.

"You were a guardian angel. An angel who had lost his wings, who was forbidden from crossing to the beyond because he was dangerous. The classic guardian angel is passive. You protect with more …drastic means."

Images of what I had done, or nearly done, in Port Angeles replayed in my mind.

"You had been condemned to wander the world among mortals because you had refused to be passive and pacifist. The powers above had punished you. Being forced to stay on earth had made you bitter, the source of that constant melancholy I heard in your voice, and the reason for your certainty that you were destined for Hell was that the gates of the beyond were closed to you. You nonetheless fulfilled your destiny, since it was why you existed. You chose the people you protected based on how much they needed you and your drastic methods.

"I told myself, pretentiously, that I had suffered enough with my illness to deserve your protection – though considering what you just told me about your life, my little personal hell seems pretty minor in comparison. So that's how I accepted the improbable that a creature like you would want to be friends with an ordinary girl like me. And blind in the bargain."

I snarled. I didn't like her to denigrate herself like that. She ignored me and continued.

"In the beginning, you approached me, but you were afraid of me because I wanted to know you better and humans couldn't discover that you were a lost angel. So you rejected me before finally realizing that you couldn't fight against your nature as a protector. You then adopted my tastes to approach me again; you did your best to give me the impression that you really wanted to know me but I was convinced that you were only trying to find a way to be around me so you could do your job."

Bella laughed at herself. "Quite a fantasy, huh?"

A fantasy, certainly. But I understood what she meant in insisting that her theory was true even if the truth was completely different.

I was, in effect, Bella Swan's guardian angel.

Her story was both beautiful and sad. It didn't reflect reality, but it definitely reflected Bella: from the start, she had seen everything in me that was abnormal and frightening, all the factors that defined me as a vampire to distill and purify them and make them fit her theory.

I tried to believe that my behavior could be like that of a guardian angel. That would justify my plan to watch over her for the rest of her life.

Guardian angel was a title that I didn't deserve, but I wanted to be worthy of it by tamping down the monster in me. It was an absurd theory, a complete contradiction of my real identity, but I could try to attain it. I never would, of course. It could be my goal, a way to keeping me on the straight and narrow of self-control.

"Are you disappointed that the reality has fallen short of your imaginings?"

"Translation: are you disappointed that I'm a vampire, the opposite of an angel?" she teased me. "I was surprised," she added more seriously, "but content."

"Content?"

"Of course! You are real, not a phantom. You followed me and protected me also because it is in your nature, but it's not a duty as it would be for an angel. You watched over me because … because we're friends. And, most important, you weren't mimicking me so you could do your job. You really have your own tastes, your own ideas. You have your unique personality, not a shadow of mine. To know that there really exists someone else on earth with whom I have so much in common made me … happy. So it doesn't matter if you're a vampire or an angel."

I let a smile creep across my face. To hear her accept and even prefer what I was put me on Cloud Nine. And for once I didn't feel guilty of selfishness.

I had one more reason to do something for Bella. The idea that I'd had, with Jasper and Esme's help, would be a way of thanking her for all that she had done for me, for all the weight she had lifted from my shoulders. I was pleased that I had arranged it.

There was, however, a possible snag. If Bella declined to come with me without asking questions, my plan would all fall apart.

"After your appointment, I would like to show you something," I said. "The problem is that to get there, we would need to drive all day."

She raised her eyebrows, her curiosity piqued.

"What is it?"

"If I tell you, it won't be as much fun."

"Oh, it's a surprise."

"As you wish."

She hesitated.

"You are free to accept or not," I assured her. "I wouldn't force you to do anything. We can go back immediately after your exam if you prefer."

I had to give her the choice. She shouldn't accept because she felt pressured. After all, she was still going to have to spend several hours next to Edward the vampire. Her tolerance level was perhaps being exceeded. That I could understand.

"But it will be difficult for you, won't it?" she asked.

Incredible.

She was hesitating because she didn't want to put _me_ under pressure!

"I've managed until now," I told her. "I can handle the entire day and more. In fact, I don't feel that I'm having to 'endure' anything at all right now. I feel good. In control."

As I said them, I realized that my words were completely true. I finally had confidence in myself. I could do it. I could get through this day without a problem.

She shot me a grin.

"All right. I'm eager to know what you're going to show me."

I searched her face for a hint of apprehension that would belie the enthusiasm in her voice. I looked in vain.

"You're saying yes?" I asked, almost incredulous.

"Yeah."

"And Charlie?"

"He's not coming home until Sunday evening. When he's out fishing, he forgets everything else. He won't notice if I come back later than expected."

She agreed so quickly…

Always this blind faith …

I gently stroked her finger with my thumb and turned my attention to the road stretching out before us, under the Volvo. It made me think of another road, that of my life. It no longer turned round and round, going nowhere; instead, it too stretched out far into the distance, twisting, ascending, descending. A road full of obstacles that I would cross as long as this feather stayed in the palm of my hand …

_Elysabeth thanks you for reading and reviewing, and says that it's really interesting to hear the point of view of her English-speaking readers, who differ from her French-speaking ones in quite a few ways. And she wishes "bonne année!" to you all._


	10. Stone and Flesh

_Disclaimer: Smeyer owns "Twilight." Elysabeth owns "Les Yeux de la Lune."_

_T/N: A reviewer asked what Elysabeth meant when she observed that her English-speaking readers are different from her French-speaking ones. Elysabeth says, in a nutshell, that you guys focus on the concrete: details of the plot, whether something is possible or realistic, how similar her characters are to the originals. Her Francophone readers concentrate on the abstract: the atmosphere she evokes, emotional nuances, the style of the writing (umm, perhaps this reflects the shortcomings of translation). _

_In any case, she's been delighted to hear from you because you make her see her story in a new way._

_And now we'll see what Edward has planned for Bella ..._

* * *

><p>Chapter 10: Stone and Flesh<p>

9 p.m.

Had Jasper done everything necessary?

From my seat in the Volvo, I swept my gaze across the building. No sign of activity on the outside. Mentally, I scrutinized the inside. Good. All was calm.

I turned toward Bella. She was still sleeping, her head propped against the window. Her eye exam had worn her out.

I hadn't known that a routine visit to the ophthalmologist for Bella meant being subjected to all sorts of barbaric tests. I had nearly strangled that bald man when he had put burning drops into Bella's eyes. It took every bit of self-control I possessed to remain in the waiting room when the charlatan had aimed at her face an irritating laser that was supposed to be beneficial for her retina. Beneficial? No matter! Luckily for him, my scan of his mind found at least 20 years of experience and competence. I would have flattened him with one hand if he hadn't been professional. It was only by repeating to myself a hundred times that this guy knew what he was doing that I was able to stay seated. I left his office as exhausted as Bella, though for her it was physical and for me psychological.

She had noticed my anger, which astonished her.

"I didn't like at all what he did to you," I had grumbled.

"It's like that at every exam. I'm used to it."

"I'm not."

Bella's mischievous smile had appeared. "Do I need to talk some more about Charlie's electroshock gun to distract you? Do you know that it can power an entire city?" she had immediately recited.

I had relaxed a little by the time we had returned to the Volvo.

Driving all day had used up her strength. We had made only one stop, to get gas and to eat (well, Bella had eaten). She had slept the last two hours of the journey. I would have felt guilty for not taking her straight home if I hadn't known that her fatigue would vanish once she discovered my surprise.

"Bella?" I said softly.

Her eyelids opened slowly, still reddened and swollen by the tests.

"We're here?" she asked, her voice hoarse from sleep.

I had often watched her sleep, this was the first time I had seen her awake. What was it like to return to the waking world? How did it feel to be pulled from a state of inertia? And for Bella, what was it like to move from one dark world to another?

I put my curiosity aside. Question time was over for the day.

"Yes," I said instead.

In an instant, I was outside and opening her door. Bella yawned as she climbed out. She shook out her legs and stretched. Staying immobile for a long time was uncomfortable for human muscles, I had read.

"What time is it?"

"9 p.m."

"So late? Where are we?"

"I can't tell you right away. You will figure out what I want to show you if I tell you where we are."

The reason we were here suddenly came back to her. She was immediately alert and impatient.

"Where is your big surprise?"

"In the building just in front of us. Are you coming?"

I deliberately made my steps loud so that she could follow me without problem. I walked along the wall, all my senses – except my sense of smell, since Bella was right behind me – heightened so that I would know if anyone saw us. I found the emergency exit and prayed that the electronic lock and alarm system had been disabled. I grabbed the lever and pushed. The door opened noiselessly. Bravo, Jasper.

I stepped into the interior. It was dark, but that wasn't a problem for either of us. I no longer needed to bother to walk loudly here because the tall walls of the building created an echo.

Bella carefully followed me. "Where are we?" she asked.

"You'll soon find out."

I had studied the floor plan on the Internet. I knew exactly where to go. I ascended a marble staircase and arrived at the doorway of a large room.

"You can't describe this place to me?" Bella's strangled voice made me turn around. She was trembling and nervous.

I was seized by panic. Did she fear that the vampire was dragging her into a dungeon? Did she think I was isolating my victim? That I was going to imprison her some place where no one could help her, where no one could hear her screams? Where no one would find her corpse?

In regarding her more closely, I suddenly understood that I had once again made a mistake.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I had forgotten."

I _knew _that she was uneasy in a strange place whose size she couldn't figure out. I should have immediately suspected that that was the cause of her discomfort.

Would I ever stop being so paranoid and worry that any minute Bella would become afraid of me? It would take time to get used to this absence of disgust and fright. I had spent the last century seeing these reactions from humans. I supposed that I would need another century to get used to the opposite reaction.

I took her hand to reassure her. "I can't describe where we are. It would ruin the surprise."

"So many mysteries."

I kept her hand in mine and continued into the room. I soon found what I was looking for.

"Here we are."

I released her hand so I could take her wrist. I pulled gently on her arm so she could touch a particular surface. Bella, docile, let me guide her. I let go of her wrist so she could figure out what was under her fingers.

Without a word, but with an intrigued expression, she caressed the curves, stroked the contours and pushed on the material. Her eyebrows rose when her tactile inspection revealed what she was touching.

"No … it can't be …"

She moved her fingers everywhere to assure herself that she wasn't wrong. I smiled at her consternation.

"Oh, my God! It's ... it's "The Flight" by Gestalder! You … you've brought me to the museum."

She jumped back as if the life-size statue had just burned her.

"You have the museum all to yourself, Bella."

She turned toward me, her eyes round in dismay.

"But, no … it's illegal. We shouldn't be here."

She started whispering for fear that her voice would ring too loudly in the exhibition space and alert someone. I had suspected that she would react this way. Such a law-abiding creature as Bella would never dare to commit an illegal act.

"Bella, I've arranged everything. Nobody will know anything," I comforted her. "You can examine as much as you want all the sculptures in this wing."

She quickly shook her head and wiped her hand on her jeans, as if to clean them of the crime she had committed.

I laughed at her reaction.

"This isn't allowed. Nobody can touch the artworks," she whispered furiously, vexed that I was so casual about masterminding such an infraction.

"I know. That's why we're here after closing."

She chewed on her lip, torn between her desire to touch the sculpture again and her worry that we could be caught.

"They'll be damaged if I touch them."

I chuckled again, observing temptation do battle with her scruples. "For one night, Gestalder won't mind."

"I'm going to leave fingerprints everywhere and someone will track me down!"

She certainly had an active imagination, I had to say.

"Your fingerprints can't be identified if you don't have a record. Have you committed a crime before?" I teased her, knowing her response already.

"No!" she said indignantly.

"So, you're not in any police records. If by some chance the museum notices that someone has touched the artworks, nobody will be able to trace it back to you. And honestly, Bella, why would museum officials call the police? What could they say? Find the miscreant who had dared touch a Gestalder? The policemen would just laugh and tell them to let them go after much more important crimes."

My words seemed to convince her. A little.

"There must be cameras – they're definitely going to see us."

"I took care of that too. Do you believe that I'd let you run the least risk of danger?"

That was rich, coming from the vampire thirsty for her blood. I laughed again, this time at myself.

Bella paid no attention to my self-derision. "But … how did you do it?"

It would have taken too long to explain Jasper's talents so I was vague.

"Cullen magic."

Incredulous, Bella stayed unmoving in front of me, still uncomfortable with the situation. Then, she finally turned away and touched her fingers tentatively to the statue. She shook at the contact of the polished bronze. She followed the lines of the figure to its base and knelt before it. I thought that she was examining the feet of the dancer, but when I saw her shoulder convulse in a silent sob, I realized that Bella had simply collapsed under the weight of emotion.

"You're crying?"

I was disconcerted. I expected joy, not tears.

"I can't believe you did this..."

I stepped to her, crouched down and reached toward her shoulder to … do what exactly? Console her?

Was this an old human impulse resurfacing? For a fraction of a second, wanting to comfort her seemed completely natural. But how to do it?

I stopped my hand just before it reached her. It wasn't a good idea to touch her … was it? Was it normal to want to touch someone to comfort her? And what should I say? What were the right words? Giving solace to someone was a very human action that I was unaccustomed to … exactly like sleep. Were my long-dormant instincts enough to find the words to soothe her? How could I find them when I didn't know the origin of her distress? I knew it was my fault, but I didn't know what I had done wrong.

"Oh, no, Bella, I'm truly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."

She straightened up and turned to me, her eyes shining with tears, full of astonishment.

"Hurt me? Edward …" She released a laugh mixed with a sob. "These are tears of joy, you big dope!"

Joy?

Ah, of course. I had seen that in movies, crying for joy. It seemed very human.

I laughed then, relieved to finally discover that I hadn't made a mistake.

"Sorry. I'm not used to that."

She smiled and wiped her tears away with her sleeve.

"Why are you doing this? You … you do too much for me. How can I thank you?"

"What I'm doing is a way of thanking _you_. You can't thank me for thanking you."

"You're thanking me for what?"

"For being you."

She seemed overwhelmed that I had arranged this for such a simple reason.

I encouraged her to continue her examination, to remember through touch what she had once seen with her eyes.

She relaxed and let herself indulge in a long session with the dancer. She started gently, trembling, restrained. She smiled at the feel of certain curves, associating their texture and sizes with her little girl's recollection. With reverential caresses, Bella admired in her way the lightness of the dancer, from head to toe.

"It's fabulous," she murmured, overcome.

I was moved by her gestures. I thought again of my sister's new Porsche, an expensive, and materialist, present. I too enjoyed such frivolities. Bella, though, what gave her pleasure was something spiritual and simple. That is, simple for a Cullen – a normal human would have had a lot more trouble organizing this.

After contemplating all the angles of the statue, Bella moved to another one. She stretched out her fingers, then stopped suddenly. She turned her head in my direction.

"You'll tell me if you get bored, okay?"

Get bored? Just watching her sleep was fascinating to me! Looking at her marveling over these statues, knowing that it was thanks to me that she was having this little moment of joy, made me as thrilled as she was.

"Don't worry about me, Bella. Take all the time you want," I encouraged her.

Reassured, she examined the second statue, this time more confidently. Her fingers shook less. She moved around the statue attentively and declared, "The 'Lovers!' This is the 'Lovers!'"

She went on to name all the statues one by one.

"'The Prima Ballerina' … 'Elevation!' And here, this is …" Her palms glided over the abstract shapes, gathering more information. "It's 'The Mountain Nymph!'"

Bella circled the room while I watched her closely, happy that all the signs of her fatigue had disappeared. She almost forgot I was there, she was so intent. I knew this was a unique experience for her, something she would never have dared to even dream of. She etched each work into her memory, aware that such an opportunity might never reappear. Witness to her pleasure, I swore to myself that if she wanted to return one day, I would make it happen.

After two hours of studying all the Gestalder works in the hall, Bella sighed with contentment. Happy. She was happy. And it was because of me. I was delighted beyond words to know that I had put that dreamy smile on her face.

She came back to me, full of gratitude.

"Thank you. It was wonderful."

"You've seen everything you wanted?"

A smile curved a corner of her lips and she blushed. The rush of blood to her cheeks … didn't make me uncomfortable. Or nearly so. Finally, I was becoming desensitized!

I didn't linger on the pride I had in myself for this. I was too curious about what was embarrassing her.

"Almost," she said in a small voice.

"Is there another part of the museum you'd like to see?"

I was already conducting a mental survey of the other floors, wondering if Jasper had tampered with the cameras and security system of just this particular wing. If that were so, I needed merely to call him to take care of the problem. In any case, the guard was in the room with the video feed from the cameras, napping. I had nothing to fear from him.

Bella bit her lip and shook her head. She raised her eyes to my face as if to ask for my complete attention to what she was going to say to me.

"It's you that I'd like to see now."

It felt as if her words resonated all around me, amplified in my shocked mind as much as by the echo of this exhibition space.

I stared into her lifeless pupils. Her gaze wasn't teasing. She was serious.

To see me … in her fashion?

I glanced at the sculptures. My eyesight allowed me to discern the fingerprints that had so worried Bella. Every surface of the statues was covered with the imprint of her fingertips. Then I imagined myself also covered with those imprints, those souvenirs of her explorations …

I shuddered. Was it a shiver of excitement or fear? I didn't know.

I was silent a long moment, calculating the ramifications of her request. I tried to put myself in her place: if the tables were turned, if I had to live in total darkness, I would want to have a mental idea of Bella. I would even be consumed with frustration to have no physical information. Her voice alone wouldn't have sufficed.

It was similar to how she needed to know the dimensions of the spaces she was in. Bella would surely want to know what the people around her were like – especially her vampire friend. Did she picture me with a long cape, fangs and pointed ears? The caricature had no doubt crossed her mind at least once.

I wanted to let her see me. I did. Truly. .. I couldn't allow it. I mused a second on what this … observation could do to my self-control. I was terrified just at the thought that the monster would awake and I would be powerless against it.

Once again, Bella had too much faith in me. I had to be prudent for her.

"You don't know what you're asking. Everything's gone well till now, I've been able to handle it, but that … I can't do. I'm sorry."

I read the disappointment on her face and turned my eyes away, unable to bear seeing her sad,

"I'm sure you can," she said, insistent. "You won't hurt me."

"No."

My refusal was categorical, and I didn't try to see her reaction, fearful that her disappointment would be more obvious still.

Bella came closer to me. "Please."

I could close my eyes so I wouldn't see her pleading face, but I would have had to deaf to not be swayed by her words.

I retreated from her hands that she had stretched toward me.

"Tell me what to do or not do to make this easier for you," she asked.

My laugh was sarcastic. "What to do? Well, you'd have to stop breathing. And you'd have to stop smelling so good. Oh, while you're at it, stop the blood from running through your veins."

"Hmm. I can hold my breath for almost an entire minute," she said, mock-bragging. "Unfortunately, I don't have control over my scent and my blood. I should have brought the horrible perfume that my grandmother used to wear. Believe me, a drop of that and I would disgust you permanently."

She was trying to relax me with her prattle, but her effort was vain.

"No artificial scent could hide your fragrance from me."

Swaying me with joking had failed. She tried sincerity.

"If you knew how often I have tried to imagine you in my mind… Your voice, the vibrations emanating from you, every part of you that I can grasp … I've tried to come up with a face to match them. I've tried to attach a body to your movements, expressions to your different intonations. You haven't made it easy. You were so distant and so close at the same time, so mysterious… Don't leave me in the shadows, I beg you."

How could I remain unmoved by that?

"Bella …."

"Let's begin with what's easiest."

She didn't wait for my permission. She took my hand, as she had done a few times before. I could deal with that. It did almost nothing to me now … apart from making my skin tingle all over.

This time, her fingers did not weave themselves into mine. They studied me, one finger after another. Her index finger barely touched mine, but it felt as if it had been marked by a branding iron … or rather a white feather.

With her index finger, Bella followed a raised vein in my gleaming stone flesh. She traced it to my wrist, into previously unexplored territory (why had I worn a short-sleeved shirt? A layer of fabric would have been a useful shield). She continued her path on my arm until she reached the inside of my elbow – a warm little feather skating on smooth ice.

I froze. I made myself marble, like so many of the sculptures around us. I was petrified with fear yet at the same time impatient to feel her inquisitive fingers.

Bella's fingers wound around my forearm, measuring its circumference. She traveled the valley of my tensed muscles that I tried to keep unmoving. I didn't budge, but I was having great difficulty keeping her touch from making my body react. She lingered on my arm, her palm curving to its shape. She was tentative, watching for my reactions.

She was nonetheless reassured by my apparent control and became bolder. Her fingers, which had only brushed me before, were more insistent. Her other hand joined the exploration.

She found my shoulder, analyzed its broadness, followed the line my nape, grazed the empty artery in my neck, crossed my clavicle on her way to my other shoulder. She circled me slowly, just as she had circled all the artworks in this room. She continued over my shoulder blade, then counted one by one my vertebrae from my neck to the small of my back. I couldn't breathe. Her hands glided over my hip as she moved around until she was once more in front of me, her hand on my chest.

My brain was going to explode from the effect of her touch, from suppressing the shudders she was causing in me. Yet, masochist as I was, I didn't move an inch. I couldn't even try to stop her. How could I? I couldn't operate my vocal cords to warn her off, much less the muscles that I needed to move away from her hands. I was in a haze from these novel sensations, sensations I couldn't even identify sufficiently to know if they were signs of the awaking monster or something both very primal … and very human.

Bella gathered my information, learning the least details of my body. There was nothing untoward in her touches. She studied me with great respect, even admiration. She discovered it all sweetly, gently.

My mind short-circuited when her fingers meticulously examined my stone torso, investigated the planes of my chest. I was falling apart.

She took my hand again and knelt, pulling me down with her. I obeyed like a puppet and found myself sitting on my heels. I wondered why she wanted us on the floor, then understood that it was so she could more easily continue her examination. I was too tall for her to study my face while we were standing.

This was a risky venture that would take her too close to the most dangerous part of my body: my teeth. And yet I let her. My common sense had disappeared as I focused on the exquisite, torturous sensations brought on by her fingers.

Bella slid a hand into my hair, smiling at something mysterious. Her face was at the same level as mine, and I gulped when I stared into her eyes, seeing a reverie mixed with the intense concentration. Lost in these new feelings inside me, I could only with difficulty remind myself not to breathe in her scent.

Bella carefully moved her hand from my hair down to my temple. Her fingers pushed a stray lock behind my ear. I would have never believed before now how sensitive that part of my body could be. This time I couldn't help myself. I trembled. Seeing my reaction, Bella didn't linger on my ear and moved back to my face. She traced the line of my smooth jaw and the hard curve of my chin up to my other temple. She caressed my forehead, found my eyebrows that were furrowed with my effort to keep still. Her fingers grazed my eyelids and I had to close them. My sight cut off, I could no longer anticipate her movements, determine her next destination. I had to rely instead only on the warmth of her fingers to guess where they were headed.

Bella gently stroked the purple shadows under my eyes, the bridge of my nose.

_Above all, do not breathe._

She moved lower. Too low. Her fingers wandered over my marble lips and I was finally able to move. I grabbed her by the shoulders to stop her.

Bella stopped and jumped back. "I've gone too far?"

I opened my eyes, focusing on that face that I loved so I could find the power to resist the temptation to open my mouth and search out the warmth of those fingers that had ventured too close to my teeth. I forced myself to think of the guardian angel of Bella's imagination, that distant ideal, to get back on the straight and narrow.

"Edward?" she asked as I stayed silent, concentrating on myself and monster inside.

When I didn't answer, she tried to pull away, but I prevented her. If she retreated, I could no longer draw strength from her innocent face to repress the monster.

"Give me a minute," I finally managed to get out.

I concentrated on the parts of Bella's humanity that I loved: her gentle heartbeat, a musical instrument in itself. Her inhalations and exhalations, breaths of life, of hope. Her eyes, two pools empty of life but full of trust and concern. All that was more important than her delectable blood.

I asked myself, in a flash of lucidity, why venom wasn't flooding my mouth. Her hand had been very close to my teeth, yet the poison I produced was absent.

And suddenly I realized that it wasn't the monster I was repressing. I was hungry, but not for the reason I had thought. It was the lover in me who was hungry for her, who longed to draw her closer, to revel in her heat, her softness …

However, neither the lover nor the monster could show himself tonight.

Or any other night.

A minute passed. The hunger was still there, but it was much easier to control than that of the monster.

"It's fine, " I said, to myself as much as her.

I released her shoulders and was relieved that I hadn't crushed her bones with my reflex. Protecting her from my strength was becoming an automatic behavior, something I almost didn't need to think about. That relieved me as well.

"I can …I can continue?"

She wasn't finished? Christ, how much more would I have to endure?

"Please, " I said politely, but still tense.

Bella reached for me again, her hands returning to my chest. She was even more meticulous than before, and I wondered what she was looking for.

It was then that her fingers starting unbuttoning my shirt.

What the hell! Had she lost her mind?

I already had.

Her audacity paralyzed me. I stood frozen, in a state of shock.

Bella undid four buttons and pulled open my shirt.

_For God's sake, move away!_

She leaned to me and laid her head on the center of my chest.

I was petrified.

She sighed, her exhalation irradiating my skin. I felt as if I was melting.

"Silence…"

Ah, that was the reason for her action. I should have understood earlier. Her ear against me, Bella was listening for my missing heartbeat.

"My heart stopped beating when I was changed," I said gruffly. "Everything inside is dead."

She stayed there, listening to the silence for … for I don't know long. It could have been an eternity, but I still found the time too short – never had I been so close to her as at this moment. Never had the lover been so near his reason for existing. I remained immobile even though my hands longed to wrap themselves around her and keep her next to me, next to my dead heart. It was a supreme effort in self-discipline.

Bella pulled away slowly. Perhaps I was taking my fantasies for reality, because I perceived a trace of disappointment, even regret, in her features, at detaching herself from me.

She smiled at me and I knew that her tactile journey was over. I had passed this test, though that really wasn't the right word. A test had a certain negative connotation, of something difficult and disagreeable. What I had just experienced was certainly difficult, but far, far from being disagreeable … I felt as if I was covered by a fine layer of flaming particles. Her fingers had left in their wake indelible marks that I wouldn't forget.

Bella, completely unaware of how she had unhinged me, responded to the words I had just said.

"Mine can beat for two."

She sought out my hand and put it over her own heart. My eyes widened. Under my palm, I felt the vibrations. They were soothing me already. And so I imitated my beloved, replacing my hand with my head. I didn't know how that had happened, it was so automatic, so involuntary.

"Don't move," I whispered, uncertain of myself, but longing so much to listen to the music of her heartbeat.

Bella complied, staying as still as a human could.

I had heard it said that you could hear the ocean in a seashell. For me, my temple against her heart, it was as if I could hear the entire world. Life, the universe, infinity.

Her chest rose and I followed the movement of each of her breaths. I closed my eyes and let them rock me.

We remained this way yet another measureless length of time. Statues surrounded by statues. "Stone and Flesh," that could have been our title. Or "Life and Death." "The Eternal and the Ephemeral."

"_But what's going on? Why aren't the motion detectors on?" _

I was brutally torn from my paradise. I jumped up, deploying my mental ear to its utmost and ignoring Bella's questions.

"What's happening?"

"_Stupid computer_," someone was thinking in the video surveillance office. _"Why are the detectors off? Why is the image on the screen playing in a loop?"_

Jasper had selected a part of the video recorded before our arrival showing the room empty of anything except statues. He had hacked into the computer system to make that part of video repeat again and again so that the guard wouldn't see anything unusual during our visit. But our subterfuge had just been discovered.

I took Bella's hand.

"We have to leave. Immediately," I said urgently.

"Oh, oh… Something's gone wrong? The Cullen magic has stopped working?"

She followed me with difficulty. I paid no attention to her teasing, in too much of a hurry to get out before the guard decided to come and see what was going on.

But instead of that, he turned on the motion detector – which was much worse.

I cursed as I heard the system start up. I grabbed Bella and jumped, reaching the ceiling just a millisecond before the detector begin transmitting.

"What are you playing at?" Bella said, seeming stunned by our abrupt movement.

"Shh!"

The ceiling was the only safe place in this room. The infrared rays scanned only the floors and walls, and if the guard managed to get the cameras to work, we would be outside their field of vision since they were mounted on the ceiling and pointed down.

I hung from a girder with one arm and with the other held my precious cargo.

"Hold on," I murmured.

"I don't have much choice!"

I suppressed the sensations provoked having her legs wrapped around me, and listened intently.

Unable to make the computer that controlled the video images work properly, the guard had decided to visit the room himself.

"The guard is coming!"

I knew that he wouldn't enter the room, since the now-operational motion detector would set off an alarm. But he'd be able to see in from the doorway. If he saw us….

"Not a word!" I ordered.

Bella obeyed, her heart beating furiously. Damn it to hell, I could hear it echoing off the walls. Thank God human hearing wasn't as developed as mine.

I could already imagine the unpleasantness if we were discovered. How was I going to get us out of this?

Steps rang in the corridor. Bella heard them and hiccupped. She was trembling and hiding her face in my shirt..

I gripped her more tightly. A vain gesture since it wouldn't conceal us any better from the guard if he happened to look up, but it at least slowed her heartbeat. She felt safe with me …

I wouldn't let anyone lay any of the responsibility for this on her. I would claim that I forced her to come here. I would confess to anything so that I would be the only one incriminated. It was out of the question that Bella would be punished for my actions.

Sheesh … I had feared that this outing would end badly because of the monster in me, but now we were being afflicted by quite different troubles. Would bad luck ever leave me alone?

But all was not lost. There was still a possibility that we would escape.

I looked down. I was too tall; the guard would immediately see my dangling feet when he looked into the room. I swung them up so I could wrap them around the girder. Now I looked like a monkey suspended from a tree branch. Or a sort of hammock for Bella who found herself lying on top of me, her legs entwined with mine. That could have been funny – or disconcerting – if our situation hadn't been so serious.

The guard arrived and pointed his flashlight into the room. He examined all the sculptures while Bella and I held our breath.

His thoughts were suspicious. He knew something wasn't right. I prayed that the beam of the flashlight would not hit us.

A screech unexpectedly came from the corridor. Analyzing the sound, I realized that it came from creaking door hinges. The guard heard it too, and ran off to see the cause.

I knew that no one else was in the museum. The door had thus opened all by itself … or maybe not.

We relaxed a little as the guard's footstep became fainter. Then Bella shook with laughter that she could barely repress.

"I don't see what's so funny!" I hissed.

"That sure was something else!"

She continued to giggle. Just then my cell phone vibrated. From his own computer, Jasper had no doubt figured out that his interference had been detected and he was trying to warn me. Unless Alice had seen our difficult situation.

Before I could twist myself to extract the phone from my back pocket, Bella, with more room to maneuver, took it out and opened it.

"You have reached the cell phone of Edward Cullen. How can I help you?" she said, her voice still shaking with laughter.

"_Bella Swan?" _

It was indeed Jasper, apparently taken aback that Bella was holding my phone.

I didn't bother to try to reach for it. My brother could hear me perfectly from here.

"If you're calling to warn me that the guard suspects something, you're 30 seconds late," I grumbled.

"Sorry. Calculation error," he replied with his usual calm.

"If you'd like to earn our forgiveness, then find us a way out of here."

Bella realized that it was my brother who had organized this adventure.

"Oh, it's you, Jasper, who's the man behind this illegal escapade?" I thought she would scold him, but she was grateful instead. "Thanks so much!"

Was this the same law-fearing girl who was so afraid of being caught when we had sneaked inside? She seemed to find our predicament a real hoot now.

Jasper didn't answer her. Gratitude from a human, sincere gratitude, seemed to disconcert him. I realized, belatedly, that this was the first conversation between Bella and my vampire brother. What would be the result of such contact?

_Now is not the time to think of that!_

"He doesn't deserve thanks," I grumbled. "He's put us in quite a fix."

Bella clucked in disapproval.

"Don't listen to him, Jasper. I think this is kind of exciting. I feel like Bonnie and Clyde."

I was perturbed. I had been the one who was confident and casual, while Bella had worried. Now our roles were reversed.

Jasper chuckled at the other end of the line. What, him too?

"So," I demanded, "have you found us that way out?"

He cleared his throat and got back to business.

"_Where are you now?"_ he asked.

"I'm on the ceiling. In a rather compromising position."

"_You have to find the ventilation ducts. Western wall. I'm going to switch off the motion detector again. And I just deactivated the lock of a door in the south wing to distract the guard."_

"Huh, that's you also?" Bella said cheerfully, impressed that Jasper could control the systems of the museum from so far away.

"_Yes, that was I. If you leave now, you have a clear path out. Follow the ducts to the roof."_

"If we get caught, there's going to be hell for you to pay," I told him.

I whispered, more gently, to Bella, "Hang up."

I heard another mocking laugh from Jasper before Bella ended the call, after thanking my brother again.

"This might be a bit bumpy," I warned her, calculating the distance to the grille leading to the ventilation duct.

Some acrobatics were necessary, but I managed it. I pulled out one of the screws holding in the grille and told Bella to crawl into the dusty passageway. I could already hear the guard's mental decision to return to this exhibition space after closing the door that Jasper had opened.

"Off you go!"

Coughing in the dust, Bella groped her way along the passage.

"Where am I going?"

"Straight ahead."

"How am I supposed to know what 'straight ahead' is?

"Go into the passage that has the freshest air. That's the one leading to the exterior."

"I feel like I'm in a bad action movie."

"Go, go!"

I followed her, returning the grille to its place behind me.

I caught up to Bella, who was crawling neither fast nor silently enough. If the guard noticed the noises coming from the ceiling, that'd be it. And I had only myself to blame: it was my fault we were in this fix (well, it was Jasper's fault, a little).

Still, our luck held, and after several interminable minutes we made it to the roof. Without a word, I slung Bella on my back and leapt to the ground. I ran to the Volvo, deposited my cargo on her seat, jumped behind the wheel, and took off.

I drove in silence for a while before saying, "My apologies, Bella. That was my fault. It shouldn't have ended like that."

I watched my passenger to see if she had recovered from our flight. She was pursing her lips to stifle a laugh.

She wasn't angry with me?

I remarked that she was covered in grime. The tension in the car dissipated and I burst into laughter. Bella did the same.

"That was great! Can we do that again?" she got out between her giggles.

"Absolutely not! I had the fright of my life!"

"You, Edward Cullen, had the fright of your life? Pfft!"

She was still laughing. "Can you imagine my dad's reaction if I'd had to call him from a police station: 'Hey, Charlie, can you come bail me out? What crime did I commit? Oh, I touched some statues.'"

The Volvo was shaken again by our laughter.

After our hilarity chased away the vestiges of the stress of our experience, we were calm once more. Bella was overcome by fatigue and she rested her head on the seatback.

"I think I've never heard you laugh so much," she murmured.

I thought about her observation. It was true. It had been a long time since I had done that.

"See, so I'm good for something," she went on. "If you hadn't had the idea of taking me on this illegal expedition that nearly turned out badly, we wouldn't have had the chance to laugh at it afterward. I can at least say that I distracted you for a bit."

"Is that the impression I give you? That I don't enjoy myself with you?"

"No, that's not what I meant. I expressed myself badly, sorry." She paused for a moment – fatigue had made her mix up her thoughts. "You remember that melancholy I had detected in your voice?"

"Yes…"

"Well, today, I barely noticed it. It's that what I meant by 'distract.' I flattered myself into believing that I had … had a hand in reducing the sadness in your voice."

She gave a sleepy little smirk.

"It was conceited of me, you think?"

"No, not at all. To the contrary, being with you makes me feel … light."

_Don't say too much. Don't reveal yourself._

I clenched the steering wheel as if that could keep me from speaking further.

Bella seemed touched and silence descended upon the car.

"Thanks for everything today," I heard after a while.

Her eyelids were blinking; she was fighting to stay awake.

"Sleep, Bella. I'll take you back home."

She closed her eyes and murmured, "Edward?"

"Yes?"

A smile crossed her tired face. "You are a work of art…"

Damn. That wasn't the first time I'd heard something like that. The female sex in general had similar thoughts. It was tedious. Now that Bella had seen me, would she join all those humans who went into ecstasies over my appearance? Not that the idea that I stunned her displeased, me, but …

"A unique work of art … forged in a strange material, because usually, it's the surface that makes a piece what it is. In your case, the exterior is magnificent, but the interior – what you don't see, what is hidden – is even more beautiful … It's what is on the inside that make it work what it is."

_That_, no one had ever said to me.

It was my turn to be touched.

Bella went to sleep for good. I drove for most of the night before reaching Forks. I didn't wake her when we arrived. I found the keys to her house, took her in my arms and lowered her to her bed. I pulled off her shoes and drew up her covers. Bella was so wiped out that she didn't wake for any of that.

I ended the night in her company, staring at her delicate fingers, her little transmitters of information. I still felt the tingles they left on my skin. Her scent was on my skin as well.

With a feeling of confidence, I unblocked my sense of smell and inhaled deeply.

My throat burst into flames, of course. I suffered, obviously. Her fragrance was tempting, certainly. But I managed to smile as I burned. I was even able to lean forward, take one of Bella's hands without waking her and breathe in the scent of her inquisitive fingers. I smiled even more when I felt the monster stay in his cage.

I had made great progress tonight.

At dawn, I reluctantly left her. I had inhaled her scent; I was almost immune to it. If I spent time away from her, I would have to restart my training. But not from the very beginning, at least.

I returned home, musing on my day – until I noticed eight minds in the vicinity instead of six.

I had known that this was going to happen. I had known for weeks, but my hackles rose nonetheless.

Peter and Charlotte had just arrived.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Thanks so much again for all your kind words._


	11. Visit

**Chapter 11: Visit**

_Disclaimer: SMeyer owns "Twilight." Elysabeth owns "Les Yeux de la Lune." _

_T/N: That last chapter is particularly lovely, isn't it? It was a big reason I wanted to translate this story. Thanks to all who reviewed, especially those of you who came back after FF failed. _

Chapter 11: Visit

When I returned to the house, I was greeted by the mental congratulations of my parents and Alice. They were proud of me. I had managed to spend an entire day with Bella without problems – or nearly so. Still, I was so on edge that their encouraging words had little effect on me.

Jasper and his guests were in the living room. I didn't go in, knowing that Bella's scent was still fresh on me. Instead, I gave them a tense smile from a distance. I was unable to play the polite host. Knowing that Charlotte and Peter were in the same town as Bella didn't please me at all. A brief survey of their minds showed me that they weren't thirsty, but the facts were the facts: nonvegetarians were in Forks, in this town where there was a human with an intoxicating fragrance.

Peter appeared unaffected by my unfriendliness, though my behavior intrigued him. Charlotte didn't understand my sudden antipathy. She was more volatile than her mate and had it not been for Jasper the tension would have quickly spiraled in the room. He calmed us all, but shot daggers at me.

"_You'd better get out of here before Charlotte erupts." _

He didn't have to say it twice.

As I went up the stairs, my brother asked, _"May I explain to them the reason for your hostility?"_

Tell them that I was attached to a human and that I feared they would attack her?

Hmmm. If that could prevent them from giving chase in case they ran across the trail of her scent….

"Yeah," I muttered from the hallway, knowing Jasper could hear me.

I stopped my ascent of the next set of stairs, hit by remorse. Dammit, Jasper had the right to have nonvegetarian friends. He didn't need to endure my bad mood.

"Thanks for what you did tonight," I added, more calmly. I certainly owed him. Because of him, Bella had been thrilled and delighted.

Jasper didn't respond, but my words prompted a memory in his mind, Bella's voice on the telephone: _"Thanks so much."_ He was still moved by her gratitude.

I had a shower and threw out my clothes to make all traces of Bella's scent disappear. As long as Charlotte and Peter were around, I had to take every precaution.

I planned to spend the days ahead dogging Bella's sneakered heels until Peter and Charlotte left the Olympic Peninsula. It was out of the question to leave her without surveillance.

Before I could go, Emmett intercepted me and clapped me hard on the back.

"There you are, little brother! I hope you're pleased with yourself: we all lost our bets!"

That was his gruff way of congratulating me for resisting my baser instincts, but I wasn't in the mood to answer him. Emmett sighed, seeing that I was too tense to play along.

"You are such a pain. That girl has you wrapped around her little finger."

He left me in exasperation. I was aware that I was being unbearable, so I took off immediately. I didn't want to get on my family's nerves. They shouldn't suffer because of my paranoia.

I headed to the garage to get my Volvo. Alice was waiting for me there, seated on the hood.

"I'm afraid that a little meteorological issue is going to upend your plans," she told me.

I saw in her visions what she was alluding to.

The sun! The next three days would be sunny. I couldn't even go to school. I raised my eyes to the window to see sunbeams pierce the tops of the trees in the forest around our house.

Another of Alice's visions then appeared. Damn it to hell! The Red Cross was having a blood drive in town and Banner had been inspired by that to conduct a blood-typing exercise. Even if I could avoid the sun, I couldn't be in class with Bella.

"Thank you, Alice."

She left the garage, disconsolate.

That didn't stop from watching over Bella from afar - even though with clear skies Peter and Charlotte wouldn't be out in public. They stayed far enough from Bella's house so that even if they suddenly got it into their heads to defy me and pursue her, nothing could happen. As for me, I was so paranoid that I still went to her house, by foot, under the cover of the trees.

Once there, I was surprised to hear a mind emanating from inside. Charles wasn't supposed to be back before evening. I concentrated and quickly realized that it wasn't Charlie, but Angela Weber.

Bella and her friend had met to finish up their ultrasound machine. Tyler Crowley, who felt that he hadn't sufficiently made up for having nearly killed Bella, was planning to "help" them again this week at school. Bella and Angela had therefore decided to meet without his knowing it so they could finish the machine without catastrophe.

Too bad. I was going to have to stay away. I had hoped to find a pretext for spending the day with Bella, in her house, out of the sun. Today would have been the only day that I could be near her other than in secret, but Angela's presence – and the fact that their machine tormented my eardrums – prevented that.

I had to content myself with watching her from the forest. At least I could watch my moon through Angela's mind.

The day passed quietly, and I told myself that I was probably there for nothing. Angela left at the end of the afternoon, just as Charlie returned. I was having the worst of luck. I had thought that Bella would be alone longer before her father came back, enough time so that I could call her and let her know that I wouldn't be at her door tomorrow morning as I had been on all the other school days. If Charlie answered the phone when I called, it would arouse his suspicions: Bella got so few calls, much less from boys, that I was certain that he would try to listen in on our conversation. And I would have to censor myself instead of telling her about the damnable sun. On our drive to Seattle, I had explained to her that the notion that sunshine reduced vampires to ash was merely a myth, but I hadn't told her that we had to avoid it even so. Since Bella couldn't see me, I hadn't really seen the point of revealing that my skin took on the appearance of diamonds.

I had to find another way to warn her. I suddenly had an idea. I took advantage of the fact that Bella and her father were discussing their weekend in the living room to jump up to her window and slip silently into her bedroom. I moved too quickly for any neighbor to see. I found Bella's specialized computer, opened it, cursed its slowness, found the writing program and typed out a message. I printed it and left it on her bed, knowing that her fingers would encounter it when she drew down her covers at bedtime. Charlie didn't know Braille, so if he ran across the note by accident, I wouldn't be compromised.

I left, pleased with my plan, though still anxious. I hoped that Bella wouldn't be offended that I had gone into her room without permission. But since I had done it with the goal of warning her, perhaps she would forgive me — especially since she didn't know that I had made visiting her room an almost daily occurrence.

In my letter, I had made a proposal. I didn't want to spend three entire days without speaking to her, so I had told her that I would be at our tree at lunch if she wanted to come see me. And so the next day, under our pine, on the other side of the football /you do mean football, not soccer, yes?/ field, I waited impatiently for the lunch bell to ring. When I saw the tip of her white cane poke out of the exit door of the school, I was overjoyed.

Hidden in the branches, I watched her head cautiously toward me. Today she was wearing dark glasses, and I silently laughed.

Bella walked around the tree uncertainly. Probably worried that a student or teacher was nearby, she called me in a whisper.

"Edward? Are you here?"

I chuckled from my perch and she raised her head.

"So, are you a movie star, with those sunglasses?" I teased her.

"You know Braille?" she answered instead, ignoring my question.

I was stunned. I had expected that she would demand that I justify my sneaking into her room. Not for a second had I thought that her first question would be about my knowledge of Braille.

I dropped to the ground. She jumped back in surprise.

"Hello," I said, smiling, ignoring her question in turn.

She shook her head, taken aback, but smiled at me nonetheless.

"Hello."

She was comical with that contraption on her nose, but it bothered me: I was deprived of her gentle, serene gaze.

"Why that accessory?" I asked.

"The sun."

"So? Sunny or not, that doesn't make any difference to you, does it?"

"To the contrary. I am more sensitive to the sun than other people. It burns my retina."

My smile vanished.

I understood why Bella liked rainy days even though for ordinary humans, "pouring" rhymed with "boring." For her, those were the days that the sunshine didn't bother her.

"How did you endure living in Arizona all those years?"

She pointed to her dark glasses. "By pretending to be a movie star," she said, repeating my teasing words. "Forks is good for both of us, with all its rain, apparently, based on your note. Ironic, isn't it? So," she went on, mischievously, "apart from sneaking into my room, you had a good Sunday?"

My intrusion didn't seem to bother her. I was relieved.

"It was quiet."

"You didn't hunt down some mountain lions?"

I winced. It was still difficult for me to discuss my nature so openly. My reflex was to filter what I said so I wouldn't frighten the average human … but that was just it: Bella was far, far from being average.

"I wasn't thirsty."

"I wonder what a vampire spends his time doing when he's not hunting."

"All sorts of things," I said vaguely.

For example, a paranoid vampire like me spent his time watching over the least of her movements, but she didn't need to know that. She already suspected that I monitored her like a guardian angel, though not like an obsessed voyeur who even observed her in her sleep.

"Among those things are learning languages … like Braille," I added. I opened Arago's memoirs, which I had brought with me. "Shall we go back to Peru and the Incas?"

"Yes, please!"

Under the pine, I didn't have to worry that someone passing by would see me in the sun. Bella sat down with her lunch, ready to listen. I also sat down, but I changed my usual position. I allowed myself to sit right next to her, shoulder to shoulder. I felt capable of being that close. After our Saturday in the museum, I could permit myself this luxury.

I ignored, as best as I could, the shiver that I always experienced when we touched. She shivered too, but that could only be because of the coldness of my body. I started the chapter. The narrative was sufficiently absorbing that I could forget that two nonvegetarian vampires were in Forks. Our pine, Arago and Bella made me feel as if I was in my own little world.

The hour passed and the chapter ended with Arago returning to the civilized world. His narrative took a turn that bewildered me: Arago had fallen desperately in love with the daughter of a duke, but didn't declare himself, for reasons that seemed silly to me. He made me think of all the adolescents in school who had crushes on someone, but wouldn't say anything for fear of being ridiculed or discovering that their affection was unrequited. Humans were so pathetically melodramatic, especially when you considered that the reasons that kept them from action mostly stemmed from embarrassment. For me, love between humans was easy. Simple. I didn't see what was so intimidating about revealing their feelings, especially when I compared my situation to that of Arago or these adolescents with all their hang-ups.

My own reasons for saying nothing to the woman I loved seemed a lot more dramatic and important. The way I saw it, humans got all worked up over nothing.

"Why does he torture himself like that?" I said in annoyance, stopping my reading. "All he has to do is tell her."

"He's afraid."

"That's silly. It's obvious that she's head over heels for him. All he has to do is say one word and she would fall into his arms. Humans complicate their lives needlessly."

"That's not how he sees it. For him, it's hopeless. She's from a prestigious family. She was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. What does he have to offer her, this blind man? He's only a traveler, a vagabond without a title or money. He's only a man of the people. How can he be a match for her when he's so ordinary? So you tell yourself it's better to hide what you want, that it's better to live with unfulfilled hopes than with broken dreams. A dream is beautiful even if you don't try to make it come true. A dream that is crushed becomes disillusionment and regret."

I stared at her, mesmerized by her passion on the subject. "Are we still talking about Arago?" I asked.

I could have sworn that a flash of embarrassment crossed her face, but it disappeared quickly.

"Of course I'm talking about Arago," she said, but her smile seemed forced.

I couldn't question her further, because the bell rang. Neither of us had noticed how rapidly the time had passed.

Bella leapt to her feet. "Oh, no! I'm going to be late!"

She gathered her lunch things hastily while I mentally scanned the emptying hallways of the school. I knew that Bella had English now. Mr. Mason was already calling the roll.

To my great surprise, Bella retracted her cane.

"What are you doing?" I asked. "I can't walk with you in the sun, remember?"

"I know, but my cane slows me down. We're at the other end of the football field and I have to run."

"That's out of the question. You'll hurt yourself. It's no big deal if you're five minutes late."

"You know Mason; he gives hours of detention for being even a little late. So help me, hurry!"

I complied reluctantly. I concentrated for a second, listening mentally for the last students making their way to their classes. Then, I took Bella and turned her in the right direction. I calculated the strides needed for her size and her human pace.

"Run straight ahead. In 46 steps, there will be an empty soda can on the ground; don't trip on it. You'll have 11 more steps after that, then you'll be at the stairs to the entrance. After that, you know the way by heart. There is no one left to get in your way until you get to the hallway to your classroom. The janitor is sweeping; he'll be on your right. Watch out for the fourth locker on the left; some idiot forgot to close it. Go."

And she took off, sure of herself. I knew that she had memorized all the information I gave her, but I couldn't help worry.

"See you tomorrow," she yelled as she ran off.

I watched her arrive before the surprised eyes of the janitor. He knew the little blind Swan and was shocked to see her run with assurance, confidently skirting the protruding locker door. I relaxed only when she stepped into her classroom, right at the moment when Mason got to the S's. She got in just under the wire.

Jeez, all that merely to avoid detention. Bella was too diligent a student.

Too diligent and too secretive.

What had she meant with her rant about Arago?

Eh, perhaps nothing. Bella was a good listener, able to analyze characters' motivations, that was all.

I moved deeper into the forest. I had a few hours before Bella finished her school day and I could tail her home from a distance, out of the sun. It felt almost like the old days when I pretended that she didn't exist even as I followed her like a ghost, inspecting her path. I was impatient for the sun to go hide itself as it usually did here instead of disrupting the routine that Bella and I had created since we had become friends. That routine wasn't enough for the shy lover that I was, but I would have to be content with it.

What would we do when school was out for the summer? Would she still want to spend time with me? Or now that she lived in Forks, would she want to spend her vacations with her mother? That would be a misery for me, for Bella to spend her vacation in Jacksonville. I would follow her, of course, in secret – it would be a torture for me to not speak to her for three months, to see her only through the eyes of the people around her.

I was wandering the forest feeling dismayed when I was suddenly distracted by thoughts a few miles away. I stiffened when I recognized who it was. I stopped still, hoping that they would move away. I knew, however, that it was no coincidence that they were nearby. I knew they were looking for me, but I prayed that they would go on their way instead.

But they were headed straight toward me. A growl shook my whole body.

I was much too close to the school for my tastes, but I couldn't run off. Evading them would be equivalent to a provocation and that would be worse. I had to confront them, which could go horribly wrong. There was no escape.

I took out my cell, and saw that I had no signal. Naturally, since I was in the middle of the forest. I had a missed call from Alice. She had seen what they were trying to do and wanted to warn me.

For the moment, only curiosity drove them to look for me. My hostility toward them had intrigued them but Jasper had been as evasive as he could be. They wanted to know what he was hiding from them. They couldn't believe that I loved a human and wanted to see the proof for themselves. But what if their curiosity became transformed into appetite? I had spent an hour practically glued to Bella. What had I chosen today, of all days, to sit closer to her when I read to her? They were going to smell her on me and they would definitely find her scent appealing.

They were suddenly just in front of me, shadows taking shape in the forest. They eyed me warily, keeping a prudent distance since I no doubt looked like a wild animal ready to attack.

My smile was not welcoming. "Peter, Charlotte," I greeted them.

They nodded in response.

"Hi, Edward," Peter said, a bit of slyness in his voice. "We were just about to leave and we wanted to give you our best wishes."

_Give me a break instead_, I thought in irritation. Peter knew very well that I could read their true intentions, but he also liked to tease.

"So, you've chosen a human …" He spoke neutrally, but in his mind I could read his disdain as clearly as if he had said it aloud.

"Keep your opinions to yourself," I said, full of scorn.

Charlotte's nostrils trembled and her red pupils dilated.

"What a fragrance! I can see why you chose her," she said.

I snarled and bared my teeth. Charlotte laughed.

"Oh, come on, relax. We don't mean anything by it." Her laugh was derisive. "Anyway, you'll soon tire of your new little toy."

And, she thought, when that became the case, I would kill the toy.

For them, the idea itself of spending time near humans was aberrant. Bella was a whim, a passing fancy that I would eventually discard. They didn't really understand our vegetarian lifestyle, and even more, our desire to live among humans. They couldn't fathom that a vampire and human could have a relationship to each other except as predator and prey.

I couldn't help trying to explain. "She is for me what you are to each other. She is everything," I said.

My voice, my expression, my defensive posture, convinced them that I was completely serious. They were starting to realize that I wasn't joking, and they found that disturbing.

They had thought at first that I was mistaking blood lust for love, that I was protecting Bella like a predator keeping a particularly choice piece of prey for itself, but now they saw that I was animated by something that they understood, since they felt it themselves for their own mate. Such a love for a human bothered them – what could Bella offer besides her blood? Yet they had to bow to the evidence: all that I did and said told that that I loved her.

"Do you plan to make her one of us?" Peter asked.

"No!" I answered vehemently.

Peter was stupefied. "You realize you will lose her sooner or later?"

He found it unbelievable that I had an attachment to someone who would die in what for us was the near future.

"Yes," I said. "That's why I intend to take advantage of every millisecond of her existence and enjoy each instant she's willing to spend with me … until her last breath."

My categorical tone disconcerted them.

"Watch out," Charlotte warned me. "This could all end badly if the Volturi find out that a human knows about us."

I flinched.

In my self-absorption, I hadn't given a single thought to the indirect consequences of my confession about my nature. It was true: if the Volturi learned that I had broken one of their laws ….

No. I refused to think about that. We were thousands of miles away from them. The Volturi had no way of knowing. They had never cared about what was going on Forks. There would never be a reason for them to come sniffing around here.

Unless someone told them one.

I glared at Charlotte and Peter, boiling with rage, and they understood what I feared.

"We won't say anything," Peter assured me.

An image of Jasper appeared in their minds. For the sake of their friend, and to prevent negative repercussions falling on him, they would guard their tongues.

"You have nothing to worry about from us, Edward," he repeated. "We're just curious. Of the seven of you, I believe, you'll be the most alarmed by the news."

"What news?"

I found the answer for myself in their minds: I saw three vampires whom I didn't know at all, a female and two males.

"You are so busy watching over this human," Charlotte said, "that you missed the news that we brought. We came to warn Jasper of the possible visit of other nomads to Forks. We ran across them south of here. The Cullen clan intrigues them."

Oh, that was just great. When I felt that I was as worried as I could possibly be, more vampires decided to drop by. Peter and Charlotte's presence distressed me, but at least I knew that out of friendship for my family, they would leave Bella alone. But now unknown vampires were in the picture.

"Alice will watch out for them," I said, more for me than for my audience.

"That's what she told us," Charlotte said. She sighed, out of pity of me. "But that's not the end of your worries, Edward. Those three nomads surely won't be the last of our kind to show up here. You should perhaps give her up so you don't go crazy."

I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Could you give Peter up? Could you forget about him, not know what was happening to him, just for your mental health?" I spat out.

My words had an effect. She looked at her mate and her thoughts confirmed what I had just said: Charlotte could never abandon Peter, even if it led to madness.

"That's exactly the same for me too," I added.

Peter motioned to his mate. "It's time to go." He turned to me in a gesture of farewell: "Good luck."

I waved goodbye to them absently.

Their departure didn't ease my tension. Knowing that other vampires might come here in the weeks ahead filled my mind instead. My family noticed when I returned home to change, and they tried to reassure me.

"I'm on it, Edward. I'm going to watch for their tiniest decisions," Alice said.

"Honestly, Edward, there's 3,120 people living in Forks, so the chance is only one in 3,120 that they'll run across her," Rosalie said, exasperated.

"That is one chance too many," I retorted.

"If they cause trouble, we'll take care of it," Emmett boasted, smacking his palm with his fist.

That reassured me a bit. Not enough to relieve all my worries, and not enough so Bella didn't notice the next day at noon, when we were again under our tree.

"You want to tell me what's bothering you?"

"Nothing."

"You're edgy. Should … would it be better if I moved away? It's become too difficult for you."

Bella had misinterpreted the reason for my tension. She was already gathering her things and I gently grasped her hand.

"You're mistaken. I'm not thirsty."

"So what is it?"

Could I tell her? Perhaps I could. Perhaps that would compel her to be prudent herself, although I didn't really see the necessity since I would always be nearby to stop anything.

"It could be that others of my kind will show up here," I murmured.

She was astonished that that made me worried.

"So?"

"They aren't vegetarians, Bella."

"Oh." She shivered, but quickly controlled it. "Do you know them?"

"No. And we don't know what they intend to do."

"Maybe they just want to get to know you. I just hope that they're … that they're not thirsty."

"That's exactly what I'm worried about."

She seemed to reflect for a minute, then declared suddenly, "If we encounter them, they'll have to understand that they can't hunt here."

I gaped at her, not sure that I had heard her correctly.

"Did you say 'us'?"

"Yeah."

"My word, you are suicidal! I don't want to see you within 100 miles of them!"

"Oh, calm down. I'm just throwing the idea out. I was thinking that if they saw us together, they would understand that vampires and humans could have a relationship other than of hunters and prey. It might make them think, you know?"

"What, you think we could be the role models of a vampire-human entente?"

"Why not?"

"You are attributing too much humanity to my kind, Bella. My family isn't like the others, don't forget that. Normal vampires don't want to see the human world as we do, just as normal humans don't want to know that we exist. You need to forget any notions of a peace accord."

"I'm not pretending that we could bring about a cease-fire between humans and vampires, but perhaps we could encourage them to want to know each other better. I'm certainly curious about you. I don't see why the inverse would be impossible. Curiosity could lead certain vampires to reconsider their carnivorous habits, make them think that it might be worth it to keep us … alive."

"It _is_ impossible. We don't change just like that. Jasper is the living proof of that. He's been a vegetarian for more than 50 years, and it's still difficult for him," I grumbled. "Curiosity won't save any human's life. Especially not yours. So, you must be careful."

"All right, all right. I told you it was just an idea."

"I should hope so. I will not allow any contact. The only vampires you'll ever meet will be my family. I guarantee that."

My own words had just given me an idea. Apparently, Bella was curious about us, about our universe. But it wasn't the morbid curiosity exhibited by say, goths or believers in ghosts, zombies, witchcraft, vampirism – or rather, believers in the caricatures of the real things. No, Bella was interested in us, just as she was interested in different countries. For her, my world was like a different culture that she wanted to learn about. Bella had cast her sights on a decidedly dangerous culture, but perhaps there was a way to satisfy her curiosity and in the process make her forget her absurd idea of meeting these unknown nomads.

"Say, would you like to meet my family?"

She blinked in confusion. "But … I'm with them every day at school."

"I mean my whole family, and a real meeting, outside school."

Her eyes widened. "You're inviting me to your house?"

What was her expression conveying? Fear?

"Are you afraid? That's rich! You don't have any problem meeting nonvegetarian nomads, but my own vegetarian family frightens you?"

"I'm not afraid of them," she said indignantly. "I just think that they don't like me all that much. I bother them."

Where had she gotten that from? True, Rose couldn't stand her, but Bella wasn't supposed to know that. Jasper didn't love her, certainly, but he didn't hate her, either. He had no feelings about her, quite simply, which explained the clinical reasoning behind his being in favor of killing her.

"What makes you think that? You've only ever talked with Alice and Jasper. Did they give you the impression that they didn't like you?"

"No, but I've been monopolizing their brother for a while, when before you were all always together."

"You think they resent you for that? Not at all! It gets on their nerves that I know everything they're thinking. My spending time with you suits them just fine. They can relax a little."

My words seemed to make her reluctance disappear. She found the idea of meeting the Cullens highly attractive.

"Well, in that case…"

"What about tomorrow night? I'll come pick you up after class."

"It's a weeknight. Charlie will say no."

I found the solution in a millisecond. "I've been ill for the last two days, my doctor-father has ordered me to stay home, but, model student that I am, I don't want to fall behind. So I'm going to call you tonight and ask if you can come by tomorrow to go over the material I've missed. Charlie won't object to your helping out a poor convalescing student."

Bella gaped at me for a moment. "You are diabolical," she said.

"Strategic," I corrected her.

With that, I finally relaxed for the first time since I had found out that nomads were perhaps heading to the area. Having Bella spend time with my family was more important to me than I would have thought. My family was all I had, apart from her. If they came to know Bella, perhaps they would appreciate her for herself, not as just the human-who-has-turned-Edward's-head. Only Alice had some real interest in Bella as a person, and it was important to me that my entire family understood that I had reason to love her, that she was worth it, and I knew that given time they would succumb to her charm. They couldn't be unmoved by a human who had no fear of them. I was astonished, and grateful, each day for that, so surely it would have an effect on them too.

Looking forward to what would certainly be a very interesting encounter, I opened the Arago book with enthusiasm, ready to pick up where we left off. Fortunately, the new chapter did not mention that duke's daughter. Something told me that would have bothered Bella.

"I really like this pine tree," she said abruptly, interrupting my reading.

I thought she was going to say more, but that was all. I shrugged and continued.

"But I like that twisted old oak tree even more," she stopped me again, shyly.

I understood her unsaid request. I stood up and turned my back to her. "Climb on."

Bella found my shoulders. I was already bending forward, and I slung her on my back. Hardly had she wrapped her arms around my neck than I sped into the forest. I followed the same path as when I had followed her before, but this time at my own speed.

I arrived at the meadow in the blink of an eye. I lowered her down near the twisted old oak, and was assailed by memories … very, very recent memories, but it felt as if a century had passed since I was here.

Bella caressed the rough bark contentedly. Was she overwhelmed by the same memories as I?

She sat down on one of the tree's protruding roots and leant back against the trunk. She took off her dark glasses since the sun's rays only barely peeked through the thick canopy here. I sat on the same root to read to her.

Was it because we were in a different setting, haunted by the memory of our dance, that reading to her now seemed different than before? I read the words without really absorbing their meaning. And I had the strange impression that Bella was hearing me, but not listening to me. Or rather that she was listening to me, but the words had no meaning. She was listening to the sound of my voice, like a baby listens to a lullaby.

A leaf landed on my shoulder. I stopped reading to remove it, but froze in my movement when I realized … it wasn't a leaf, but a feather.

Bella had put her head on my shoulder.

I was overcome. And touched. Always so trustful. She put herself completely in my hands.

Where was the monster?

I looked for him, masochist that I was. I didn't find him.

"Keep going, please," she whispered.

I had to give myself a mental shake. For a moment I had lost the ability to speak.

I continued reading. I could think as I read. And I thought about this temple resting on my stone shoulder. I thought about the rightness of her head being there, on me. I should have found the reasons against that, but all I could see were the reasons for. I had the deepest certitude that the Bella's rightful place was against that shoulder.

What about her? What did she think about it? Why had she done this? Did she simply want to rest her head on a nearby surface, or did she want to be close to me? Was I merely a substitute for a pillow?

I would never get an answer to these questions.

I forced myself to concentrate ion the chapter that I was reading. Arago, in the middle of an expedition, had received a telegram announcing the death of his brother.

Grief ...

I had read about it, had seen it depicted in many books and movies. But I hadn't really fully considered this phenomenon. It had never affected me. My parents, my siblings, were eternal and invulnerable. Once, they were the only beings whose disappearance would cause me pain, and that couldn't happen. But now that Bella was in my life, one day I would experience grief.

I knew that it would annihilate me. I knew that her death would mean mine. But what would I feel at the moment of her death? Between the instant she died and the instant I would end myself, what would happen?

Perhaps Bella could help me understand … another point of view was always helpful. Especially a human point of view. Normally I would turn to Carlisle, the most human member of my family, but for him too, the notion of grief would be something unfamiliar. Of course, he saw patients die in the hospital every day. I had seen his memories of the families of the deceased. His compassion allowed him to understand to some degree their sorrow, but it remained a phenomenon he hadn't experienced himself because he had never allowed himself to become close to a being as ephemeral as a human. So, Bella could perhaps help me. Had she lost someone in her life?

"Bella?"

"Hmm?"

"What is it like to lose someone who is dear to you?"

Silence.

She lifted her head and looked at me, intrigued.

"No one you were attached to has died in the last century?"

"I have seen many people die, but no one close to me."

"And your parents? I mean, your biological ones?"

"My memories of my old life are too hazy. I don't remember enough of them to feel that I lost anything."

"Ah. And you are wondering about grief? That's a concept unknown to a vampire?"

"Not unknown to all of them. But as for me, I haven't experienced it yet, and I wonder how it is for you mortals. So? Have you lost someone?"

"Yeah, my grandmother."

"The one with the nauseating perfume?"

"Yes!" she said with a laugh. "Aside from her perfume, she was great. I adored her. She died four years ago."

"What was it like?"

"No one experiences grief the same way. Some people hold it all in, some become depressed, some refuse to accept it. I cried a lot."

She seemed to become lost in her thoughts and I regretted making her remember a painful event in her life. But then a small smile appeared on her face.

"Before she died, my grandmother told me something that has helped me: an ending is only the beginning of something new."

I grimaced. That didn't help me at all. What could begin after Bella's death? Everything would be over.

"I see …"

"You seem dubious."

"I doubt that I can make use of that philosophy."

"How do you know since you've never lost anyone before?

_I know because I love you and the world will end when I lose you._

I needed to be more subtle than that.

"Families like ours are rare. In general, vampires are solitary, and join together for hunting purposes. They don't develop the ties that human families have. But some find a mate for eternity and others have friendships. It's unusual, but when it happens, creatures like me feel it much more strongly than humans do, Bella. Vampires' emotions are strong, raw and irreversible. So if one of us loses a mate or a friend, it would be impossible to see it as a new beginning. You understand, we're immortal. We have eternity stretching out before us, in theory. There is no end, no cycle of life. Humans know they're going to die and that the people around them will die too. They are prepared for that because that's the natural order of things. Not for us. We can't be ready for that. Death is incomprehensible. So grief for a vampire is inevitably … destructive. And I think – no, I know – that it will be the same for me."

"You talk as if it's going to happen. Are you expecting the death of someone close to you?"

Damn, I had said too much, but I could be honest without revealing myself.

"Yours."

She blinked, astonished.

"I have a few decades ahead of me, you know."

"Too few for a vampire."

"Perhaps we won't be friends when that happens."

I shivered despite myself, seeing the abyss.

"You will have had enough of your vampire friend?" I affected a joking tone though I was in agony.

"No. But life is like that: people come and go, some friends stay, some move on."

"What about us?"

"As far as I'm concerned, I won't move on from you."

She couldn't realize just how happy her words made me.

"I'll be tagging along with you for quite a while, Mr. Cullen."

Nothing could please me more!

Her smile faded. "Well, until you have enough of me."

So, that was how she saw the future: Bella thought our friendship was just a diversion for me, a short interlude in my long immortal existence.

She was afraid that I'd get tired of her, and I was afraid that she would tire of me. What a fine pair of pessimists we were.

"That's not going to happen," I assured her. "Have you already forgotten what I told you about vampire emotions? They're irreversible. It's I who will be tagging along after you until you die."

I tried to be teasing, but nothing was more true. Still, she couldn't know just how true it was that I would be her shadow for life. Or rather, for her life.

"Well, whatever works for us," she said, chuckling, before become serious again. "You know, when I'm no longer around, don't get too upset about it, okay? My grandmother's advice may not mean much to you now, but you'll understand it some day."

If she knew that I loved her desperately, she would understand perhaps how inapt that advice was to me. But I contented myself with acquiescing, and she went on. "So, should we stop talking about the happy subject of my coming demise and finish this chapter?"

That would be better, yes, before I fell permanently into a deep depression.

I continued reading and the lunch hour seemed over even more quickly than usual. Nonetheless, I had the presence of mind to stop reading five minutes before the bell rang.

We reluctantly left the meadow haunted by our pas de deux and I guided her to our pine tree.

"I'll call you tonight. Tomorrow at noon, I'll be here, as I was today."

"It's going to be sunny again tomorrow?"

"No, but we'll miss school. I've decided that we should all go hunting tonight, and we won't be back in time for the start of class tomorrow."

"Oh."

"We can't be thirsty when you come, you understand."

"I see. The idea of being the Cullens' dessert doesn't tempt me too much."

She was joking, but I could detect a trace of fear in her voice.

"It'll be fine, Bella."

"I know. It's the fear of the unknown, that's all."

Yes, that fear of the unknown we were both trying to overcome…

"They are going to adore you, you know."

She seemed skeptical about that, but I had no more time to reassure her. Our hour was over.

We said goodbye and I went straight home to tell my family of my plans.

Alice wasn't surprised; she had seen my decision and was fidgeting with excitement. Esme was speechless with joy. Carlisle was pleased – a human among us would be good training in conserving our humanity. Jasper had some reservations; he didn't like the idea of Bella's scent permeating the house. Emmett was eager to finally be able to make scary faces in front of Bella's sightless eyes. Rosalie grumbled. No surprise there.

I insisted that we go hunt to gird ourselves - no human had ever come into our house before. To make the idea of hunting more attractive, I suggested going to British Columbia in search of interesting prey. Since there was a chance that nomads were coming here, this would be the only trip far from Forks that I would have for some weeks.

"I just hunted. I'm not thirsty."

"Come on, Emmett, you can't say no to grizzlies."

"We're not the ones with a problem about Bella's blood. We can deal with it."

"I don't want to run any risk."

"You are really paranoid, kid." But the idea of grizzlies won him over, and he grabbed the keys to his Jeep.

"Bella Swan here …" Esme was in ecstasies. "We have to make her feel welcome! When we come back, we can cook something for her? That human skill has always interested me."

"Yuck," Alice said, grimacing. "I'd rather take her shopping. I've got to do something about her clothes."

Everyone went off to the garage to start on our trip, except Rosalie.

"I still can't believe you want to bring her here," she said, scowling. "Why are you forcing her on us? You're infatuated with her? Too bad for you, but we don't have to suffer this mortal who is going to turn our family upside down."

Her words saddened me. But that was Rosalie through and through: I shouldn't have expected that she would tolerate someone disturbing her world. For her, Bella would always and ever represent the first domino that would fall and make all the others fall – that is, our family. When she died, I would join her and that would be the end of the Cullens. And more egocentrically, Bella was a sort of rival; Rosalie still smarted over my indifference to her beauty.

"Rosalie."

That one word from Carlisle was enough to chasten Rosalie. He had no need to raise his voice or argue. One look from him could stop us in our tracks. And so it was that Rosalie followed us out without saying anything more … at least not aloud, for she continued to fulminate in her mind.

That evening, between two mountain lions, I called Bella as planned and had an innocent conversation all about the homework I needed to make up that Charlie could safely eavesdrop on. Her voice did me good, and it would have to tide me over since I was too far away to make my usual nocturnal visit. Although her voice soothed me, I could hear fatigue in it. Bella was exhausted. I wondered why …

But I had to wait until the lunch hour the next day to find out more. Just as I had expected, my family and I didn't get back from British Columbia until quite late in the morning.

The sun was hidden behind the clouds, as Alice had predicted. Still, there was something odd about my sister's behavior. She had started mentally reciting all the decimals of pi, singing the national anthem in every language possible, and the second we got back to the house she jumped into her Porsche, claiming that she need to spend time playing with her new toy.

I wasn't fooled. Alice was trying to hide a vision from me. But I was in too much of hurry to see Bella to worry about it. Besides, if it was something truly serious, Alice wouldn't hide it from me.

So I went to wait impatiently for Bella under our pine. She showed up smiling, but pale.

"Hi," I told her, astonished by her ashen complexion.

"Hi."

She still sounded exhausted. What had she done that was so tiring while I was away? I noticed that she was carrying a bag that was much bigger than usual for her lunch.

"You are planning a picnic?" I said, teasing.

She sat down under our tree.

"It's not my lunch. It's a … it's a gift."

I sat next to her, curious.

"For whom?"

She clucked in exasperation. "For you, who else?"

I was surprised. Pleasantly surprised. And I understood now why my sister had taken off. Alice had seen my gift and didn't want to spoil the surprise.

"Really?" I said happily. "But why?"

"It's my turn to thank you for everything you've done for me."

"Friends don't keep score."

"You made a copy of a CD for me, you saved my life, you read to me, you offered to be my driver, you arranged it so I could see Gestalder's sculptures … It's too much. I owe you."

"You aren't afraid of me. That's the best thank-you you can give me."

She played with the handles of the bag, a sign of nervousness.

"Not being afraid of you doesn't really count as a gift. I wanted to do more. But the blind human girl is rather limited in picking out presents compared to the rich, powerful vampire…." she said mockingly before adopting a self-depreciating expression. "But I had an idea … of a gift that only I could make."

She handed me the bag, and I took out a plain box. It seemed cold, as if it came out of a refrigerator.

I was as thrilled as a little boy. Gifts were never a surprise to me because of my talent. But here, the suspense would last until I actually opened the box.

Bella put her hand on mine, sensing that I was about to open my present.

"Wait. I think it'd be better if you didn't open it now. You need to be alone."

I frowned, more and more intrigued.

"You are very mysterious. At least tell me what it is."

"No. You'll find out later, by yourself. And you'll tell me tonight if you liked it when I go to your house."

I decided to be mischievous. "I could open it now without your knowing."

"No! Please!" Bella was in a panic, which made my confusion grow. "I'm going to tell you," she sighed. "Don't be angry, okay?"

"Angry? Angry about getting a gift? What is it?"

She played again with the handle of the bag and bit her lower lip, her heart beating furiously. Dammit, she was going to kill me. What could be so terrifying about a gift?

"It's … well. It's an IV bag. With my blood in it."


	12. Orchestra

**Chapter 12: Orchestra**

_Disclaimer: SMeyer owns "Twilight." Elysabeth owns "Les Yeux de la Lune."_

Chapter 12: Orchestra

Black hole.

Nothingness.

I fell into a catatonic state.

I emerged from it able only to mumble, "You ...what?"

Bella's words poured out. "Don't worry. The packet is hermetically sealed. You won't smell anything. Seeing it, however, would make you ... uncomfortable, I think. That's why I didn't want you to open it in front of me. It was Banner who gave me the idea with his blood typing project. The Red Cross had a blood drive at the community center yesterday and I made a donation. You wouldn't believe the ingenuity I needed to take the bag home with me. You know, they have all sorts of controls to keep the donors from having access to the blood. It's only the phlebotomists who ... well, I managed. It wasn't easy. Considering my condition, I hope I didn't take the wrong bag from the refrigerator. And there will probably be a taste of plastic and it won't be … warm and fresh as you like it, but it'll still be better than the usual boring animal blood, right?" She finally stopped with a nervous laugh.

I stared at the box that I was still holding. My hands burned holding it. It was temptation. It was Pandora's box. Prohibited. Cursed. Alluring. Her nectar nestled in my palms. The Holy Grail for vampires. Forbidden fruit.

I let it fall before I was overcome by the urge to open it.

Bella heard the dull thump as the box landed on the duff of the forest floor. She retrieved it, distressed.

"You're angry."

"No. I am … stunned," I barely managed to get out.

She frowned in puzzlement. My voice was now coming from high above her. She raised her face to the top of the pine and it was only then that I realized that I had leapt into the branches to get as far as I could from temptation. I had acted on reflex.

Here, in the crest of the tree, I felt in control of myself. The height gave me an impression of psychological dominance over my baser instincts, and enough distance to be able to study the girl on the ground below.

I understood now why she was so pale. The donation had weakened her. And all the maneuvering to sneak out the IV bag must have exhausted her. She had made so much effort for me ... for the monster.

Bella fiddled with the box, her expression downcast. She whispered, aware that I would hear each word without difficulty from my perch.

"I owe you so much, Edward … I know it's a constant battle to be with me. If … if you could satisfy your thirst, it would be easy afterward, wouldn't it? When you think about it, it's the ideal solution. I asked the nurse how often donors could give blood. Once a month. That wouldn't hurt me. I thought that … that your father could be involved. Because you can imagine that it was quite an exploit to steal the bag and I won't have so much luck the next time."

The next time?

"If it doesn't cause any suspicions, as a doctor Carlisle could get the equipment to take blood from me once a month for your … dose."

I stared again at Pandora and her box. I had fallen for the most reckless human being on the planet. This girl decidedly thought nothing about keeping herself alive. She was completely oblivious.

Totally unthinking.

Perfectly negligent.

Absolutely adorable.

How I loved her!

She wanted to lighten my burden, she wanted to help me, give me a little joy, and she had found that her own person was the best way to thank me. She knew that for me her blood was more alluring than that of any ordinary human. Oh, if only it were that simple! If only I could be satisfied without a blood bath, without the monster slavering to get what it wanted … Unfortunately, the reality was much more complex than Bella thought.

Just thinking about what was inside that box was making me thirsty. I was still sated from my hunt the night before. But the possibility of drinking that blood without being a killer was the most torturous of temptations.

I couldn't give in. It was impossible.

Oh, why, why was she doing this to me?

I landed next to her. I kept my eyes on her face, averting my gaze from the container. I opened my mouth to rebuke her angrily, to dispel her romantic ideas with harsh words, to force her to see the world, my world, as it really was – even if that expression was completely inapt for her …

… only to have the wind knocked out of my sails when I looked into her unhappy eyes.

I couldn't do any of that.

"Bella…" The tenderness and desolation in my voice made her shiver. They even surprised me, given the fury that was consuming me a second earlier.

"Your gesture has truly touched me …"

I had to find the right words so I wouldn't frighten her.

"I can't accept it. It's a gift that is … priceless. But it's a poisoned gift. If … if I drank it, I … I couldn't stop myself. I would always want more. The monster inside me would seek out the source, the origin of this blood. It would never be satisfied, and it certainly couldn't wait a month for its next dose. I would find you and I would …"

I had difficulty saying the words without dwelling on the graphic images they evoked. I didn't want these horrible pictures in my mind rousing the appetite of the monster. And Bella was right next to me. It would want those images to become reality … Yet I continued to try to make her understand.

"A vampire can stop only when there is nothing left to drink. When… when the victim is dead and empty. His trance ends when his prey has nothing more to give. And if I drank the blood in that bag, the monster in me would know that you are still alive, you understand? And it would find you… It's better if I never taste it." It took a considerable effort for me to keep my voice calm so it wouldn't betray my unsteadiness.

"I understand." Bella's voice was sheepish.

I bent very slowly toward her neck, giving her time to stop me, to tell me to move away from her. Her heart skipped a beat, but she didn't recoil. So I allowed myself to inhale the fragrance of this forbidden fruit.

It intoxicated me, the perfume that wafted from the artery in her throat. My eyelids fluttered and I was overcome by the fire that raced from my nose to my brain and throat and into my chest.

"This is all I can permit myself," I whispered, sending an icy breath across her neck.

Bella trembled and I stepped away. I was detecting the signs of a coming loss of control. That cooler was much too close to me, and I was all too aware that her blood was inside. I had to fight against both the Edward who would be happy to drink without killing and the monster that would be happy just to drink. Responsible Edward was having quite a time battling on two fronts.

"Thank you, Bella, thank you," I said, imbuing my voice with all the sincerity I felt. "But for your survival, I can't take this gift." My next words were going to depress the both of us, but I had no choice. "It's better if you leave and take that far away from me."

Her reaction was what I expected, as was mine. Still, Bella walked away, shoulders slumped. She stopped before completely stepping out of the shadow of the pine.

"I'm sorry."

"Not as much as I am, believe me."

"What I did was really stupid."

"Your intentions were good."

"I'm going to figure out another present for you."

"Don't worry about it."

"I really am going to find something."

I wished so much that I could have been capable of accepting that gift, so that she didn't feel she owed me anything. I knew that no matter how much I assured her that I needed nothing beyond her company, Bella felt guilty that she had nothing to offer me.

"Hey, should we not see each other tonight?" she asked.

I considered the question for a millisecond. I would have enough time to recover. I wouldn't let this misstep prevent her visit to my house.

"No, let's go ahead. Come by after school. I'm supposed to be ill, so I can't pick you up."

"Okay, my dad will drive me. See you later."

I tried to not follow her through her classmates' thoughts that afternoon. I didn't want to know what she did with that IV bag. It was better that way. I returned home, on edge and my head full of disgusting fantasies.

I ran into Alice and had difficulty not exploding at her.

"You could have warned me."

"No," she insisted fiercely. "I wanted to show you that you could refuse it without knowing in advance. Don't you see now how strong you are? You had her blood offered to you on a silver platter and you resisted it."

I calmed down a bit, touched by her intentions and her unlimited faith in me. I had indeed passed another test, had again triumphed over my base nature. One day, in the not so distant future, perhaps, I would win the war. I would be like Carlisle: unaffected by the smell and sight of blood.

"Nonetheless -" Alice's thoughts escaped her "—she is completely crazy to have done that! She thinks more of him than of her own survival."

I was shaken by my sister's observation. Bella felt that deeply for me? Impossible. She was naïve, a little (a lot!) heedless, that was all.

"You're jumping to conclusions," I told Alice.

She shrugged. "Who knows…" I watched her mental search of the future, seeking out some evidence that would confirm or contradict her thoughts. She found nothing.

An unpleasant odor emanating from the kitchen attracted our attention.

"Yuck! Esme's starting to cook," my sister said with a grimace.

I was repulsed too, but my mother's initiative also pleased me. Besides Alice, Esme was the most enthusiastic about my relationship with a human. I was touched that she wanted to do everything she could to put Bella at ease. Her thoughts were very maternal already.

I spent the hours that followed pacing. I was impatient and yet not impatient. I was eager and excited. I was terrified and euphoric. The hands on my watch were too quick and then too slow. What was going to happen? I had told Bella that everything would be fine, but I was being presumptuous. Alice was confident but her visions were imprecise. Everything was uncertain. The only thing she saw clearly was Bella's decision not to shrink back, to throw herself into the lion's den, quite literally. For the rest (would Jasper stay calm, would Bella trip and bleed and provoke chaos, would she be afraid of us, would she feel inferior as both a human and someone with a disability, would Rosalie be so unpleasant that Bella would refuse to return here?) nothing was clear. My questions would be answered only as events unfolded.

I surveyed the house a hundred times to assure myself that nothing would make Bella stumble, and I put away everything that could hurt her.

"You're driving me crazy," Rosalie grumbled, and shut herself up in the garage.

I ignored her.

Tires crunched on the gravel of our driveway.

They were here already.

Finally.

So soon.

It was about time.

I wasn't ready.

I was more than ready.

I was a mass of contradictions.

Carlisle rested his hand on my shoulder in a paternal gesture. "Everything will go off without a problem, son," he said.

I gave him a tense smile in response.

The patrol car appeared on the winding path to the house. I sought out Charlie's mind. As always, I wasn't able to see Bella through his eyes, but I could gauge his thoughts. They were a little suspicious, but delight was dominant. His little housebound girl was going out. Officially it was for school, unofficially to spend time with a boy, but it didn't matter. What mattered was that Bella was emerging from her solitude. And in case, my parents would be there as chaperones, he told himself.

The car stopped next to the house and I eavesdropped on the conversation.

"What a place!" Charlie exclaimed

"Describe it for me."

"There are practically no walls, it's all glass. It's huge. The garage itself is the size of our house."

"Good to know."

I heard the click of a seat belt being unfastened.

"I'm off. I'll call you when we're done."

"I'll come with you," he said, unfastening his own seat belt.

"Dad, I don't want you to escort me. It's embarrassing."

Charlie mumbled something even I couldn't decipher.

"Just tell me where I should go."

Her father spoke in a monotone. "You get out, on your right there's a stone stair in about two or three yards."

Two and three quarters yards! Couldn't he be more precise?

"There are four steps, I think, then you'll be at the door. The doorbell is on the right at shoulder level."

Six steps! There were six of them! Couldn't he count?

"Thanks. See you later, Dad."

She got out of the car and I thanked heaven (if there was one) that she didn't fall flat on her face because of her father's vague information. Should I go outside and meet her? Bad idea. I was supposed to have a fever and Charlie would think it odd if I went out in the cold of a March evening.

Bella stumbled on the fifth step, but recovered her balance in time. If I had had a working heart, it would have stopped.

"Oops," her father said from the car.

The doorbell rang.

"Here she is, the lamb in the lion's den," Emmett joked from the kitchen.

Rosalie remained in the garage and focused on the engine she was working on as best as she could. Ignoring this visit was her way of not being disagreeable about our guest, for a face-to-face meeting risked turning out badly. So much the better. Let her stay away.

In their room, Jasper stiffened and stopped breathing. Alice took his arm in encouragement.

My mother and father stood in the living room, side by side.

I opened the door and the part of me that had been reluctant vanished. Opening the door to Bella was like opening the door to paradise.

"Good evening."

My intonation had becoming caressing without my intending it. It was stronger than I was.

Bella raised her head toward the source of my voice. A bit of the embarrassment from this afternoon reappeared on her features but my friendly welcome (friendly? Frankly, it was affectionate!) reassured her.

"Hi." She gave me a timid little smile that rocked me.

I waved at Charlie so he would know he could leave. He waved back and drove off.

"Come in."

She stepped inside hesitantly while I took her coat and backpack holding the materials of a student who was supposed to be helping a classmate catch up.

"You're feeling better?"

For an instant, I stupidly thought she hadn't heard the car take off and that she was playacting for her father's benefit. Then I realized that Bella was worried about my reaction to her present.

"Don't worry about it. I'm in control."

"I know. But I don't want you to suffer more than usual because of my idiocy today."

"This child is so considerate!" Esme exulted.

My smile broadened and I took Bella's hand.

"Everything is fine, I promise you."

Esme again: "He took her hand and she didn't recoil!"

I led Bella into the living room, moved by my mother's reaction.

My parents watched us closely and I observed us through their minds from their vantage point. I was dumbfounded when I saw how I appeared physically with Bella. Was that what a man in love looked like? I was leaning toward her, I followed all her movements, adjusting all my movements to hers without realizing it. I gazed at her with an absorbed, protective expression, I had one hand possessively interlaced with hers and the other circling her like a rampart ready to catch her in case she encountered an obstacle of some sort. I was a satellite and Bella was my center of gravity. I was in orbit around my moon.

Everyone in my family was in love and I had had many occasions to see them together, but my protectiveness seemed much stronger than theirs. Falling in love with a human – one who was vulnerable and weak in so many ways – had made me even more obsessed.

I understood better what Bella had meant in Port Angeles: "It's as if I'm surrounded by bulletproof glass that repels everything bad that could happen to me."

I was that exactly: a glass bubble that had enclosed Bella.

It was the first time my parents had seen me in her company, and if they had harbored any doubts about my feelings, a quick glance would have sufficed to convince them.

I left their minds to concentrate on Bella, whose heartbeat resonated throughout the house. She was serene only on the surface and was forcing herself to overcome her nervousness. I myself had difficulty containing my own anxiety.

She swallowed with difficulty and her legs were unsteady. What was she thinking about? Did she want to escape? Her mental barrier was so frustrating! If I had known what she was thinking, I could have adjusted my behavior. If she was afraid, if she didn't feel ready for this meeting, I would have told her that she could call her father. If she regretted having come here, I would have assured her that I wasn't offended. If she wanted me to not hold her hand, I would have discreetly moved away. If, if, if. I couldn't be certain about anything.

I decided to imitate Alice. I squeezed Bella's hand gently in encouragement, then led her to my parents. Let's get this over with.

"Esme, Carlisle. I'd like to introduce Bella. Bella, my parents for all intents and purposes."

My father stepped forward, his experience as a doctor having to put his human patients at ease guiding him.

"Welcome, Bella," he said, with a warm smile.

Bella raised her free hand. She blushed, which temporarily gave a normal hue to her cheeks, still ghostly pale after her donation.

"Pleased to meet you, Dr. Cullen."

Carlisle's eyes widened at seeing her outstretched hand, but he took it in his own. "Please, call me Carlisle," he said, thinking, "_What courage..."_

"Thank you."

Esme stepped forward. "I'm happy to meet you, Bella."

She also took Bella's hand, longer than Carlisle did, in a manner more maternal than polite. "We've made Italian for you. I hope you like it!"

Bella was surprised, but touched. "You didn't need to go to the trouble."

Alice appeared suddenly on the stairs. "Hi, Bella!"

My companion's face lighted up. She loved Alice already. "Hi, Alice."

My sister landed in front of us and leaned forward to give Bella a peck on the cheek and a hug.

I was taken aback by her effusiveness. Bella was too. Then my shock gave way to jealousy. A kiss and an embrace! I could only dream of such things. Alice could allow herself such contact because Bella's scent didn't overwhelm her as it did me.

"You do smell good."

"Um, thanks?"

Alice's chiming laugh rang out. Jasper appeared next to you, hands behind his back. The heightened atmosphere in the room eased and Bella's heart slowed to a more regular rhythm. My brother had acted more for his own comfort than for that of my companion - hearing her nervous heart pump her blood had been torture for him.

Jasper's talent allowed him to manipulate emotions and discern those of the people around him. I saw in his mind how he judged Bella's feelings - he sensed fear.

I was disappointed and unhappy. Normally, Bella was transparent, but for my benefit she had carefully suppressed her fear. And I didn't want Bella to be afraid of us.

I had thought that everything was going rather well until now. But all this was too much for her to handle on a single day, apparently.

Jasper lifted his eyes to mine. He had just detected my unhappiness and realized that I had read his analysis of Bella's emotions.

"It's not what you think. She doesn't fear us. She's just afraid that we won't like her, that's all."

Relief. So, Bella was afraid that vampires would reject her.

I suppressed a laugh.

My exchange with my brother having lasted just a second, he introduced himself. He kept his distance, but was polite.

"Good evening, Bella."

Hearing Jasper's voice made her frown. Was she wondering which of my two brothers was talking to her? Suddenly, her face blossomed into a bright smile.

"Hi, Jasper the Hacker."

She had recognized his voice from the telephone.

Her little rhyme disconcerted him. He hadn't expected a joke about our illegal escapade from last Saturday, nor had I.

Jasper quickly got himself in hand. "Pleased to meet you, Bella the Outlaw," he said, amused.

He stepped back to stand next to Alice. "Funny little human." But his next thought was more somber and tinged with guilt. "And to think that I wanted to kill her."

Emmett announced himself in his deep voice. "Hey, Bella!"

She jumped at the sound of his intimidating baritone, but kept her smile. She lifted her gaze to my giant of a brother, craning her neck to speak to the space above her where his voice emanated from.

"Hi, Emmett."

He shook her hand - an iron vise around a feather - solemnly but with a ridiculous grimace on his face that would have made any human turn tail.

Esme gave him a reproachful look and I sighed in exasperation.

The ice having been broken with almost all the members of my family, I led Bella off while Emmett continued to play the fool under Jasper's amused eye.

All in all, that had gone well. I was pleased.

"Come on, I'll show you around."

I knew that Bella wouldn't be completely at ease until she could mentally detail her surroundings. She followed me obediently, but turned back to my family.

"I'm pleased to have met you all," she said.

It was the usual polite expression, but it was disconcerting because Bella was sincere. We had met many mortals in our cycles of existence and had often heard the same sentence, but never had it been true. There was always some fear hidden in those words. Perhaps Bella's blindness helped her; our intimidating vampiric aura didn't unnerve her. I was certain, however, that blind or not, Bella would be just as sincere. My family felt it too.

"She is charming," Esme exclaimed.

My family discreetly left us.

I took Bella all over the house. She longed to "see" certain things in her way, but held back, aware that leaving her scent everywhere in a vampire's nest wasn't a good idea. Still, I described everything precisely, the dimensions of the rooms, the colors, the shapes ... everything. I wanted her to know that our house was civilized. Adapted to our needs, but human, normal. I wanted her to realize that it was far, far from the cliché of the vampire's gloomy, cobwebbed castle.

I left my room till last. I escorted her in, uncomfortable. She was entering the one place that belonged to me entirely and where I could be in solitude. But I wanted to share it with her. After all, it was only just: she shared her room with me much of the time even if she didn't know it.

"Explore as much as you like," I told her. For me, her scent in my room wasn't a problem. In fact, it would help in my training.

Bella's hands brushed touched the soundproofed walls, the bay window from which we could hear the splashing of the river, the shelves filled with CDs, my sofa.

"It feels as if we're outside, it's so airy."

"This is the only place where we don't have to hide."

"This house is ... special."

"It wasn't what you expected, was it?"

"There is a dearth of dungeons and coffins," she said mischievously.

Laughter rang out in the house. Even Bella heard it.

"The wall here have ears," she joked.

"They're curious. It's not everyday that we have a human guest. But they like you, you know."

The corner of Bella's mouth lifted, then she focused my shelves of CDs. I told her the titles as she touched them.

"Your collection is impressive! Very eclectic, and from every era possible."

"We'll listen to them someday. But now I want to show you something."

I took her hand again (that was definitely a gesture I couldn't deprive myself off, the only bit of intimacy I could allow myself: it didn't betray my secret love, nor did it awaken the monster) and led her along the hall. Emmett was leaning against the doorway to his room. He said nothing, but made another horrible, idiotic grimace at Bella.

I glared at him, but stayed silent. The quickest way to get him to stop being a clown was to ignore him.

Bella suddenly looked inquisitive. "Haven't you told me that vampires never had physical maladies?"

I stopped, perplexed.

"That's true."

"Then why does Emmett have such spasms in his face?"

For a second, there was total silence in the house, then I exploded into laughter. Everyone else did the same (even Rosalie's mouth twitched) except Emmett, who was completely dumbfounded.

"What? But … how did you know?"

Bella suppressed a laugh too. "People do that to me a lot. I can sense it when they do."

I should have suspected that Bella would have detected this sort of thing. I adored her for her astuteness. Of course, I simply adored her.

Her air of pride pleased my brother. Emmett understood that she was not just a clever human, but had a good sense of humor. That was unusual for him. Even when he didn't grimace at them, humans avoided him. That didn't bother him, but as a consequence he tended to regard humans as inferior and cowardly. He had no choice but to adjust his assessment when it came to Bella.

"You got me!" He spontaneously ruffled her hair. A little too energetically – Bella had to smooth it down afterward. I groaned and distanced her from his steel grip. Emmett found it all very amusing.

He went into his room, snickering, while I descended to the living room, Bella at my heels. We passed by the door that led to the garage, and the rumble of a motor that Rosalie was testing was audible.

"That's your Volvo, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"It's strange. It sounds as if it's missing a cylinder."

I blinked in surprise. Bella could recognize the sound of the motor that was lacking a cylinder.

"Rosalie is testing it. She is a mechanic in her free time."

On the other side of the door, my sister had heard Bella. "Goodness, she knows that much about cars?"

She released a sigh and went back to her work, this time on another motor.

"An Aston Martin V12 Vanquish?" Bella asked. "Just how many cars do you have in that garage?"

Once again I was astonished by her automotive knowledge.

"Six."

Rosalie was taken aback that Bella identified the Aston Martin so easily and wanted to play a game that I found juvenile but hilarious.

Rosalie started up the Jeep.

"There, a Wrangler," my companion declared.

Rosalie silenced it and turned on the Porsche.

"911 Turbo."

Then it was the Mercedes.

"S55 AMG," Bella said.

My sister grumbled, "Let's see if you're clever enough to figure this out, Swan."

She moved to the M3, which she had modified with a more powerful motor.

"Hmm," Bella said, a finger on her chin. "BMW, but it doesn't purr like an M3. I'd say there are four cylinders more. It's a V15, isn't it?"

Rosalie snarled and gave up her little game. She took her anger out on the monkey wrench in her tool box, twisting it into a knot, which amused me greatly.

"So, you have quite the car collection!" Bella observed.

"You are too much!" I told her. I was as impressed as Rosalie was irritated. She didn't like it that Bella had something in common with her. "I didn't know you had an interest in cars."

"I don't. It's Phil's fault. He dragged me to all the expos and car shows in Phoenix. It was his hobby. He enjoyed teaching me how to identify different makes."

"You had a very good teacher."

I left Rosalie to stew by herself and led Bella to the living room.

"We're not going to say hi to her?" Bella asked.

"She'll come out herself, later … perhaps," I said evasively.

"Huh, she doesn't like me much."

"That's an understatement," Rosalie spat.

I gritted my teeth, trying to appear convincing. "It's not that. Rosalie is … very reserved. She doesn't take well to strangers."

"I understand."

She did understand, and it saddened her. I could tell from her expression.

"St. Bella! So understanding, so tolerant!"

I clenched my fist so hard that my nails left marks on my palms, but was careful to keep the hand that held Bella's relaxed. I guided her far from the sarcastic remarks. Even if Bella couldn't hear them and be hurt by them, I was having difficulty dealing with them.

"I have to something show you," I said to distract her.

We had come to the pièce de resistance of the tour. I knew that it would enchant her more than anything else in the house.

I took her hands and placed them on the polished wood of my grand piano.

Bella, intrigued, explored the surface until she got to the keyboard.

"You have a piano!"

I smiled.

"Not just any piano. Count the keys."

She did so without sounding them.

"Ninety-seven! A Bösendorfer! You have a Bösendorfer!" She was in raptures. "But that's impossible. You can't find them anymore. They haven't been made since the beginning of the 1900s."

I shrugged, feigning nonchalance even though her enthusiasm was contagious.

"I know."

She shook her head in consternation.

"More Cullen magic?"

"Let's just say that we are careful with our possessions. Carlisle had this piano since 1892 and gave it to me when he noted how much I liked it."

I took a seat on the bench and invited her to sit to my right. I ran my fingers along the keyboard, starting at random one of my compositions. Bella was impressed by my skill and by the quality of the instrument. I showed off a little: all at once, I felt very human and very male. What man doesn't try to show off his prowess for the woman he wants? Some men flex their muscles, others try to dunk a basketball or hit an ace. I did it through music.

"It sounds new."

"We know how to take care of our toys."

"You wrote this?"

"Yes," I said a little smugly. "It's Esme's favorite."

She listened for a while, eyes closed, concentrating.

"It sounds like a homage."

"It is. A homage to Esme and Carlisle, to what ties them together."

"It's magnificent."

She made a face when I struck the last notes.

"I would have finished in F sharp."

"The flat accentuates their tenacity."

"But the F sharp emphasizes the purity and longevity of their love."

I had written this piece 60 years ago and had always played it this way. The artist in me was nettled that my composition was being criticized.

"You hardly know them. How can you already define what unites them?"

"I know them through your piece. And believe me, the F sharp is more in keeping with the rest of your melody than the E flat."

I muttered, but played the last sequence again with her suggestion so that she would hear that I was right. To my displeasure, I found that the ending was clearly more harmonious with the F sharp. A point for Miss Swan.

"See, it's better, don't you agree?" she said proudly.

I feigned sulkiness. "Yeah."

She snickered. My imitation of a pouting brat amused her.

_"She has you wrapped around her little finger, little brother!"_

Even though Emmett was in his room, he missed nothing of what was happening in the living room … and neither did any of the rest of my family.

"You have such an ego." Bella smiled a smile without the timidity or embarrassment she had been exhibiting since she'd entered the house. My Bösendorfer had eased her self-consciousness. We were on familiar ground: music is what had brought us together, she was comfortable with it, no matter where she was – even in a house filled with vampires.

She reached toward the keyboard.

"May I?"

"Please."

I was curious to see how she would manage without seeing. I, of course, didn't need to look at the keys to play flawlessly. But I wondered how a blind human would do. I knew she was a gifted composer, but there was a difference between playing music and writing it.

Bella started playing with dexterity. She wasn't as at ease as I was – no surprise, since I had 90 years of experience behind me – but her fingering was fluid and adept.

"I wasn't able to bring my piano here from Renee's. I've missed playing. Ninety-seven keys, what luxury! It's marvelous."

I recognized the Chopin ballade. But it was only a warm-up exercise. She started a second piece, more hesitantly, because it was her own – it was the one I had read surreptitiously and that had inspired me to create another piece.

I knew why she wanted to play it: only a Bösendorfer could do justice to the multiple octaves used in the symphony. She gave herself over to it fully when she realized that I was watching her without judging or asking questions. She didn't know that I was already familiar with her composition … and it was probably best for that state of affairs to continue. I sensed that she was playing something that exposed her, that came from deep within her, and I was moved that she was willing to let me hear something so personal.

I had heard the piece only in my head before this. As I listened to her play, it became something complete, something spiritual, and it was even more extraordinary than I had thought. Bella made the notes ring under her fingers as if the piano was an extension of herself.

I was then struck by something that led me to put my fingers on the lower keys. I started my own piece, the one that she had inspired.

Bella frowned and lengthened some notes, intrigued by what I was doing. She plunged back into her piece while paying attention to my own intrusion. And it was a revelation. My low, heavy, sad notes mixed with her fluid, sustained, light ones.

Played separately, the two pieces were beautifully melancholy, but something was missing. Played together, they were full, high and low, strong and gentle, still melancholy but complete. Nothing was missing, each melody drew strength from the other, supported each other, overlapping each other while respecting each other. The silences of one piece were met by the prolongations of the other. Together they were effervescent. Even my abrupt, ominous ending was softened by Bella's high, sweet notes, which delicately accompanied mine.

This ending, hers and mine combined, terminated in spaced-out notes, heavy with meaning and intensity. Mine stayed low, but rose in a crescendo. Hers stayed in the high notes, but deepened, and our two final notes were the same: a G sharp. Our two hands met on this last note and struck the key together. We left it depressed for a while, almost like an organ, then we lifted our hands, now joined, fingers entwined.

Unknowingly, we had composed a piece for four hands. Each of us had felt that lack in our own compositions, but we didn't know how to correct it: we each needed the other to finally complete our work.

I opened my eyes and allowed my mind to open to the others in the house. I had closed it off while we played, so I could get lost in our piece. And now that I was back to reality, the thoughts of my family rushed in. Everyone was stupefied. Even Rosalie had stopped her tinkering to listen. Our little concert opened their eyes to the truth of our tie. The splendor and strength of our piece demonstrated to them what I could not explain: something unique and powerful united us. Its essence was in this melody and was stronger and purer that anything that was destined to separate us.

I hadn't planned this, but I couldn't have found a better way of having Bella accepted by my family.

We remained seated on the piano bench, hand in hand. I didn't want to speak. Nor did she. We simply wanted to … savor the moment.

After a long time, there was a murmured, "Thank you."

I didn't know which of the two of us had said it. Perhaps both of us at the same time. It didn't matter. That thank you spoke for itself.

In silent accord, we got up. It was the first time we had played together, and certainly not the last.

The magic dissipated and we returned to the real world. Esme called to us, still shaken by what she had just heard. But she knew that the moment was ours alone and made no comment about our playing. Instead, she announced that it was dinnertime for the human.

"That smells really good," Bella said when she arrived in the kitchen.

Alice materialized at her side. "You think so? To me it smells disgusting."

Esme guided Bella by her shoulders to a table. "I'm glad it smells good to you. I followed the recipe, but I have no way of knowing if I succeeded. So, be honest, Bella. Don't worry about hurting my feelings."

"You don't taste human food?"

"For us, there's no difference between a fruit and a vegetable, or between beef and fish," my sister said, wrinkling her nose at the plate Esme set before Bella. "It would be like asking you to distinguish the taste of sand from dirt."

I let her chatter on, smiling at this conversation that was at once simple and strange, banal and surprising. I had wanted that, for Bella to blend in with my family. But to witness it was moving.

Bella lifted her fork to her mouth under the worried gaze of my mother, who had joined her hands in a silent prayer.

"Mmm!"

She took another bite.

"Do you like it?"

"You're a real chef, Mrs. Cullen."

"Esme."

"Esme."

My mother, delighted, watched as Bella finished the dish enthusiastically. The conversation started up again and turned to art. Esme knew a lot about sculpture - indeed, it was she who has told me about the Gestalder museum. She and Bella discussed the sculptures in the house that I had described to her, and Esme invited her to see them in her way.

"That won't bother you?" she asked.

"Of course not."

I was a silent observer of their talk. Alice watched too, but with a more critical eye, one focused on fashion.

"Red? No. Blue is better."

In her head, I saw a swirling panoply of colors and fabrics.

"What are you cooking up?" I asked.

"Tomorrow, after school, I'll take Bella to pick out an outfit for the party for the science fair."

"Come on! That's not necessary."

"She needs an appropriate outfit for the occasion."

My sister was convinced that Bella was going to go with her without protest, even though I saw nothing in her visions to justify such a conclusion.

"You don't know if she'll even say yes."

"I'm not going to give her the choice."

"Alice..."

"Don't worry, it'll be fine."

"Don't take advantage of the fact that she can't see to transform her into a Barbie doll."

She made a face of outrage. "What do you take me for?"

"For a little monster with extravagant tastes."

"Have a little faith in me."

I rolled my eyes.

I already felt sorry for Bella, though at the same time I was pleased about Alice's interest in her.

It was soon 9:30, Bella's curfew. As always, time was relative for me when I was with her. Her father came to take her home, and when she said goodbye she was much more relaxed than when she arrived.

"Thanks for letting me get to know you."

My family was a little discombobulated that Bella considered this encounter a favor to her. Ordinarily, one doesn't consider visiting a nest of predators a privilege.

"Come back whenever you'd like, Bella," Carlisle said.

"See you at school tomorrow," Alice sang out.

My mother carried out the leftovers from dinner. Seeing her come out of the house, Charlie got out of his patrol car.

She handed him a dish. "This is to thank you for letting your daughter visit."

Overwhelmed by my mother's beauty, Charlie took it with trembling hands. "Not at all, Mrs. Cullen."

"I hope we'll have the chance to see her again. She's a delicious child."

Jasper started laughing about the double meaning of her words, and I clapped my hands over his mouth to keep him quiet.

My mother's plush voice was hypnotic, and Charlie acquiesced in a fog.

"Uh ... of course. No problem. It would be a pleasure," he babbled.

Charlie returned to the driver's seat in a daze.

"I'll come by for you tomorrow," I told Bella.

She smiled at me.

"It was a very interesting visit." She squeezed my hand and got into the car.

"Until tomorrow."

It was over. The lamb had gotten out of the lion's den alive and untraumatized. I watched the car disappear among the trees with a mixture of euphoria and incredulity. I replayed every second of the evening in my head, analyzed it, dissected it. I tried to find a mistake, a dissonance, but there was nothing.

Bella had come to my house. She had met my family. A human had entered the sanctuary of mythological creatures.

It was a revolution, a huge step forward, a red-letter date in the joint history of humanity and the supernatural. It should have been heralded with trumpets and acclaimed by a crowd of millions, partisans of the redemption, peace and forgiveness that beings like my family sought. Instead, it took place in obscurity and quiet, no applause, no hue and cry. Only a feeling of serenity and well-being.

I was proud, happy, surprised, enchanted. And I continued to be so in the days and weeks that followed. I had wanted Bella and my family to know each other better, but the relationship that developed went far beyond mere politeness.

What moment could I pinpoint as the one when Bella started being considered as a member of the family and not just Edward's mortal companion?

Perhaps it was the day I saw Alice and Bella return from shopping giggling like, well, teenagers. Perhaps the day that Esme asked her opinion on a sculpture she was thinking of buying. Perhaps the day she and Jasper played a ferocious and interminable game of chess. Perhaps the day when Rosalie greeted her without too much disdain. Perhaps the day Emmett lifted her up above his head to congratulate her for winning the science fair. Perhaps the day my father, seized by a sudden inspiration, recounted his entire past to her.

Bella's curiosity encouraged revelations, and my father took great pleasure in telling her how everything began for him and how he had been led to his lifestyle today. When Bella had interrogated me on our journey to Seattle, I had recounted some of my family's history as it had concerned me. But out of respect for my parents and siblings' privacy, I hadn't gone into detail. I would let them decide if they wanted to share their pasts with Bella. Carlisle was the first to do so. Then Esme, and Emmett. It was only a matter of time before the others did it as well.

Quietly, naturally, Bella became one of us.

Our own routine changed. I still picked her up at her house for school, but lunch was different. Sometimes Alice joined us under our pine, flanked by Jasper, who kept his distance but missed nothing. Sometimes, Emmett dragged me off to play catch hidden in the forest alongside the football field. Although I still watched out for the three nomads, I allowed myself to relax my guard somewhat, because I knew that I wasn't alone in my vigilance: at least five other vampires were doing the same. I could breathe a bit, because wherever I was, a member of my family always had Bella in his or her sights. There was an irony in the fact of knowing that Bella was safe because and as long as she was surrounded by vampires. But nothing was truer, since compared to the nomads, my family was no danger at all. There was a drawback to our constant presence: if the nomads wanted to meet my family, they would inevitably pick up Bella's scent from us. But I chose to believe that we were her best protection.

Emmett and Jasper were happy to rediscover their wrestling partner in me. I was too. And even Bella, who couldn't see us act like boys, but could certainly hear it.

"Here, read this. I just wrote it. Tell me what you think of it," she told me, handing me a dot-covered paper one rainy Saturday we were spending at my house.

I obeyed, amused.

The composition was strange. Good, but some passage were odd.

"This doesn't seem suited for the piano."

"No, it's for three instruments: piano, violin and drum."

"Oh? Why those three?"

"It's what best describes you and your brothers."

I lifted an eyebrow. "It's a song about the three of us?"

"Yes. I've titled it 'The Bear, the Eagle and the Mountain Lion.' Together you are a trio from hell and I wanted to pay homage to that."

Our wrestling matches had inspired her.

I was impressed and flattered. Rereading the staff notations. I indeed discovered the wilderness of a vast forest reigned over by three predators.

"Let me guess: I'm the mountain lion?"

She nodded with a crystalline laugh. "Bingo!"

"And you have matched all three of us to a particular instrument?"

"Yes. I don't know how your family looks … I mean, I haven't seen them the way I've seen you. But I tried to imagine them and mentally associated them to an instrument."

I was curious to know her mental image of my siblings and parents. "Who is what?"

"Esme is a harp: gentle, vibrant, tender. Alice is a penny whistle, cheerful, playful, like a bird. Carlisle is a bass or a viola, deep and full of wisdom. Emmett, a drum, thunderous, imposing, forceful. Jasper, a tragic violin, tormented, incisive, swift. Rosalie, a slow saxophone, sensual, languorous, seductive, impetuous."

I liked her comparisons. Bella had used her musical ear to construct incredibly apt descriptions of us. I wasn't alone: even though no one else was in the living room, nobody had missed our conversation. Even Rosalie was flattered.

"And me?"

"A piano, of course."

We smiled at each other, as we often smiled at each other simultaneously and spontaneously.

"You have turned us into a veritable symphony orchestra."

"That's how I see you."

"You're a piano, too," I blurted.

I wanted to add that she and I were the same piano, not two separate ones. I was the black keys, she the white. I had already associated the two of us to a keyboard. My life was black, hers was white. My life was murky, hers was clear. But I realized that these keys, black and white, could not exist separately. They were next to each other, they accorded with each other. A piano was useless with just white keys or black. A keyboard was harmonious only if the white and black keys were mixed. A melody wasn't complete unless the ensemble of the keys was balanced. Bella and I were like that: we were different keys, but complementary - a single piano able to play the most astonishing symphonies.

My family, too, realized this. I had been an incomplete instrument before. Alone. But no longer.

Esme was relieved that solitude was not my constant companion, though she knew that my being friends with Bella wasn't enough. She lamented my refusal to tell Bella my real feelings: "She cares for you, dear. It's so easy to love you. Bella would welcome your declaration, I'm sure of it." I wanted to believe it, but alas, Esme was not objective. A mother's son was always perfect, always easy to love. She didn't see that it was impossible for there to be more than friendship between Bella and me.

Despite this one-sided love, I was happy. Carlisle thought that he had never seen me smile so much, be so cheerful. It was true: I was jubilant because the two most important elements of my existence were tied together: my beloved and my family.

I wasn't the only member of my family to be affected by my relationship. Emmett underestimated humans now less than before. The traces of Bella's scent in the house helped Jasper desensitize himself. And Bella helped all of us rediscover long-buried aspects of our old humanity.

In school, everyone had been astonished that Edward Cullen and Bella Swan had lunch together everyday under a tree. Her classmates were impressed that Bella was so comfortable being with me. And now that almost all my siblings talked to her, they started thinking that we weren't as forbidding as they had believed.

Some were even less uncomfortable about saying hello or asking a question. With a great effort, Angela Weber overcame her uneasiness with us. After they had won the science fair, she and Bella had ideas for other projects. Between classes or after school, Angela almost never hesitated to come and talk to Bella about their plans, even if my family was around. Once, Emmett had even interjected a comment into their discussion, and Angela had managed to avoid fainting dead away, which was quite an exploit: we were talking about Emmett, a grizzly bear of a man, after all.

For her part, Bella seemed happy, blossoming in our company. Her father gave her more freedom, observing that she always returned from my house smiling. She spent less time alone in her room and more in the outdoors, in the forest around our house.

I loved carrying her through the trees, just for the pleasure of hearing her delighted laughter as I leapt branch to branch. With me, she enjoyed a physical freedom she hadn't experienced since she was struck by blindness. She made up for lost time, rediscovering the carefree childhood her illness had stolen from her, In the forest, she ran, danced, climbed, skipped, just as she would have done as a girl if her lack of sight hadn't prevented it. Today, she could do all that thanks to the bulletproof bubble that stopped her from falling and took obstacles out of her path: me.

Charlie observed that she now had color in her cheeks, and noted as well her friendship with Alice, which meant new colors in her wardrobe. Charlie was pleased about the association with our family. If he only knew our nature, of course, his positive opinion of the Cullens would take a 180-degree turn. But we were good enough actors that we could avoid compromising situations. I didn't even feel that bad that Bella was forced to lie constantly about us. After all, I was making possible Charlie's secret wish that his daughter have friends, go out, enjoy her youth.

Rosalie was the only black cloud on the horizon. She constantly reminded us that Bella was going to ruin the family. And she didn't hesitate to say it in Bella's presence.

"Sure, let's just continue to pretend that she's not putting us all in danger, that nothing's going to wrong," Rosalie had spat out once.

Bella misunderstood her. "I promise you that I would never tell anyone. I swear it."

Bella believed that Rosalie feared for our safety. She didn't know just how closely my destiny was tied to hers and that my family would fall apart when she died. But I wasn't going to set her straight. She didn't need to know that – she would feel guilty, and who knows, maybe she would even suggest taking care of the problem by becoming one of us.

And that was out of the question. I didn't want Bella to miss a single minute of her life, a single stage of her existence, a single step in her growth as a person. She would live.

Emmett served as a buffer between Bella and Rosalie. He calmed her down and knew how to distract her.

Although my family knew that Rosalie was right, they couldn't bring themselves to resent Bella for what was going to happen in a few decades. They knew it wasn't her fault that I had chosen her. Some of them nurtured a dream that I would change her someday, but the more time they spent with her, the more they appreciated what it was to be human and agreed that a human life deserved to be lived. They envied her for it. Her mortality was precious, and taking it from her, even if she wanted that, would be sacrilege, and it didn't matter if that mean she would die one day.

Despite that imminent death, some of them hoped that everything wouldn't end in suffering and distress. Perhaps I would be able to mourn her without wanting to destroy myself, they thought. An impossibility.

Whatever our opinions and hopes, we had all more or less decided to live in the present and let destiny run its course. I enjoyed each blessed moment that Bella spent with me, with us. Together we made up a strange orchestra playing a highly unusual, but harmonious concert.

I never suspected that the discordant notes of another concert would soon interrupt our own …

_T/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing! Speaking of discord, I have to go do my taxes now, boo..._


	13. Trouble Comes in Threes

**Chapter 13: Trouble Comes in Threes**

_Disclaimer: "Twilight" belongs to SMeyer. __"Les Yeux de la Lune" belongs to Elysabeth. __The typos belong to eiluned price._

_T/N: A couple of you have asked about Google Translate. Because of the way it works, it'll do a serviceable job of translating the chapters I've already done, but won't be that good on the ones I haven't. But i do encourage those of you who have some French to try reading Elysabeth's original (on my Favorites list). She is a mistress of lucidity._

_Thanks for reading, and a special thanks to all of you who review. Elysabeth doesn't like to write in English, but she loves reading the reviews. She got a special kick from xiolajane's, and assures her that there is plenty plenty more to come._

Chapter 13: Trouble Comes in Threes

All good things come to an end

That old expression aptly described my situation. Spring was the season of renewal, when everything that had been asleep for the winter returned to life. For me, however, spring meant the end of many good things.

The first was school. My classmates were eager for vacation. Not I. School was the perfect excuse for spending time with Bella every day. We saw each other outside classes, of course, but school was the ideal cover for seeing her without looking like a stalker. I used the weekends to hunt. Sometimes I invited her to my house, but I didn't dare ask her over too often: I didn't want her father to get the impression that I had drawn Bella out of her isolation in her house only to isolate her at my house. Although she always accepted my invitations with enthusiasm, I expected the day would come when she would start to feel burdened by my presence, that she would want some breathing room. I wanted her to enjoy the best human life possible - her circle of friends shouldn't be restricted to vampires. Fortunately, I could count on Angela Weber, the best human friend Bella could have.

In short, school was ending and I wondered how I would survive. I had the consolation of knowing that Bella was spending her vacation in Forks. Like so many other teenagers in search of some measure of  
>financial independence, Bella wanted to get a summer job so she could add to her savings account, and that would keep her here. In itself, that was good news.<p>

But ... a job! If Bella needed money, I would have happily handed over my wallet to her … and she would have refused it. With good reason. A couple could share everything, even their bank account. "What's mine is yours," as the saying went. But for friends it was, "Good fences make good neighbors." If I gave Bella money, she would want to reimburse me - and in any case, she already felt that she owed me so much that she wouldn't take even a few measly dollars from me. I found the idea of her working silly, but didn't I want her to live a normal human life? Then I had to accept that she would act like any other young person of her era, and get a job. I shouldn't interfere.

The second thing that was ending was Arago's memoir. One lunch hour, under our oak (our pine tree had become the spot for my siblings to join us, so it was difficult to read in peace there; thus, to get a bit of quiet, I sometimes led Bella to the oak so I could read to her, and my family understood my message: do not disturb), I began the very last chapter, in which Arago recounted the final journey of his life, taking us to a volcanic island in Brazil.

I was sad about finishing the book, the abettor of my and Bella's closeness. I owed a lot to Arago. In reading the last lines, I also sensed my companion's emotion. She wished as much as I did that the book would go on and on.

"The end," I read.

I detested that phrase. It signified a lot more than the end of Arago's voyages. It also signified the end of our lunchtime rendezvous, of the discussions that his discoveries provoked, of our philosophical  
>exchanges, and especially, of our daily dose of isolation from the rest of the world.<p>

"It was magical. I loved traveling with him," Bella sighed, already nostalgic.

"I did too," I agreed tersely.

"I envy him. He was lucky to be able to explore so much."

Something clicked in my brain. My moroseness disappeared. I had just had an idea, a brilliant idea that would allow me to continue to spend time with Bella despite the end of school. If I could be sufficiently persuasive, we would both get what we wanted.

"We could do it too, you know. I could take you to all the places you'd want to visit."

Her brow wrinkled. "Like Arago?"

"Like Arago."

Her blank eyes turned toward me, and although she couldn't see me she seemed to be studying me, as if she was trying to understand something.

"Vampires like to travel?" she asked.

"It's a way to pass time, yes. Eternity is a long time, you know."

"You want to travel? With me?"

"Why not?" I said enthusiastically.

She seemed stunned. No, not stunned. Incredulous, rather.

"Why are you skeptical?" I asked.

She looked distracted, and I really wished I could read what she was thinking, because my idea didn't seem to appeal to her nearly as much as I had hoped.

Was she worried about spending more time alone with a vampire?

"It's only an idea. You don't have to agree to anything," I said, depressed again.

She shook her head. "It's not that. It's just that I'm having a hard time believing that someone like you would want the company of a human like me … and to go on a trip, even!"

It wasn't possible. Hadn't the last weeks shown her that her presence was precious to me? Didn't she remember anything? I had told her that vampire emotions were irreversible and that I'd be at her heels for the rest of her life!

However … thinking about it, I realized that my memory was just as bad as hers. She had assured me that she would never get tired of me, and just a minute ago I feared that she couldn't endure being with me.

"You know, I have the same thoughts as you do, Bella. I'm always waiting for the moment when you've had enough of your vampire friend. Yet I should have learned my lesson long ago since here we are both, under this oak tree."

She gave me a shy smile, then seemed once again to get lost in her thoughts. But this time her eyes were shining with a restrained excitement. Once the surprise had passed, my idea attracted her and she let herself get caught up in the possibility of discovering the world as she had always wanted. Bella had always been limited to traveling through the music of other cultures and the accounts of explorers like Arago. But now she could fulfill a dream. She was glowing …. and then her shoulders slumped. She had seen a problem.

"I can't travel like everyone else. I'm a lot of work. My mother took me to Los Angeles once. I kept asking her to describe everything around us and she couldn't really enjoy the trip because she was so busy answering my constant questions."

She was worrying about nothing. I couldn't give a damn about being distracted from the scenery. Traveling in and of itself didn't interest me. It was only a way to be close to Bella.

Was it wrong for me to arrange this just so I could have Bella to myself? Probably. But I vowed to myself that this trip would be unforgettable for her. I wasn't the only person getting what I wanted.

I brushed aside my pang of conscience by inventing an argument that wasn't a bald "I couldn't care less about traveling—I just want to be with you."

"You think that's a problem for me? It could only be good for me to travel with a human. I'm always rushing through things. I go from Point A to Point B without paying attention to what's around me. Perhaps describing everything to you would help me see the human world differently."

Even as I spoke, I became aware that I meant what I was saying. Although I had come up with this argument just to persuade her to agree, I realized that this trip could be enriching for me too. "I'm always sure that I know everything because of my talent … Nothing impresses me anymore. So I think that it would be interesting for me to see the world in your way."

She considered this. "Being all the time with me will be difficult for you, won't it?

"To the contrary, the more I'm with you, the more used I get to your scent."

"And how will you feed yourself?"

"I can manage a week without drinking. And we'll have to choose destinations that will take us near places with wildlife."

"I don't have enough money to travel as Arago did."

Ah, now we were at the most delicate issue concerning this project.

"That's not a problem. I can take care of it."

Her eyes narrowed and she suddenly looked fierce. "That's out of the question, that you pay for this trip."

I wasn't surprised at all. Bella had a holy horror of being dependent.

"Come on, it's nothing for me," I said.

"I don't want to be spoiled rotten. You do too much for me. I owe you too much already, and my idea for a gift wasn't … workable."

"I don't need a gift," I said, irritated. Couldn't she understand that her company was the most extraordinary present that life had ever given me? "If you want to give me something, give me permission to pay for this trip."

"No! That's not a gift!"

"But it would be a pleasure for me!"

"Maybe, but it's a matter of pride. I would feel like … a gold digger."

"Please, you're the most disinterested person I know. Why deprive yourself? You're dying to travel. This summer would be perfect. We could leave after our finals and come back just before school starts again."

The question of money was forgotten for the moment, replaced by what she saw as a more important problem.

"And Charlie? Just imagine the heart attack he'll have if I take off with you."

I thought about this for a moment. Charlie didn't suspect anything about my nature. I didn't see what could make him preemptively forbid our trip. To the contrary, he wanted his daughter to have more exposure to the world, and such a journey would an ideal occasion for that.

"He doesn't know I'm a vampire. Nothing should bother him about me."

"Edward!" she said in exasperation. "I thought you understood people better than that! You could be an extraterrestrial or a zombie or a goblin, it'd be all same. It's the fact that you're a guy that will give him a heart attack."

Oh … of course. I should have suspected. For me, it was so unthinkable to imagine a physical relationship with Bella that I hadn't realized that for her father I was undoubtedly a hormone-crazed boy.

"I see. Well, he has nothing to worry about. We're friends."

And how I wished we could be more …

Bella snorted. "You go try telling him that. I'm not getting mixed up in it."

She didn't want to broach the idea to her father. Fine, I'd take care of it. It wouldn't be the first time I'd used my vampire charm to sway humans.

"Not a problem. He'll be wrapped around my little finger, you'll see. After all, I saved you from the van, and I've been in his good graces ever since. I am a hero," I said with mock condescension.

"A hero who wants to kidnap his daughter for three months."

"I'll ask Esme to help us, if need be. She'll speak on our behalf to Charlie. She can be very persuasive."

Bella remained skeptical. "Good luck with that."

"If I manage to win Charlie over, will you agree to come with me at my cost?" I asked slyly.

The Charlie problem was put aside and the money problem took the fore again. Bella considered for a long time, then declared, "You have to give me all the bills and I will pay you back little by little, from a job. Charlie told me that my computer could work at the police station. I can be a secretary there on the weekends when school starts again."

I heaved an irritated sigh. "You don't have to reimburse me."

"I won't feel right if I don't."

"It doesn't matter."

"That's my condition for going."

Fine, if that's what it took to convince her.

"Okay. It's a deal," I said sullenly.

Negotiations over, Bella recovered her enthusiasm.

"Traveling with a vampire … That promises to be very educational! Where shall we go?"

"Wherever you want."

"Anywhere in the world?"

"There are no limits to Cullen magic."

The corner of her mouth twitched. "Shall we go to Transylvania?"

I should have expected that. "Very funny," I said sarcastically.

"You don't have some Transylvanian buddies?"

"Even if I did, it would be out of the question for us to visit them. You smell too good."

She let out a nervous giggle before thinking about other destinations.

"How many countries have you visited in a century?"

"Pretty much all the places where there is little or no sun: England, Ireland, Scotland, China, Scandinavia, Siberia…"

My monotone astonished her. "You're listing all those places as if it's commonplace. Seeing so many different people, cultures, landscapes, vampires don't find that interesting?"

"Certainly. It's diverting."

She wrinkled her nose. "You don't say."

"I've told you: I travel from Point A to Point B without looking around. I pay attention to what's around me only enough to be sure that I'm not scaring anyone or drawing too much scrutiny. Now I can count on you to make me look human."

"You mean that people will notice you less because they'll be too busy looking at the blind girl with you?"

"I didn't say that!"

I thought I had inadvertently hurt her feelings, but she laughed loudly.

"That is what is going to happen, though. It's normal, you know. People aren't used to running across blind people, people in wheelchairs, lame people. It's kind of ironic when you think about it: we both attract stares. We can't lose ourselves in the crowd, because someone's always watching."

It was true. It was another thing we had in common. Not a very happy thing, but it allowed her to understand that it was sometimes unpleasant to be among humans.

"Well, there go my dreams of traveling incognito," I joked. "Everyone is going to turn around and look at us as we walk by."

"I don't care what other people think. And if you can avoid trouble because people are looking at me instead of you, so much the better."

I beamed, touched that she wanted to protect me in her way.

She added, "It's never occurred to your family to visit places where there are cannibals?"

I burst into laughter, putting all the birds in the vicinity to flight.

"I see where you're going with this!"

"So what? You'd be comfortable there. You could feed on humans without regret since everybody's doing it."

"You are absurd."

"No, I'm trying to find a way to make your life more … satisfying. If I were a vegetarian in the human sense of the term, I would be unhappy about being limited to tofu for eternity."

I ruffled her hair. _I'm not unhappy since I have you._

I knew she wasn't being serious, but I still took the precaution of warning her: "Cannibal tribes are off limits for our journey."

She shrugged. "Whatever. Anyway, we have time to think about destinations. First, you have to jump the hurdle of persuading my father to let me go."

"I'll take care of it."

"And your family? Will they be okay with this?"

"Why wouldn't they be?"

"Well, I'm human. They're not afraid that you'll …."

"Lose control, alone with you for three months? No. They trust me."

I realized at that moment that I trusted myself too. This trip should have worried me, but it didn't. I had become strong. I could tolerate her enchanting fragrance. And to prove it to myself, I opened my sense of smell and breathed in deeply.

Flames scorched my throat for a millisecond before being extinguished by a sweet joy. She smelled heavenly.

"I trust you too," she confided to me.

"Thank you," I said, touched again.

A perfidious voice murmured in my mind. _"What if she hurts herself? A little scratch could turn into tragedy."_

I didn't let that thought bring me down. Was I not Bella's bulletproof bubble? I would make it so that she never had an accident.

The idea of traveling alone with Bella preoccupied me for quite a while after our conversation. The two of us. For three months. Alone with my moon.

Vampire and human traversing the world. Lion and lamb on the same path.

I was in my own little world for some time … until the day when the third good thing in my existence ended. Trouble comes in threes, they say.

But this third thing was far, far from being anodyne like the other two. This imminent ending tolled the bell on my little happy world. I was too happy, too naïve, too confident, too little on my guard to anticipate it.

That day, all of us, including Bella, had got together to play baseball.

To the casual observer, a family playing baseball in a field was nothing extraordinary.

A family of vampires playing baseball in a field, though, was rather unusual.

And a blind human able to follow a baseball game played by a family of vampires … that was astonishing. Even more, it was unbelievable.

And yet that was what was going on, on that stormy Saturday.

Alice had foreseen a thunderstorm: ideal for our game. The opportunity to play without attracting attention was so rare that we had all wanted to take part.

Bella was at my house when Alice had had her vision of bad weather to come.

"I didn't know that vampires played baseball," Bella had commented.

"Oh, yes," Alice had said gaily. "We don't play often because we need thunder."

"You do?"

"You'll understand if you come see. You'll take her with us, right, Edward?" my sister had asked.

Although the idea of playing tempted me, I had decided to refuse out of consideration for Bella. It couldn't be interesting for her. If she had been able to see us ... but that was impossible.

"Go on. I'll stay here with Bella."

Alice had wanted to object, but then seemed to understand herself why I was saying no. She had a disappointed expression as she considered the inanimate eyes of my companion.

Bella, as for her, had put her hands on her hips. "Are you kidding? I'd love to go."

Alice and I were taken aback.

"But ... you..."

"I don't see anything." She had shrugged that off, as if it were a superfluous detail. "So what? I'm the daughter of Charlie Swan, who would give up his badge rather than miss a baseball game on TV. And the stepdaughter of Phil Dwyer, a minor league player. So, do you really think that just because I can't see that I'm not a fan of baseball? My father dragged me every summer to the stadium and described the games to me. So, all I need is a Good Samaritan to tell me what is happening."

Alice's good mood returned. "Esme's the umpire. She'll be delighted to describe the action."

"Great!"

And at the beginning, that's just what happened. My mother outlined our positions and the (abnormally long) distances between bases. She told Bella who was at bat, who was catching the ball, who was running, sliding, throwing. Bella didn't miss a single move. Then, little by little, Bella no longer needed my mother's commentary to know who was hitting, running or throwing. She had recorded in her head all the sounds of our movements. Her hearing, sharper than that of the average human, allowed her to analyze our steps, how we hit and threw, and she eventually was able to figure out everything that happened on her own.

"Huh, that cannonball has to be Jasper … that fast running is surely Edward. He just made it to second base. And that gorilla's yell must be Emmett not catching the ball in time to get him out. That hit is Rosalie. Jeez, she sent the ball miles away…"

No matter where I was on the field, I listened to Bella and continued to be amazed at how accurate her commentary was. I was already astonished that she had managed to follow a human baseball game, but that she could discern our movements, vampire fast and quiet as they were, bowled me over.

It was soon my turn at bat. Emmett planned to send me a breaking ball. I pretended to be unaware of his strategy and didn't adjust my stance for it. Then suddenly, Alice had a vision that was so clear and so unexpected that it was like a whip striking my face. I missed the ball – to Emmett's delight – and turned immediately to Alice. Terrified, she let her vision play for me.

The three nomads. Less than 20 miles away. They were coming. "Oh, no," Alice gasped.

Emmett could have nailed me in the head with the ball and I would have felt less shaken.

Alice's gaze locked on mine. "I'm so sorry! I didn't see them_! I was sure they were still heading north! They couldn't decide how to approach us we are so numerous, but then they figured there was nothing like a friendly game for getting to know us._"

The three nomads. I had completely put them out of my mind since Peter and Charlotte's warning. All my fears, all my worries, had become reality. My carefree attitude of these last weeks disappeared, replaced by old anxieties and reproaches about my imprudence.

Enough. I would feel guilty later. Right now, I needed to take action.

I was next to Bella in a second. She had heard Alice's horrified reaction and realized that something was wrong.

Jasper hadn't missed our silent exchange either and ran to Alice. "What have you seen?"

''They're coming,'' she said mournfully. ''The nomads are here.''

My family gathered around me and Bella. She swallowed hard.

Carlisle took command with his confident air of authority.

"How long do we have?''

"Five minutes.''

He looked at me. ''You have to take her far from here. Can you manage it?"

"No. Not if I carry her… and besides, the worst thing would be if they pick up her scent and decide to chase after her.''

Emmett cracked his knuckles. "Let 'em come. There are three of them and seven of us. I'm always ready for a good battle."

My father shook his head. ''Let's not pick a fight. Alice, what do they want, exactly?''

"They want to play."

"Then we won't disappoint them. Let's continue the game. Edward, Emmett, Jasper, stay close to Bella. Which way are they coming ?''

"From the north, through the brush."

"Fine. The wind's at their backs. They won't catch her scent. With luck, they'll take her for one of us. Spread out.''

We obeyed, outwardly calm, but our thoughts betrayed their anxiety:

_"Luck! Hah! We'll need a miracle.''_

_''I can smell her from across the field, even with the wind blowing the other direction.''_

_"Poor dear…''_

_"They want to play. I'll show them playing.''_

_''It's my fault. All my fault. I should have seen it, I should have known…_''

I blocked them out. Now wasn't the time to listen to them worry – it merely heightened my own fears.

I turned to Bella. She had crossed her arms and was rubbing her shoulders to stop them from shaking. Her goose bumps had nothing to do with the weather.

I remembered her absurd idea of making friends with non-vegetarians. She was frightened now, but she was capable of overcoming her fears and offering them her hand as a sign of friendship. However…my family's tension was contagious and Bella was perhaps finally understanding that being with strange vampires wasn't conducive to her survival.

I spoke to her in a soft, relaxed tone even though I knew I wouldn't fool her into thinking that the situation wasn't grave.

"Don't move. Stay close to me, okay?" I wanted to promise her that everything would be fine, but that would have been a shameless lie.

She nodded, her face white with fear. I knew she was trying to stay calm. She was so brave. But how much could she endure? I so much wanted to have spared her this. I wanted to take her in my arms and take off flying to the other end of the world … but staying still was the only way to keep her fragrance from wafting all over the field.

The wait was intolerable. Not only did this imminent confrontation make me sick with anxiety, my masochistic tendencies meant that I was worrying about the consequences even if nothing bad happened. If this all went well, how would it affect Bella? She would realize that just spending time with my family exposed her to possible encounters with other vampires. Would she decide that it was better to no longer see me? That she should return to her previous life as a simple high school student oblivious to dangerous mythical creatures?

I rebuked myself silently. This wasn't the time either to worry about consequences when I didn't know how the encounter was going to end. I forced myself to relax. I couldn't do anything but wait. I stood in front of Bella, as did my brothers.

The game continued without enthusiasm. I unblocked my mind so I could hear the thoughts of the approaching nomads. For the moment, their minds indicated curiosity mixed with mistrust. I also heard my family's thoughts as they played. They were all concerned. This wasn't the first time that strangers sought us out, but we'd never had a human with us before.

In addition to her anxiety, Rosalie was full of rage. _"This will end badly. She is putting us all in danger. See what happens when you put a human among vampires.''_

I hoped she was wrong.

The nomads were here. Three crouching silhouettes, ready to flee at the least threat.

The game stopped and my family gathered in a line reminiscent of a military formation, Carlisle in the center and slightly in front to show he was our leader. I stayed behind the line, Bella next to me.

Jasper had the bat and rapped his palm hard with it, as if it were a nervous tic. I thought for an instant that he was trying to occupy his hands, then realized that his taps had the same rhythm as Bella's heartbeats. He was camouflaging them. Bravo, Jasper.

The three nomads continued toward us, though they felt intimidated by our number. They had never seen such a large coven. They observed our positioning, like a pack defending territory. They were also surprised by our civilized appearance - we seemed almost human to them.

They shared those opinions, but each considered the coming meeting differently.

As they approached, I surveyed their minds. The one in the middle was the most curious, and the friendliest. He seemed to be the weakest as well, the sort of character to figure out the balance of power and then seek the protection of the winning side in a confrontation. In other words, a parasite, a chameleon who changed his colors to fit in with the group he chose. He was slightly ahead of the two others, but I was convinced that he wasn't the leader. He was in that position simply because he had been chosen to be the spokesman for his group. His role was that of an intermediary, that was all, and the others kept him around because of his ingratiating manner, a useful asset in a universe of nomadic vampires.

The female was wary, assessing each of us, instantly determining the strongest fighters among us. It was a survival tactic, knowing whom to avoid in case an encounter degenerated into a confrontation. To her, Alice and Esme were the weakest, while Emmett, Jasper and I were the guard dogs. She was unsure about Carlisle. The chief of a coven should present himself as hard and unyielding, but she found him polite and friendly. She still didn't trust him: even though my father was truly prepared to be welcoming, she saw that as merely a ruse to get the nomads to lower their guard.

She noted our golden eyes and was intrigued. _"So what do they eat?"_

Apparently the idea of drinking from animals had never crossed her mind. She also observed that I seemed to trying to hide Bella from her coven's view and she studied her. I held my breath.

She interpreted Bella's blank gaze as indifference and boredom, which reassured me a little, and the brown of her irises as the beginning of thirst. I was grateful for this false impression.

I didn't spend a long time considering the female, for the second male was drawing my attention with the strangely condensed thoughts that filled his mind. They were so chaotic and disordered that I couldn't tease them out without effort and time I didn't have. They reminded me of the background of a painting, dark and opaque. Other thoughts were in the foreground of this mental picture, and I would have to content myself with those for the moment. They were scornful. Of the three, he was the best actor, appearing relaxed even though he had no desire at all to be here in this field.

They stopped a prudent distance from us, and the spokesman took the initiative. "We heard a game in progress. I'm Laurent. And this is Victoria and James."

French. Bitten in the 17th century, based on his accent.

My father was warm to the visitors. "Carlisle. And this is my family, Emmett and Jasper, Rosalie, Esme and Alice, Edward and Bella." He indicated us with vague sweep of his arm.

Laurent gave us a smile, an honest one, I thought.

"You plan to stay long in the area?" my father asked politely.

"In fact, we were going north, but we were curious to see who lived here. We haven't met anyone in quite a while."

"I'm not surprised. This region is normally empty, apart from us and occasional visitors like you."

"What are your hunting grounds?"

"From the Olympic range to the coast."

The nomads didn't realize that my father was talking about hunting animals, not humans.

"We have a permanent residence here. There is another group like us up near Denali," he felt obliged to specify.

The three nomads were stunned.

_"It's not possible. A residence. They live among humans?"_

_"Such a big group staying in one place? There are so few people here – they are going to run out of prey."_

"Permanent? How do you manage that?" Lauren asked the question all three were thinking.

"Why don't you come to our house so we can discuss it in comfort? It's a long story."

I felt Carlisle was being much too friendly. But then, he was always ready to talk to strangers, to learn about them and for them to learn about his diet. I saw his goal: he wanted to try to introduce them to vegetarianism, or at least explain his point of view. I knew he would fail, but Carlisle never lost hope that eventually his philosophy would spread to others of our kind besides us.

Laurent was the only one of the three tempted by the offer. The two others were curious how we lived in one place, but they were uneasy about going to our house, and being on our turf.

"That's very appealing," Laurent said. "We've been on the hunt since Ontario and haven't had much opportunity to clean up." He indicated their dusty, torn clothes.

Carlisle seized Laurent's inadvertent opening to bring up something he wanted clarified right away.

"Please don't be offended, but we would appreciate it if you didn't operate in the immediate area. We want to avoid arousing suspicious, you understand."

"Naturally. We don't want to poach. In any case, we fed just outside Seattle."

Bella shivered. I hoped I was the only one to notice.

"Before we go to your house, what do you say to a game?" Laurent continued.

I saw Carlisle's plan and approved. The nomads needed to be distracted while Bella and I left.

"Two of us were just about to leave. You can replace them."

Laurent was the only one who really wanted to play. The others didn't see the point, since Carlisle had already offered them hospitality.

"_Ssss …Laurent is making us waste time_," the female thought with irritation.

"_How tedious. Baseball ... an obsolete, dull human game,"_ James sneered. _"Something bloodier would be much more diverting."_

The background images in his head were suddenly very clear to me. Now I could make out the shadows. I knew what James was.

A tracker.

Those dense, chaotic thoughts were like hundreds of little films twisted around each other: memories of his most enjoyable hunts. His victims were the stars, and they all came to the same horrible end. He replayed these films constantly, delighted in them, and was always on the lookout to add to his collection, to add a black brushstroke to the painting that represented his reason for being, his motive for everything.

Horrified, I became witness to his most brutal killings. Never had I seen anything so sadistic. He enjoyed his victims' fear. He loved to pursue even more than he liked slaking his thirst. The monster in me was an inoffensive kitten compared to him.

All at once, I felt vibrations in the palm of my hand. What was it?

I tore myself away from James's mind and returned to reality. I saw that my fingers were wrapped around Bella's wrist. It was her pulse beating against my palm. How did her wrist get there?

Stupidly, I finally understood that I was so focused on James's mind that I had pulled her to me without realizing it, controlled by a need to protect her from that black painting. Bella had come to me without protest.

The others were discussing how to divide the teams for the new game.

_"Go on, Edward. We'll cover for you,"_Alice told me.

Jasper was focusing on maintaining a jovial ambience. Alice and Emmett discreetly moved in front of me, blocking us from view as I led Bella to the forest. We had to get back to the Jeep at a casual pace so that the nomads wouldn't become suspicious. My arms around her shoulders, Bella and I walked at a human pace. We were almost to the trees when a new thought of James's struck me.

_"She reminds me of someone."_

I reflexively returned to his head to see whom he was thinking about. He was watching my father chat with Laurent, but his quick glance at Alice told me that my sister was the real object of his attention.

_"This Carlisle called her Alice. Could it be….?"_

A sharply detailed film rolled. A pursuit. Alice the prey, he the predator. Oh, God. He had known Alice as a human!

James couldn't get over it either. _"The little Alice from the asylum! That is really the girl!"_

The asylum? I sought out more details and what I discovered disconcerted me.

_"Too bad she's no longer human,"_ he thought, disappointed.

I stopped and turned a bit toward my sister. She didn't react. She didn't recognize him. I would tell her later.

Unfortunately, my movement hadn't been subtle enough. James studied me with suspicion.

_"He looked at us as when I thought of her. Strange … Do you hear me, young Edward?"_

I feigned ignorance and didn't react. I started walking again next to a curious Bella, though she didn't ask me why we stopped.

Nonetheless, my brief halt was fatal. I should have never stopped, even for a second. Because that second would have allowed us to avoid the sudden gust of wind that ruffled Bella's hair. Besides cursing Mother Nature, I could do nothing about the current of air that carried Bella's scent to James.

His crimson eyes immediately turned black with thirst, and his nostrils flared.

Everyone in my family tensed. The wind had reached them too, and they realized that the situation had become dramatically worse. Victoria and Laurent were astonished to discover that there was a human, a live human, among us.

I paid little attention to their reaction, because I knew we had the most to fear from James.

_"A human!"_ He analyzed the scent as only a tracker could. _"And a virgin, to boot. Floral, divine, a fragrance of innocence and purity: the most succulent of aromas. Tender, delicate, a network of delicious arteries and veins full of young vigor. She must be delectable. How is it that they haven't finished her off? That girl is a paradise on earth."_

"You brought a snack?" he asked aloud.

At that moment, it wasn't my fears brought to life, but my worst nightmares. And as if the skies wanted to play a role in this horrible scene, a clap of thunder rang out.

Venom flowing in his mouth, James leapt toward us. _"If they don't want her, I'll take her!"_

My animal and protective instincts both came out. I too leapt, landing just in front of him. Crouching and my hands in claws, I was a half-man, half-animal shield. I showed my teeth and let loose a savage growl.

He responded the same way, infuriated that I was blocking him. We stared into each other's wild eyes.

I became aware that Bella was shaking violently behind me. James noted it too, a sadistic grin flitting across his face: he enormously enjoyed humans' fear, heightening my own bestial ferocity.

_"Well, well … you don't want to share her,"_ he thought.

I roared in response, and my reaction proved to him that I could read his thoughts.

He studied me closely and arrived at a conclusion that surprised him. _"Now I understand. It's not his snack, it's his pet. I guess when you try to act like a human, you get attached to the little creatures. Too bad for you, young Edward, because I want her, your human."_

I was soon joined by all my family, a stone wall surrounding Bella. She hadn't moved an inch, although she was trembling from head to foot. Even without sight, she had grasped what was going on, I knew.

Victoria stood at her mate's side, watching us, arched like a cat. Laurent was on alert, split between astonishment and fear. Carlisle was assessing him, abandoning his friendly tone for an authoritative one.

"She is with us."

"But she's human!" Laurent said, unnerved.

"Yes."

He looked at the figure behind me with incredulity. He couldn't understand our relationship with a … meal. But he suspected that if the level of tension didn't decrease, his clan would be facing seven hostile vampires in an unequal, and unwinnable, combat.

"I see that we have a lot to learn from each other," he said.

"Indeed," my father said dryly.

"It's better than we leave now and go on our way, I think. James?"

James exchanged a look with Victoria. They said nothing, but their silent communication was eloquent: they would leave the scene now, but they would remain in the area.

James stepped back, abandoning his combative stance but not his sickening smile. I saw his intentions. They enraged me.

_"Alice is my only failure, and I won't fail with this one. She too had a protector, just like you. But he had more nerve. He changed her to save her and hid her, though it didn't save him. Killing him was only a minor consolation. But Fate has given me a second chance. You don't have the balls he did. You won't change her, will you? So much the better. It's more interesting that way."_

He had figured me out. He knew exactly how to provoke me, to shake me, to unsettle me. And that's what he wanted, for me to try to stop him and thus make his hunt more exciting. He was playing me perfectly.

_"I'll wait. I have all the time in the world. You'll end up lowering your guard sooner or later. This will be great fun, you'll see."_

The chase and seeing the agony of his victim's loved ones gave him the same enjoyment as satisfying his thirst. Even better was when torture and drinking went together.

Paralyzed with horror, I couldn't stop listening to his thoughts. It was my father who pulled me away.

_"Take her immediately to the house, Edward. We'll stay here to make sure they don't follow you."_

In a trance, I took Bella by the shoulders and led her to the forest. I noted vaguely that Emmett and Alice were following me. As soon as we were obscured from the field, I picked Bella up, hoisted her onto my back and ran like the wind. James's thoughts were still screaming in my own head.

_"I will have her. I promise you. Thank you, young Edward, it's been a long time since I've had so much fun."_

My fury spurred me on so much that Alice and Emmett had difficulty keeping up with me.

I arrived at the Jeep, which we had taken for much of the way to the field. I secured the passenger seat harness around Bella while my brother and sister slid silently into the back.

"I know what you want to do. Don't rush into anything, Edward. Let's think about this."

I ignored Alice, started the Jeep and raced onto the highway. There was no question of obeying Carlisle and going to the house. We had to flee. Far, far away. It was the only possibility. I would take her somewhere safe. I would camouflage her scent. I would make her untraceable and then I would go after the tracker. I would annihilate him. I had no other choice. The tracker would never give up. As long as Bella eluded him, he would never let go.

"Hey, little brother, why are you so upset? They're going away. There are more of us than them. They won't dare fight us."

"You don't understand anything!" I yelled. "I read him like an open book! He's a tracker!"

The word resonated inside the car like an irrevocable death sentence. Emmett froze. The word explained everything. He realized then that I had every reason in the world to be panicked.

"Okay, okay. No matter what you're planning, I'll be there."

"Me too. I couldn't warn you of this so it's the least I can do. But let us help you. We're all involved, you know. Don't do anything on your own. Let's wait and see what happens."

Wait? We didn't have time to wait!

That's what we had done these last weeks, waiting for them to either leave us alone or try to meet us. Waiting had led us to lower our guard. And now we were paying the price for our mistake.

I had been negligent because I felt invincible with my family. I thought that Bella was untouchable with us around. We were the largest, strongest coven in North America. Nobody would dare challenge us.

But we didn't take into account a tracker who was tenacious, clever and vicious.

Silence again descended on the Jeep. I drove, pedal to the floor, rapidly calculating what we could do, ignoring my sister's urgings to not be rash.

_We had to leave. Go straight to the airport. Damn, we don't have our papers. Too bad. We don't have time to stop and get them. For now, we'll have to shake him off. I'll go south, where it's sunny. He can't follow us running during the day. He'll have to get a car. By the time he manages that, I'll be far enough ahead to lose him. I'll drive all night to Mexico. We'll find a way to sneak across the border via dirt roads. Then we'll hide in a hotel. I'll ask Carlisle to send us the documents we need to get on a plane. It's good that Alice and Emmett are with us. I'll put Alice and Bella in the first plane to … no matter where on another continent, and Emmett and I will wait for the tracker and destroy him._

There. The ideal plan. It would work. It had to.

My foot wanted to push through the floor and my hands wanted to twist the steering wheel into a figure eight. I was concentrating so much on the landscape that didn't blur by quickly enough that I didn't immediately feel the fingers on my arm. It was only her voice that could break my trance.

"Edward…"

Her murmur was filled with fear.

I turned to the passenger next to me and slowed down without realizing it.

Bella was ashen and shaken, staring at the road she couldn't see. She must be on the edge of panic, completely lost.

"Tell me what's going on. Please," she said, her voice quavering.

What an idiot I was. She didn't understand what was happening. I had slung her into the Jeep without a word of explanation, nearly manhandling her. At the moment, it certainly wasn't the three nomads who were terrifying her. It was I and my rage. I was arranging our flight while she didn't even know what it was we were fleeing.

"That James, he's a tracker," I said rapidly. I had difficulty keeping the fury out of my voice. "The hunt is his obsession. He wants you not only because you smell so good, but also because of me. My reaction set him off. I've given him an extraordinary challenge. His entire life is devoted to tracking, and he wants a challenge. You can't imagine how delighted he was when all seven of us were surrounding you. We don't intimidate him at all. He's extremely clever. He knows to wait for the right moment to attack. It's his favorite game, and he's strategic, patient, skillful, sophisticated. He's spent centuries playing with his food and has become a master in the art of the hunt." My words were blunt, but Bella had to understand how grave our situation was. "He gets more pleasure from the chase itself than from drinking, so he likes to prolong the game. And he won't give up. We have to get far away from him. And then, when I'm sure he can't find you, we can hunt him down and kill him."

She shuddered at my vindictive last words.

"It is it really necessary to do … that?"

"Yes. It's him or you," I said in a tone that brooked no argument.

She twisted her hands and slumped back in her seat.

"We're leaving now?"

"We have no choice."

"For how long?"

"Days, weeks … however long we need to get him off your trail."

She shot straight up. "You can't be thinking that? I can't run off like that, disappear without saying anything to Charlie! You'll have the F.B.I. on your tail as well as this James guy!"

"The F.B.I. is nothing compared with James."

"And you say he's a tracker, he's going to follow my scent. That could lead him straight to my house. I can't put my father in danger!"

The Jeep slowed more.

Damn me ... Her father's house, Angela's, school, all the places marked by Bella's scent would be swept by James. And he would kill without hesitation anyone in his way.

I was so focused on Bella's safety that I forgot everyone else who would be collateral damage.

"She's right, Edward. We have to come up with another plan," Alice said, adding, "_She would never forgive herself if James kills her friends because he's looking for her. Is that what you want, that she's remains alive but filled with remorse and guilt for the rest of her life?_"

The Jeep slowed another 10 more miles an hour.

"I have an idea. But we would need Esme's help," Bella said timidly.

I doubted that this idea could get us out of our predicament, but the  
>mention of our mother made Alice, Emmett and me curious.<p>

"Go ahead."

"James needs to be convinced that I'm not here so that he'll leave my  
>father alone. Will he follow us?"<p>

"He will try."

"He has to succeed. We need to arrange it so that he'll overhear our plans."

"You're insane!"

"It's the only way. We have to let him catch up with us. As for  
>Charlie ... you'll invite me to go camping for two or three days with<br>your family. If Esme asks him, he won't be able to say no to her."

"Two or three days? We can't do what we need to so quickly!"

"Wait, I'm not finished. If we need longer, we'll call my dad and tell  
>him that our car broke down or something. We'll come up with something. But he has to believe that I'm with a responsible adult. We<br>can't skip town like teenage runaways."

I considered this. Camping ... yes, that was plausible. Her father,  
>like everyone else in Forks, thought that we were tremendous hikers<br>and campers, always going off on spontaneous excursions.

But I didn't like the idea of letting James catch us. At all.

"It could work," Alice said. She concentrated on Esme. "They're  
>already at the house. They're waiting for us. Look, Edward. We're with you. Even if he gets to Bella's house, he won't attack us. He's alone and there are three of us."<p>

"There are three of them too."

"No. Laurent won't come." She showed me Laurent's decision: he  
>preferred to not get involved and would be a neutral party. "The woman supports James, but only from afar," my sister added. "The risks tonight are negligible. The tracker won't take any action. For the<br>moment, he's gathering information, watching what we do. You said it yourself: he's strategic. He won't act impulsively."

I stepped on the brakes and made a U-turn. Bella understood that I had agreed to her idea.

"Thank you."

I didn't answer. I was already starting to regret this. I grabbed my cell phone and gave it to my sister.

"Call Esme. Tell her to call Charlie and work her wiles on him. And you, Bella, will go to your house. You have five minutes to get your things for camping and then you get out of there, understand?"

She nodded.

By the time we got to her house. Charlie had already heard about our plans. Esme had persuaded him to give his permission, but he still seemed suspicious. Bella, however, was a good actress. She tamped down her fear and looked enthusiastic about camping. Her hurry to pack could pass for eagerness.

"I don't like it that you'll miss class," Charlie muttered.

"Oh, Dad, two days of school is nothing."

"Exams are coming up."

"Oh, I'm a genius. I'll ace my tests, you know that," she joked.

She gave him a peck on the cheek and went to the front door.

"Are you sure you have everything you need for this sort of thing?" he asked.

"If she needs anything, she can borrow it from us," Alice assured him. "We could equip an army with all our camping gear!"

_"Well, well ... going on an outing?"  
><em>  
>A shiver ran down my spine. James. He had tracked us down. He was hiding in the edge of the woods outside the house. He was enjoying himself immensely. Bella was right: he was going to follow us and leave Charlie alone. Even though that was what we had hoped, my intuition told me this was going to end badly.<p>

I promised Charlie to take care of his daughter - I couldn't stop my tone from being graver than it should have been - and we returned to the Jeep. Emmett and Alice waved cheerfully at him and hopped in. Once we were out of Charlie's sight, we dropped our masks.

Bella was trembling. I took her hand, trying to reassure her.

"Don't be afraid. We will get him."

"At what price? If something happens to you because of me ..."

"Stop! Don't worry about us, do you hear me? It's my fault. I got you into this, I'll get you out of it."

From the back seat, my brother patted Bella's shoulder with his enormous hand. "We'll all get you out."

When we arrived at my house, I could tell that we weren't alone: the tracker had followed us. And the woman was watching us too.

We went inside, where James couldn't hear us. Carlisle was dejected. He had hoped for a solution that didn't involve killing. But it was impossible. If James wasn't killed, Bella would be...

"Here is what I propose… " he started.

It was decided that we would be divided into three groups: Alice and Jasper; Esme and Rosalie; Carlisle, Emmett, Bella and me. The first would head south, the second east, the third north. To mislead the tracker and his partner, we would confuse the trails by having two groups carry Bella's clothes with them, while Bella would wear Esme's clothes. Our trick would soon be uncovered, but perhaps it would give us some time to get away from James.

Once everything was ready, I sniffed Bella to assure myself that her scent was masked by that of my mother's clothes.

"Hmm, that should work," I said.

Esme kissed Bella's forehead. "It will be all right, my dear."

Bella nodded bravely. I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and guided her to the garage. She resisted.

"I think that I shouldn't go with you."

I stopped and stared at her. "I won't leave you," I insisted.

"Think about it. James saw your reaction. He knows we're close, that you want to protect me. The first group he follows will be yours. He'll never think that we've separated."

Emmett chuckled in approbation. "She is quite clever."

Alice agreed. "It's true. Let's trick him by having her come with me and Jasper."

I wanted to veto this idea, but I had to admit that it had merit. I contemplated my brother and sister.

Alice and Jasper. The sibyl and the soldier. The first would foresee any attack and the other would know how to parry it. They were an infallible duo, the best to protect Bella.

"Will he fall for it?" I asked my sister.

She concentrated on James. "Yes. Since he won't be able to figure out which of the cars has the real Bella, he will follow you."

I conceded, though I hated this. "Fine."

Leaving Bella for I didn't know how long devastated me.

Alice took her by the elbow, and spoke to me. "You leave first. James is going to follow you."

Fearing that I was making the biggest mistake of my existence, I started walking to the Jeep.

"Be careful," Bella said.

I tried to keep the despair from my voice. "It'll all be fine."

She nodded. "Yes."

"Jasper and Alice will take care of you."

"I know. Don't worry. I'm in good hands." I had the impression that she too was trying to hide her worry. "This will be over soon. Everything will be back to normal, I'm sure." She wanted to convince me as well as herself, I was certain.

She shook her duffel bag filled for camping. "And next time I pack it will be for our trip in Arago's footsteps." She gave me a confident smile that was almost contagious.

I smiled weakly in return without saying anything, sure that my voice would betray my torment, and jumped into the Jeep. Tearing my eyes away from her was especially painful since I didn't know when I would see my moon again. I forced myself to sit down in the back.

I heard a thought that Jasper was unable to keep from me then. Because of his gift, he was assailed by a flood of emotions from Bella, and he couldn't hide it, as much as he wanted to spare me.

_"She is all regret, terror, worry, guilt and fear."_

I couldn't stop myself from looking at her through his eyes. As soon as she heard the doors of the Jeep shut, certain that I could no longer see her, Bella slumped, her smile vanishing, as if an invisible weight had landed on her shoulders. She was ashen and her expression was blank.

Carlisle started the engine. The garage door was about to open, but I was not longer inside the Jeep. As my family watched in astonishment, I ran to Bella, driven by an uncontrollable, irrational and yet completely justified urge. I nearly slammed into her, stopping myself just in time to pull her against me in a desperate embrace. I folded my arms around her, trying to absorb her essence, her warmth, her scent, her soul. I felt her hands curve around my back and she clung to me as I tried to send her all my courage and strength, all the avowals that I had never said to her.

I allowed myself to get lost in her for the shortest second of my existence.

I left her as quickly as I had appeared. But as my steps took me away from her, I was plagued by an extraordinarily clear image of the bulletproof bubble that I had surrounded her with cracking and shattering into pieces. It was painful to turn away from her, to persuade myself that anguish and paranoia was giving me hallucinations. But I forced myself not to look back and to climb into the Jeep.

When the vehicle sped out of the garage, I closed myself off from all the minds around me. I withdrew into myself. I was enveloped by the cold and the dark.

I was numb.

Empty.


	14. Pursuit

_Disclaimer: "Twilight" belongs to SMeyer. __"Les Yeux de la Lune" belongs to Elysabeth._

_A recap: In the last chapter, BxE have their baseballl game and encounter James and company. Bella tells Charlie that she's going camping with the Cullens, but really is going to Los Angeles with Alice and Jasper while Edward sets up a false trail for James to follow._

* * *

><p>Chapter 14: Pursuit<p>

My fists clenched, I stared at the airplane, powerless, as it rose slowly in the sky. From where I was, I could see him through the minds of the passengers who had the bad luck to be in the same row as he was. They looked at him warily, and those who had seats near his put as much distance between themselves and him as they could. From several angles, I saw his expression, with its flash of maliciousness. Next to him was his companion with her flamboyant hair. She had a predatory smile of satisfaction. The humans around her did not seem to interest her, even for their blood. Up to a certain point, they were comfortable among mortals, but they made no effort to appear normal. If their hungry eyes, black as slate, made them seem less supernatural, they were still intimidating enough to make humans look away.

We hadn't arrived in time to stop them. We had discovered their trail too late. We had made it to the airport shortly after them, but their scents were clouded by those of the passengers who filled the terminal. I had to resort to my gift to find them. What with all the minds around me, I found James's only at the moment his plane was taking off.

Our pursuit would have to continue. It was what we had done since he had figured out that Bella wasn't with us. He had stopped following us, and we realized it too late. He was clever enough to keep himself out of my range so that I didn't hear him decide to stop. Once we had discovered that we no longer had him on our tail, he was already far away. For a moment, we thought he had returned to Forks, but retracing his scent led us to Seattle.

As we did so, we got a call from Esme. As for the woman, she was back in Forks and searching for something there, but not Bella, it appeared. Instead, she was looking for information. But what exactly, Esme and Rosalie didn't know since Victoria left almost immediately. They didn't dare follow her for fear that it was a ruse to leave Charlie unguarded.

I understood the reason for her return to Forks only when I studied those two minds in that airplane. Victoria had found Bella's old address in Phoenix and had rejoined James to impart this information to him. They had taken the next plane. Phoenix was their goal.

Why? There was nothing there but the fading vestiges of Bella's scent. How would that help them? What did they hope to find there? Bella's mother? Since Charlie was being protected, were they going to go after Renee, make her a hostage they could exchange for Bella? They were going to be disappointed: Renee was traveling with Phil, and in case home base for them was Jacksonville.

I tried to find out more but the airplane soared away into the distance and soon they were too far away for me to read their thoughts.

Carlisle and Emmett joined me on the tarmac.

"Do you know what they're planning?" my father asked.

I shook my head. "All that I know is that plane is landing in Phoenix."

"Good. I'll go get tickets for the next flight."

Our roles were reversed. From now on, we were the trackers and they were our prey.

We returned to the terminal. Emmett went to his Jeep to retrieve our only luggage: a valise holding the necessary arsenal for killing a vampire and the medical bag Carlisle took with him everywhere. I hoped that the latter wouldn't be needed.

I used the time to call Jasper. James didn't know Bella's hiding place, but in Phoenix he would be too near it for my comfort. California and Arizona were too close together. I wanted as many miles as possible between him and Bella.

My brother picked up on the first ring.

"He's going to Phoenix. Leave Los Angeles at once. He's too close."

"I agree. Alice has seen a mirrored room. He's going there."

"Where is it? In Phoenix?"

"We don't know. She saw only that he would be there."

"Fine, let me know if her vision becomes more specific."

A short silence. Hesitation.

Jasper waited, knowing intuitively the reason.

"Can I speak to her?" I asked.

There was the sound of the phone being handed over, and then I heard the sweetest, most comforting and caressing sound that I could have ever heard.

"Edward?"

It was like a lantern lighting the darkest parts of my being. It had been only two days since I had heard this voice, and it seemed like an eternity. I was a shell, an automaton without life. I was focused on fulfilling my mission, nothing more. Hearing her voice gave me the impetus I needed to keep going. She was my fuel.

"I've been so worried." I could hear the relief in her tone.

I was simultaneously touched and exasperated. She never changed.

"I forbade you to worry about us, Bella. Are you holding up okay?"

"I'm managing. Where are you?"

"Sea-Tac. He got on a flight for Phoenix. I'm sorry. He got suspicious. Your scent was no longer fresh on the clothing we had. He figured out it was a trick and he took off. I thought he was going back to Forks, but then he changed his plans.

"Phoenix… He's going to Renee's house…"

It wasn't mere speculation. She knew that Phoenix hadn't been chosen at random.

"Victoria must have given him some information about you, including your old address."

"Lord … Renee … It's lucky she's traveling. I couldn't endure it if -"

"You don't have to worry about here. Your mother is far away. No matter what he's planning, James won't have time to carry it out. We're jumping on the next flight to Phoenix. Can you give me your mother's address?"

She did, and then I tried to reassure her. "We'll get him soon, I promise you. You don't have any reason to worry."

"I'm not worrying about me."

Of course she wasn't. "I told you not to worry about us!"

"All right, all right. But can I worry about Charlie, at least?"

"You can't do that either. The woman has left Forks. She's back with James. It'll be easy to track them down. With luck, we'll get them both in Phoenix."

"We're also getting on a plane. Alice has already repacked our bags and is making arrangements on her own phone." Bella seemed disconcerted by her vampire speed. "We're going to Alaska?"

"Tanya's coven… Good idea, Alice. Tanya will hide you."

"Tanya? The head of the Denali group, yeah?"

"Right. I need to go. Carlisle's here with our tickets," I said, watching my father approach. "Tell Jasper to call as soon as you've made it to Denali… It'll all be over soon. Everything will go back to normal. Goodbye, Bella."

I didn't close my phone. I could only clench the receiver, waiting apprehensively for the click that would tell me that she had hung up.

That click didn't come.

She too was waiting for me to hang up.

"Take care," I added suddenly, my voice hoarse.

"You too. I… I am so happy to hear your voice."

"Me too."

I hung up then, so I wouldn't get fall apart.

I once more became a shell, but I didn't complain. This separation was my punishment. Bella was in danger because of me. I had earned it for having indirectly put her in James's path.

I spent the next four hours in a business class seat that was too small to contain my anxiety and frustration. I stared out the window. The convivial ambience of this section of the plane irritated me immensely. Champagne flute, knowing little laughs, relaxation, reading, movies, hors d'oeuvres. Enough! How could they be so carefree when I was on tenterhooks, impatient and feverish?

_This plane is too slow. We should have bought our own jet…_

The atmosphere around me only made me more eager to get this over with. I wanted to find this murderer and end him. Quickly. And after… after, what would happen? How would the stress Bella was under now affect her later?

I imagined all sorts of scenarios. None of them positive.

"_It's too difficult for me. I'm sorry, I can't live with this constant possibility that my family and I will be in the sights of another tracker just because I'm your friend. It's better if I go back to my human friends and you go back to your vampire life."_

My fingers sank into the armrest. Carlisle grabbed my wrist. "Calm down, son."

I gave him a small nod of acquiescence.

"_Remember, you're not alone in this. We all want as much as you do that Bella comes out of this unharmed. And that's what is going to happen."_

"Don't underestimate James."

"I'm not underestimating him. But don't underestimate us, either. Unity is strength."

He patted my shoulder kindly, discreetly reshaped the armrest to hide the damage and returned to his own thoughts. They were gloomy. He was looking for ways to persuade the tracker to give up. My father's pacific nature meant that he was always trying to find a truce and avoid a bloodbath even though deep down he knew that it was futile in this case. He was too good, Carlisle was.

Emmett's thoughts were the polar opposite of my father's. I decided to focus on them, since they were more consonant with my own state of mind. I wasn't a pacifist. Far from it. My brother was very impatient. Not worried, but he was eager to confront James. To pass the time he imagined a thousand ways – some crazy, some lethal, but all savage – to end the tracker. It at least had the merit of distracting me a little for the rest of the flight.

When we landed, night had fallen. While we didn't need to hide ourselves from the sun, we couldn't just run through the middle of town to get to Renee's house. It was Emmett who suggested stealing a car. My father wanted to rent one, but the process would take too long, and the urgency of the situation overcame his scruples.

"Try to find something that nobody will pay attention to," Carlisle told him.

"Yeah, yeah."

He was just about to leave when my cell vibrated. It was Alice, I saw from the number. I was puzzled: they couldn't have possibly made it already to Denali.

"Hello, Alice."

Her voice was strained. "Edward…"

I immediately had a bad feeling about this. It was as if a hand had punched through my stomach and was twisting my entrails.

"What?"

"I … it's…" She couldn't form a sentence. What had happened, for Christ's sake?

"You've seen something? You know where the room with mirrors is?"

No answer.

"Alice? Alice!"

"Edward."

Jasper had taken the phone. His voice was controlled, but troubled.

"Jasper?"

"Bella left," he said without preamble.

Now two hands were wringing my entrails.

"What are you saying?"

"Bella is gone. She slipped away from us."

My father and Emmett could hear him. They stared at each other as if hypnotized. They said nothing. That is, nothing aloud.

"_Bella took off…"_

"_She's nuts, that girl! Why would she do such a thing?"_

I was frozen, my eyes staring into space, so still that some travelers passing by did a double take, thinking I was a store mannequin that had somehow been deposited in the middle of the airport.

Bella… gone … fled.

These words couldn't be in the same sentence, the same context. It was impossible, illogical. I had heard them, but couldn't understand them.

Finally, I exploded. "So find her!"

New passersby were startled by my voice. A guard nearly dropped his coffee. _"That guy's insane!"_ he thought.

I ignored everything around me and concentrated only on the voice on the telephone.

"Impossible," Jasper said calmly. "We were at the airport, waiting for the flight to Alaska. She ran away from us and got on a flight to Phoenix at the last minute."

"She did _what_?"

Phoenix…

I allowed myself an instant of wild happiness. Did she mean to come find me? Did she miss me that much? Could she no longer endure our being apart?

Like an imbecile, I looked around me as if Bella was going to magically appear at any moment.

Then my euphoria gave way to cold reality.

Bella was in Phoenix. Here. In the same city as James.

Dammit to hell.

"That was two hours ago and -"

"Two hours? Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"Alice saw that you would lose it 30,000 feet up, surrounded by witnesses, which wouldn't have been smart."

"I am not losing it," I said furiously while the crowd around us looked at me skeptically.

I calmed myself down, remembering that Bella was perhaps in this same crowd.

"She's here," I said, dazed.

"The L.A.-Phoenix flight lasts only an hour. She must have left the airport quite a while ago. She didn't want to run into you."

"Why would she want to not run into us? And why did she leave? And how could you have lost her?" I started to lose control again. "How could she have gotten away from you so easily? She's blind, for heaven's sake, and easy to spot!"

Carlisle put his hand on my shoulder, a mute command for calm. I closed my eyes and tried to think.

"How could she have found a seat?" I asked.

"She carried her laptop in her bag. There wasn't much to do at the hotel besides surf the Internet. If she hadn't hung out in her room with her headphones on we would have figured out sooner what she was planning."

"How could she have bought a ticket?"

"She has a credit card. After she left, I broke into the network and saw her last transaction."

"How could she have managed alone in the crowd?" A lump in my throat, I imagined her with her cane, lost in all the noise and traffic of a huge airport. Bella was uncomfortable in public and hated crowds. So how did she figure out how to get where she wanted to go?

"She's been here before. She knows the layout," my brother answered.

"But Bella's never been …" I stopped, remembering.

"_My mother took me to Los Angeles once. I kept asking her to describe everything around us and she couldn't really enjoy the trip."_

Los Angeles … describing everything…

During their visit, she no doubt asked her mother to give her a detailed description of the airport. Bella had a phenomenal spatial memory. She found the ticket counter because she had already been there with her mother. What irony: Alice and Jasper chose Los Angeles to hide Bella – a wise choice, since it was sunny 350 days a year. The more sun there was, the more difficult James would find it tracking his prey. But Bella wouldn't have been able to slip away if she had been in an environment new to her.

"She fooled us," Jasper said bitterly. "When we were there, she asked us to get her new clothes: the odor of new leather and suede would better hide her own scent, she said. It was a good precaution in case James managed to pick up our trail. Alice dressed her from head to toe. That was only a ruse. Then she asked me to go with her to the restroom, saying she was nervous and wanted me to use my gift to calm her down. She was indeed very anxious, so I followed her. I thought it was the tracker who was unnerving her … What I didn't realize was that she was uneasy because she feared that she wouldn't succeed in tricking us." I heard his teeth grinding. "I accompanied her to the ladies' room instead of Alice. After five minutes waiting outside, I started worrying. I went to get Alice so she could find out what was going on. She came out immediately. Bella was no longer there. She had taken a different exit. I instantly went after her, but I reflexively followed the scent of her old clothes, which I found in a trash can. It was then that I understood that the new clothes weren't meant to fool James, but us. By that time, she was on the plane. I found her true scent, which led me to the gate for the Phoenix flight. Her plane had just pushed off. I couldn't do anything. She had planned her escape well."

For an absurd second, I was struck with admiration for Bella. Tricking a vampire was quite an exploit. Tricking Jasper was close to a miracle.

The second passed, and my anger once again came to the fore.

"How could she have fooled Alice? She didn't see anything?"

"She did, but she misinterpreted her vision."

"Misinterpreted!"

"Hey, Alice is really upset right now. She doesn't need you to make her feel worse."

I was too panicked, enraged and desperate to care about Alice.

"I entrusted her to you!"

"Let me remind you that your Bella also assured you that she would stay with us."

"Don't you dare blame Bella!"

"Then don't blame Alice! You depend too much on her. It's too much pressure."

Carlisle snatched the phone from me before I could answer. It was probably a good thing, since I was on the verge of cracking, of saying insults that I would bitterly regret later. I knew that it would serve no purpose to heap recriminations on my family, but I lacked sufficient control to stop myself.

Bella had left … of her own free will. How could she have done such a thing? I knew that she was too trusting and imprudent, but that surpassed all understanding.

Bella… my Bella… alone in Phoenix, in the same city as the tracker. Why? There surely had to be a reason. But no matter what the reason was, the truth remained that Bella had decided to launch herself toward certain death.

Wild-eyed, I started sniffing all the odors around me. Nicotine, overbearing perfumes, hidden drugs, diesel fuel, chemicals, but nothing of the scent I wanted so much to find. Although wonderful and unique, it was lost in the mass of travelers. I couldn't smell the tracker either. Nonetheless, the two of them had passed through this airport, and not long ago. Their trail must still be fresh, but how to find it in this crowd? Even my talent was of little use: Phoenix had two million minds; finding James's was like searching for a needle in a haystack.

Even so, I scanned the minds in the airport – perhaps someone had noticed Bella when she arrived. After all, she had said it herself: people tend to stare at the handicapped. Someone must have noticed her. A pilot, a passenger, an airline worker, someone! But I found nothing. No one was thinking of her at the moment, which was all I could read.

Impotent, furious and at a loss, I held my head in my hands, ready to tear out my hair. Emmett grabbed my shoulder. It wasn't to comfort me as much as to stop me from destroying everything around me.

"_Easy there, Edward."_

We were right in the middle of traffic and lots of passengers were staring at us.

"_Maybe he's having an epileptic seizure?"_

"_He's unstable. I should call security."_

"_Who is that nutcase? They shouldn't let people like that out in public."_

My father started walking and signaled to Emmett to lead me. He found an empty corridor where we would attract less attention. He started talking on the phone again, but it was no longer Jasper at the other end of the line.

"Edward, I am so sorry!" I heard. My sister's voice was anguished. "I saw it wrong! I thought it was her, but it was her mother! She was concentrating only on that, I stupidly told myself that she wanted to save herself, and I didn't know…. After that phone call I should have been suspicious!"

"Alice, stop," Carlisle interrupted. "Start from the beginning, please."

My father's calm voice had its effect on my sister. I heard her take a breath and start speaking again with more composure.

"At the hotel, just before we left, Bella got a call from Renee. I left her alone so they could talk. Afterward, she came out of her room, smiling. Smiling too much. I should have known she was acting. _'She called Charlie to see how I was and when he told her I was off camping she called on my cell,'_ she had told us. _'She was all excited.'_ She had imitated her: _'"My daughter, camping!" I normally never go out, so this was a first for her. She always had to drag me along on her crazy schemes, you understand. So … It was good to talk to her. I miss her. It has cheered me up, considering the circumstances.'_ Cheered her up, my eye! Bella was completely overcome. Jasper felt it. And after, I had a vision in which she was protecting herself, she was doing everything to save herself. I found it strange, but also reassuring. I told myself that she was finally realizing that she should be worried about her safety rather than that of her family and us. I thought she was overwhelmed by the realization of the danger she faced. But I was wrong! I've never seen Renee, so I didn't know how similar they looked. So when I saw that vision of Bella, it was in fact her mother she was thinking of. They're like twins! If I had known that, I would have understood that the call from her mother had alarmed her."

"So she tricked you because she believed her mother was in danger? But why wouldn't she tell us if she was worried?"

"I didn't hear their conversation, Carlisle. Bella was in her room … Perhaps it wasn't only Renee at the other end of the line …"

I was horrified. "James. He has her mother," I declared.

It all became clear. Bella hadn't acted rashly, but out of sacrifice. James had found the ideal way to bring her to him instead of embarking on an interminable pursuit.

"That's what I think," said Alice, who had heard me perfectly. "That was what pushed Bella to leave us without warning. He must have threatened to kill her mother if she came with us."

"That explains everything," my father said. "Well, not everything. I wonder how he could have gotten her mother so quickly, since she's traveling with her husband."

"Perhaps she just happens to be in town," Alice said. "I am so sorry!"

"It's all right. Edward doesn't blame you." Carlisle shot me a warning glance. "Are you certain that Bella is here?"

"After she left, I envisioned her entering a house. It has to be Renee's."

"Was she alone?"

"She went into the house alone, yes. Then everything went blank. I saw nothing else. As if… as if she couldn't make any more decisions."

I shuddered. If Alice could not longer see Bella's future, it was because Bella no longer had a future, certainly. Fatally.

I could not longer control myself. Without realizing it, my hands curled into fists and started hammering at the wall of the hallway, punching a crater in the plaster. I supposed my body was doing this to get some sort of relief from my mental distress, but there seemed to be a connection missing in my brain, because I derived no solace from destroying this wall. Even if I tore this whole airport to pieces, I wouldn't feel better. But my will was disconnected from my body, and my hands would have continued their massacre if Emmett hadn't restrained me. Carlisle was preparing to come to his aid.

Alice must have figured out what was happening on our end, for she hastily added, "But James hasn't killed her, I know it. I would have seen it, I would have seen him in triumph. All that I see of him is still that room of mirrors."

Her words had the desired effect. I managed to gain control of myself, and if not relax, at least remain immobile.

Carlisle watched me from the corner of his eye as he put the phone back to his ear. Emmett turned to face the end of the hallway leading into the terminal, making sure that no one had heard or seen what I had done.

"You still don't know where it is?" my father asked.

"Nothing is clear. It's a room with mirrored walls and a golden frieze."

I couldn't stay unmoving long. Talking was only delaying us. Bella was still alive, Alice said, so we needed to act now.

Carlisle saw the determination on my face as he arrived as the same conclusion.

"Fine. We're going to start searching."

"We're driving to Phoenix now," Alice said. "We didn't have time to wait for the next flight. We knew it would be faster in the Mercedes. We'll be there in a half-hour."

"Okay. Meet us at –"

"Don't bother. I will find you."

"See you soon, then."

Emmett had already left to steal a car. As Carlisle and I exited the terminal, our minds were so focused on figuring out what had happened to Bella that we barely noticed the distant curses of a janitor who discovered the damage I had done.

"James probably found Bella's cell number at Renee's house," he speculated.

"Or perhaps Renee gave to him … under coercion."

I tried to not picture what that horrible creature might have done to get what he wanted from Bella's mother.

"Still, it's odd that Renee would be home when James got there when we were certain that she was at the other end of the country."

"I find it strange too. We'll find out more once we're there."

"Yes, the house will be a good place to start tracking them; their scents will be much more obvious there than in this airport."

A purring Jaguar pulled up in front of us with a screech.

"Hop in," my brother said.

"Wouldn't it have been wiser to choose something less … conspicuous?" Carlisle reproved him once we were inside.

"I swear to you that I took the first car available."

I saw in his head that he was lying, but didn't mention it. I was too preoccupied. Too impatient. I would have preferred to drive myself. I hated just sitting here. On the other hand, I wasn't sure that I had sufficient control to not do something stupid if I was at the wheel.

"You have Renee's address?" Emmett asked, looking at me in the rear view mirror.

"Scottsdale."

We found the house quickly.

It was picturesque. Tranquil. At least on the surface.

"There's no one inside," I said after scanning the interior.

We got out of the car and I immediately detected the scent I loved above all others.

"She's been here already."

Two other scents, scents I hated, emanated from the house.

"James and Victoria."

A chill racked my body. Bella, James and Victoria were in this house, together. The mixture of their three scents was hellish, forming a terrible equation: Bella + James + Victoria = Death.

My father tried the door. It wasn't locked. Or rather, it was no longer locked. Whatever had happened here, James didn't bother securing the house behind him.

Carlisle examined the yard while Emmett and I went inside. It was a small consolation, but we found no evidence of a fight or blood on the first floor or the one above.

I stopped briefly at a little room painted in pink. Bella's old bedroom. After Bella moved to Forks, Renee didn't leave the room empty. She had pulled out, from the odors I picked up, Bella's old things from storage bins or the attic. Old drawings, books of fairy tales, stuffed animals, dolls, a rocking horse. Renee was nostalgic for Bella's childhood, apparently.

And it was on display for me inside these four walls. She was a baby here, grew up here, slept here, took her first steps, had her first dreams, her first nightmares. A little girl like every other, but one who was soon going to face blindness, and later, a demon because she had been magnanimous enough to be friends with a vampire.

I touched an old book of fairy tales. It was dog-eared; Bella must have read it repeatedly. She loved to lose herself in fantastical universes. As a little girl, did she dream that a fairy tale might come to life? Perhaps … But her dreams must have been of charming princes and fairy godmothers, not of vampires. Did she ever dream that one day a mythical creature would one day become her friend … and lead to her death?

I forced myself to turn away from the room. This wasn't the time for those sorts of thoughts. I had to concentrate on finding her. Each second wasted was one more second for the tracker to achieve his goal.

I found Emmett again. We both noticed that something was off.

"I smell only Bella, James and Victoria," I said.

"Me too. Her mother wasn't here."

"Maybe James grabbed her outside the house, before she could come in."

"In front of all the neighbors?"

"He could have, at night."

"But her scent would have been in the yard. No human besides Bella has been near this house for a long time."

"True."

"Perhaps he captured her somewhere else? In a supermarket or a gas station, on the road…."

"He knows her address, not her face. He doesn't have any way to recognize her."

"Yeah. And the scent here is too old for him to use it to track her … It's bizarre."

"I don't know how James managed to trick Bella, but I am more and more certain that Renee is fine and with Phil."

"I think you're right."

Carlisle rejoined us then, his face grave.

"There are many trails from the house, going in many directions. Bella's scent is everywhere, mixed with those of James and his mate."

I cursed.

The tracker was using our own tactic to hide their real trail.

"He's doing exactly what we did when we left our house. He must have realized that it was only a matter of time before we figured out where he was," Emmett said, his teeth gritted. He turned to me. "Do you think you can detect which trail is the right one?"

Of the three of us, I knew Bella's scent the best, but that wouldn't help us. "He could just as well have carried her somewhere, then come back with her to his starting place and gone off in a different direction, then done it again and again."

How could I so clinically analyze the situation? Bella was in the hands of a demon and I was stuck here making detections like a blasé Sherlock Holmes.

My cell vibrated. When I saw the number, hope bloomed in my chest. I answered, full of hope: "Bella!"

But the response was a cruel laugh that ravaged me.

"Just try to find your fragile little human."

He hung up.

I started at my cell, paralyzed. He had found my number listed somewhere … or forced Bella to tell it to him…

A second later, my telephone was in pieces, crushed in my palm.

I opened my mind to its maximum and was assaulted by the mental cacophony of the city, but not James. Such a Machiavellian mind shouldn't have been so difficult to find! I clenched my jaw to restrain myself from howling.

Carlisle shook me. "Don't let him get to you. All is not lost. One of these trails is the right one. Let's separate and follow them."

The rumble of a familiar engine attracted Emmett's attention. "Jasper and Alice are at the corner," he announced.

We went to meet them. Cringing, Alice stepped out of the car. Jasper planted himself next to her, ready to be a barrier against my anger.

"I am so sorry. We should have been more careful," she wailed.

I no longer had the energy to reproach her. I was beyond that. In fact, I felt guilty for having accused them of laxity. After all, they didn't have to help me.

"Don't. Please forgive me for my reaction earlier."

Alice gripped my arm. "It's not too late," she said. "She's alive. I'm certain of it."

"You can see it, or are you trying to convince yourself?"

"Both. James is waiting. He's still in the mirrored room."

"And the woman?"

"She is also waiting. But far away from here. They've arranged to meet later. She's difficult to predict. She doesn't stay in one place – she's always changing her plans."

"Let's not worry about her. For now, let's concentrate on Bella."

"I've seen what you want to do," Alice said. "We don't have any other ideas for the moment. Let's split up and follow James's tracks."

We were in a quiet neighborhood without a lot of witnesses. The darkness allowed us to run at our own speed without being seen. I followed a scent trail stronger than the others, but ended up at an abandoned factory. All that I found there was Bella's deformed cane on the ground. Absently, I picked it up and reformed it into its proper shape even as I saw the futility of doing so. Perhaps I was trying to trick Fate. If I could straighten her cane, I could fix everything else ….

How foolish I was.

I retraced my steps, and at the end of four minutes the rest of my family was gathered around me, empty-handed. Actually, not absolutely empty-handed. It seemed that James was greatly amusing himself by leaving pieces of my moon scattered everywhere, just for the pleasure of torturing us.

"I found that at the end of the trail I followed, on a park bench," Emmett said. He held up a cellphone. Bella's.

"He just called me from that phone! He can't be that far!" I thundered.

I held my hand out to Emmett. He hesitated to give me the phone, but my glare made him hand it over. I understood why he was reluctant when I flipped it open. Something silky, fine and dark fell out of it and onto the sidewalk.

I stared at the ground. I wavered between despair and rage, numbness and action.

Her hair.

He had torn out her hair.

Another effort to render me insane.

And it was working.

I swayed as I picked up the lock of hair, caressing it as I would have caressed her to reassure her, to tell her that I would rescue her.

I was a despicable liar, even to myself. For I knew, deep inside, there was no more hope.

Alice clapped her hand to her mouth. "What a vile, vile creature…"

Emmett muttered to himself. "Bastard … scumbag…" I heard.

Jasper said nothing, but he was shocked. As for Carlisle, all his ideas about compassion and negotiations vanished. He realized that there was no point with James.

"He has gone too far," he lamented.

I watched my family, speechless and touched. Until now, they had acted out of duty to their brother and son. At least, that was what I had believed. I realized that I was wrong. I had concentrated so much on my own desperation that I hadn't noticed that my family, to varying degrees, worried as much as I did about what could happen to Bella. They too had a fierce need to save her, an echo of my own need.

And we weren't at the end of the ordeal.

Jasper showed us a laptop, still attached to its little Braille printer. "I found this."

It was obviously Bella's. She had taken it with her on her flight. Jasper opened it and I saw that the screen was lighted up.

"DEAD END," I could read in large-type letters that filled the screen.

"He's playing with us," Emmett growled.

Continuing this twisted version of a scavenger hunt, Carlisle held out a scrap of paper.

"This was at the end of the trial that I followed. It's in Braille. Can you read it?"

Braille .. James couldn't read Braille, I was sure. Perhaps Bella had been able to write a message that gave her location.

I almost tore the paper from Carlisle's hand. I translated as I read:

"_Edward, give up. I'm putting you all in danger. He has my mother._

"_I don't have a choice. I have to go. I am so sorry. Don't blame Alice and Jasper. And please, please, don't follow him. That's what he wants. I couldn't endure it if someone was hurt or worse because of me, especially you._

"_He will be here soon, but before I go, I have to tell you something. I should have told you before, and I so much wanted to do it in other circumstances, but I was too much of a coward. Now that doesn't matte – "_

It ended there.

It wasn't a call for help. It was a goodbye note. And she didn't even have time to finish it. What did she want to tell me? How could she think she was a coward? That was the last thing she was ….

I crumpled the paper in my trembling hand.

"She must have written that at her mother's house and was interrupted," Jasper suggested. "By James's arrival. He told her to meet him here. He watched to make sure she came by herself. Then he went in and snatched her."

Alice was puzzled. "But if that was the case, how could she have printed out the note if he came in before she finished?"

"I'd bet that he was the one who printed it as part of his little game," Emmett said.

I heard all this as if from a great distance. I was still torn between fury and desolation.

Where was this demon? Why couldn't I hear him and his depraved mind? He had to be close. He had just called me and left the telephone on the park bench!

I surveyed all the minds in a two-mile radius. Nothing. A five-mile radius. Still nothing.

Nonetheless, I was sure that he was nearby. He couldn't have set all these false trails and then gotten out of my range so quickly.

While I frantically scanned the minds around me, Alice was shaken by a vision.

"Oh! She's back. There she is!"

I saw at the same time as my sister what the future held. It was a brief image, hazy, but it was Bella. Alive.

"What is happening?" Carlisle asked.

"She was unconscious, that's why I couldn't see her! She's woken up. Or is going to wake up…"

Unconscious. I didn't know whether to rejoice or not. She was alive, but what had that demon done to her?

I grabbed my sister by the shoulders. "Concentrate, Alice, I beg you! Find her!"

She closed her eyes, searched out the multiple possibilities and probabilities, certainties and hypotheses. All that I wanted was one tiny little indication about Bella. Unfortunately, the future was blank again.

"She's still in the room of mirrors, but she doesn't know what's around her. She's blind, Edward. If she doesn't see her surroundings, if she doesn't know where she is, how I can I see it?"

"And James?"

"He's in the same place. He … he…"

She tried to turn her third eye away from the path she had just glimpsed, to spare me. But it was too late. I had already seen it.

He was going to slake his thirst – he was on the verge of doing it.

I was about to roar in rage when another image, or a fragment of one, swept away the atrocious scene. Bella was brandishing an object and James collapsed.

"But .. how is she going to manage to do that?" Alice wondered along with me.

"What? What is she going to do?" Emmett asked impatiently.

"Knock him down! He's … he's going to be out cold! Not long, but he will be!"

"Huh?"

I was completely at a loss. It was incomprehensible. Alice must be mistaken.

And suddenly, I heard very clear, precise thoughts.

"_What has she done to me, this stupid little girl?"_

The man I was searching for – his thoughts ringing loudly in my head.

I then grasped why I hadn't been able to find him. He knew about my talent. He had thus trained himself to think anodyne thoughts just like the humans around him in this city while I was looking for a demonic mind. He had controlled his murderous thoughts to prevent me from finding him. But something had shaken his mental vigilance for an instant. What? How? He had been disoriented, incoherent … he had been – that's right, he had been knocked out! Alice's vision! Bella had gotten an advantage on him, for barely two seconds, but long enough for me.

"I found him!" I cried out triumphantly.

I sped off without waiting. We were so close! He was right under our nose!

It was the shortest, most interminable race of my existence.

I broke through the doors of a dance studio and landed in the infamous room of mirrors. I couldn't have planned the element of surprise better.

He was there, leaning over an inert mass that I didn't take the time to identify. All my attention was on one goal: the demon, the object of my fury, my despair and torment.

James spun around. Shock was on his face and in his mind.

"_But .. how could he have -?"_

I saw myself through his eyes. I too was a demon. An avenging demon, animated by a terrible rage. No more slumped shoulders, no longer burdened by desperation. I was only determination and boldness and excitement and bared teeth. My eyes were two slits. A killer's eyes.

He was paralyzed at the sight of me. In his centuries of existence he had never been so close to extinction. Now it was in front of him.

I wouldn't even need fire. I wanted to do it all myself. I would reduce him into fragments with my own hands. I would dismember him piece by piece. I would leave his head for last. If I tore his head off first, he wouldn't feel the pain of being ripped apart. I would drag this out, prolong my pleasure in his suffering. I would break his bones, tear his flesh into scraps, hear his scream in pain for each minute of his sickening pursuit of Bella. And when it was all over, I would have no remorse. I would never regret my actions. It would be the only murder I would never repent.

Even as I let him stare at his executioner, I analyzed the situation. In the back of the room was a television set. I had never met her or seen her, but I recognized Renee on the screen. She was chasing after a little girl in this very same ballet studio. My moon, in a tutu. She didn't want her class to be over. "Bella, Bella, come!" I understood immediately how Bella had been tricked by James. The words used by a mother trying to retrieve her mischievous little girl could be interpreted in a much different way when heard on the telephone.

I saw in another corner of the studio another object that James had stolen from Renee's house: a tripod with a camera. The red indicator light showed that it was still recording. Only a mind as twisted and vicious as James's would have wanted to immortalize murder on video.

Next to the inert body, I saw what had allowed me to find the demon, that had knocked him out for two blessed seconds: Charlie's Taser prototype, with a 30,000-volt charge.

Bella must have sneaked out the weapon when she packed and hidden it in her bag. None of us would have seen it, as preoccupied as we were with James watching the house. She probably knew that it wasn't a lethal weapon, but she hadn't underestimated its usefulness.

My love was a clever fighter.

I was overcome with pride for her … which vanished immediately.

My love was an inert body.

I should have kept my eyes on James. It was a monumental error to turn them away from him to look at the floor. For what I saw there yanked away from me the will I need to destroy the demon.

I realized that the Taser shock was the last thing Bella was able to do before returning to unconsciousness. The last act before the curtain fell.

I shouldn't look at the body. Not yet. I had to take care of the demon. I had to have my vengeance. He had to pay.

I tried to gather up my rage and fury. I waited for my rancor to affect me. Nothing.

Now I was the one paralyzed, hypnotized by that still body.

I sensed my family entering the room. I vaguely saw them leap onto the demon, accomplish what I should do, what I had sworn to do myself. But I was incapable of it. I no longer felt … anything.

There was a hole in my chest. A thick veil descended on me, separating me from all the happening around me. My eyes stayed fixed on the broken body on the floor. I heard only the faint sound of a dying heart. My own heart shattered into a million particles that were sucked into the hole.

I fell down at the feet of my moon, a waning moon. My face hovered over hers, nearly lifeless. I felt as if I too was disappearing.

I opened my mouth. A broken sound came from my lips, a wail that issued from the emptiness in my chest.

Through the veil that covered me, I saw hazy shadows approach two beings in agony.

"How can he resist it?"

"He's too close! He's going to kill her!"

"Edward. Move away. Let me take care of her. Go help your brothers deal with James."

Something brushed my shoulder. After a moment, I was able to realize that it was my father's hand.

"He's in a state of shock. That must be why the blood doesn't seem to bother him."

Blood?

The veil lifted. My paralyzed senses started working again. Important information finally penetrated my brain.

Blood. Bella was covered in blood.

I had been so traumatized that I hadn't noticed the blood. I saw it spread. I could smell its intoxicating fragrance. And the monster in me didn't react.

What was happening? It was fully awake, so why didn't it act?

It was then that I understood. The monster had realized that in drinking its fill, there would be nothing left. It would be satisfied, but the intoxicating fragrance would be gone, forever. All it would have was a memory. Seeing Bella in this state made it understood that death would mean the end of this aroma. The monster was used to this scent, and loved it. If it disappeared, the monster would never find it again.

Both the monster and Edward wanted Bella to survive, the latter for her soul and her mind, the former for her scent, her substance, her body. We were on the same wavelength, not for the same reasons, but the result was the same. This was what was allowing me to stay next to her without difficulty.

I knew that I should be pleased. I should be proud of finally having control of my baser instincts. But I didn't care. What use was pride? What was the point of this victory if I lost the person for whom I had struggled so much?

Carlisle pushed on my shoulder. "Move back. Let me examine her."

He shoved me aside when he saw that I was incapable of moving. He cautiously probed Bella's bruised body.

"Severe cranial trauma. Two cracked ribs. Triple fracture of the tibia. Lacerations at the temple. Strangulation. Bruises on the wrists. Shards of glass in the left thigh."

Each injury was a burning brand in my flesh.

"My God!"

Carlisle had just discovered an injury more serious than all the others.

"He bit her!"

My paralysis vanished as I looked at the hand my father was holding. I saw the half-circle in the flesh, blackened by venom.

James's cruelty was infinite.

"I have to stop the bleeding. _We're going to lose her …_ Alice, while she's unconscious, splint her leg and go get the morphine."

Alice?

Alice…

My sister was here. She was having trouble being so close. She was fighting temptation.

"_She has to live._ Carlisle, there's no need for a splint. Her body will repair itself if we let the venom - "

A roar shook the walls of the studio.

It came from me.

"NO! There has to be another way!"

My father examined the bite.

"It's clean. We have to suck out the venom. _In any case, I'm not sure there is enough venom to heal her and transform her. It's almost already finished. We arrived too late."_

My father tried to spare me by hiding his terrible conclusions, but he couldn't control it.

And Alice, in despair, confirmed his thoughts with a vision that she tried vainly to keep from being clearer. Among all the paths of hypotheses and eventualities, I saw the road I knew well: my life, the one that had been a tedious loop before I met Bella and now led off to unknown horizons. The only thing I knew about this road was its end, a precipice that represented Bella's death. I knew this, but I hadn't thought the road would be so short. I thought I had decades before I reached this precipice. I was wrong. My road would come to an end in mere minutes.

I threw myself on Bella.

I would fight destiny, I would reject this future.

"Bella!" I cried. "Bella, please, no! Wake up!"

Nothing.

"Wake up! I beg you!" My ear pressed against her fading heart.

"_I can't believe they got me. Victoria! Where are you? I'm burning!"_

"_Die, you piece of shit!"_

"_Bella is dying .. it's the end of our family…"_

"_Burn in hell!"_

"_It's over. I can barely feel a pulse."_

I closed my mind off. My eyes dimmed by invisible tears, my throat choked by a nonexistent sob, I murmured words without thinking, words I never thought I would dare say, but that I had longed to tell her for a long time. Words I wanted her to hear, that I hoped would keep her alive.

"Please, Bella, hold on! Don't leave me … I love you… Come back to me…"

I repeated these words until they became only a desperate litany.

I sank into the black hole in my chest.

I didn't notice immediately when the body I was hunched over was moving.

A heartbeat that was stronger than the others brought me back to the surface.

I sat up so I could see. A hand moved. Just a millimeter, but it moved.

Had the venom finally had its effect?

Or was it my words?

Both, perhaps. However - even though I myself was a supernatural creature, something that scientific minds said shouldn't exist – the rational part of my mind wasn't ready to admit that my words could have supernatural curative powers. What I believed didn't matter, though: it was the result that did. Bella emerged from the abyss and opened her eyes despite what I knew was indescribable torture. There was her disoriented gaze, which, unexpectedly, fixed on my own eyes.

Her body was writhing in pain. The burning venom was consuming her. But she almost instantly stopped convulsing. What was happening? What was easing her torment?

Her fingers reached toward my face and her eyes became so calm and beautiful that they made me forget for a second the terrible situation we were in. Then I realized: the venom had already cured her blindness. The healing poison … what a paradox! Her irises, once two dark wells, sparkled now with life.

Bella was looking me straight in the eyes.

She saw me … she could see me!

My father was overwhelmed: _"Incredible … the venom has penetrated the radial artery and moved directly to the external carotid and to the optic nerve."_

"Bella!" I cried, torn between astonishment and a strange happiness.

Never had I been so affected by a gaze – I felt it deep in my being. And the pain of the venom seemed for Bella to be overshadowed by her new ability to see. Bella stared at my face. What did she see in my own eyes? What was there that made her so serene?

"My angel …" she whispered as her eyes traveled over each part of my face.

Her gaze was like a caress and everything around me that wasn't her ceased to exist. I forgot Carlisle and Alice. I forgot the vile James. I forgot that Bella had been bitten and was about to lose her soul. I forgot my guilt. I forgot remorse.

I took her in my arms and moved my face to hers. Let her see me. Let her stare at me as much as she wanted. I was willing to lose everything just so we could look at each other for an instant – an eternity. I sank into those two wells.

I scrutinized those still-brown eyes that would soon become crimson. I realized that I had never looked deeply enough into them. The water in those wells had always been opaque and murky, but at this instant, while the venom repaired her retinas, it was brilliantly clear. I concentrated on the waves, on their depths, I saw a hidden ripple, a silent prayer that she had never dared utter because she was convinced it would never be answered. I could no longer content myself with just looking. I had to hear this prayer, to understand this timid murmur. So I let myself fall into those two wells. The prayer became a cry. I was swept by the waves, submerged by an extraordinary truth that was unbelievable yet real. This secret prayer was like a torch shining on the darkness of my ignorance.

Of the two of us, I was the blind one. I had never even known to look for this prayer. If I had known to listen, if I had known to look beyond her lifeless gaze earlier, I would have heard this murmur, a murmur that was in fact a cry from the heart hidden at the bottom of these wells. I would have understood this prayer, since it was the same as mine.

"I love you," she said with difficulty, confirming what I had just realized.

I saw it in her eyes, I had sensed it, but to hear it from her own mouth was like a revolution for me. Her words penetrated me, settled into my being as if they had weight and substance; they were palpable. They enveloped me, each cell in my body and each particle of my mind were wrapped around by them. They drowned me in happiness and mired me in hope. I was a universe of contradictions: I felt crushed and overwhelmed even as I felt as if I were flying, floating.

She was burning up because of me and she loved me.

I had wanted to kill her and she loved me.

And I would never have known because, just as I had believed myself unworthy of her, she believed herself unworthy of me. Her comment about Arago and the duke's daughter came back to me:

"_How can he be a match for her when he's so ordinary? So you tell yourself it's better to hide what you want, that it's better to live with unfulfilled hopes than with broken dreams. A dream is beautiful even if you don't try to make it come true. A dream that is crushed becomes disillusionment and regret."_

"Oh, Bella," I groaned.

I was the one who didn't deserve her.

I stared at her. I saw the incredulity painted on her dying face. She couldn't believe that I loved her. She no longer feared to say those liberating words, she no longer feared rejection, no longer feared that her dreams would be transformed into regret, because I had been the first to say the truth, our truth. And yet doubt persisted on her face.

"I love you, you hear me? You are my life."

She stroked my smooth cheek, opened her mouth to say my own words back to me, I could feel it, but she didn't – for in that moment, the fire of the venom returned to the fore, reducing to cinders these precious seconds that time had paused. Bella was again overwhelmed by pain. I could feel her suffering under my hands. She could not longer hold my gaze and her eyes closed in torment, her body convulsing once more.

It was a brutal return to reality. I heard my brothers taking care of James. I heard Carlisle calling my name, urging me to make a decision. I heard Alice try to calm Bella, and torture of tortures, I heard the cries of suffering from my moon.

"Stop the burning, stop it, please!"

"Edward!" my father called me a final time.

I looked at Carlisle, alarmed.

"I _was mistaken. I thought it was over for her … he brought her back …_ What do you want to do, Edward? The venom is acting on her. It isn't too late to save her from both death and transformation. The wound is clean, the venom could be pulled out and then I could take care of her. Or you can let the venom do its work …"

Why was he demanded that I make this decision?

Having Bella by my side for eternity … restoring her sight …

Or removing the poison, removing her sight, removing the possibility that I could lose myself in her eyes full of warmth and love, removing the possibility that I could be with her until the end of time. Removing all that so she could keep her humanity, her soul.

Never had I been pulled between two such stark choices.

But watching Bella writhing in pain helped me make a decision.

"No. I can't make her endure that."

I couldn't snatch her life away to keep her for me. It wasn't right. She wasn't like I had been, without hope of survival. She was not doomed, not yet. Not if my father saved her.

Carlisle pressed me. "Fine. Then take care of it. Aspirate the poison," he ordered me.

I jerked my head toward him, panicked. "What? But .. I can't … I couldn't."

"I don't have time to do it, Edward. She's lost too much blood. Find the strength to stop in time."

Carlisle spoke as he worked on her bleeding arm, her fractured leg, her gaping scalp. Alice was having difficulty maintaining her control; she needed to put some distance between herself and Bella's blood immediately.

He was right: he didn't have time. There was only me.

I seized Bella's injured wrist and looked once more at my reason to exist.

"I'll make it go away, Bella."

These words were addressed to me as much as to Bella. I would make it go away, I would succeed, I would triumph. Or at least I would convince myself that I could.

I started by first brushing the old scar on her wrist with my lips. I kissed it to test myself, to practice putting the right amount of pressure on her skin so I wouldn't break the bones of her hand. Then I moved slowly to her palm. I inhaled the fragrance of the liquid that flowed from the bite. In seconds, fragrance would become taste.

As I had done with her scar, I kissed the bite mark with reverence and restraint.

I exhaled shakily. My eyes rolled back in my head.

Then I drank. I drank the dark fire that invaded her pure bloodstream, I pulled out from her veins that despicable poison. I didn't have time to taste the bitterness of it. And soon, the venom was gone and there remained only that warm fountain of life. Like a very slow, almost languorous shock wave, this wondrous fluid caressed my lips and rolled luxuriously down my throat. I had never tasted its equal. It was the nectar of the gods, a gastronomical fantasy. The monster had obtained his paradise. Desire fogged my brain and I was lost. Somewhere amid the shreds of my humanity there was the Edward who was crushed and dominated by the monster who apologized for indulging in that nectar, but who couldn't give up the pleasure that it brought.

It was sublime. My cantante was singing the most glorious song in the universe. Her blood flowed in me like the chords of musical instrument, like a river freed from a dam and awakening the desert of my body. There was no more torment, no more fighting against what I was. There was no more guilt, no more remorse, no more doubts. Everything was serene, gentle and peaceful.

Too peaceful.

Too tranquil. Too empty. My singer was still here, but everything was black and silent around her. Something was missing. The voice of my singer wasn't enough. I wanted more. I wanted the song, and everything else too, her body, her mind, her being. The blood alone didn't satisfy me.

I swam against the current of addiction, I returned to the surface, to reason and conscience. I detached my lips from her soft skin. I swallowed the last drops of that crimson river, the last drops of the entire universe. Painfully, I tore myself from that paradise.

However, I wasn't back on earth, nor even in my own personal hell. I had an altogether different sort of joy: that of seeing Bella free of pain. I saw my gentle moon return to life. The eclipse that had dimmed her light had passed and it shone brightly again. And that was a paradise that was a thousand times better than her blood.

Her half-open eyes became lifeless. Once more, Bella was in darkness. She illuminated the world around her, but couldn't illuminate herself. Still, she appeared too relieved that her torment had ended to care about her sight.

"Edward…"

She shuddered weakly when Carlisle injected the morphine.

"It's all over, Bella. Everything will be all right."

"Stay with me…. Don't go away."

"I'm here. I won't leave you. Ever."

Once more, I was the victim of a hallucination. I saw the pieces and shards of Bella's bulletproof bubble reform around her.

"Never."

* * *

><p><em>AN: I suspect that your reaction will probably be: "About time! You've made us wait 14 chapters for the I love yous!"_

_Well, they're here now…._

_T/N: And thanks for all your patience as I get these chapters translated! As you're waiting for the next one, I have a rec: "Straight on Til Morning," by Eh Bien, which is an Eclipse AU that is very close to canon but in which ExB deal with things more, shall we say, rationally. It's on my Favorites List. _


	15. Open Book

_Ely thanks abbyweyr for her sharp eyes on the earlier chapters._

_Recap: in the last chapter, the Cullens tracked down and dismembered James, who had bitten Bella. The venom restored Bella's sight, but briefly, since Edward stopped the transformation._

* * *

><p>Chapter 15: Open Book<p>

She looked pitiful in that hospital bed, but I still marveled at her face ... and at the lips that had said the most extraordinary, most blessed words in the universe. Words that continued to echo in my head in a sweet litany. I couldn't get over them. I never would.

I remained convinced that I didn't deserve those words. Just looking at her bruises told me that. Someone who deserved her love would have prevented her from ending up in a hospital bad. But she had given it to me anyway.

For reasons I couldn't grasp, Bella had decided to accord me the honor of loving me, despite everything. I couldn't even try to persuade myself that she hadn't known what she was saying in her delirium - what I had seen in her eyes couldn't be denied. It was more powerful than anything I had ever dared to dream. I had no other choice but to believe her.

She had offered me her friendship, and I was thankful for it. She had accepted my true nature and I owed her an eternal debt for that. And then, then she had told me that she felt for me what I felt for her. That was far more than I hoped for, but I would try, for the rest of our lives, to be worthy of her gift to me.

How much did she love me? Enough to forget that she had nearly died because of me, I knew. But how long would she love me? That I didn't know. Nonetheless I intended to accept anything she wanted to give me and for however long she wanted to give it. It didn't matter if her love waned; as overcome as I was by her declaration, I was fully aware that humans did indeed love, but love was ephemeral with them. It faded quickly, as the divorce statistics proved.

Still, I was prepared to be with her as long as her love endured. I was imprisoned in the carapace of a 17-year-old, but she would grow and change, and her feelings for me would change too. The day would come when she realized that I was no longer what she needed or wanted. That wouldn't be her fault, nor mine. It wouldn't be a decision she made, but the inevitable result of growing older. I would accept it, and continue to love her and be with her however she allowed me.

But for now, I wanted to enjoy each millisecond of her love, which for the moment was strong, tender, sweet and so clear in her eyes.

A chance for absolute happiness was knocking at the door of my  
>personal hell. I was floating in a cloud of peacefulness. To be loved in return by the most precious element of my existence was ... disorienting. Especially since I had lived in the certainty that my feelings would never be reciprocated, a fact as established as the reality that the sun was the center of the solar system and that the earth was round. And suddenly this certitude had been swept away, and everything that I had believed was impossible and unreal was true.<p>

The road of my life had taken an unexpected turning. I had thought yesterday that I had encountered a ravine that couldn't be crossed, but a bridge had appeared across the abyss to lead me to the other side.

Pensive, I contemplated my moon. She was unconscious, but Carlisle said that was normal, simply a means for her mind to protect itself. She would probably open her eyes sometime today. I left her bedside only when a nurse approached. I couldn't be seen - my eyes were still red from Bella's blood. However, I returned as soon as she was alone. I couldn't be any distance from her, even for a second. As presumptuous as it sounded, I was certain that if I left she would realize it, even unconscious as she was, and it would cause her pain.

I allowed myself to breathe in her scent. I was shocked by the change in its effect in the past 24 hours. The fire that normally erupted in my throat was now only a twinge. It was almost pleasant. True, her scent was less tempting right now because of the transfusions she had received, but I felt that even when her blood returned to its rightful odor, it would no longer trouble me. It was something I would have never dared believed possible before, and I was eager for her to regain her proper scent.

Last night, I was forced to choose between making Bella a vampire or leaving her human. How could the choice have been so agonizing? Right now it seemed absurd to me that I would have even considered taking her away from her life, her family, her humanity. I loved her fragrance, I loved the life that ran through her veins. I loved her beating heart. All that was proof that she was alive. I would never regret that decision. Instead, I rejoiced in it.

"My heart can beat for two," I remembered her saying.

I had not understood what those words really meant then. But the truth was that she was my life, my heart. She was everything that I no longer was, everything that I had lost. My other half.

I stared at her, her uninjured hand in mine. I started to become  
>impatient. I wanted her to wake up. I missed her voice, her eyes ...<br>yes, I would never forget her gaze when she saw me for the first time, how she drank me in, but I also loved those two unseeing wells with their tranquility.

Minutes passed, hours, as I waited for her to regain consciousness.

I thought at first that she had awakened when I heard words resound in my head.

_He's talking to me? To me? He is so cold. His voice is so sad ...  
>Mama, why do my eyes hurt? They're burning.<em>

I looked at Bella in astonishment. The words were disjointed. That was often the case when humans awoke, I supposed. They were incoherent. But for someone who was just emerging from unconsciousness, her voice seemed very clear.

It wasn't important. What was, was that she was waking up. Finally!

However ... something was off. She had just spoken, but her body was still unmoving, her eyes were closed and her breathing was slow.

_There are too many people in this school. Do I go left or right? I'm so uncomfortable! Why didn't I bring my cane? Why did I think I would get around more easily in a small school? I'm such an idiot! Ouch, my foot. What was that? A table, a chair? A wastebasket? Calm down, stop panicking. You'll figure this out. You'll manage ... Oh, my God, will this hallway never end?  
><em>  
>My eyes wide, I focused on her unmoving, sleeping face. Was that really her voice? Or was it someone in a neighboring room? Or the television?<p>

Come on! As if I could confuse Bella's voice with someone's on a soap opera...

And suddenly I realized how stupid I was. That voice was indeed Bella's. I was hearing her mind.

But it was improbable. Impossible. I had long ago resigned myself to never hearing Bella's mind. Maybe I was having an auditory hallucination.

_I don't want to be like that. I don't want to become like that. I  
>don't want to go blind! I won't be able to dance, I won't be able to go to museums, I won't be able to read, to do anything! I won't! I can't! Why is this happening to me? I was a good girl this year. I didn't misbehave. Why am I being punished? What bad thing did I do?<br>_  
>It wasn't a hallucination. I was hearing her. I was in her head.<p>

How? I wasn't even making an effort. It was as if the wall around her mind had suddenly collapsed.

Overwhelmed, enchanted, I didn't waste time on trying to figure out the why. I plunged headfirst into her mind. I had wanted this for so long, from the very day I met her. How could I resist?

In her state of unconsciousness, her thoughts had no direction. In fact, she wasn't thinking at all. Her mind was a whirlwind of  
>memories, recent and old. All she had experienced was there. She was like an open book to me. I couldn't read that book as I wished, from beginning to end, because the pages flipped randomly, taking me from childhood to adolescence and back.<p>

But hers was the most fascinating mind I had ever explored. There were almost no images. Most of her memories were sounds, smells, touches because of her condition. I saw some scenes of her life before she went blind, but, like my memories of my human life, they were hazy and distant.

I watched events of the past, some mundane, some touching, some comical, some frightening. I saw her memories of her infancy. They were vague, but I sensed that she had had a happy childhood that was marred by having to shuttle between two parents who didn't get along.

And then, an extremely painful chapter of her life. As much as I wanted to avoid it, to find happier memories, I couldn't.

I touched, via her little clumsy hands, the pages of a dog-eared book. I could see nothing, but I was almost certain that it was the old book of fairy tales that I had seen in her old bedroom at Renee's house.

_I can't even read my storybook … I can't even see the pictures of the leprechauns at the end of the rainbow. How many colors are in a rainbow? I don't know anymore … Red, yellow, orange, blue, violet, what else? I don't remember what violet looks like. Is it dark or light?_

…_._

_I'm totally useless now. Nobody needs me. Mama cries in her bedroom. I'm just a bother._

I held my breath while her trembling but determined fingers found something sharp and cutting. I felt it all: the cold blade against her wrists, the pain when it cut her skin…

It was a pain squared: my pain because my only reason for living wanted to end a life that I considered priceless, hers because being in her head meant enduring what she had herself endured.

It was agonizing.

The memory disappeared, replaced by another chapter of her life. I exhaled, because I wasn't sure I could have tolerated experiencing the aftermath. The wind continued to turn the pages randomly, though I prayed to see a specific period of her life.

My prayers were answered at last: it was our first encounter, in Banner's biology classroom.

_Yuck, what a horrible odor. Sulfuric acid, carbon nitrate and trisodium phosphate. The class before this must have been about the pH levels in soil_

I startled. I knew that Bella's sense of smell was stronger than that of the average human, but I was still impressed – I had smelled exactly the same things that afternoon.

"_Just sit next to Edward. Straight ahead, second row."_

_Edward? The Edward that Jessica was talking about? Huh, what a coincidence. What did Mr. Banner say again? Okay, straight ahead, second row._

_Come on, one step, two, three, four, five, six, seven… there! The corner of a table._

_Good. Breathe, Bella. Introduce yourself to your lab partner … and put up with his awkward greetings and questions about being blind. It's always the same old thing._

_Inhale. Exhale._

_God, what is that fragrance? I can't even smell the chemicals now._

_Is it coming from him?_

_Breathe in._

_Yes, it's him. He smells wonderful. I've never smelled anything so good. It's not cologne, I'm sure of it. It's not artificial. It's_

_natural ... wild. He must hike in the woods a lot. But there's something else, something I can't identify. He smells like ..._

_timelessness. It's really strange._

I noticed an important difference from the previous flashes of memory. The earlier scenes were of a young Bella who was disoriented and anxious. Now the child had grown up and learned to manage with her disability. Her mind was naturally more mature because she was almost an adult, but there was something more, an extra ingredient in the typical recipe for making an ordinary young woman. This body-mind-spirit, the entity of Bella, had more sensory capacities than the usual five - or in her case, four - senses. This was unique, even among vampires with superior aptitudes like me. These sensory capacities were a mix of physical perceptions and intuition - a sixth sense, of a sort, developed to compensate for her lost sight. It was this sixth sense that allowed her to perceive my "timelessness," to discern in me things that were well below the surface, buried deep.

_"Hi. I'm Bella. You're Edward, right?"_

The scraping of my chair and my footsteps leaving the classroom.

_Huh. I knew that my blindness makes people uncomfortable, but not that it would make them flee in horror. However ... perhaps it has nothing to do with me. It sounded like he ran off because he was sick - a stomach virus? He probably had to go to the restroom. The teacher didn't seem to even notice that he left. Or maybe he's used to it - maybe he's sick a lot. Poor guy..._

Another page turned, to the first time we had spoken.

_"Hello."_

_He's talking? To me?_

_"Hi."_

_"You're Bella, right?"_

_A voice of velvet. It's almost unreal, how it sounds._

_"Yes."_

_"I'm Edward Cullen. I'm sorry I didn't say hello last week. I wasn't feeling well."_

_Well-spoken, reserved, smooth ..._

_"No problem."_

_It's like some strange instrument, his voice - a melodious tenor straight from the heavens. I understand why all the girls here have a crush on him. I may not know what he looks like, but his voice alone can make you melt. It's strange, though, there is a note of melancholy in that harmonious voice. I wonder why … Jessica told me the Cullen kids were all adopted. Maybe he had a hard time - in a foster home or an orphanage? God, my imagination is running rampant._

I smiled, touched and stunned at the same time, but avidly sought out fragments of other memories in the whirlwind.

_He's reading to me. He's reading to me. I can't get over it. He's not even bored. Or if he is he's hiding it really well._

…_.._

_He's asking me about myself. Wow. I'm not used to that. People usually ask what it's like being blind._

_I don't have anything interesting to tell him. What can I say about myself? That I love composing music? Gah, he'll think I'm some pretentious girl pretending to be Mozart._

…

_What is that voice calling me?_

_It wants me to go back. But it's good here. I don't feel anything. It's quiet, peaceful. It must be death._

_Why does that voice keep insisting? It's murmuring something strange. A song ... a sad chant. Oh, it's sounds so good. I have to follow it. It's too compelling. I have to get closer to it. What does it say? It's familiar, but what are the words? ... I know them, I do. Because they're the same words I say silently to myself every day._

"_I love you ... Come back to me."_

_No, those words can't be coming from his lips. It's impossible. Those are my words, words I shouldn't say. Words I have to keep secret. Why is he saying them? It doesn't make any sense. I think them. He doesn't._

…_._

_What is that sound? A truck? No, a van. A Volkswagen Vanagon. Hah, Phil would be proud of me, I'm sure that's exactly what it is._

_Wait, it sounds like it's skidding… yeah, it is._

_Oh, no, no ... it's headed toward me. Move! Where can I go?_

_I can't move. I'm paralyzed. Why is it always that your reflexes stop working when you need them most? I'm going to die. Oh, make it quick, please..._

_But ... what's this around me? It's cold ... what is it? Arms. They're arms. Whose? That strange fragrance, it's back. Edward? What's he doing? He needs to get out of here. We'll both die! One's enough. Go away! Why won't he let me go?_

…

_Jesus, the van hit us. Straight on. And I'm alive. And he's not hurt at all! Not a scratch ... at least I don't think so, since nobody is saying he is._

_How did he do it?_

_Why is he denying it? He is strong, indestructible ... dangerous. So what? He seems to think that I'm going to announce to the whole town what he did. I'd be the last person to point my finger at someone for being different._

…_._

_Why is he so cold to me? Why did he save me if I'm nothing to him? He doesn't even answer when I say hello. He probably has realized that he doesn't want to waste any time with a handicapped girl._

Too bad. That's his problem. It's not the first time that I misjudged  
>someone ... but it's the first time I have been so spectacularly wrong. So weird. But after all, I barely know him.<p>

_His rejection shouldn't bother me so much. It's not normal. Huh, it'scertainly because he had seemed to be the first person to beinterested in me for me instead of Blind Bella._

…

_Debussy. He likes Debussy. I can't believe it. I don't want to have that in common with him. I don't want to be even more sorry that he hates me._

…

_I just don't get it: He wants to be my friend. I can't understand this guy at all._

…

_My cell's broken, I'm in the middle of nowhere and I can't even reach Angela. All because I wanted to look for a book that isn't even in the stores yet. This'll teach me about overestimating my sense of direction. Good job, Bella!  
><em>

_Oh, good, those guys' voices are getting closer. Finally, some people. I thought this place was deserted. I was starting to give up._

"Hey, beautiful."

"Are you all alone?"

_"You wanna have some fun with us?"_

Oh, crap. Just my luck. Drunk jerks. How many are there? Five? No, six. Six different laughs. I shouldn't stay here. Where can I go? Left? Right? There's no traffic, no cars, no buses. I'm all alone. Damn, damn, damn.

"_Leave me alone."_

_Ouch, my arm. That guy's a gorilla._

"_Let me go."_

_Don't show you're afraid. Don't show you're afraid. _

_Do something. Move, Bella. He won't be able to say that I didn't fight back. My cane in his groin should make him think twice._

_My throat. He's squeezing so hard. I can't breathe!_

_What is that noise, that growling?_

_They let me go… What's happening? Why are they screaming? _

_That fragrance ..._

_He found me … or has he always been there?_

_What is he doing? My God, is he killing him with his bare hands?_

_I have to do something. I can't let him do that._

…

_I feel so comfortable with him. I'm not always thinking about my blindness. I feel like … myself. I forget everything with him. Is it the same for him? I hope so._

…

_It's so easy to talk with him. Who would have thought that I'd find someone to talk with about Tchaikovsky and Strauss? I thought I knew a lot about classical music, but he's an expert. He knows so much. It's like he's lived in some past era … I'm learning so much from him. _

_…_

_Why do I have butterflies in my stomach when we're together? It's like my heart is bursting out of my chest…._

_No. Oh, no. I've never felt this, but I know what it means._

_Don't do it, Bella. Don't fall for him. Don't even imagine it. He's given you his friendship, that's already too much. He watches over you; he's a guardian angel. He's only doing his job, his mission. Nothing more. He can't love you. Don't hope for it. Falling in love with an angel … pfft, it's like loving the wind, an illusion, a phantom. Nothing real, nothing concrete. Don't fall in love. Don't fall in love. Don't fall in love._

…

"_I greatly liked this room when I saw it in your charming little home movies at your mother's house. So I decided it would be a good setting. It's very dramatic with all the mirrors, perfect for my own little movie that I'll show to your Edward."_

James. I felt a double tremor of terror run through me, Bella's terror and my own.

_A room full of mirrors. Our home movies… I remember! The dance studio. He's taken me to the dance studio on Cactus Boulevard. Alice saw it! If my eyes had allowed me to see the drawing she did, I'm sure I would have recognized it._

"_Smile for the camera, little Bella. It's good you're awake again. It's more fun. What are your final words to your dear Edward?"_

"_Edward, please, don't - ohhh!"_

_My leg! He broke my leg!_

"_Listen to her scream, Edward," _James said to the camera I didn't see_. "What a lovely symphony, music to my ears. Don't you agree?"_

Myhand crushed one of the bars of Bella's hospital bed. I was grateful that Bella's memory of this was auditory. Hearing it was agonizing. Seeing it would have made me insane. The camera had been destroyed in the fire that also destroyed the studio, and that was a good thing.

_Why is he dragging this out?_

_Just kill me!_

"_You know, I'm doing him a favor. Sooner or later, you'll die. He's going to lose his fragile little human. He should thank me for getting rid of you before he gets too attached. And I'm doing you a favor too. He wouldn't stay interested for long in some weak blind girl. He'd toss you aside. This way your little heart won't be broken." _

A wave of hate for James rolled over me along with a wave of distress, for I sensed that Bella had believed James's words. And all I could do was watch, powerless, a spectator of the scene passing before me.

"_He's ... Edward's not like that,"_ she protested faintly, without much conviction.

"_A minor distraction, that's all you. How else could he see you? Insignificant, inferior, and blind to boot,"_ he sneered.

I couldn't stop the growl that burst through my lips.

_I _am _insignificant._

_I_ am _inferior._

NO.

_I_ am _blind. _

_But that's not all I am. _

_Sorry I stole your Taser, Dad. I'm sorry for all this._

…

_Huh, that's what the anatomy of a vampire is. It's like touching a work of art._

_So cold, so hard, so strong and yet so smooth, so gentle, so tender._

_I should memorize every bit of skin, every inch of marble flesh, every line of his body, because I'm sure I won't get a chance to do this again. He's really indulging me, I know._

_I know he's fighting to remain still, I know this is torture for him, but, just this once, I want to learn him, to put in my memory everything about him that I can._

_His face… it's perfect, flawless. But there so much tension there. I'd love to know what he's like when he smiles…_

_There is nothing, no movement, under his skin. I hear nothing, no heart beat._

"_So silent …"_

"_Everything inside me is dead."_

_No, you're wrong. Silence does not equal death, Edward. There is music even in silence. You just have to listen for it. I hear a heart that's been asleep a long time, but I know it's there._

_You are so sad…_

_If you really want a heart, I will give you mine … but only if you wanted it._

_I give it to you. It's yours._

…

_He's laughing. It's so rare, so precious. I would like so much to hear it more often, to feel him smile. Why is he unhappy? I would like so much to have the power to … lighten the load on his shoulders, whatever it is._

…

_What does it mean to feel so empty when a certain person isn't with you? What does it mean when you're always impatient for the next time you'll be with the person? What does it mean when you don't notice time passing when you're with him? What does it mean when you worry for all sorts of crazy reasons that this person will reject you or leave you? What does it mean when you always feel better and safer when that person is close to you? What does it mean when that person is more important to you than your own life?_

_It means you love that person._

_I don't want that to happen. But it's inevitable. Unavoidable. It can't be otherwise._

_So what do I do now?_

_Love in silence, that's all I can allow myself to do._

_But the feeling is so … so absolute, so overwhelming. I feel like I'm going to explode._

…

_Dance. I want to dance. It's been such a long time._

_This place is perfect. I think I've walked enough. I'm sure I'm far from the school. Which is good. I don't want anyone to see me and make fun._

_This tree … an oak, I think._

_It's knotty and old and the bark is full of cracks. I can sense the canopy it makes above me, like a protective dome. It makes me think of _him_. He's like a dome you feel safe under._

_This tree is unchanging, hard, twisted … as he is on the inside; tortured by something I don't know, fissured by some wound …_

_You will be my partner, old oak._

_I feel like I'm flying. I've still got the moves. Oh, it feels good to twirl around! I've missed this so much …_

_Strange, my partner seems to have uprooted himself._

_I must be dreaming._

_No, it's not a dream. There are other steps than mine in the grass._

_That fragrance._

_Impossible._

_Him? Here?_

_Yes, it's definitely him. I'd recognize that scent anywhere._

_He is here._

_He's dancing too. No, he's not dancing, he's enveloping me. I'm like a ballerina in a glass globe._

_No, not glass. Glass breaks. He doesn't. He's invulnerable. He's cold, though he makes me feel warm. It's a unique material surrounding me. Indestructible. Inflexible and gentle at the same time. An oddly reassuring shield. _

_I want to follow him, I want to surround him too, accompany him like he accompanies me. I want to touch him._

_You are so close and yet so far. If I reached out my fingers, what would I find?_

_Nothing. There is nothing. Because you are an angel. If I try to touch you, I will hold only air. You are immaterial._

_Gone. He's gone. I don't feel him anymore. My angel has vanished from the meadow._

…

"_Go away! This is a mistake. We shouldn't be with each other."_

_He's rejecting me again._

_I feel sick._

_I won't let you do this. I have to understand. Tell me what's eating you from the inside out, I beg you. Let me help you._

"_I am a killer."_

_A killer._

_Vampire… vampire?_

_My angel is a vampire._

_He wanted to kill me. My angel wanted to kill me._

_I'm afraid. … I should run away. Far away._

_No!_

_No ..._

_No._

_I'm wrong. Completely wrong._

_He doesn't want to hurt me … he fights it_

_I can't leave. It's too late. I love him._

_He's afraid too._

_He's afraid of himself. He's afraid of giving in._

_He's not bad._

_He is so torn._

_Don't push me away, please. Don't reject me again._

_I will not run away. We are going to work together to overcome this fear. We have to try. I don't want to lose you._

…

_I'm burning. I'm on fire! Put it out, for God's sake!_

_My eyes hurt so much! I'm being covered in lava and it's burning everything, even the darkness…_

_The darkness is ash. Only light is left._

_How can I see the light?_

_What is above me?_

_It's a sphere, white. Above it are two ovals next to each other. There's a vertical line between them, in relief, and below that a crimson line. No, two crimson lines, moving, then joining._

_It's … a face?_

_Oh, I barely remember what a face looks like._

_It's so new._

_I must be in heaven, to be able to see._

_What a wonderful face._

_I've never seen anything like it._

_Gold. There's gold in those eyes. Oh, I remember the color gold._

_I've never seen such enchanting eyes. There are so many things being said in that gaze. Suffering. Tenderness._

_White. It is white like marble._

_I want to touch that face. I must touch it._

_My fingers tell me that I know this skin. I know these features, this cold surface. I have touched it before._

_Him... it's him! The face of my angel._

_I wasn't wrong. I knew he really was an angel. No other being could have such a heavenly face._

_He's saying those words? They're so odd coming from his mouth. Or at least, being said to me._

"_I love you, do you hear me? You are my life."_

_Incredible. He's really saying them to me. I am really in heaven. Heaven in the middle of hell._

The book of Bella's memories snapped closed. The invisible wall rose anew, blocking me from her mind. I blinked, confused, as if I'd been pulled from a dream.

I stared once more at a sleeping Bella. It was over.

I didn't matter. I had seen the important things.

I wavered between incredulity and joy. My moon's mind was filled with secrets that harmonized with my own: a deep warmth, an intense love, a powerful tenderness, an unbreakable attachment, a secret hope, an infinite desire … all for me.

I was invaded by a devastating wave of happiness.

"Bella … my sweet Bella…."

I floated on that wave while I played over and over in my head all that I had seen and heard.

These discoveries made me want to try something. I had done it three times before: the first time in her room several weeks ago, the second and third times only last night. The first time had lasted only a second. It had made me ecstatic … and it made me feel guilty for not having her permission. The second and third time, I was about to go into a trance. It was only a means – an excuse, a pretext - to familiarize myself with her body before pulling out the venom.

Now, I didn't have to fear that I would offend Bella, or make her ill at ease. I needed no excuses or justifications. Knowing the truth hidden in her eyes made my reticence, my inhibitions, dissipate. Because she had offered me her heart and those extraordinary words, I no longer felt guilty. I no longer felt the need to censure myself. It made what I wanted to do more powerful, more true.

It was the result, the natural consequence, of an emotional equation that was complex, but common. Our declarations added to what I had witnessed in her mind made it irrepressible.

In other words, I was dying to kiss her.

I felt very human at that moment. Some very old instinct, both primitive and pure, was making my lips tingle. Primitive, but not animal. It was strong and new, but not disturbing like bloodlust. Instead it was a legitimate, human, normal desire. Natural. Understandable. Right.

And so I decided to give in to this desire. But I didn't have much choice of terrain: Bella was covered almost everywhere in bandages and casts. Practically the only parts of her that were unencumbered were the hand that James hadn't bitten and part of her forehead… and her lips, which I made a great effort to ignore. I didn't have the right to kiss her there, not while she was sleeping. To my mind, this … this type of … exchange should take place only when both parties where in full possession of their faculties. And in any case, I didn't feel ready. Even if I had vanquished the monster, it wasn't prudent of me to have my sharp teeth near such a fragile area.

I would content myself with her hand and her forehead. That was enough for now.

In a way, I was relieved that Bella was asleep, because I felt awkward and clumsy. I didn't want her to be aware of my first attempt. I was gifted in everything except that. In 100 years of existence, I had never kissed anyone (my earlier efforts didn't count in my eyes, since the first happened when I was sure she didn't love me – God, that seemed like another lifetime – and the two other times were under duress) nor had I even thought to do so. But now I had an intoxicating desire to touch her, to declare myself, to connect with her in this way.

I closed my eyes. I carefully lifted her hand. I moved with deliberate slowness and placed my lips on her wrist, on one of her old scars. I had done something similar the night before, but in haste. This time, I wanted to be fully aware of her every nerve ending. Touching her skin with my hand sent a thousand little tremors through me; touching it with my lips was like having a fireworks display inside me, an electric pulse through my entire body.

Remembering the cause of this scar make my chest twist. So I kissed it as if I could make it dissolve, as if I could make vanish that horrible event, which represented yet another time I nearly lost her.

I caressed the lines in her palm, lines that pointed to a thousand different paths. Would a fortune teller have been able to see her encounter with a vampire there?

I bent down to the part of her temple that wasn't bandaged and let my lips travel along her skin, pale, warm, softer than a feather. I repeated my promise to never leave her - a promise I had almost broken. I would do everything to expiate my sin.

At the same time, though, this was still an exercise in self-control. I had to train myself so that my mouth of stone wouldn't hurt her. I had to get used to touching her without wounding her. A vampire's teeth were the most dangerous part of his anatomy; they were his favorite weapon. I had to be careful. I had held her hand on many occasions, and it had become easy, automatic, to not grip too strongly. I had to undergo the same training here - arduous, but also delicious and exhilarating.

I had to train myself, because I could not longer be content with just holding her hand. It was presumptuous and arrogant of me, but something told me that Bella wouldn't want me to limit myself to her hand. In fact, it was _very _presumptuous of me … after all, I was kissing her right now without her agreement. In her unconscious state, did she sense what I was doing? Would she be upset with me? If she was, I would apologize … later. For the moment, the sensation of her skin on my lips was too exquisite to forgo, even if I also felt ridiculously inexperienced and terribly nervous.

"Edward?"

I startled and turned toward the door of the hospital room. My father, wearing his white doctor's coat, was looking at me with an amused expression.

I moved away from Bella's temple in embarrassment. I had been so focused on my exploration that I hadn't heard his approach.

I wanted for him to tell me he needed something, but it turned out that he expected me to ask him for something.

"Alice just told me that you would soon want to see me."

"She did?"

Perplexed, I asked myself what it could be. As my gaze fell back upon Bella's sleeping figure, I realized that yes, I did need Carlisle's informed opinion.

"I was just able to do something that I thought I never would."

"Which is?"

"I read Bella's thoughts."

Consternation flashed on his face. "Really?"

"Yes. How do you think I managed it?"

He thought it over for a few moments before speaking. "I'm not certain, but I think that Bella has a talent like yours."

I had never considered that. But now that Carlisle mentioned it, it seemed a likely theory.

He went on, "An undeveloped talent because she is still human."

"And will remain so," I said calmly.

"Ah … well, here goes: she has perhaps some sort of … wall. A shield that she can't control. Now she is unconscious, in a semi- coma, in a state deeper than sleep. Her automatic mental defenses are considerably weakened. The sedatives might have an effect here too. In other words, her shield has been lowered, and that allows you to read her."

"It didn't last long. It's already over."

"So her shield is back up, which perhaps means that she'll wake up soon."

That was good news.

"You think that for this to happen again, Bella would have to be deeply unconscious again?"

"I think so, yes."

"Let's hope that it doesn't happen again anytime soon. I much prefer her awake." Even if that kept me from seeing the fascinating workings of her mind.

Carlisle stepped over to me and held out a small plastic case.

"Alice got you some more lenses. Chief Swan will be back from the airport with Mrs. Dwyer in seven minutes."

"I see. Thank Alice for me ….She still can't remember anything?"

I had used the time when Bella was on the operating table to tell Alice all I had discovered about her past in James's mind. She was greatly intrigued.

Carlisle shook hi head. "Absolutely nothing. And perhaps it's better that way …"

"You're right."

He nodded, scrutinized the various monitors that Bella was attached to and headed to the door. "Do please stop damaging the hospital's property," he joked, glancing at the twisted bar on Bella's bed. He left without waiting for an apology.

For the last 24 hours, I had watched Carlisle at work, and never had I seen him so intent on a patient. In the dance studio, I had been too absorbed by Bella to focus on his mind, but I realized later that even though Carlisle had asked me to decide between letting Bella change or keeping her human, he wouldn't have allowed the first option, and that he had been confident that I wouldn't choose it. He had asked me only out of courtesy.

Carlisle had too much humanity in him to want Bella to endure the same destiny as us. If Bella had had no chance of surviving, the situation would have been different, I suppose. But as long as there was hope, vampirism wasn't a possibility for him. And it was for that reason that he had taken over Bella's case, as well as being a way of making amends to Charlie. As the head of our family, he felt responsible for Bella's injuries. While Carlisle had never been a father in the biological sense, he _felt _like a father. And he knew how much Charlie would suffer if he didn't do everything to take care of Bella.

We had gotten Bella back to Forks only six hours ago. The first 18 hours after her "accident," she had spent in a hospital in Phoenix under a fake identity that Jasper had hastily fabricated. Since Bella was under-age, the hospital officials would have been forced to call Charlie, who would no doubt have been astonished and suspicious to discover that we had gone "camping" a thousand miles from Forks. So Carlisle had pretended to be Bella's father. And being both a doctor and a vampire with abundant persuasive abilities, he had been allowed to work alongside the surgeons and nurses at the hospital and made it so Bella could be in a condition to be transported to Forks as soon as possible. Fourteen hours later, she was stable enough to be moved.

Carlisle had falsified some information to make it credible that Bella had just sustained a fall down a mountainside. Charlie had to believe that the accident was recent so that he didn't get upset that we had delayed informing him. Once everything was in place, Esme called Charlie to give him the bad news. He swallowed her story, and Charlie came to visit his injured daughter.

We were masters of fraud and lies. That had never disturbed me before. Now, though, it made me uneasy, because I respected Charlie Swan. But we really didn't have a choice….

Still, I would apologize to him, even if he never knew exactly what I was sorry for…

Charlie had burst into the emergency room and collared the first nurse he encountered to take him to Bella. I had left her room, aware that her father wanted to be alone with her.

Carlisle met with a highly agitated Charlie instead. I listened to their conversation from Carlisle's office. My father was used to dealing with the families of patients, and he was good at it. He could handle all sorts of reactions: panicked, inquisitive, tearful, angry. He put his considerable talent to work reassuring Charlie about Bella's condition and her medical care in the coming weeks.

Charlie managed to calm down and apologize for his agitation. From Carlisle's office, I could hear his heart thumping wildly. He was shocked to see all the machines Bella was connected to, the breathing tubes and the bandages and casts. He collapsed onto the chair that I had occupied since Bella had been moved into her room, the chair that allowed me to stare at her without cease.

A half-hour later, my colored contact lenses in place, I came into the room to apologize. Charlie had always trusted me, but I suspected, given the lamentable state his daughter was in, he would do so no longer, not even to accompany her to school. I wondered how I was going to win back his confidence, though I knew Charlie's anger was a more than fair punishment. I was angry at myself, after all.

Oddly, though, he was less cold to me than I would have expected. Even though I was the person to invite Bella for a camping trip, Charlie decided that his daughter's injuries weren't my fault.

He even tried to smile at me, though it looked more like a grimace. "At least she had some good luck to go along with her bad luck," he said gruffly. "Thank God your father was there."

"Yes. Carlisle will take care of her personally. We feel responsible for what happened."

"Your father's already told me all that." He looked at his daughter again, then reluctantly stood up. "I called her mother. She got the first plane to Seattle. I need to go pick her up. It'll take about three hours. Call my cell if there's news."

I agreed, and he left. Which was a good thing, since my lenses were already started to dissolve in my venomous eyes.

And now he was about to return, with Renee. I would have hoped to meet Bella's mother in happier circumstances….

I put in the new lenses that Alice had procured. They might make me seem more human to Renee, but she would probably still be intimidated by me. As was everyone else…

A soft moan from the bed wrenched me from my thoughts. I dashed to Bella's side.

"Bella," I called gently.

She moved slightly, still caught between unconsciousness and waking.

She was finally coming back!

Her eyelids fluttered, and a barely audible murmur came from her lips.

"Edward …"

I trembled. I had so missed hearing her say my name.

I bent down to her. "I'm here."

She tried to sit up, but stopped with a cry of pain. I would have done anything to take that pain from her.

"Don't try to move."

I sensed that she felt disoriented and uncomfortable with all the  
>gauze and tubing.<p>

"Where am I?"

"In the hospital."

Some flashes of her last moments before she lost consciousness  
>apparently came to her, because she started struggling again to sit<br>up, and a note of fear was in her voice.

"James ... Victoria..."

I put a hand on hers, hoping to reassure her. "Victoria fled, and we took care of James. You don't have to worry."

The sound of my voice, my words and my touch succeeded in easing her fear. I was pleased to have this power, this ability to chase away her distress, her bad memories.

"It's all dark. It's nighttime?"

A dagger pierced my heart. Obviously, she didn't remember everything, and she had expected to reawaken with her vision intact. ...

"No, Bella, it's the middle of the day," I murmured sadly.

"Oh..." Her eyes filled with tears, and my chest seemed to crack open. "So that means I went back to the way I was before," she said, disillusioned.

Overwhelmed by guilt, my words burst out, "I'm sorry. So sorry. I didn't have a choice. I couldn't..."

"I know," she said, a small smile on her lips. "I wanted the fire to stop, I remember now. And ending the fire meant ending my ability to see, I knew that."

"Not just that. I couldn't let you become a monster."

"A monster? You're dramatizing things, I -"

A cry came from the door of her room.

"Bella!"

Charlie was back, accompanied by a fortyish replica of Bella. She rushed to the bed, too anxious to pay attention to me.

Bella furrowed her brow. "Mom?" she asked in surprise. "But ... what ..."

Renee hugged her daughter as best she could considering Bella's condition. Bella couldn't hug her back, but I guessed that she was thrilled by her mother's unexpected appearance.

"I came as soon as I heard. Oh, my poor little Smurf, you are really a mess," Renee said, chuckling, in an effort to play down the severity of Bella's injuries.

The strange nickname made Bella smile, and I remembered that Renee called her daughter that whenever she bumped into something and got a bruise. Her injuries now, though, were much more serious than a bruise…

Charlie sat down on the other side of the bed, relieved to see Bella awake. "How do you feel, sweetie?" he asked.

"Oh, Dad, you're here too," she said. "Like a zombie. I'm sorry … um … what happened?"

She pretended to not remember, already alert enough to know that she needed to hide the truth.

"You tumbled down a mountain," he reminded her. "You don't remember?"

'Yeah? Okay … it's coming back to me."

"I wish you'd found another pretext to get me here," Renee said in a faux annoyed tone. "If you missed me so much, you didn't need to throw yourself off from the top of a mountain. A phone call would've worked."

Her comment made Bella giggle. Apparently, she had missed her mother's joking.

Renee seemed to suddenly remember that there was a fourth creature in the room. "Well, who is that Adonis here? If it's your private nurse, I think I'll throw myself off a mountain too."

I was used to this sort of remark, though most people didn't make it aloud. It seemed that Renee was the sort of person to say exactly what she was thinking.

Bella blushed in embarrassment. "Mom, _please_…"

Charlie took over. "I told you about him in the car. He's one of Dr. Cullen's sons."

I stepped closer, but didn't offer my hand. Instead I gave Renee a friendly wave. "I'm Edward Cullen, Mrs. Dwyer, and unfortunately the one who's responsible for Bella being here."

Charlie rolled his eyes. "He means that he's the one who invited her camping."

"I see. Pleased to meet you, Edward."

Renee scrutinized me, and I realized that under her carefree exterior was a woman of great astuteness, because she immediately understood the connection between her daughter and me.

The word "boyfriend" echoed in her head. She was both delighted and astonished. I was too. Boyfriend… it sounded strange. It wasn't a description that I would have ever thought would be applied to me. Vampire, killer, bloodsucker, leech… boyfriend.

"He saved me," Bella said, affection gleaming in her tranquil eyes.

I turned my gaze on her. Bella didn't seem upset about waking up in darkness. Perhaps she realized that her life – her soul – was more valuable than sight.

I wasn't really aware that I was smiling. Smiling at her had become automatic, easy, natural. I did it without noticing; before I met Bella, a smile was a calculated act, done because I had to.

So Charlie's stupefaction surprised me. He looked at me with astonishment and examined us, his daughter and me, in a new light. He had just realized what Renee had figured out immediately. The way I looked at Bella was pure adoration. I had betrayed my feelings. Bella too.

I wished that this gathering would be over soon, because I desperately wanted to be alone with Bella. But I had to hide my impatience, and Bella did too, I sensed. I didn't say much in the hour that followed. Bella chatted with her parents, interrupted several times by nurses and my father coming in to check up on her. She was happy to see her parents together and getting along instead of being at each other's throats as usual, but I was sure that she wanted as much as I did to be alone.

I thought I would get a chance to talk to her when Charlie and Renee left to get a bite at the cafeteria. Alas, the visit had tired Bella, and she fell asleep despite herself.

Her father came back a few minutes later, alone. And it wasn't to see his daughter…

His thoughts had gone in a completely different direction from what I had expected today, in this hospital room. I wasn't prepared for it. He took me by surprise.

I knew that I would get an inquisition, but not so quickly.

"Tell me, young man," he barked, "what are your intentions toward my daughter?"

I hesitated a fraction of a second before deciding to be completely honest.

"Bella is important to me." What an understatement! Well, there was no point in telling him that she was necessary for my very existence. "I will accept what she wants to give me. I ask nothing, demand nothing. It's her choice."

My response seemed to satisfy Charlie.

"Okay," he said.

That was it? No warning, no threats, no coercion?

Charlie's mind suddenly became hazy. It took me several seconds to understand that memories were whirling about in his head. I couldn't clearly identify them – his mind had always been difficult for me to read. I should be more attentive to it.

"I'm going to tell you something I have never told Bella," he declared abruptly, looking thoughtful.

He hunched over in his chair, elbows on his knees and his gaze distant. "The first summer she spent here after she became blind, she was determined to go to the grocery store by herself to show me, and herself, that she would be independent."

His memory of that – clearer to me because he was speaking of it at the same time was thinking of it – unspooled as he told me his story. I couldn't figure out where Charlie was going with this, or what it had to do with our previous conversation, but I listened to him raptly.

"She came back safe and sound, and so proud for doing this errand without help. Oh, yeah, she was proud," he said, smiling nostalgically.

I saw a girl with rosy cheeks and a spark of joy in her inanimate eyes, her arms filled with groceries.

"_See, Daddy, see. I did it! I didn't knock into a single thing. I needed help only to find the flavor cake you like, that was all. I did all the rest by myself!"_

"She gave me the change and the receipt, and put away the groceries singing to herself." Charlie's face darkened. "What she never knew was that the change wasn't right. The cashier, some lowlife named Bob, had been mean enough to give her one-dollar bills instead of the five-dollar bills she should have gotten. Bella couldn't tell the difference; they all feel the same to her. She was so pleased about what she had done that I hadn't have the heart to tell her that she'd been cheated."

I saw Charlie stare at the name of the cashier printed on the receipt, try to control his anger and find an excuse to run out. Charlie had tracked down the guy quickly and had put him through hell. Good. If Charlie had done nothing, I would have found this Bob myself and he would have paid a heavy price for what he had done, even if it was years ago.

Charlie raised his eyes to mine, serious.

"What I'm trying to get at is … Bella can take care of herself but … there's always going to be people trying to take advantage of her."

I started to realize what he was trying to say and cut him off.

"I would never do anything –"

"Not you," he interrupted me, shaking his head. "Call it paternal instinct or a policeman's instinct, either way. I know you're not like that. Bella is old enough to decide who she wants to be with. It's not my business, but that doesn't keep me from worrying that she'll run into another Bob someday. And with you around, I worry that much less."

He got up, gave me a pat on the shoulder and repressed an "ow" when his hand encounter my stone flesh.

"_Jesus Christ, he must work out. Or maybe I'm getting old."_

"I'm going to try out the hospital coffee, see if it's as bad as the station's," he grumbled, disconcerted, as he left the room.

Charlie was not the type of person to pour out his feelings – even in his thoughts – but if I was reading between the lines correctly, I had just been given his blessing.

I snorted at myself, for until now I hadn't realized that a blessing was exactly what I needed. I had been human in another century, another time, in an era of different mores, and despite my lost humanity and the decades that had elapsed, in some ways I hadn't changed. I was old-school enough to need parental approval to pay court to Charlie's daughter with a clear conscience.

Two hours later most of the rest of my family showed up. I suspected that Alice had planned this visit to coincide with the time that Charlie and Renee were on the ground floor dealing with paperwork.

Although I was touched by their presence, I blocked the door. "She's sleeping," I said.

Alice looked at her watch. "No, I'm right on time. She will wake up in 3, 2, 1 …"

Bella's eyelids fluttered open. I resumed my place at her bedside as she slowly returned to wakefulness.

Emmett barged into the room with an enormous bouquet. He must have cleaned out the florist.

"Hey, mummy," he exclaimed cheerfully in seeing all of Bella's bandages.

Completely alert now, Bella was surprised but enchanted. "Hi, Emmett. That smells good … flowers?"

"Yep."

He took one of them and laid it next to her hand so she could feel its texture.

Esme followed my brother in, and in a very maternal gesture, kissed Bella's forehead. "How do you feel, dear?"

"Esme, hello," she breathed, even more delighted. "I feel fine, I assure you" - which was untrue because she repressed a grimace at her least movement.

"You gave us a real fright," said my father, leaning against the door frame.

"Fortunately, Edward brought her back to us," my mother added, glancing at me in affection.

I winced in an embarrassment that ceded to wonder when I felt warm fingers search out mine.

"Yes, he brought me back," my moon murmured with barely concealed tenderness.

I entwined my fingers with hers as my family watched avidly. There were a lot of things being said silently with this contact.

Alice moved to the foot of Bella's bed, vibrating with excitement. "You have such a pretty blue cast!" As always, she was loquacious. "Later you're going to have a stunning splint.. It'll look like a work of modern art. I picked it out. All the other students will be envious and will want to break their own leg to get one."

Bella's face lighted up. My chiming sound of my sister's chatter always delighted her.

"I'm so glad you're here. Are you all here, actually?"

The word "all" always meant for Bella my entire family, except Rosalie.

"Almost. Jasper can't be in a hospital. Injuries everywhere equal blood everywhere, you know?" Alice said.

"Yes, of course."

"He asked me to tell you that he tips his hat to you for managing to trick him at the airport," Alice said a little petulantly.

"Oh… I'm really sorry to have left you there," Bella replied, remorseful. "It was stupid. Especially since it turned out to be completely useless since my mother –"

"Don't worry about it. James fooled us all."

Esme stroked her cheek. "What matters is that it all worked out."

After depositing his bouquet – his walking garden, rather – on the windowsill, Emmett came next to me. "Rosalie says get well soon," he announced.

"Huh, really?"

"Yes, really. Well, she didn't say that exactly. What she said was, "The Swan girl better get well soon because otherwise Edward will be unbearable.'"

I smacked my brother in the back of his head. He truly didn't need to say that.

"Ow! You're so _sensitive_!" he complained with a shove to my shoulder.

Bella had learned to not take offense at Rosalie's attitude. She even repressed a giggle at hearing us squabble, which caused a new spasm of pain.

"Stop your silliness. Don't agitate her," my mother reprimanded us.

Bella shook her head indulgently and changed the subject.

"So, now that it's just us, can you tell me what really happened? How did you find me? How did you get me back to Forks? I don't remember anything after Edward's … intervention."

The rest of my family gave her the story, starting with when she left Jasper and Alice. I contented myself with holding her hand and caressing her fingers at the most painful parts of their account.

"So Jasper the Hacker struck again?" she joked.

"For 18 hours, you were Josephine Ferguson, daughter of Nathan Ferguson Sr., respected plastic surgeon from Vancouver on vacation with his daughter in Arizona," Alice bragged.

"Cool!"

Bella's smile then vanished, replaced by a serious expression. "Thank you. Really, thank you very much."

"For what?" Emmett asked.

"For saving me, of course."

"Like that was some big chore that requires thanks!" Alice said in exasperation.

"Bella, you're practically a member of the family now. We protect our own," Esme said, laying a hand on her shoulder.

That touched Bella greatly, and me as well. Still, I silently vowed to myself that Bella would never again be in a situation where she had to be protected from a killer.

"We're the ones who should be thanking you!" Emmett said, laughing loudly. "Jasper and I never have had so much fun!"

His laugh turned sadistic as he remembered just how he and Emmett took care of James.

"Spare her the details, will you?" I grumbled.

My request was as much for me as for Bella, because what I saw of those details made me frustrated. I wished I had had the satisfaction of tearing James apart.

Carlisle shooed us all from the room when he saw that Bella was fighting to stay awake. Everyone, that is, except me.

I found myself once more alone with my beloved, but once more sleep took her too quickly for us to talk.

The gods were conspiring against us, for there wasn't a single instance in the four days that followed in which I could speak with her. Either she was asleep or she had other visitors. Even Angela showed up. And her mother, exuberant, enthusiastic and a bit crazy, monopolized her.

I didn't spend much time with her mother (my lenses dissolved quickly and I had to leave often to replace them) but our conversation were instructive. Her mind was very interesting. I understood how Bella had managed to accept her blindness – Renee was relentlessly optimistic and upbeat, which had no doubt greatly influenced her daughter.

The strange, intimidating beauty of my family didn't unnerve her for long. Renee had no trouble establishing a rapport with my mother. And she and Alice were thick as thieves, voluble and over the top.

The fifth day, Bella was given clearance to leave the hospital. She was ready; she hated hospitals. She was even eager to return to class (because, of course, being such a model student she wanted to catch up on her work even if she was stuck in bed).

I escorted Bella, leg encased in the brace, to her room under her father's watchful eye. Even now I couldn't be alone with Bella. Renee, with Bella's encouragement, was going to return to Jacksonville that night, so she was going to spend the rest of day with her daughter.

Renee was entertaining, but tiring, and Bella fell asleep as soon as her mother left her room to head to the airport.

Renee took me aside before her departure to give me a warning. "Be careful, young man. Bella is like her father. It's been 16 years since I've left and Charlie is still on his own. I feel guilty sometimes, but, well … He's turned the page, you know, but he hasn't written any new chapters, you see what I mean? Bella is the same. She's the sort of person who'll fall in love only once, so don't break her heart."

Break her heart? If Renee only knew! I was committed for eternity.

I reassured Renee while trying not to sound like a fatalist. I couldn't tell her that I would love Bella until her death, and that her death would be mine as well.

Renee's warning both shook me and reassured me. Perhaps Bella would love me longer that I had expected ….

I had to leave the house when Renee did. I couldn't stay there with Bella while Charlie drove his ex-wife to the airport. I might have Charlie's tacit blessing, but he had limits. And I wanted to keep in his good graces.

That didn't keep me from climbing into Bella's room in the middle of the night. Watching her sleep was a habit I could never give up.

I went to my usual spot: the rocking chair. I was glad to be back here. I detested hospitals as much as Bella did. This nocturnal visit was like all the ones I had made before. There was something reassuring in taking up my old routine – everything was returning to normal, Bella's life would soon be as it was before, she would recover and James would be just a distant memory.

I froze when I heard her groan. She shifted and her hand reached for the bedside table, where a glass of water and painkillers sat. The combined pain of her cracked ribs and broken leg had disturbed her sleep. Bella took analgesics often at night in the hospital; I should have known that her return home didn't mean that her suffering was gone.

And in any case, the memory of James was still very fresh …

I clenched my fists in my effort to remain motionless and not attract her attention.

Bella yawned, took some pills and let her head fall back on her pillow, already on her way back to sleep.

I relaxed when I heard her slow breaths: she was sleeping.

"Edward?"

I froze again. A shiver ran down my spine.

Had her mental shield miraculously lowered again? Was I hearing her mind call for me?

"Are you here?"

No. I had made a miscalculation. She wasn't sleeping at all.

Bella sat up, slowly, painfully.

She was waiting for an answer.


	16. A New Era

_Disclaimer: Smeyer owns "Twilight." Elysabeth owns "Les Yeux de la Lune."_

_Recap: In the last chapter, Edward gets insight into Bella's memories as she lays unconscious in the hospital. Then, when she returns home, she catches him standing vampire vigil in her bedroom._

* * *

><p>Chapter 16: A New Era<p>

I was torn between the desire to show myself and that of remaining silent until Bella decided that there really wasn't someone in her room.

After several seconds during which only Charlie's snores from the room next door were audible, she shrugged and started to lie back down.

A sudden impulse made me bound from the rocking chair. "I'm here," I said.

I stood as straight as an arrow, my insides roiling in nervousness.

Bella looked toward the chair. I couldn't read the expression on her face.

"For how long?" she asked, her voice calm.

I decided to also affect calm. "A while."

"How did you get in?"

She knew that Charlie wouldn't have let me in to spend the night in his daughter's room.

"The window."

Silence.

Was she preparing to chastise me? I had stayed with her as she slept at the hospital, but this was her room, this was different. Would she find my presence offensive?

But my first question was, how could Bella have known that I was here?

"How did you sense me?"

"Your scent."

Ah. I thought a moment. The breaths I had heard after she had taken her pills must have carried my scent to her. And after my view into her memories, I should have expected this. From our first meeting, she had noticed my scent.

I turned my attention back to Bella. I had to come up with an excuse, and quickly.

"I just want to make sure that you were okay and didn't need anything." I wasn't lying. And my presence could thus be justified - at least for tonight: she knew that I wanted to take care of her. "I'll leave now. Sleep, Bella."

I headed to the window. I wouldn't come back tonight. Before showing up again here, I had to be sure that she no longer needed to wake up in the middle of the night to take her pills. Normally, she slept heavily. When the pain no longer disturbed her sleep, I could return without my presence being noticed - that is, my olfactory presence.

My foot was on the windowsill when I heard her.

"Stay. Please. Don't leave."

Her plea stopped me in my tracks. If it could have, my heart would have jumped with joy.

It seemed that my flouting of convention had not offended her. At least for the night.

I wanted nothing more than to stay, but I feared that my presence would distract her and keep her from sleeping, something she greatly needed.

"I am never far away," I answered her, deliberately vague. Indeed, I was very, very close almost every night. She didn't need to know just how close. She might love me, but I wasn't certain that my unannounced visits would be appreciated if Bella knew that I had been spying on her for months. Nobody could sneak into someone's room and watch that person sleep without it being seen as an invasion of privacy.

"Rest," I told her.

"I'm not sleepy now. Would you keep me company?"

I should have left immediately. I should have stopped myself from ruining her sleep. I really should have. But I wasn't objective and judicious enough to not be moved by her imploring face.

But the thought of Charlie nearby did give me pause. "It's not safe," I protested. "Your father is sleeping with one eye open in case you need him. If he hears us, he'll come after me."

She shrugged. "You can hide in the closet if you have to."

The suggestion made us both laugh silently. "Okay," I ceded to her request.

Hmmm, ceded. I didn't cede to anything since all I wanted to do was stay.

When she felt the mattress shift under my weight, her face lighted up. I remained at the foot of her bed, not wanted to jostle her injured leg. She leaned against the headboard and pulled the knee of her good leg up to her chin. Her hair tousled, her nightgown wrinkled, she was so beautiful, even with her brace.

"Are your eyes still red?" she asked. A curious way to start a conversation.

"It's almost gone."

She looked pensive. "Finally, you got my gift. Not exactly the way I had planned, but it's the result that matters."

It took me a few seconds to understand that she was talking about her blood donation.

"You're still going on about this idea that you owe me something?" I said, scowling. "You forget that I could have killed you."

She waved off my reminder. She didn't believe for a second that I would have let the monster take me over. "So?"

"So what?"

"Did I taste as good as you thought I would?" she asked slyly.

"Did you?! Better than I could have imagined."

"That's flattering, thanks. So now we're even. I was able to pay my debt to you," she said smugly.

"You don't owe me," I said, infuriated. "You're inventing imaginary debts."

"Doesn't matter. I feel better now. The balance is re-established."

I laughed despite myself. "You're hopeless."

She shrugged in acknowledgement.

"I have another question," she said, her fingers playing with a fold in her comforter. Whatever it was, asking this question made her nervous.

"Go ahead."

"Besides the time when you were here to write me a message, have you been in my room?"

Dammit. I should have known she would ask this.

I was incapable of lying to her, so I blurted out, "Yes."

I was on tenterhooks, waiting for her outrage. But she didn't appear upset, just intrigued.

"Often?"

I stared out the window, too afraid to see her reaction when I told her. "I've been here almost every night since I gave you the Debussy CD," I mumbled.

She exploded. But it was an explosion of triumph. "I knew it!" she crowed.

I winced. What did she mean, she knew it? I scrutinized her expression. She was smiling. Why?

"That doesn't shock you?" I asked, completely taken aback.

"To be honest, I'm kind of happy to know that I wasn't totally crazy."

"You are?"

"I had been noticing a wonderful fragrance when I got up in the morning, traces of someone's presence. It was you, but I didn't dare think that. I told myself that I was imagining things, that because I wanted you here so much that I was having hallucinations of your scent." Her smile grew. "But apparently I wasn't imagining anything at all."

Our scents had definitely marked each other for good.  
><em><br>"I wanted you here so much that I was having hallucinations of your scent."_

I wanted you here so much...

Those words were such a pleasure to hear.

I shook myself, forcing myself to return to the here and now. I considered her closely, looking - in vain – for any sign of reproach.

I watched her every night and that didn't bother her?

"You're not angry?" I had to ask.

She appeared to think for a moment, and then her brows furrowed in suspicion.

"Did you often watch me change clothes?"

I leapt from her bed, scandalized and hurt. "Never! I came only when you were already asleep. Call me obsessed, call me a stalker, I'll agree with you. But I'm not a Peeping Tom!"

Charlie's snores stuttered.

"Shh!"

One hand clapped over her mouth, Bella suppressed a loud guffaw.

My horrified reaction amused her? It was then that I realized that she had been teasing.

"You're making fun of me, aren't you?"

She nodded mischievously.

I returned to my seat at the foot of her bed, sulky and a little ashamed that I had taken the bait.

"Sorry," she said, but she was anything but repentant, judging from her impish expression. "You are much too much of a gentleman to spy on a lady undressing, I know that. But why do you come waste your time here at night?"

"Waste my time," I said, astonished. "Watching you sleep is fascinating, Bella. Sleep is a mysterious phenomenon for me."

She raised a skeptical eyebrow. Sleep didn't seem all that interesting to her.

"It also allows me to desensitize myself to your scent. To get inured to it. But the primary reason for my nocturnal visits is … it's that … I don't like to be …" I hesitated, but what was the point of trying to conceal what I felt? I had only to remember what I had seen in her own eyes to reassure myself. "The nights are long and I don't like to be away from you."

Bella gave me a shy half-smile that I found devastating. "I also feel better when you're nearby too," she confessed, twisting her end of the comforter again.

Joy.

It was good to hear that. Amazingly good.

Her heartbeat sped as fingers played with the strands of her hair. I startled when I realized that those fingers were too long and white to be hers. They were mine. Holy hell! I hadn't even noticed that I had moved next to her. The lover in me had uncontrollable reflexes, unsuspected and neglected until now, because I had always been preoccupied by other sorts of reflexes – the lethal reflexes of the monster.

I was going to have to learn to rein in my passion. I examined Bella, seeking the nonverbal signs of some injury or dismay. I found nothing other than receptiveness. So I continued what I was doing, relieved that my actions had not bothered her.

Pfft, bothered …

Why was I always afraid that I was going to offend her? She was still smiling. My approach had surprised her, but also pleased her. She even leaned her head into my hand. That was the opposite of being "bothered."

Her voice a little breathless, Bella asked me another question (was I making her so … discombobulated? It was quite fascinating to discover that I had the power to affect her this way).

"Umm … would you have eventually told me about your nocturnal visits if …. uh, if I hadn't found out myself?"

"I don't believe so."

"Why?"

"Because most people would be affronted if someone came into their room without permission and spied on them. I didn't want you to be … disgusted with me. So your reaction surprised me."

"I reacted badly?"

"That's the problem! You reacted too well! It's not normal."

"Eh, we're both abnormal in this case. You weren't acting normal in coming here every night and I didn't react normally to your behavior. A fine pair we are, huh?"

A fine pair.

I adored those words.

"We're well matched, yes," I agreed, a finger twisting in one of her curls.

Charlie continued to saw logs. As background music, it left something to be desired, and Bella's next words seemed to echo my thoughts.

"He sleeps with one eye open, huh?" I heard her mutter sarcastically.

She suddenly seemed irritated. I didn't know why, but I didn't want to take any risks and so moved my hand away from her.

"You know what?" she announced. "I'm fed up with being stuck in bed after six days. I want to stretch my legs. Well … my working leg."

Grimacing, Bella tried to get out of bed.

"What on earth are you doing?" I asked, alarmed.

"I'm going for a walk."

She found a sock and put it on the foot of her good leg. She stood, staggered toward her desk chair and grabbed her windbreaker. I steadied her when her too-quick movement made her stumble, releasing her only when she regained her balance.

"At three in the morning?"

"Yes."

I saw from her determined expression that it was useless to try to persuade her to return to bed.

"You'll come with me?" she asked.

What a question! As if I were going to let her go all by herself in her condition!

"Where do you want to go?"

"I think you know very well."

Bella pulled her windbreaker on over her nightgown, then limped to the window and opened it wide. She turned to me. She was waiting.

I finally realized that it was Charlie who was irritating her. She wanted to be alone with me. Truly alone.

Double joy.

I knew where she wanted to go, because, honestly, I wanted to go there too.

It wasn't sensible. Not at all … But I had stopped being sensible when I met her, so one more folly wouldn't change much.

With great care, I took her in my arms and jumped out the window.

We were at our old twisted oak in seconds. Bella, still tucked in my arms, reached out her hand and caressed the bumpy bark in greeting. I thought about her memories of her first visit here. She had taking a liking to this tree because it reminded her of me…

I smiled pensively as I lowered her to the ground, taking care not to jostle her brace, and Bella gripped my shirt to let me know that she didn't want me to move away as I had done earlier on her bed.

She released the fabric only when I lay alongside her on the cool grass, our sides touching.

We were silent. Isolated from the rest of the world, we stayed quiet, our faces turned toward the sky, simply enjoying each other's closeness. I had had many things to tell her, that I was burning with impatience to tell her since she had regained consciousness in the hospital, but I had forgotten them all. In this moment, all I wanted was to feel her tranquil presence. I wanted to savor the fact that she needed me next to her as much as I needed her.

An owl hooted. A warm breeze rustled the leaves above us. Bella's heartbeat, more rapid than normal, contributed a pleasant rhythm to the ambiance.

I was content to be here, alone with my moon. You could have said that it was only right that we were here, in our meadow, together. We had frequently been alone together under this oak, but that was in a context in which I believed I was the only one of us to feel as I did. Just knowing that my feelings were shared made me happy as never before. And when her hand moved along the grass to find mine, my happiness only grew.

I interlaced my fingers with hers and she smiled in the darkness.

We had held hands dozens of times, but this time was different, with an awareness of what her hand in mine signified. It was a symbol of our ties to each other. I had always thought those ties went in one direction only, that invisible chains attached me to her, but nothing held her to me except perhaps a thread that was easily broken. Now I had discovered that chains of the same strength, the same solidity, attached Bella to me. Before, the chains had not been aware of the existence of the others, running parallel but never crossing, never touching.

Here in the meadow, her chains, my chains, twisted around one another, consolidating their hold.

Her hand in mine was an emblem of those invisible, indestructible chains.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" she murmured, milliseconds or an eternity later.

I turned my head toward her. Bella still looked up at the sky. Her hair made a dark halo around her pale face. Someone who didn't know she was blind would have thought that she was counting the stars. I knew she was alert for my response.

Her question was vague, but I knew what she was asking.

"I could ask you the same thing," I said, gazing at her.

"Me? But that's obvious."

How was it more logical that _she _had told _me _nothing? "Enlighten me, because it's not obvious to me."

"Well … when I believed that … that I wouldn't get away from James, I wanted to tell you in writing. I had nothing left to lose. But I didn't have time to finish the letter … Before, I didn't see the point in telling you because you didn't feel the same way. At least, I believed you didn't."

It was true that I had seen in her mind her belief that it was impossible that her feelings were requited, but I didn't know why she thought that. She hadn't even posed the question to herself. It just was.

"Why were you convinced that I could feel nothing for you beyond friendship?" I asked.

"I took it for granted that vampires would love only other vampires."

"Why would you think that?"

Bella stayed silent a moment in order to, I suspected, gather her ideas.

"Okay, first," she finally said, "I'm not someone with low self-esteem. I don't underestimate myself. I know that, excuse my presumption, that I'm worth the trouble to be with … for another human. But, well, you … you're in a different category. It would be logical that you … that your partner would be at the same level as you. What would someone like you want with a human? And one who's blind in the bargain?"

"Let me ask you the same question," I replied. "What would someone like you want with a vampire? And one who thirsts for your blood in the bargain?"

"But that is not what you are. For me you are just Edward."

"Just as for me you are only Bella. I couldn't care less that you are human, that you are blind. You are Bella, simply, extraordinarily."

She turned away from the sky and we were face to face, nose to nose. Her breath spread across my face and its warmth made me euphoric.

I could see a trace of skepticism remaining on her face. She still had difficulty believing me.

For my part, what I had seen in her mind had only reinforced what I had discovered in her briefly reanimated eyes. I had no choice but to believe her because I had irrefutable proof. Bella, in contrast, had only my word.

The solution was for me to consecrate each minute of the rest of our lives persuading her that she was the only person who counted for me.

"You were different," I said, elaborating on my words, "and I kept wanting to know more about you, without understanding my bizarre behavior. And the more I knew you, the more fascinating I found you. I realized only much later what was happening to me. One hundred years, and I was feeling this for the very first time. It was frightening. It was extraordinary. But you didn't know what I was. I needed to stay away from you for your own good: the person with the most tempting blood for me was the woman my heart had chosen. It was beyond ironic. I had to save you from me, no matter the cost. I wasn't able to stay away for long – unfortunately, or fortunately. I sought out your friendship, certain that that was the strongest sentiment you could have for a being like me.

"Then, those scissors in the lab … and everything changed. You knew everything about me, or nearly so, and you stayed, despite everything.

It was insane. It was wonderful. I could be myself with you, not playing the role I had to for the rest of the world. The only people I had ever talked with were my parents and siblings. I love them, but I know them completely. It felt so good to know someone different, someone alive, not made of stone as I am, and someone who wasn't afraid of me, who didn't see the killer. And you were so inspiring, so generous, so … comforting. No day passed without you surprising and dazzling me. Until I met you, I had never realized that I was just a shadow of myself, mechanically fighting my nature, jaded by an existence that went in circles. Meeting you changed everything. I was waiting for you without knowing it…"

Bella seemed to be drinking in my words. I saw the skepticism fade from her face. She opened her mouth, but no sound came out. I guessed she was having trouble finding words. No matter. There was nothing to add. The important thing was that she believed me.

With the fingertips of my free hand, I traced the curve of her cheek, and she blushed as her heartbeat sped up.

I smiled, delighted that I could cause this reaction in her. I was all the more thrilled to observe that it wasn't my cold fingers that affected her, but the gesture itself.

Perhaps to hide her agitation, Bella asked me her initial question again. "And you, why didn't you tell me?"

I didn't answer immediately, still absorbed by my own reactions to touching her cheek. My fingers tingled on her silky skin. They weren't accustomed to being in contact with flesh even warmer and softer than her hand. It was a discovery as fascinating as when I had kissed her as she slept.

I allowed my icy palm to warm itself against her cheek and although her heart thundered, she leaned into my hand.

I answered her in a murmur; speaking above a whisper would have shattered this moment of happiness.

"Fear of rejection. I thought the inverse of you; it was obvious that you feel nothing more than friendship for a creature like me."

An image of her nearly lifeless body flashed through my mind. "But when I saw you lying on the ground in the dance studio …" I couldn't finish my sentence. A lump blocked my throat. My whole body shook from the horrible memories. Bella realized this and her free hand clasped mine in an effort to soothe me.

It worked, and I was able to continue: "My fears vanished and I could no longer hide the truth. Like you, I had nothing left to lose. And miraculously, you felt the same way," I said, then a more lighthearted note crept into my voice. "God knows, though, that you deserve better."

Bella frowned. "Better than what?"

"Better than a creature of the night."

She shook her head, annoyed and touched at the same time. "It's not a question of deserving, to my mind. Love doesn't have reason or logic, or conditions, or judgment."

"You are too generous with me; the facts speak for themselves: just look at the state you're in. I am the indirect cause of what happened to you."

"It's thanks to you that I got out with only a brace."

She shifted and lifted her head, apparently so I could better see the determination on her face. "You saved me, Edward. Even more, you brought me back to life. So stop apologizing for being what you are, and condemning yourself for the fickle twists of fate."

Her words sought to make me move beyond my guilty conscience and on to leniency toward myself. But I knew it was necessary to remain realistic.

I smiled sadly. "I am still a risk to you. Being with me means continuing to run the risk that your scent will attract other vampires like James. Being with me means having to lie constantly, to hide, to censor yourself."

Her hand gripped mine more tightly. "You are worth it," she said forcefully.

I was touched to the very heart by her words, but I maintained my position. I was such a masochist.

I gently stroked her cheek. "You also deserve to be with someone who can touch you without hurting you. An instance of carelessness on my part and I could break your neck."

In shame, I muttered the rest with my face turned into the grass. "I don't know how to be close to you. I don't know how to be human enough in that way. I've never experienced it."

I could only hope that she understood what I really mean by "close."

Bella's smile revealed the same level of shyness as my own. "I've never experienced it either, yet I am human. I don't have any point of comparison. The feeling provokes a new sort of fear of the unknown. I think that … that we shouldn't try to figure out how to act. We should let ourselves be guided by what is inside here."

She freed her hand and laid it on my chest. The barrier of my shirt couldn't block the silky heat of this hand on my still heart.

"You forget, what is inside is dead."

"And you forget that my heart beats for both of us."

Without warning, her hand was replaced by her head. I froze in place, surprised by her sudden closeness. I repressed a shudder. My initial shock gone, I was able to release the tension that had gripped me. It no longer had a place here. I relaxed completely. And following a desire that must have been well hidden in me before now, but seemed absolutely natural, I slid my hand along her back and curled my arm around her shoulder.

Could it be so simple? So easy? And so wonderful?

I remembered that it wasn't so long ago that I had sworn to keep my hands in my pockets, to not touch her or even brush against her, to conceal all that I was burning to tell her … All that torture, all that self-censorship had been in vain. I was battling myself in the name of a belief that two such different beings as ourselves could never be together. And yet here those two beings found themselves pressed against each other, in defiance of that belief.

I felt her smile against my chest.

"This is enough. I don't expect everything."

No expectations, no pressure. She demanded nothing of me, claimed nothing. She accepted me in all my confusion and uncertainty.

The top of her head was just below my chin. I had only to bend down to sink my nose into her hair.

What ecstasy!

Bella let out a long, contented sigh and the heat of her breath seared my chest.

"You're managing pretty well, Mr. Cullen."

"Old instincts are coming out. They're deep inside, but they're still there."

I wasn't certain that she had heard me, for my lips were buried in her hair, the silky texture of her locks caressing my face. There was nothing about Bella's body that wasn't wonderful.

I slowly breathed in her fragrance.

Where was the monster?

In its cage, tranquil. Delighted to inhale the scent that it adored, but calm and still.

I felt Bella tense then.

"I …are you breathing through your nose?"

"Oh, yes," I said, exhaling, euphoric.

"And … it's okay?"

"Is it okay? I have paradise in my arms."

The heat of her face against my chest increased from blood rushing to her cheeks.

So, I also had the ability to make her blush. Interesting. Very interesting.

"But … my scent?"

"I love your scent."

"You aren't in discomfort?"

"I have never had so much control of that part of myself as now, since I nearly lost you."

I closed my eyes, proud of this victory over myself, elated to have resting against me my reason for existing.

There was a faint sound, like a musical note put into words, carried by the night breeze.

"I love you."

I was overwhelmed. My eyelids fluttered, and my throat tightened. This was the second time I had heard those words, and they shattered me just as much as the first time. I would never get used to them. It would take me a lifetime – her lifetime – to absorb those words and accept them, to believe that they could be applied to me, Edward, the vampire.

"Thank you."

My gratitude sounded ridiculous and pathetic. A thank-you, it was so little to express what I felt.

She laughed against my chest. "'Thank you'?''

No doubt in the circumstances it was strange. I wasn't sure I could make her understand why I said it, but I tried.

"You are saying to me the most healing words in the world, Bella. Words that, before I met you, I didn't even know I needed to hear. How can I not be grateful?"

I moved her so I could hold her face between my hands. I murmured into her ear: "You don't know how much that all that you are, all that you bring me, is priceless."

I echoed her words to me, realizing that uttering them did me as much good as hearing them. "I love you, Isabella Swan."

I saw that she too was overwhelmed, inundated by a wave of pleasure identical to mine. Her lips blossomed into a dreamy smile.

I was pleased to have the ability to make her happy with just words.

She reached toward me, but pulled away at the last second. She seemed to be debating with herself, but I didn't understand why.

"Can I touch you?" she asked me then.

I frowned, confused. Bella had held my hand and rested her head on me. Why was she asking permission for something she had already done?

"Um, well … you already have, haven't you?"

"Let me ask you another way: Can I look at you?"

Oh…

I remembered what I had seen in her memories. During her tactile exploration of me at the museum, she was convinced that it was the first and last time that I would allow her to "look" at me. And even now she thought that was case, despite the evolution in our relationship.

I glanced at her hands. They were fisted. She wanted very much to see me in her way, but was holding herself back. That was her internal debate.

I wanted her to understand how much everything had changed since that evening at the museum. The era was past when the monster could have charged out of its cage at any moment, so I took her fist and pulled it to my cheek.

"You don't have to ask."

Her tranquil eyes lighted up. Like a bud becoming a flower, her fist opened slowly and I tried to remain stoic under her exploring fingers. Bella hesitated, moving carefully but growing bolder when she felt my face move into a reassuring smile. She put both hands on my temples and it was a double wave of pure shock. I realized how much I had missed her fingers, these exploratory feathers.

My skin sparked as they traveled on me. I didn't even think of the monster when she traced my steel lips with her thumb. She left a trail of fire everywhere her hands passed. It was a different sort of fire from that of thirst, an intoxicating flame.

From the route of her investigations, I perceived her desire to remember me as she had seen me when the venom had momentarily restored her sight. Each path recalled some detail preserved in her memory. In her place, I would be devastated to no longer be able to see her. I couldn't imagine something so distressing, so I let her examine me as long as she liked. It was all I could do: I couldn't give her back her vision, but letting her see me this way was perhaps a consolation.

Gradually, her hands pulled away from my face. Each cell of my skin tingled in the aftermath of the contact.

I raised my own fingers to her face and she closed her eyes as I sadly caressed the lids that covered her lifeless eyes.

"Do you regret my taking away your sight once again?"

She smiled at me. I would have thought to have found a trace of nostalgia, of loss, following her exploration of me, but Bella seemed quite serene, though that didn't prevent me from still have doubts. I was afraid that she was putting on a front so that I wouldn't feel guilt.

She curled up again against my chest.

"If you let me see you, I won't regret it. To recall your face, all I have to do is look at you in my way. You are the only thing that I would miss if I was kept from touching you. The rest doesn't matter much. I ought to thank James, actually."

I tensed. Thank that demon who was now rotting in hell?

"You can't be serious."

She chuckled. "No. But without him I would have missed something extraordinary."

This was not the first time someone had found my face extraordinary, but this was the first time I had been flattered by it. I had become cynical about the reaction my appearance provoked. But I was delighted to be able to dazzle Bella. In fact, turnabout was fair play in this case: I marveled over her face every time I looked at her.

"You know, without James, I would also have missed something incredible," I said, pensive.

"What?"

"In the hospital, while you were unconscious, I could read your thoughts."

She looked up at me, surprised. "Really?

"To be more precise, I could see your memories."

To my dismay, that seemed to bother her.

"All of them?"

"Many of them."

"That's very embarrassing."

"I saw nothing embarrassing."

"If you saw me vomit on my birthday cake when I was 9, that would be humiliating."

I broke into laughter, which echoed around the meadow.

"What a shame, I missed that!"

"Good," she said in relief.

I tightened my arm around her, being careful not to squeeze her ribs.

"I lingered on your more recent memories. Among other things, I learned that you compared me to this twisted old oak," I teased her.

"It was a psychological comparison, not a physical one. A metaphor."

"I know."

Her gaze softened. "Even when I didn't know what you were, I knew what you were like: centenarian, bent under the weight of years and experience, but protecting what was under your shadow."

I looked up at the crown of the oak above us and, indeed, it was similar to me, all things considered.

"What else did you see?" she asked.

"All that I saw allowed me to understand the depth of what you wanted to keep silent, and I realized how much it harmonized with what I myself kept silent."

She smiled tenderly. "And now, what do you read?"

"Nothing," I lamented. "It happens only when you're unconscious. Carlisle thinks that you have a mental shield that lowers when your brain is no longer alert."

"A shield? Interesting."

"And very frustrating," I grumbled.

She snuggled her head against me again. "It doesn't matter. Your talent is completely useless since I'm not hiding anything from you now."

That pleased me. "Truly, nothing? So when I asked you if you resented me for having taking away your sight, you were telling me the truth?"

She seemed astonished that I hadn't believed her immediately.

"I don't resent you, Edward. Knock me and explore my subconscious if you want proof."

"Very funny," I said.

"I can't resent you for having done what you thought was right," she went on, more seriously. "It just wasn't the right time."

"It's never the right time to become a monster. Never."

Bella rolled her eyes at "monster," then seemed to think more about what I said.

"I don't know. Maybe you're right … but not about the monster: you are _not _a monster."

She cut off my protest with a finger on my lips. "Let me finish. I was saying that you are wrong to consider yourself a monster, but perhaps you're right that I shouldn't become like you. Maybe the lamb should stay a lamb and the lion should stay a lion," she said, pondering.

I listened to the rest, riveted to her pensive eyes.

"After all, don't they say that opposites attract? Remaining what we are right now may be our destiny, who knows. Would we have found each other if the situation had be different? Would I have approached the vampire if I could have seen him? If I were already a vampire, would we have encountered each other? If you had been human and me vampire, would our paths have crossed? Would we have discovered what we have in common? There are a thousand and one possibilities, but I wouldn't change this scenario for anything in the world, because there's no guarantee that I would have found you. Things would have happened differently and we could have missed each other. So, no, I can't resent you for leaving me the way I am. I shouldn't regret what I am, nor regret the condition in which you met me, for it was in that state that you learned to … love me, after all.

"And likewise for you, you shouldn't regret what you are, because it's the whole package, everything about you, that I loved and love still. I don't love you in spite of what you are. I love you, and everything that you are."

She fell silent, giving me time to think about her words.

I was moved that she loved me, me and my … quirks. But it was unrealistic to think that I wouldn't regret what I was. I was an aberration, and always would be. I thwarted my own nature, but at bottom I was evil. As a matter of principle, I couldn't be content with what I was.

I remembered the profound sadness that she had experienced when she woke up and realized that her sight had vanished again. I had great difficulty believing - even if she was able to see me in her way as much as she liked – that Bella did not have some scrap of regret.

"You suffer from being what you are as much as I suffer from being what I am. I saw you in the hospital when you regained consciousness."

She denied it. "I was surprised, Edward, nothing more. I'm over it now. I assure you, I'm in peace with my current condition. Ironically, James gave me the ability to experience the most wonderful moment of my life. Your image is engraved forever in my mind. It was very short, but I prefer that short memory than nothing."

I lost myself in her peaceful gaze. She did seem serene.

"I needed a long time to accept who I am," she continued. "For a long time, I wanted to change things, to go back to the way I was before. Now I've managed to get over that. It was hard, but I did it. I accept my condition; I even get certain advantages from it. Mind you, don't confuse resignation and acceptance. They are two completely different things. Perhaps you should do the same for your part and accept what you are?"

"Bella…" I took a lock of her hair and placed it gently behind her ear. "You are the most courageous and tenacious person I have ever met. Everything about you makes me love you. Everything," I said fiercely. "You accept what you are with so much serenity, so philosophically. But an illness and a situation like mine aren't comparable. I can't accept being a monster. Ever. I would do anything to go back."

"Honestly, you would give up what you are now?"

"Without any hesitation."

"Really? You would be ready to be vulnerable, to be at the mercy of other vampires? You know the secret, you know the menace looming over all the humans in the world. You would really want to be a lamb again? You would want to lose your strength? Your gift for reading minds? The means to defend yourself?"

"It's the price for having a soul."

"You really think you don't have a soul? I might not have one either. A soul is a concept, a belief. What I know is that you have a conscience and know the difference between good and evil. Vampire or not, you are someone who is good. You see, it's not a matter of accepting being a monster … it's a question of accepting what comes to you in life. I've accepted being blind. So accept what you are, Edward."

I would never have expected Bella, who had been tortured by a sadistic vampire, to plead the case for vampires. "How have you come to be so magnanimous?' I asked. "How can you ask me to accept being a monster when you're in a cast because of a monster?"

Why was I trying to dissuade her? I didn't know. Perhaps I loved her too much to not try to make her understand that I was far, far from the ideal partner for her. I loved her too much to abuse the trust and faith she accorded me. I loved her too much to take advantage of her feelings that made her disregard the unsavory aspects of my condition.

She sighed in exasperation. "Do you know how egocentric you are? It's incredible how you bring everything back to yourself. If I choked on my dinner, you'd find a way to blame yourself." Her smile was half-mocking, half-tender.

"Don't exaggerate," I grumbled.

"Pfft, you know I'm right," she said. "Let me explain my point of view on your so-called monstrousness."

She cleared her throat and took on the tone of a teacher about to give a lesson to a difficult student.

"They say that man is the most dangerous predator, that he's at the top of the food chain. At least, that's the official story. If the world knew of your existence, they'd put the vampire above the human, that's all. Do they hate the lion more because it is above the lamb on that list? Is a lion a "monster" because by nature it is stronger than the lamb? If we had to call every predator a monster, it would be a never-ending list …"

She pointed to the branches above us; an owl was hooting.

"Look at that owl. No doubt it's going to attack a mouse and make a meal out of it. Is that bird a monster too? The lynx or the bear that will attack the owl in turn and eat it, is it a monster as well?"

"You're talking about animals that have no conscience, no minds, ethics, ideals, dreams, aspiration" I objected. "All they do is exist. We vampires destroy lives, homes. We snatch from families the people they love and cherish …"

"Of course, but that, Edward, doesn't apply just to vampires. There are as many humans, if not more, who are murderers, maniacs who travel with impunity waiting for their next victim. Those are monsters. You, your family, and even the nonvegetarian vampires aren't monsters. You're feeding yourselves, that's all. Obviously, there are vampires who enjoy making their victims suffer. There are those who choose prey with the aim of making their families suffer. There are Jameses everywhere, including among humans, Edward."

I considered this for a while. I knew what she was trying to do: to rid me of my guilt. There was a certain logic in her words. It was tempting to let myself be convinced. Very tempting.

"I understand your point of view," I said.

"So, are you going to finally stop hating yourself?"

A disparaging laugh shook me. "I've spent 100 years being disgusted with myself, Bella. It'll take more than one night to be in peace with the mons-"

A raised eyebrow stopped me.

"With the vampire in me," I corrected myself.

"I will help you," she said, determination in her voice.

I was once again amazed by her. I lowered my face back into her hair. The monster was far away. The lover dominated. At the least, I could be pleased by my victory over myself. I detested the monster, but I controlled it completely now, or almost. One day, perhaps I would accept it as an inalienable part of myself. If Bella helped me, the process would be faster, although I still found her marvelously insane for loving all the aspects of me.

"_It's the whole package, everything about you, that I loved and love still."_

It was perhaps time that I try to look at myself the way Bella had been doing for so long already.

"Bella."

"Hmm?"

"You are my absolution."

She didn't answer. In the time I had taken to reflect, sleep had taken her.

Overwhelmed at seeing her completely relaxed against me, I watched her sleep until sunrise neared.

I was infinitely careful as I slid an arm around her back and another under her knees. I lifted her off the ground and Bella stirred.

"The sun is rising. Charlie will wake up soon. I'm taking you back home," I whispered to her.

Her head nestled into the crook of my neck.

"You are my home," she murmured before falling back to sleep.

Her words caressed me. I kissed her forehead, a mute but eloquent response.

I left our oak while the streaks of dawn colored the sky. It would be sunny today.

Noiselessly I made my way among the trees, my treasure in my arms. The reddish rays of the sun chased away the stars and the indigo sky lightened. My reflective skin didn't bother me. For once, I didn't curse the star that so often played havoc with my existence. Today, I didn't resent it for betraying my supernatural state, because it was in perfect accord with how I felt.

I threw a last glance behind me. Perhaps it was my imagination, but the old oak seemed less twisted in the morning light.

A smile slowly curled my lips. I turned away from our tree and greeted this dawn that was the beginning of a new day, a new era.

The era of acceptance.

The End.

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><p><em>AN: Yes, yes, I wrote "The End." Because initially this story was going to end this way, more or less. I didn't intend to go farther than the plot of "Twilight," since I didn't particularly like the other three volumes of the series. All that I planned to do was to explore how a blind Bella might fare with the events of the first book. _

_But along the way, I was inspired to continue Bella and Edward's story to my own liking. So let us say that the "The End" above has its purpose: it's the end of what you could call the first volume of "The Eyes of the Moon" and the end of my reworking of "Midnight Sun/Twilight." After this, I will no longer follow Meyer's plot, though certain themes will be the same. It will indeed be an alternative universe._

_I want to make something clear: You have no doubt noticed the difference between my Bella and Meyer's. My Bella doesn't necessarily wish to become a vampire, but she has nothing against the idea either. She's going to see what happens. Meyer's Bella is, um, obsessed with changing. My Bella has battled for too long with herself and her illness to give up so casually a condition that she has come to accept. She is comfortable with herself as she is, thus her absence of a desire to change (but that doesn't mean that she would be horrified to become a vampire). Besides, it is her level of comfort with herself that allows her to make Edward understand that he should accept what he is. To my mind, Bella's not being obsessed with the idea of being Edward's physical equal doesn't mean that she loves him less or that she doesn't want to be with him forever. _

_Thanks to all of you for your reviews. Though my English doesn't allow me to respond easily, /or something like that?/I do read them all and they are a pleasure. _

_T/N: And I'd like to say thank you for your reviews and PM's as well. They which brighten my day as I try to figure out how to do justice to Ely's words. And I 'd like to give a special citation to Renee Aubin for valor in the line of reviewing._

_FYI, this story will continue here, so you'll see a Chapter 17, or a Book 2 Chapter 1 if you prefer, when I get it translated._


	17. Pas de Un

_Disclaimer: "Twilight" belongs to SMeyer. "The Eyes of the Moon" belongs to Elysabeth. Translation errors belong to eiluned price._

_A/N: I'd like to note here that this second volume is quite different from Meyer's, that the rhythm changes, that the plot moves more slowly, that readers could see some elements as inconsequential and serving no end. But don't fear that the story is losing its momentum. Everything has a point and a purpose, you'll see. All things come to those who wait, as the saying goes._

_Once more, thanks to all of you. I am so grateful for your reading my work with so much enthusiasm. _

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><p>Book II: The Tears of the Moon<p>

Prologue:

**It was a tranquil night. No wind. No snow. No clouds. The sky had cleared just before twilight. The sun had reappeared in time to set, sliding behind the mountains. The snow-covered ground turned gold under its rays. I did too. I glowed on the outside, while inside I was darker than the deepest shadows. I had always been so, a paradox, a walking contradiction.**

**The last traces of the sun faded into the indigo sky. I again raised my eyes to the sky, impatient. Soon the moon would appear.**

**The jagged silhouettes of the pines on the horizon separated earth and sky. Behind them, a pure silver disc rose, in an ascent as sublime as it was slow. I focused only on that, on the black horizon ornamented by a celestial diamond.**

**I felt better as soon as I saw its gentle light. All my pain vanished. I was serene. It was as if I had been ripped apart and was being mended.**

**That was only an impression, alas.**

**The moon began to dominate the sky and brighten the night, my last night. It was so beautiful, so peaceful. It had been too long since I had seen it. I felt something that was oddly like happiness, an emotion that could no longer be applied to me. Yet I was happy. Happy to be able to admire the moon. Oh, I knew that it was only a blurry copy, a weak substitute for my real moon, but I knew this was all that was possible.**

**The moon was the solution, the ending, the cure for my torment, the emblem of a consummation devoutly to be wished.**

* * *

><p>Chapter 17: Pas de Un<p>

When the police chief's daughter returned to school after her convalescence, the mental reaction was chaotic. As she had the first time she showed up at Forks High, she provoked curiosity and intrigue. But this time, the furor had nothing to do with what set her off from her classmates, her blindness. No, this time, it was the gossip of the century: Isabella Marie Swan was going out with Edward Cullen.

As on her first day, Bella was the star attraction in the school. Her return, after a two-week absence, was conspicuous, and not just because of the brace on her leg. Rather it was the shadow who followed her everywhere: me. She and I. Even our smallest gestures revealed the ties that would bind us from now on.

An unattainable Cullen, our classmates thought, cold, haughty, distant, more beautiful than a god, had fallen for an ordinary girl – even more, a handicapped girl. Their minds were roiling with consternation and speculation. I didn't care. Nor did my love.

My love …

I still had difficulty even thinking the words. Before, they had been forbidden vocabulary. Today, they were my words, undeniably true ones.

I had loved her for a long time, but I had always had to censor myself, to hide my feelings. I felt liberated now to act like a lover, to speak freely. The transition from friend to lover was easy, natural, logical, meant to be from the beginning.

I was delighted to note that the self-loathing part of me had disappeared; I did not feel guilty for being happy. I didn't feel guilty that the lion could be loved by the lamb. I simply felt … right. It was strange to have such certainty about something other than being an aberration of nature. I wasn't yet sure that I deserved this happiness, but I sought to be worthy of it, to take nothing for granted and to be completely aware of my good fortune. For this good fortune wouldn't last forever. The day would come when Fate would demand its recompense and take away my moon. It was up to me to enjoy every millisecond of Bella's existence before that happened.

Our ties to each other were different from those of any other couple. We had no model, no example to follow. Nobody as different from each other as we were had this kind of relationship. What united us was unique – neither human or vampiric, but simply Edward and Bella. We were no longer afraid of the unknown, but welcomed it with open arms; we were pioneers, explorers of a new world whose shores that we could have never dared to hope to reach. Each discovery was fascinating, each proof of our mutual need was thrilling.

We didn't announce our relationship, but our behavior left no room for doubt that we were in one, and the news spread like wildfire. The average adolescent had a deep interest in such gossip, and in speculating about what it meant. Some of them just thought about it, some of them talked about it among themselves, and some, like Mike Newton, went so far as to express their opinion to Bella herself.

"So, you're going out with Edward?" he had said one day with carefully studied indifference in math class.

"You could say that," she had replied.

"Going out" …. I didn't like that description, nor did Bella. It was too insignificant, inappropriate for describing our situation. But what was the point to trying explain something that, after all, was our business alone?

With a grimace that was almost a pout, the boy had retorted, "I don't like that guy. You don't know it since you are … You can't … I mean, um, you're …"

"Blind."

"Yeah, yeah. You don't know it since you're blind, but he looks at you like he wants to devour you."

If he only knew! There was a time when the darkest part of me wanted to literally devour her, but today I devoured her with my eyes, and for much more sane reasons. At least, more human reasons.

Biting her lip to retain her laughter, Bella had shrugged.

"Thanks for the warning, Mike, but I think I can handle it."

Other classmates were more accepting.

"I suspected that there was something going on with you two!" Angela had exclaimed with a conspiratorial nudge.

Her mind was buzzing with questions that she wouldn't ask her friend, sensing her reluctance to talk about it. Bella was naturally discreet and Angela didn't pry. Perhaps because she had become a little more familiar with the Cullens these last months, she was one of the few people to take the news positively.

I didn't concern myself with all the talk, but it was sometimes difficult to ignore obnoxious minds like Jessica Stanley's. Since she had witnessed us coming into school with my arm around Bella's shoulders, her fury had not relented.

"Don't tell me that Edward has a thing for the only girl who can't actually see how gorgeous he is!" she had complained to her fellow gossip girl, Lauren Mallory.

I shouldn't expect any better from someone like Jessica.

"She's unbelievable. Little Miss can't just hang out with these gods-on-earth, she has to go out with the hottest member of the family. Course, you could say that his standards aren't all that high – picking a handicapped girl when anyone would die to be with him. Pfft. He must feel sorry for her, or he lost a bet with one of his brothers – that's the only thing that make sense."

Until now, Jessica had believed that I was Bella's friend out of pity. She had to admit, however, that what we had was no longer just friendship. She found it inconceivable.

Her acid comments continued until the end of the school year. Mostly I gritted my teeth and feigned indifference. There was one day, though, when her thoughts became more and more painful to hear.

After a Spanish exam, I rejoined my love for the next class. When I saw her silhouette next to her locker, I smiled in bliss.

She sensed my arrival and instinctively raised her hand to my cheek.

"Hello."

Being touched by Bella Swan was like alighting in an earthly paradise. I turned my head so that I could reach her hand with my lips.

"Hello," I answered, kissing her palm. I breathed in the sweet scent of her skin and allowed myself to wallow in it for a few seconds. To my delight, she shivered, and it wasn't from cold, but pleasure.

I loved to affect her like this. It was a sweet revenge: she had unhinged me from the start, after all.

While Bella pulled out her Braille biology textbook, Jessica came by.

"_Oh, look, it's Miss Klutz 2000, attached to her Cullen. Too bad all she had was a broken leg. If she had been stuck in her bed in a coma I wouldn't have to look at this crap. What can he see in that science nerd crip?"_

That was an insult too far. I decided to indulge in a little mischief that would teach Jessica a lesson.

My arm stretched out and my hand resting against the open locker door, I leant down to Bella and buried my nose in her hair. My companion released a shaky sigh and smiled dreamily, but continued her preparations. I stood so that the top half of my face was visible. As Jessica walked past, I glared at her, a glare she sensed. She couldn't stop herself from turning her head in my direction and my narrowed eyes stared straight into hers. It was a sinister, icy stare, almost savage. I was careful to restrain myself, my goal being to scare her, but not enough for her to suspect my real nature. Situated thus next to Bella like a protective wall, I had the look of a wild animal defending my lair.

Jessica heard my message loud and clear. The girl grew pale and gulped. My murderous look made her wonder if she had somehow spoken out loud by mistake.

She nearly tripped when I freed her from my hypnotic gaze, catching herself just in time and running off. I knew that my little game had worked perfectly: Jessica would convince herself that she had imagined my inhuman glare, but she would remember how it made her feel.

Pleased, I closed my eyes so I could concentrate on the scent of Bella's hair before burying my entire face in it. Being so close to Bella no longer alarmed me, so I happily took advantage of her nearness.

It seemed to me that I had become strong and resistant. However, being strong and resistant implied that I had to fight back my thirst. But I no longer felt that I needed to fight anything. I no longer had to battle myself, battle the appeal of her blood. There was no more battle. Nor was there victory or defeat. The two sides, the monster and me, had merely decided on a definitive truce. Bella's exquisite, human fragrance intoxicated me still, but at a new level that went far beyond thirst. To breathe in Bella's scent was like breathing in life. Her life. And that life was all that kept me alive.

"Behave, Mr. Cullen," my companion said, a gentle reproach. If her fingers hadn't trembled as she pulled out her textbook, I could have almost believed that my proximity didn't affect her.

I prudently stepped away, but that was only because we had only 57 seconds to make it to biology before the bell. Bella closed her locker and we walked slowly to class, my pace matching her limping one.

"I wonder why Jessica was running as if she were being chased by the devil. I smelled her Chanel No. 5 go by in the hallway."

Damn. Nothing escaped her.

"No idea. I was preoccupied myself," I said teasingly, tugging gently at a lock of her hair.

Bella forgot Jessica, and put a hand on my arm. It wasn't for balance, but a means of looking at me.

Loving a human was different. Loving a blind human was deliciously different. For everything that would normally be communicated by sight was transmitted by touch, which meant that I was repeatedly on the verge of sweet madness.

Since I had told her that she didn't have to ask for permission to look at me, Bella always kept a hand on me, constantly making contact. Two sighted lovers would gaze into each other's eyes. Bella gazed at me through touch, touch that was much more than a way of observing me. Her hands on me were often a question, as if she was asking herself if I really existed. The brush of her fingers, light and trembling, was her way of assuring herself that I wasn't just a dream and that I was next to her in flesh and bone. Every time her hesitant fingers grazed my hand, my arm or my cheek, I responded. I hoped that in this way she would understand that I wasn't going to disappear, that I wasn't an illusion.

As for me, my hand was always wandering somewhere on her: a shoulder, the nape of her neck, a hip, her waist, her back. I too was assuring myself that she existed, that she was indeed real. My touches were often questions as well, confirmation that my inhuman coldness, the hardness of my skin, didn't bother her. I was still a little disbelieving of her acceptance of me, and probably always would be. The fact that she loved what I was surprised me still, but the more time that passed, the less I watched for her to be repulsed by my supernatural qualities.

I loved to look at her the same way she looked at me. I loved to memorize her with touch. I wanted her to envelope me in her unique essence. I had spent a hundred years feeling only the lifeless, tepid skin of my family, and the few occasions I had to touch humans happened during my brief rebellious period where I hunted criminals (and I couldn't really say that I had touched them – I had seized them, then massacred them). Discovering Bella Swan physically, discovering that I would look at her in her way and that she could do the same without arousing my thirst, was a continuing source of fascination for the entranced vampire that I was.

"How'd your Spanish exam go?" she asked, drawing me from my reverie.

I affected a mock-tragic tone.

"It was hard, but I think I managed."

"Pfft, you'll have an A+ as usual."

We had arrived at our lab table. Biology had become, hands down, my favorite class since it was the only one I had with Bella.

Previously, school had been a tedious chore. Decades of school years had passed without anything extraordinary occurring. Because we wanted to appear the most human possible, we Cullens had undertaken the academic routine numerous times. I had never asked myself how my siblings had managed to endure this repetitive life, but I had always had the impression that it was more difficult for me than for them. I hadn't understood why until Bella crossed my path: it was because my brothers and sisters had partners. It was much easier to tolerate our quasi-human lifestyle with a soulmate. And now I had one. High school and college were going to be much more interesting with Bella at my side.

When class started, I focused my attention not on Banner, but on the delicate profile of my biology partner.

Since she was gifted in the subject and more advanced than our classmates, I felt no guilt about distracting Bella during class. Often I used my pencil to punch holes in my notebook paper. I was writing messages in Braille: by turning the paper over, Bella could read what I had written by running her fingers over the bumps I had made. We sometimes had quite long conversations that way. She could answer me with her computer set in Braille mode, and even if Banner saw her screen he would be none the wiser.

So while the teacher blathered on about the parts of the brain, Bella and I had a conversation that had absolutely nothing to do with class.

"_Saturday, I'm going hunting with Jasper and Esme. The Forestry Service has issued a warning about wolves venturing too close to populated areas in Oregon. We're going to take care of the problem."_

"_Okay. While you go after the big bad wolf, I'll go to Port Angeles and get a new audiobook."_

"_That is out of the question."_

"_I won't walk far with my brace if that's what's bothering you, Mr. Bossy. Charlie has errands there. He'll drive me."_

"_That's not the problem."_

"_Then what is?"_

"_In a word, Victoria."_

Her brow furrowed and her eyes wide, Bella shuddered when her finger ran over the bumps forming the name. She crumpled up the paper and instinctively rubbed the half-circle of her scar.

Cursing myself for bringing painful memories to the fore, I entwined my fingers with hers under the table for reassurance, and gave them a squeeze.

"Edward, do you know the answer? What is the part of the brain that contains 50 percent of the neurons?"

"The cerebellum, Mr. Banner," I said casually.

He continued his lecture, asking himself why he had even bothered asking.

"_She's around?"_ my partner typed a few seconds later.

"_No. Alice saw her in the Canadian Rockies. But she doesn't know what her intentions are, so that's why you can't be unprotected."_

"_Victoria wants to finish what James started?"_

I wanted to answer no just to make Bella's frown disappear. But the truth was that I didn't know. I had concentrated so much on James's mind that I knew almost nothing about Victoria's. All that I knew was that she supported him in his lethal plans and was loyal to him. To James, she was a useful tool, nothing more. I saw that he didn't have strong feelings for her. But I didn't know how strongly Victoria felt tied to James.

"_She's not a tracker. That's not her strength. I think there's nothing to fear from her, but better safe than sorry. If you want to got to Port Angeles, have Alice drive you there."_

"_I don't need a babysitter."_

"_Hold on, it's not babysitting. We're watching over you. It's the least we can do considering all that has happened to you because of me."_

"_Victoria's in the Rockies, a thousand miles from Port Angeles."_

"_You know the saying, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure?"_

"_You're being paranoid."_

"_Cautious."_

"_Paranoid."_

"_I love you."_

"_That's an argument?"_

"_No, a fact."_

"_I love you too."_

The next Saturday did not play out quite as I had planned. When I returned from hunting, I discovered that Alice had not taken Bella to Port Angeles. To Bella's displeasure, my sister had cloistered her in our house to prepare her for an event.

I hadn't expected that, but I appreciated my sister's efforts. I had completely overlooked what was happening on this Saturday night and I now realized that I wanted to participate. Or more accurately, I didn't want to participate, but I wanted to be there for Bella. Alice had obviously seen that. Bella didn't know what was going on, and her efforts to find out failed.

That night, in the Volvo, she continued her inquisition.

"Alice played Make-Over Barbie on me all day without telling me why. I can't take it anymore. Where are you taking me?"

Bella bounced with impatience on her seat.

I smiled as I drove. "It's a surprise."

Uncomfortable with the ruffles on her dress, Bella vainly tried to flatten them against her thighs.

I laughed.

"Why am I decked out like a hooker?"

"A hooker? You are far from looking like a hooker, believe me. You are … astounding. Incredibly astounding …" I sighed, bowled over as I was every time I looked at her. I had fallen into a sort of trance when I saw her emerge – finally! - from Alice's room, which my sister had refused to let me enter when I had returned from Oregon.

Alice had created a masterpiece, although she had only retouched the painting that was already, and naturally, sublime. Nonetheless, the result was intoxicating.

Bella was too impatient to be flattered by my compliment. "It's not fair. You could at least give me a clue."

"Not a chance."

She crossed her arms over her chest and sulked.

"Patience," I told her. "We're almost there."

We had reached the school parking lot and I could already hear the sounds of a dance coming from the gym. Bella could too, and I saw an expression of horror replace her pout as she realized where we were.

"The prom…" She shrank back into her seat, overwhelmed. "You're taking me to the prom."

She said the word as if it were a death sentence.

I took her hand. "Do it for me, Bella."

"I can't do this."

"Of course you can."

"I hate this sort of thing."

"To be honest, I hate it too."

"Then why are we here?"

"To prove that you can do this."

I remembered having wished, with some guilt, to take her to the dance in March to show her that she would knock everyone out and dance like everyone else. Today, my wish had become concrete, and I was far, far from feeling guilty. It seemed so long ago that the lion had to fight against the laws of nature.

Being in a room crowded with dancers moving to loud music was difficult for Bella, I knew that. Tonight, I wanted to show her that it could be easy … if she wasn't alone.

"I can tell from here that the music is deafening. I'm going to go crazy if I go inside."

"I will be there. I won't leave your side for an instant."

That seemed to reassure her. A little.

"In ruffles, with my leg in a brace, I'm going to look ridiculous."

"No one will be looking at your leg. They will be too busy gaping at the goddess in the blue dress."

"You're trying to sweet-talk me?"

"All I'm doing is telling you the truth."

"Pfft, goddess in a blue dress. I can't judge the results myself, but I'm sure you're exaggerating."

"Absolutely not."

I stepped out of the car and opened her door. "Come on. Take my hand. I promise you it'll all be fine."

She took it reluctantly, but she took it. She limped next to me up to the entrance like a condemned prisoner heading to the scaffold. Once there, her hand tightened in mine. She recoiled at the sound of the speakers, then covered her ears, her expression one of distress.

I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her close. "I'm here."

Her head under my chin, Bella grabbed on to my jacket. We walked into the gym, which shook with the vibrations from the bass beat of music that the children of Forks High called heavy metal. Well, it was heavy: my eardrums were almost as uncomfortable as they had been when Bella turned on her ultrasound machine.

I hear her groan faintly. Bella was suffering from this infernal cacophony even more than I was. The agitated crowd of students must also have been disorienting her. At least she wasn't being assailed as I was by the multicolored lights skittering across the ceiling and walls. For a vampire with supersensitive vision, staring into such strong light was a kind of masochism.

I tried to describe to Bella all the details of the room, how the tables were situated, the dimensions of the dance floor, the number of attendees, the arrangement of the drinks tables … everything. Bella noted all these data and as she was able to picture her surroundings in her mind, I could see her relaxed minutely.

I cut a path through the crowd, not without some looks of astonishment at our passage. The way Bella held on to me could be interpreted in many ways. Still, we looked more like an infatuated couple than one trying to adjust to a demonic ambiance.

"That's Edward, isn't it?"

"Who's the girl hanging from his neck?"

"Hell, that's Bella Swan! What a change!"

I repressed an irritated sigh and waved to my sisters and brothers from across the room. They were already on the dance floor. They had had time to get used to the climate. Jasper looked as if he was dancing with an excitable little sister. As for Emmett and Rosalie, who were glued to each other, they made their way among the dancers in an improvised tango.

I observed that the hand on my chest had become less tense. In fact, it was caressing.

"Bella, what's going on?" I asked, confused.

"You're dressed like a penguin."

I realized that her caress was an inspection of my outfit. "It's a dinner jacket," I said wryly. "What one wears to this sort of thing."

She touched the boutonniere.

"All you need is a top hat and you'll look like a distinguished young man from the turn of the last century."

"I_ am_ a distinguished young man from the turn of the last century," I reminded her, teasing.

My dinner jacket had distracted her from the noise and laughter around us. I took advantage of her preoccupation to lead her to the dance floor and position her in front of me.

"What are you doing?"

I lifted her onto my feet. I left my right hand on her hip, placed her left hand on my shoulder and then took the other and raised it.

"You want to waltz?" she asked. "To this music?"

For answer, I twirled her around. She let me do it, at first surprised, then relaxing little by little. I smiled, pleased with my initiative. Dance was something Bella adored at least as much as music (real music, of course!).

"So? It's not so bad, is it?"

"I'll survive," my partner agreed, more and more at ease.

It was easy to ignore the noise around us, but another sort of cacophony had begun as we danced, a mental reaction that was harder to block.

"_That's Bella, isn't it?"_

"_Yeah, smoking!"_

"_A god in a tuxedo! My God!"_

I grinned arrogantly when I heard Mike Newton's thoughts. Feeling sorry for himself, Mike remembered having asked Bella to the other dance as a fallback. Now he bitterly regretted not having tried harder. He was sure that he would be in my place at this moment if he hadn't given up.

_Dream on_, I thought.

I remembered wishing that I was in his place when he had asked her to go with him. The roles were now reversed. What irony.

With an entirely masculine, very human sense of pride – something I couldn't keep myself from indulging in – I pulled Bella to me more closely, to the dismay of Mike Newton. His own dance partner couldn't stop glancing surreptitiously at us, but Jessica Stanley's thoughts were, for once, not obnoxious. Her little encounter with my glare still had its effect.

I turned all my attention to Bella, who appeared to be more and more comfortable. When I was sure that she was completely at ease, when I sensed that her desire to dance had vanquished her discomfort, I knew that my mission was accomplished. Bella had faced a crowded room and had managed it. I silently and smugly rejoiced that I had had something to do with that.

A sweet sensation, that of feeling useful, that of feeling that somebody needed me and my help. Every day, I was stunned by how this powerful feeling could provide me with such deep satisfaction.

Suddenly, without asking my opinion, Emmett pivoted, released Rosalie and deftly whirled Bella away from me. Rosalie found herself in the arms of her "twin brother," Jasper, while Alice was my new partner.

Emmett was so quick that Bella didn't realize what was happening … at least until his scent betrayed him.

"Hey, what's happ – Emmett?" she stammered.

My brother guffawed, continued to twirl around his new dance partner. "Ready for a spin?"

"Huh, I'm … Whoa!"

Without any other warning, Emmett led Bella on a wild ride. I stiffened and growled, but Alice held me back. She forced me to dance and I saw in her head that this abrupt change in partners was her idea. She wanted to speak to me.

"There are other ways to arrange a conversation!" I complained.

"Don't worry. Emmett won't do anything to upset you."

"What do you want?"

"I hate you," she snapped. "It's not fair. I want to travel with you too."

Ah. She had seen my secret plans.

Now that we were "going out," Bella was convinced that Charlie would say no to our journey in Arago's footsteps. She thought it would have been difficult enough to persuade him when we were two friends; Charlie's letting a teenage couple travel the world on their own would require a miracle. Bella had virtually given up hope. But I hadn't. I had more than one trick up my sleeve. Still, I hadn't said anything to her about it since I wasn't sure I couldn't make it work.

"Sorry, Alice. It's a trip for two."

"Two sets of two would be better. I would go with Jasper."

"I want to be alone with her."

"I'm tiny. You'd barely notice me!"

Barely notice her? She might have been the littlest of demons, but she was also the most interfering and annoying.

"Certainly," I said sarcastically. "And I'm a werewolf."

"I'm serious. I won't bother you."

"If you're trying to convince me, it's because you've already seen my refusal. But this is still very encouraging. If you've seen Bella and me go on this trip, that means that parental objections have been overcome."

"Exactly. And I'm vexed that you are excluding me from your trip."

I heaved an exasperated sigh.

"Alice. My time with Bella is short. I don't want to waste it. And this time I want to spend alone with her. I have to live each second of her life to the fullest. You have Jasper for eternity. That's not the case for me."

"If she were like us…"

I stopped short on the dance floor, pinning her with a fierce glare.

"I know, I know. I'll shut up," Alice said. She rolled her eyes and tugged at me so I would resume dancing.

I grudgingly obeyed. I didn't need to concentrate on my steps so I focused on my brother, who was having Bella execute pirouettes that were more suitable for a circus than a dance.

"He always goes too far."

"Well, that's Emmett."

"Her leg's broken, for God's sake!"

"I told you, don't worry. I picked out her brace, remember. It's a good one. A bulldozer could run over her leg and it wouldn't hurt her."

I decided not to intervene only because Alice had broached a topic that I needed to discuss with her.

"You haven't seen anything that would interfere with my plans?"

"Are you talking about Charlie, or something else?"

"You know very well what I mean."

"Victoria went to the dance studio we burned down, and figured out what happened. She is raving mad."

If I could have, I would have blanched.

Nobody could eavesdrop on us – we were speaking too quickly and too quietly – but even so we murmured the rest.

"Will she come after us?"

"It's hard to say. Victoria is always changing her mind. She wants revenge, but our numbers frighten her. She also wants to find Laurent and reconstitute their coven. She is truly hard to follow. But don't worry, I'm keeping an eye on her."

"She absolutely can't be allowed to follow us when we travel. If Victoria discovers that I'm alone with Bella ... "

"All the more reason to take me with you, don't you think? The more of us there are, the less she'll be tempted to take us on."

She gave me a pitiful yet hopeful look.

"Don't try to fool me. You're wasting your time," I told her.

Alice lost her would-be endearing expression and resigned herself to defeat. "James was the tracker, not Victoria. I think that the fate of her partner was a lesson to her. Her survival instinct will keep her away from you – she knows too well what will happen to her if she tries anything."

"We still have to be vigilant."

"You can count on me."

"Good. And on that note … so long!"

I spun the little demon so she landed in the arms of Jasper, who was executing a fast foxtrot with his fake twin as our classmates watched and gaped. I recovered my dance partner with finesse. Emmett roared with laughter before gluing himself again to Rosalie.

"Hey," I told Bella, in case I had been too subtle for her to realize that she was now in my arms.

She wasn't surprised. Her sixth sense had already given her the news.

"Forgive me for abandoning you to that grizzly bear."

"You're forgiven." She smiled, comfortable where she was.

"Hey, Bella!" Angela Weber, dressed in lilac, came up to my love, who turned toward her voice.

"Oh, hey, Angela! I'm so glad to see you."

"Good evening, Angela," I said politely.

She blushed, but only a little, and managed to get out a "hello" to me without too much stammering. "You look very elegant," she said.

"Thank you. You do as well," I told her.

"Not as much as your dance partner!" Angela turned her attention to her friend. "Where did you find such a great dress?"

Bella shrugged. "Alice arranged everything."

"She's got to tell me which shop it came from!"

Hmm. The boutique in question was in an expensive neighborhood of Paris, but I didn't mention that.

"I didn't expect to see you here tonight," Angela went on. "You told me that this sort of thing was too much for you."

"That's true, but I was dragged here against my will." She jutted her chin toward me to indicate that I was the culprit. "But it turned out not to be that bad," she added, interlacing her fingers in mine.

The conversation naturally turned to their various science projects. No doubt, Bella had completely adjusted to the atmosphere here since she could discuss electrons and decibels with her friend in the middle of the dance floor.

I suppressed a laugh. Only these two would start talking about modifications to their ultrasound machine during a dance. But Ben Cheney soon arrived to claim his date for a slow dance, and Angela went off with him.

Knowing now that Bella was no longer in discomfort, I felt there was no longer any need for us to stay here. She had passed the test, faced her fears, and there was nothing to retain us in this room full of forced frivolity.

I drew her back into my arms, making a show of starting to dance, and lean down so I could whisper in her ear.

"Shall we stop playing human?" I murmured.

I sensed her smile widen. "I'm with you," she answered.

I continued to turn around and calculated the trajectory for reaching the open doors of the gym. I idly noted in passing Alice's mental outrage when she saw what we were planning, and ignored it. I didn't stop dancing until we were out of sight of the handful of students lingering outside the building. Then with the speed of lightning, I grabbed my partner by the waist and slung her on my back. She laughed loudly while I ran us into the dark of the forest at night. Hanging on to my neck, Bella let herself be carried away by our spontaneous ride, and the knowledge that she was far happier racing through the woods with me than spending time at a school dance made me think with scorn of her fellow students who adored such events.

I secured my hold on her by putting my hands behind me and under her thighs covered with blue lace. I ran joyfully among the trees, making sure that nothing hit her injured leg. I left somewhere behind us my tie and my boutonniere. My precious cargo lost some ruffles and her single shoe, but she didn't care.

I jumped from boulder to boulder, leaping up high to grab branches and swing from tree to tree to the soundtrack of Bella's delighted laughter.

We came to our old twisted oak, beaming.

"Oh, that was much more fun than the dance," she said.

"I couldn't agree more."

I lowered her carefully to the ground and turned her to face me. I observed that her updo by Alice was now just a memory.

Her hands flat on my chest, Bella discovered that my shirt was unbuttoned. "I see that I'm not the only one to leave behind some bits of my clothing. Alice is going to massacre us."

"Who cares?"

We burst out into laughter, then the air between us subtly changed, in keeping with our surroundings. Our hilarity was succeeded by a strange, feverish tension.

An imaginary melody descended upon the meadow, cradling us, far from the racket of the gym. Real music to our ears. A piano we recognized, which we had already heard playing here, floated in the air. Debussy.

The movement of the leaves transformed into notes, the creaking of branches changed into piano chords, and the sighing of the wind became a harmony that allowed us to start what for us was a real dance.

As she had the first time we had come to this meadow, Bella mirrored me. Her open hand waited. My palm paired hers.

I closed my eyes to match her own and executed a step, knowing even without seeing it that she followed. Bella glided over the grass, her brace only barely hindering her movements, and I copied her. I moved to the imaginary notes and she accompanied me. We heard the same melody, the same rhythm, the same mute sound of the piano. As we had been the last time, I was her frame, she was my painting. I accompanied her and completed her. Or perhaps it was the opposite.

The two reflections of the mirror turned in the meadow to the cadence of the sweet, silent litany of the composer who had awakened us to each other.

It was not a pas de deux, but a pas de un. The two reflections met and merged. We were soon a single silhouette, turning among the trees, ethereal and light. We were two voices echoing as one, two notes resounding as one.

Debussy finished his silent piece in a sweet, chiming tempest. The music once again became leaves, wind and branches. I slowly came to a standstill. I lowered my head and we found ourselves forehead to forehead. I breathed in her exhalations, she breathed in mine. And instead of feeling flames in my throat, I felt her breath and mine together, a new, pure aroma that warmed me from the inside.

My arms, without my realizing – and in any case, it didn't matter – were wrapped around her. Her hands were laced behind my neck.

I buried my nose in her hair, tracing a line to her temple, trading the silk of her strands for the velvet softness of her skin. My lips found a soft, voluptuous flower. The nerve endings in my skin exploded at the contact and I entered into a strange, unfamiliar state of wonder. The flower had the taste of body and soul, of satin and burning embers. It had a fragrance that I knew well yet seemed new to me or at least heightened. A mystery.

It was only when the petals trembled under my marble lips that I understood that this flower was the mouth of Bella Swan.

My eyes flashed open. I was staggered by what I had been doing without even planning or expecting it. For a millisecond, I thought about the monster in me – or rather, the vampire part of me – and I was happy and incredulous that I could do what I had done without feeling the beginning of thirst or a lethal desire. Although after all this time, should I really be astonished that I could dominate my vampire instincts?

The millisecond passed, and with it my joy. I regarded the face of my beloved and came down to earth with a thud. Bella's expression was a mixture of shock and … fear?

I jumped back, terrified that I was the cause of that worrisome expression. I tried without great success to ignore the emptiness that invaded me as I tore myself from her. I became a statue while Bella tried to recover her equilibrium, her lips still trembling. She seemed lost, her fragile body swaying and her heart beating like a drum. Was it racing from fear? Was it really fear that I read on her face? Or … pain?

I wasn't thirsty, no. But still I had lost control. I became almost nauseated at the thought that my stone mouth could have injured her. I had forgotten all notion of caution. Perhaps I had been too strong without realizing it?

I had found the most exquisite, delicate flower of the universe. Without thinking of its fragility, I had touched it. I had wanted to press it to me.

"Did I hurt you?" I asked, a tremor in my voice.

My question seemed to disconcert her. She didn't answer, perhaps to spare my feelings, knowing that I would feel horribly guilty if she said yes.

I watched anxiously for a bruise to form somewhere on her still-troubled face. Nothing.

If I hadn't hurt her physically, perhaps I had psychologically? Did she feel … violated? That wouldn't be in keeping with all that had happened between us before now … but … the truth was that never before now had I ventured to experience that flower.

That damnable mental wall! No way of knowing the origin of this …consternation? Upset? Pain? … on her face except to ask her aloud.

"Bella, please, can you answer me? Have I harmed you in some way?" I asked her again, more and more worried.

Her eyelids flickered, as if she were waking from a dream … or a nightmare? … and she frowned, this time clearly surprised by my question.

"What? I'm … No, not at all."

I felt a little reassured if still perplexed and uneasy about the strange expression on her face.

Perhaps … perhaps the coldness of my lips had repelled her? I thought anxiously.

No, I rebuked myself. How many times had I kissed her forehead, her hands, her cheek? Never had I discerned the least disgust, so why would it appear now?

While I sunk into this depressing inquisition, a flash of understanding appeared in her inanimate gaze. "Oh, I get it … my reaction must seem bizarre to you."

She stepped toward me, her hand outstretched. I didn't move, still trying to understand what had caused that unreadable expression on her face. Her fingers found my tense jaw.

"Sorry. I'm a little … shocked, I guess."

Her fingers caressed my cheek until my muscles unlocked despite myself. Impossible to remain marble under the feathers of her touch.

"Shock? I shocked you?"

"Yes." She let out a little embarrassed giggle. "I didn't expect that. I was surprised."

"You've lost me. Surprised how?"

She blushed furiously, but I wasn't in the state of mind to be affected by the sudden rush of blood to her cheeks.

"I thought it wasn't possible," she answered in a small voice. "I thought it would be too difficult for you, too much of a test. You said that you weren't certain that you could be … close to me. Close like that."

This time, I relaxed completely, relieved to finally understand what was going on, and even more relieved to realized that I had been wrong, that I hadn't injured her in any way. Bella Swan had been certain that I would restrict myself for the rest of her life to kissing her forehead and her cheek … so certain that my action had taken her aback.

It was true that I hadn't intended this … contact. I had been too absorbed for that. I wasn't used to touching a human nor used to not feeling guilty about it. I was also astonished that I no longer wanted to consume her blood at the least sign of it, and dazzled by the realization that she wanted this physical contact with me as much as I wanted it with her.

My body knew the shape of her when she was pressed against me. My hands knew the skin that I wouldn't tire of exploring. My lips knew her face, her hair, her hands, but not this flower, at least not until now. Unconsciously I had saved this discovery for the end of my tactile explorations: a sort of dessert, the grand finale of the perpetual intoxication I experienced each time I touched her.

And this delay in tasting the dessert had been interpreted by Bella as a frontier that I would never cross. She loved me enough to accept this limit, claiming nothing, demanding nothing. I could only adore her all the more for that.

"I thought that I had gone too far and hurt you, but in fact you were astonished only that I could do _that_?" I asked. I illustrated by brushing her lower lip with my own.

She trembled again, but since I now knew that it was a shiver of pleased surprise, I continued to trace the shape of the petal, and she spoke.

"Yes, I was shocked … it's a pleasant discovery."

I smiled against her lips. And trembled in turn. What heaven … I wanted to make her swoon, but I was sinking into the pleasure of it as much as she was.

"Very, very pleasant," she managed to murmur before letting the petals adjust to my iron mouth.

It was initially a cautious, careful exploration. Then a thought flashed through my mind: could my venom poison her by accident?

But .. why would the venom flood my mouth? There was no reason. Or perhaps I should worry about my razor-sharp teeth.

No, not that either. I had kissed her palm, her forehead, her temples, her hands, and nothing bad had happened. Why would this be different? Because I was tasting her delicious breath that I had previously only inhaled? Because this tender flesh, these two plump lines, warm, moist, should make me salivate more than any other part of her body?

Perhaps. But it was too late to worry about it. Impossible to go back and burden myself with scruples and concerns, for I had the decided impression that if I pulled away from this flower, I would shatter into pieces, I would collapse like a building without its foundation, like an arch without its keystone.

And so I became bolder.

This flower was like a brand on my lips, awakening in me something unknown, something alive; an energy and a force that didn't stem from my vampire nature. Something impossible for me ran through my being, something that I could find no better definition than this: life. I felt alive. Truly alive. I was no longer a creature frozen in time. I was animated, full of a new vitality, a passion that had its source in my moon.

I wanted to fan the flames of this life burning in me. I deepened the kiss, and the cold steel of my lips melted to mold to the velvet shape of hers. I lost my mind. I no longer knew who I was, where I was. I was only sensation.

I flew. In all senses of the word. I wasn't even aware of springing from the ground and leaping into the limbs of the oak, my moon hanging from my neck, attached to me like a second skin. I had jumped as if to match the sensation inside of me: I felt light, living, ethereal. Finding myself atop a tree seemed only natural.

Did Bella even realize that we were suspended in air? If she did, she didn't care.

In a moment of lucidity, I wondered why her skin was becoming wetter, and why her fragrance was becoming stronger. I realized then that it had started to rain and the drops were no longer being filtered by the leaves. Our hair was soon plastered to our faces and our clothes were soaked, but we still remained entwined with each other. She tasted the rivulets on my skin, and I drank in her fragrance diluted by the rain.

My mouth had been used only for speaking, growling, shouting or drinking. It never had been used before in such a way; never had it gone on a sensory quest that was so primal, vital and spellbinding. It was new. Completely new. How had I survived almost 100 years without it?

While I was becoming more audacious, Bella was pulling away. Her mouth gave up mine with all the difficulty of two magnets being detached from each other. I knew that it was hard for her, so why was she leaving?

"Sorry, the poor human has to breathe. Unfortunately, it's indispensable if you don't want my asphyxiation on your conscience," she said, panting.

I regained my senses. "Forgive me, I forgot that detail," I said sheepishly.

Although she was still breathless, she smiled at me. I was able to reconcile myself to the loss of her lips only because I knew I would have other opportunities to relive this extraordinary experience. Which wouldn't prevent me from returning to the rest of her face while waiting for those opportunities.

But perhaps we should get off this tree. Now that I had recovered some part of my reason, I felt a little ridiculous hanging like an orangutan.

As I glided down from branch to branch, my lips wandered over her eyelids and her heart pounded joyfully in her chest.

Our descent surprised her.

"Where are we?"

"In the oak."

"How did we get here?"

"My fault. I got carried away."

She snickered.

Just then, my new cellphone rang, but I couldn't answer it without letting go of my precious cargo.

"Huh. This situation is familiar," Bella said, recalling our adventure at the museum.

We both laughed while she tried to retrieve the phone from my pants pocket, a difficult task since the soaked fabric was sticking to my hip.

"I bet it's Charlie. We've surely violated curfew," she said as we descended.

"And I bet that it's Alice calling to scold us. We have ruined an entire day's worth of makeup and hairstyling, and the rain has taken care of the rest."

After the third ring, she was able to open the phone and to put it to her ear. "You have reached the cellphone of Mr. Cullen, how may I help you?"

A voice from beyond the grave, sickeningly glib, answered, echoing in the forest:

"_Hello, my darling girl. It's your dear James."  
><em>

* * *

><p><em>TN: Ah, Elysabeth, what a place to end! _


	18. Posthumous

_Disclaimer: "Twilight" belongs to SMeyer. "Les Yeux de la Lune" belongs to Elysabeth._

* * *

><p>Chapter 18: Posthumous<p>

A violent shudder shook me as I landed.

That voice echoed in my head. An auditory nightmare.

It couldn't be him. It was impossible. Yet my supernaturally sensitive hearing could not be wrong.

The voice was accompanied by static that sounded … electronic.

Once again, the voice rang out.

"_Hello, my darling girl. It's your dear James_," it repeated.

Same phrases, same intonation, same words.

I understood now.

A gasp of shock and terror escaped from Bella's lips while the cellphone slipped from her hands on its way to the spongy ground.

It didn't land. I caught it in its fall. I pulled Bella's shaking body more tightly to mine while I put the phone to my ear, my teeth gritted.

"Victoria! I know it's you!"

I heard a harpy's laugh, some distance from the transmitter. Then the call cut off.

"Hello?"

She had hung up.

I repressed a furious growl.

A soft voice vibrated against my chest. ''It's starting again.''

Her hands trembled as they held onto my jacket. I put away the phone and cradled her face in my hands. She was deathly pale.

''Bella, listen to me. That wasn't James. He's dead, you hear me?''

''But-''

''What you heard was a voicemail he left when he was alive.''

''You … you're sure of that?''

''Absolutely.''

I didn't have time to reassure her more. We had to get out of here. I scooped her up in my arms and had vanished from the meadow in a single second. The forest had suddenly become a dangerous, hostile place of potential ambush, while only a few moments ago, it seemed to watch over us protectively.

Where was that harpy? Was she hiding nearby and spying on us, waiting for the most advantageous moment to show herself?

I opened my mental ear to its maximum, scrutinizing all the minds I could find. I heard only the thoughts of the students near the school gym. I also discovered that my siblings were on alert; Alice had just seen my decision to return to our house. She hadn't yet seen why, but she knew it was serious. My family was already departing the dance to meet us at home.

Holding Bella even tighter, I doubled my speed and crossed the river, cutting through the curtain of rain that was beating down on us. Bella, curled up against me, was making a superhuman effort to not be overcome by panic.

When I reached the house, my father was already in the living room, pacing as he waited for us. I was grateful to see Esme rush to us with a blanket in her arms. Bella was soaked, and shivering as much from cold as from fear.

"Alice just called us. What's happening?'' Carlisle asked.

I summed up the situation in a word: "Victoria.''

I needed say nothing more to stop my parents in their tracks.

By the time Bella was installed on the sofa, swaddled in blankets, I heard the M3, my Volvo and the Porsche roaring up the drive. My siblings burst into the living room.

During the drive here, Alice must have focused on us and learned more, for Jasper said immediately,  
>"What's with this phone call from beyond the grave? James is dead!''<p>

Emmett echoed his sentiments. "We ripped him into pieces and burnt him to ash!''

"I know," I answered. "It's Victoria who called. I heard her laugh. She was playing a recording. She and James must have talked by telephone while he was tracking Bella, and she used an old message James had left on her voice mailbox. I don't see any other explanation."

Bella was listening intently although our frayed nerves were making us speak at a vampire speed. "So … the message, originally, was for Victoria, not me," she said.

"Yes." I sensed her breathing calm down. Knowing that James's words weren't really meant for her comforted her. "It was a joke. A very bad joke."

A joke that signaled very clearly that Victoria had absolutely no intention of resigning herself to the loss of her mate.

I paced the living room, nervous and angry. I wanted to hold Bella's shivering body to reassure her, but I was afraid of breaking her in my agitation. Esme, eternally maternal, acted in my stead, wrapping her arms around Bella's frail shoulders.

I stopped next to Alice. "You didn't see anything coming."

She shook her head quickly. "It must have been a sudden impulse, not calculated. She periodically disappears from my vision. It's as I've told you: she's difficult to hold on to. All that I'm sure of is that she isn't close by."

Pensive, Jasper rubbed his chin. "How did she know your new cellphone number?" he asked me.

"I didn't change it."

When they had seized Bella in Phoenix, James and Victoria had found my number in her phone's address book. I had crushed my own cellphone in rage, but when I bought a new one, I had kept my old number, a decision I was now regretting.

"If Victoria wasn't here spying on you, how did she know that Bella was with you?" Jasper went on. "She called _you_, but the call was clearly aimed at Bella. How did she know that Bella would pick up?"

At his words, I had a sudden intuition. "I bet she was taking a chance …" I said.

I turned to the small figure buried in blankets. "Bella, where is your cellphone?"

"In my room somewhere at home."

"Is it off?"

"Probably."

I headed to the door. "I'll be right back."

I raced to Charlie's house. Bella's father was watching a game with a co-worker from the police station. I entered Bella's room by the window and retrieved the telephone. As quick as that, I was back at my house.

When I flipped open the phone, I swore. My intuition was right.

"Jesus Christ, Victoria called at least 30 times!" Bella's eyes widened at my words, and I went on, "The same number is listed in your incoming calls."

Jasper studied the little screen. "Look at the time: she called during the dance. When Bella didn't answer, she tried your phone. She guessed that you wouldn't be far from Bella and that her call would have the effect she wanted.

"And she had a stroke of luck – she didn't expect Bella to answer, which would explain her satisfied laugh. She was pleased to have hit her initial target."

My brother examined the phone further and saw that a message had been left each time Victoria called. He played them, and I was grateful that only the vampires could hear the words.

"_Hello, my darling girl. It's your dear James_."

It was the same message each time.

"What do you see of the female?" Jasper asked Alice.

"It's hazy. She's angry and … wants to punish us."

In my sister's mind, I saw many paths for Victoria, but they were all indistinct. Possible but not clear. I sensed her desire to make us pay for destroying James, but not the realization of that desire. I didn't know if I should be relieved or not. These paths were purely hypothetical at the moment, but they could become concrete.

"But she isn't planning to attack us," Alice continued, her eyes unfocused. "She knows that would be suicide."

Carlisle was thoughtful. "I believe that this was the vengeance we were expecting. Victoria knows she can't come after us without destroying herself in the process. There are too many of us. So she is seeking revenge in a different way. By this circuitous route, she wants to unsettle you and Bella. And doing that, she knows, unsettles us too."

Emmett put it more colorfully. "She can't get close to us so she gets off by freaking us out a little."

A little? Bella was in a state of shock!

I looked at her fragile form on the sofa. She looked so vulnerable with her damp hair stuck to her temples and her eyes staring off into the distance.

I was struck by a feeling that I knew very well, but that I had thought I wouldn't experience again: guilt. The last few weeks had almost convinced me that that feeling would no longer be part of my life. I was wrong.

I knelt next to Bella. Even in her wet dress, she dazzled me. I made my voice as gentle as I could considering that I was still racked by anger and guilt.

"You are going to stay here tonight." I pushed a lock of her hair behind her ear.

"Is that really necessary?" she asked.

"I'd prefer you to be here, guarded by the whole family. Just in case."

She looked distressed. "I'm causing you so much trouble -"

Surely she couldn't think that! "I am the cause of all this, not you," I said, bitterly.

Carlisle placed one hand on my shoulder, the other on Bella's. "It doesn't matter who is the cause. You are part of our family, and we protect our family. Nothing more need be said."

My beloved gave him a grateful smile. "Thank you."

I detested the furrow of concern in her forehead. I kissed it, hoping that my lips would erase it. But no. It was an indelible mark. I consoled myself with the observation that my proximity slowed her galloping heartbeat and calmed her staccato breathing. I was the cause of her torments and the remedy for them at the same time. It was a paradox.

"You are also going to get another telephone."

"But Charlie gave me that phone. He's going to ask why I –"

She stopped short when she heard the crunch of plastic, the phone disintegrating in my hand.

"It broke at the gym when you dropped it on the dance floor. Someone stepped on it," I said, inventing a story for her to tell Charlie. "You have no choice but to buy a new one."

She examined the mangled phone with her hands, flabbergasted, before saying, "I'd like to stay here, but Charlie won't be pleased, you and me together all night…."

She didn't finish, but she didn't have to. Officially, I never saw Bella after curfew. Unofficially, I spent nearly every night in her room.

"I will call him and tell him that I'm inviting you to stay over," Alice said. "I'll tell him it's a girls' night so we can gossip about the dance, watch a movie, eat popcorn, talk about boys. That's what girls do, right?"

"Yeah, I guess."

While Alice was arranging this "girls' night," Jasper had an idea. He went upstairs and returned in a second with his laptop. He took my cellphone, noted the incoming number of Victoria's call, and a few clicks later had found what he wanted.

"Look. The area code is Canadian. It's neither a residential or commercial number, nor that of a cellphone. The call must have been made from a pay phone."

I looked over his shoulder at his computer screen. "Can you pinpoint the phone?"

"No. I can trace the call through the satellite only while the line is in use."

"In other words, we have to wait until she calls back," I said.

The thought made me grind my teeth. I glared at my phone. If that vile creature called again, I wouldn't answer for my actions.

Emmett's fists clenched and I was in perfect harmony with his state of mind.

"If the number is Canadian, that means that she's probably still in the Rockies. That's a good place for us to start searching. We have to find her. We should have ended her too. She helped that maniac in his hunt. She deserves as much as he did to rot in hell," he said.

I wanted very much to accompany my brother, but I would have had to leave Bella behind and that was out of the question.

Rosalie hissed in disapproval. She didn't want Emmett to go after a psychopathic vampire on his own. Victoria was on her own too, but rage and rancor and suffering increased her strength. Emmett, meanwhile, was so impulsive and confident that he had a tendency to underestimate his adversaries. A confrontation could go badly for him.

"Oh, sweetheart, just come with me if you're so worried," my brother said to soothe Rosalie.

Carlisle raised his hands in a call for calm. "We don't know her intentions. We should wait."

"Wait for what? For her to go after Bella again?" I roared.

Carlisle had only to give me a pointed look to bring me back in line. He asserted his authority so rarely that when he did it was instantly effective.

"As long as we are uncertain of Victoria's goals, we will not take action against her. A prank call isn't sufficient reason to kill her."

"She helped James."

"What is to say that she wasn't controlled by James, blinded by her feelings for him and unaware of the gravity of his actions? You didn't study her mind – James's mind monopolized your attention. You don't know if she is as evil as her partner or a victim herself. And you, Alice, you can't see her. You don't know what she plans to do. Under these circumstances, I believe that it's best to wait and remain vigilant."

I knew that my father was right, but the idea of taking no action was unbearable.

My mother rose from the sofa and had me take her place next to Bella. I wasn't sure it was a good idea – I was still too on edge. I was afraid of breaking her.

But Esme knew what she was doing. The moment I touched Bella, my tension dissipated. It was if I had been conditioned to become calm when I was close to the most essential element of my existence.

"I'm going to make a bed ready for you upstairs," Esme murmured to Bella.

"I'm not sleepy," Bella protested, but my mother had already vanished.

"You are exhausted and in shock," I said.

"I'm fine."

She did seem to be in control of herself, but then, she was a good actress. I sought the opinion of Jasper, who knew better than anyone.

"_She is terrorized and at the end of her strength_," he thought. I gave him a pleading glance and he understood. Almost immediately, Bella's body relaxed. Her eyelids struggled to stay open.

"Oh, Jasper, no, don't do that," she said weakly, realizing his maneuver. "It's not right, it's a trick, I don't want … to… sleep."

"You need it," I whispered to her, kissing her eyes shut. She mumbled some more protests, but finally her breathing became slow and regular.

"Sleep, sweet moon."

Esme reappeared to take Bella from me. "She's soaked," my mother said. "I'm going to undress her and put her in something more comfortable."

"I can take care of –"

"Young man, from this moment on, a woman needs to take over," she told me firmly.

She flew upstairs with the sleeping form of my love. I hadn't thought anything of undressing Bella, but … well, Esme wasn't wrong.

I decided to change out of my formal clothes and when I returned to the living room, the rest of my family was still discussing Victoria's possible reprisals, deepening my feelings of guilt.

I was full of remorse. Remorse for putting Bella in danger. Remorse for forcing her to endure this nightmare. Because I was the cause of this nightmare. If it weren't for me, Bella would never have been the object of James's pursuit. Nor would a psychotic vampire have harassed her on the phone.

If that weren't enough, Rosalie's thoughts added to my burden of guilt.

"_Here we go again… more trouble because of her, and there's no light at the end of the tunnel. Don't you see that you will perpetually endanger her? If it's not James or Victoria, it will be some other vampire we encounter who will go after her. You know very well that other vampires will cross our path, by chance or by intent. We can't withdraw completely from the vampire world just to avoid exposing Bella to the danger of non-vegetarians. It would be a lot simpler if she was like us._"

I eyed Rosalie, who wore her usual haughty expression. She was deliberately provoking me. She knew very well that I couldn't imagine transforming Bella. Rosalie herself, who so detested what we were, was opposed to it.

Satisfied by my dismay over her suggestion, Rosalie attacked again.

"_If that outcome is impossible for you, the other solution, radical but effective, is to leave her. The farther you are from her, the farther she will be from the dangers of our world_."

Alice saw the prospective futures that our mute exchange portended, and intervened.

"I'm stopping this now. That won't fix anything, Edward," she declared brusquely.

Jasper, Emmett and Carlisle looked at us, intrigued.

"Hey, what's going on?" my giant brother asked.

With a truculent expression, Alice crossed her arms and glared at Rosalie. "Rose is trying to persuade Edward to give up Bella for her own good, and ours."

I painfully envisaged this possibility, and it destroyed me already. Separating myself from Bella would kill me, but it would be worth it if it protected Bella.

"Rose –" Carlisle said, distressed.

"What?" Rose spat out. "You all know it's the most logical solution."

"The problem, darling, is that I like Bella, too," Emmett said, wincing.

Rosalie stalked out of the living room indignantly and marched to the garage. Emmett was on her heels.

"Oh, come on, baby, don't go off in a huff. You have to admit, she's entertaining, the blind little bat …"

The rest of his words were cut off by the garage door closing behind him.

Alice yanked me from my trance by placing a hand on my shoulder. "Edward, we're all afraid of what the future holds, because we all know that Bella will die one day. But believe me, the harm has been done: she is one of us now. Though what am I saying? The good has been done, is how I should put it. She is one of us, and it's been good to have a human among us. You don't want to lose her, and we don't want to lose her either. So forget about that path you saw in your future: it leads only to a dead end."

"We don't abandon our family, son, even if we think we're acting in their best interest," Carlisle reminded me.

Esme returned during this exchange.

"Bella's in bed, and sleeping, but it's thanks only to Jasper. I doubt that it's a real rest," she said.

I was already upstairs. I found Bella in my parents' room, the only one that had a bed. When she decorated the house, Esme had wanted this room to look as human as possible.

When my eyes fell upon the silhouette curled up under the covers, a wave of emotion shook me from head to toe. A wave that was a mixture of love, melancholy and regret, tenderness and bitterness.

How could I have considered myself for even a single instant capable of being apart from her?

The reason was simple. I had thought it while Bella wasn't near me. I had blocked Esme's mind so I wouldn't see her undress Bella. If Bella had been in my mental or real field of vision, if I hadn't been out of her presence, I would not have pondered Rosalie's idea for a millisecond.

The remorse was still there. The regret for having dragged her into this business with Victoria and James was still clawed at me. The fury of knowing that she might always be in danger still tormented me. But there would be even more regrets, remorse and rage if I made the mistake of erasing her from my existence.

I had put her in danger? Then I would take the responsibility of protecting her.

I stepped closer to Bella and lay down carefully on the bed. The mattress barely moved under my weight. I slid under the covers, knowing that I had put on clothes thick enough to block my glacial skin from hers.

I molded myself to my moon, surrounding her body with my own. I was stealthy enough to not wake her, but she moved unconsciously to settle against me. I marveled still to observe how our bodies lined up with each other, like a jigsaw puzzle of only two pieces.

With my nose, I traced the fragile line of her nape. I greedily breathed in her fragrance, asking myself once more how I could have been foolish enough to think I could give her up.

Silently, I asked for her forgiveness for having thought of leaving her.

I wouldn't leave her. And I certainly wouldn't leave her alone tonight.

It was like every other night I watched her sleep, except that tonight I was entitled to be under the covers with her. It was a novel experience for me. I hadn't been horizontal in a bed since I'd been ill with the Spanish flu. I wasn't accustomed to lying down for hours, but I certainly wasn't going to complain about being able to lie next to my miracle.

Her sleep was restless. She constantly muttered incoherent phrases and words I couldn't understand yet conveyed terror. Hearing the voice of her assailant had revived bad memories that invaded her dreams, and I reproached myself again. I tightened my arms around her in the hopes that it would comfort her.

An inspiration came to me, and I started to hum softly, a musical murmur that I hoped would ease her nocturnal fears. I improvised, choosing notes at random until I realized that I was humming our melody, our piano piece for four hands.

I hummed it until the dawn.

And the next day, to distract ourselves, we sat at my Bosendörfer and lost ourselves in the music. Our four hands ran along the keyboard, seeking to recover lightheartedness and forget our cares. Twenty fingers that tried to drown out our worries. Twenty fingers that hit the keys firmly, as if each of them represented one more step on the way to obliviousness.

We weren't playing our song. We _were_ our song, we lived it, we needed it.

But the ending, brutal and pitiless, returned me to a reality that in perfect accord with the guilt and anger that I hadn't managed to banish. I hit the keys with an intensity that made my notes overpower Bella's.

When we were finished, I snatched my hands from the keyboard.

"Forgive me," I said, more sharply than I had intended.

Bella had sensed my tension in the last notes and she knew the cause of it only too well.

"Don't worry about it." She was much more serene than the previous night, the shock of Victoria's unpleasant joke had faded, and the huge breakfast that Alice had arranged had brought back some color to her face. But the worry line in her forehead was still there, and the shadows under her eyes betrayed her state of mind.

"Worry is all I can do!" I said, my temper mounting. "This is not normal. Nothing that's happening to you is. You should have an easy, uncomplicated, human life. Those shadows under your eyes should be the result of a silly dance that lasted into the morning hours, not a call from a mad vampire. When you sleep, you should dream about your science projects or the last book you've read, not of the pursuit that nearly cost your life. That scar on your wrist should be from a bike crash or a skiing accident, not from a bite by a demented vampire. You should be worrying about what college to go to, not about whether a tracker is going to show up at your door. You should wake up in the morning thinking about what you're going to wear that day, what you're going to have for breakfast, not about possible reprisals from a vengeance-hungry vampire."

I pounded my fist on the keyboard, which rang out with discordant notes. I had just enough restraint not to crack the piano into pieces.

Bell had not moved an inch during my tirade and didn't even flinch at the sound of the piano.

"Are you done?" she asked, her tone detached. She didn't wait for an answer and went on. "I don't want normality, Edward. I say no to an uncomplicated life, if that means you won't be part of it. Now that I've found you, I don't intend to give up this" – she waved toward the piano "—or us, no matter what happens."

She started playing her part of the melody again, and repeated the beginning when I didn't follow her lead. She refused to go on as long as I kept my hands clenched on my lap. Her fingers caressed the keys slowly, then insistently, tenaciously, patiently, full of conviction, certain that I would surrender. And she was right. The melody was too beautiful to ignore. It shouldn't be solitary, incomplete, unfinished. I could no longer remain indifferent and my hands opened by themselves, landing on the keyboard as I joined her.

"That alone –" she murmured, nodding toward our four hands working together "—is worth a thousand trackers and a thousand anonymous phone calls."

This time, our piece succeeded in calming me, and my ending dissolved into the more harmonious finale of my companion.

I tried reminding myself that the time was over for reproaches over having made her part of my life. I wanted her in my life, and I was going to keep her in it. It's what she wanted as well. At least for the moment it was.

"There will be no other tracker, Bella. No other call. I swear to you."

I sealed this promise with a kiss on the flower that I had discovered yesterday. And I lost myself for good in the happiness of rediscovery.

I realized then that I wasn't the only person who owed Fate for allowing me to find such happiness. For my part, I would pay my debt when Bella died of illness or age. Indeed, I already paid a little each day with my full awareness that my happiness was ephemeral. Bella too was paying for our happiness, as Fate demanded. Being with me meant living in the constant fear of running across other creatures like James or Victoria. The price she paid was that of peace of mind. It was unfair to her, to us. Unfair, but also even-handed. It was a deal that we didn't have the right to contest: we had found each other, and we owed something in exchange.

But I could make the burden of this debt easier for her to shoulder … at least, I could try.

After Bella got a new phone and I changed my number, there were no more calls. When she had looked through Bella's school files for James, Victoria had surely also seen Charlie's home phone number. We didn't know if she planned to reach Bella through that number, but we didn't want to take that risk. Jasper's computer skills came in handy then: on Monday, Chief Swan got a call from his phone company that his number was changing because of modifications to the system. To lend credence to this ruse, other residents of Forks were advised that their numbers were changing as well.

This precaution taken, all that was left to do was to watch out for Victoria. Alice concentrated on her, and after a week, she detected nothing interesting apart from her decision to go see Laurent.

Should we worry about this meeting with Laurent? Would she try to convince him that if they joined forces that they would have a better shot at defeating us? I strongly doubted that Laurent would get involved in any scheme of Victoria's. From the beginning he didn't want to be a part of anything. The death of James, the head of his coven, wouldn't bother him, I was certain. All that would matter to him was finding a stronger coven to be a member of. What I had seen in his mind were the characteristics of a hanger-on. He wasn't a warrior. He much preferred to be under the wing of a robust coven whose stronger members would fight for him. He was a parasite. Whatever conversation he had with Victoria, I was almost certain that Laurent wasn't a cause for concern.

Bella continued her academic routine, but I knew that Victoria's prank had shaken her. In her waking hours she seemed strong and unperturbed, but her disturbed sleep betrayed her true state of mind.

I was always with her, and when I needed to hunt, I had a member of my family watch over her. Victoria's action had proved that she hadn't gotten over her mate's death and in the circumstances we should expect a reprisal of some sort, with Laurent's help or not. If I had her mind available to me, I could have studied it. But the only way to do that was to track her down, and I refused to leave Bella. The last time I had had ended in a torture session, a bite and her imminent death. I was probably giving myself too much credit, but I told myself that as along as I was in arm's reach of Bella, nothing would happen to her. Nothing. So I gave up the idea of tracking down Victoria, and left the task of watching her to Alice.

It was obvious to me that my companion was fighting to hide her constant fear, and that it wasn't fear for herself as much as it was that Charlie was in danger because of her, and that my family would be harmed by Victoria's anger. Nothing I said convinced her that she was wasting her time in pointless worry.

It was painful to see her this way, and besides reassuring her, I didn't know what to do, not until summer vacation neared.

I had dropped my plans to travel with Bella, preoccupied as I was with Victoria, but I realized that a trip would be useful in several ways. First, it would distract Bella. Second, traveling would make it more difficult for Victoria to attack us, since we wouldn't be sitting ducks in Forks (a scenario I thought unlikely, but I was sufficiently paranoid to worry about it). Victoria wasn't a tracker, and would never be able to follow us as James had.

Exams week, Bella concentrated on studying, and I took advantage of that to finalize my plans. Esme was a precious ally in this regard.

Esme and Bella's mother had established a friendship during Renee's brief stay in Forks. Esme had thus called her and had no difficulty convincing Renee that my plans were a good idea. A major selling point was that we could visit some college campuses along the way and that we would spend a few days in Jacksonville. Renee had then called Charlie to tell him that this trip would be an enriching experience for their daughter.

On a day when I claimed to be hunting, I presented my plan to Charlie. I didn't have to do much to win him over. Renee had sung my praises to him, as had Esme. For, of course, it wasn't the trip in itself that bothered Charlie, but the Y-chromosome-equipped traveling companion.

For appearance sake, he gave me a man-to-man talk about keeping my hormones in check if I hoped to survive to adulthood.

It was surprising, even disconcerting, to find that unlike almost everybody I had ever met, Charlie wasn't intimidated, even subconsciously, by my being a vampire. For nearly 100 years, no human had dared tried to tell me what to do. In general, people shrank away from me. But not Charlie. And instead of taking umbrage at his show of paternal authority, I was oddly pleased that he was treating me as an ordinary, human guy.

I nodded and solemnly agreed with his admonishments. Which didn't keep me from bursting into laughter in the forest when our conversation was over. The situation was rather comical.

With Charlie duly appeased, now I had to see if Bella was still tempted by my offer.

When I returned to my house, I found my companion and Jasper having a fiercely fought chess game. I didn't show myself at first, curious to see how the match would turn out.

"I would ask that you leave my bishop where I put it, Jasper the Hacker," Bella was saying.

"I didn't touch it."

"It was on D5 and you just moved it to E4 so that it's in the path of your queen."

"It was already there."

"I'm blind, but I have other ways of seeing." She touched her bishop and some pawns on the board. "This bishop is colder than the other pieces; you just had it in your hand, proof that you moved it."

Jasper had to admit defeat. "Ah, dammit."

"Cheat."

Her mischievous smile showed that she was not all offended by his stratagem.

"It adds a certain spice to the game," he said in his defense.

"You want spice? What do you say about this?" She captured his queen with a crafty move by her knight.

The game continued in silence as the players concentrated, one on her mental image of the board and the other on the mental state of his opponent.

Jasper still restricted his contact with Bella and didn't breathe when she was in the house. If he needed air to talk, he went into the forest to fill his lungs. Bella wasn't his singer, but he knew his limits. He was training himself to be in her presence through this chess game. He used the time while she thought about her next move to become accustomed to hearing her heart pump blood and stoically watching the artery in her neck.

In the end, Jasper overcame the loss of his queen, and won the game, though just barely.

"At least you won honorably, not by cheating," Bella told him.

I had waited for this friendly joust to end before showing myself.

Jasper murmured to Bella which direction I was coming from and disappeared abruptly. I was wondering why when Bella stood up and pranced gleefully toward me … without her brace.

"You got it off?" I asked.

Bella greeted me with a pirouette accompanied by an arabesque.

She was laughing. I hadn't heard her laugh since our night under the twisted oak. The sound was a balm for my frozen heart.

"Carlisle took it off while you were away so I could surprise you."

I realized that Jasper had left because he didn't want to ruin the surprise by my hearing about it in his mind.

I grabbed Bella in mid-pirouette and spun her around. "Finally! It's about time we had some good news."

I put her down and kissed her smile. I was pleased to see her smiling after so many days of worry. And feeling that smile against my lips was a new sensation for me, one more to add to my limited experience as a vampire in love.

"This is excellent timing," I said slyly. "I also have a piece of good news for you."

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><p><em>TN: Ely thanks you for your reviews. Some good guesses from you guys about what what going on._


	19. Departure

_Disclaimer: "Twilight" belongs to SMeyer. __"Les Yeux de la Lune"__ belongs__ to__ Elysabeth__. I__ just__ do the translation._

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><p>Chapter 19: Departure<p>

"I still can't believe you managed to convince Charlie to let us go."

Shaking her head gently, Bella followed me into the crowded Sea-Tac airport.

"Thank Renee and Esme," I told her. "They're the ones who convinced him. They were very useful allies."

Still incredulous, my companion continued to shake her head. She hadn't believed me until Charlie confirmed the news out loud. And even though three days had passed since then, she hadn't gotten over it. When we said goodbye to her father and my family, she seemed to feel that she was in a dream.

"I didn't even pack."

"Alice took care of everything. Our bags are in good hands and waiting for us to decide which plane they should be put on."

"I would have liked to have brought –"

"Your laptop is somewhere in the luggage."

"We don't even have guidebooks, or any information on -"

"If we need information, I have my internal radar."

"I don't have a lot of money -"

"I already told you that I would take care of expenses."

"We haven't even figured out where to go."

"It's a journey, Arago-style. We'll go where the wind blows us."

"But having no reservations could be a huge problem. Hotels, plane tickets—"

"Cullen magic will take care of those details too."

Bella was overwhelmed. "It's incredible …we're going on a trip," she murmured, shocked, as if the word "trip" had never been part of her vocabulary before. "I must be dreaming."

"You're not dreaming. It's all real. You deserve it, to distract you from recent events."

"You're right."

"I'm very glad that you agree."

"It's a good thing that I'm getting away from Charlie's house. That way, my father won't be in danger because of me."

I should have suspected that, once again, she wasn't thinking of herself. "You're impossible! We're leaving not to protect Charlie, but to discover the world as you have always wanted to."

I stopped in the terminal in front of the airline ticket counters. The noise of the crowd, the announcements of the departing flights, the sound of luggage being wheeled across the floor, the babble of goodbyes suddenly seemed to reach Bella's ears. The aural agitation infected her. She smiled. An excited smile. Incredulity gave way to exultation.

Then she became pensive.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked.

She sighed, a small smile on her lips. "The last time I was here in this airport, it was I when was moving back to Forks. I said to myself, 'What am I going to do in that dull little town?'"

She punctuated her last words with a giggle, and caressed my cheek. "Yet now, for some reason, I love Forks. That town is full of surprises," she said mischievously.

I captured her hands and kissed the knuckles. She shivered.

"If you like Forks so much, we can cancel our trip," I said, teasing.

"Are you out of your mind?" my companion said in pretend outrage.

She smiled again dreamily. "Lion and lamb wandering the world. Who would have thought?"

"Certainly not I. At least, not until Fate put you in my path. But I've had to start believing in the impossible with you in my life."

I touched my forehead to hers.

"And I had to start believing in miracles," she whispered, her breath going to my head.

The lips of Impossibility and Miracle met for a moment. A too short moment… and I pulled away with a discontented sigh. I was becoming addicted to her touch.

"So, where should we start? Australia? New Zealand? The North Pole?"

"The lands of the cannibals?" she suggested slyly.

I rolled my eyes. "That's not an option, I already told you."

"Too bad." She snorted. "Where do _you_ want to go?"

"Anywhere."

"There is really no place in particular you want to go?"

"No."

A secretive look crossed her face, a flash of tenderness in her lifeless gaze. I didn't understand where it came from, and for the nth time damned her mental barrier.

"I think there's a place you would like," she murmured, still thoughtful. She seemed to have a plan.

"Where?" I said impatiently after 20 seconds of silence.

She smiled the smile of a plotter. "It's a surprise. I need to make some calls and reserve our tickets. I hope there are still seats on the flight I want..." She pulled her cane from her overnight bag and unfolded it. "You are going to remain here and wait for me."

I examined the dense crowd around us. "It's too chaotic here. I can't leave you."

She poked the end of her cane into my chest. "You stay here. And don't be sneaky and read thoughts to figure out what I'm doing. I'm going to look for tickets, make some phone calls, and I'll be back."

"Why so mysterious?"

"I don't want you to know immediately where we're going. It's a surprise."

"I don't like your going off on your own," I grumbled.

She inhaled sharply, then calmly said, "Edward, I've been in this airport for every summer vacation, since I was a little girl. I can manage, I assure you."

I agreed, but grudgingly.

"Don't follow me, okay?" she said.

"Okay, okay. Go before I change my mind."

So she wanted to surprise me, but it was a torment to not watch her through others' thoughts. I detested being deprived of her face. Especially since I was sufficiently paranoid to worry that Victoria could show up out of nowhere and snatch her out from under my nose.

That thought compelled me to take out my cellphone. As we were leaving, I didn't ask Alice about our stalker, because I didn't want to remind Bella of what had happened the night of the school dance. But I could take advantage of Bella's absence to reassure myself one more time.

"_Yes, Edward, everything's fine. Victoria isn't lurking. She's still looking for Laurent_," Alice said, picking up immediately.

Relieved, I decided to allow myself another question, but Alice cut me off. "_You'd be wasting your breath; I'm not going to tell you what Bella has planned. You are a dirty cheat, little brother."_

"You've already seen it?"

"_Just a few minutes ago_," she snickered. "_And don't expect me to tell you anything._"

"The last time Bella wanted to surprise me, she gave me a pint of her blood! So tell me what she's plotting!"

"_Nothing to worry about. No blood this time. Have good trip! See you soon_!"

"What do you mean, 'soon'?" I asked in alarm.

"_I've seen some interesting things_," she said cheerfully. "_Nothing is definitive since you're improvising, but I have reason to think that we'll see each other again soon._"

"Alice! If you come join us, I will strangle you. I told you I want to be alone with Bella."

"_We shall see. Have a great trip, dear brother_!"

She hung up, laughing.

Dammit, that was all I needed. I should expect that little demon to show up at any moment. No matter where we were in the world, she would be able to find us, and even beat us to our destination.

I champed on the bit for exactly 17 minutes until I saw the end of Bella's cane appear at the other end of a hallway. A second more and I would have used my talent to find her.

"Finally!" Why did I need to embrace her as if it had been months since we'd seen each other? I was definitely addicted. "So, where are we going."

"Not a chance."

"I'm going to know when we're at the gate and I see the destination listed."

"That's why I want you to wear these." Bella took her iPod from her overnight bag.

"What do you want me to do with them?"

"You are going to listen to music, volume up high, until we get there. And try not to listen to the minds around you. That way, you won't hear the flight attendant announce our destination nor the passengers discussing where they're going."

"Bella, I can hear a fly beating its wings a mile away. A song won't be enough to block out ambient noise."

"Focus on the music and I am sure you can manage to not listen to the sounds around you."

"But I'll still be able to see the departure board and other signs."

"You will close your eyes."

"_What_? You must be joking!"

"Not at all."

"How will we get anywhere if I can't see or hear anything? We'll be two blind people in an airport."

"Hey, I've already told you that I manage just fine by myself here."

"And once we're at our destination?"

"I've made the necessary calls. The airline will take care of us when we arrive. I told them that we're both blind, and they have services for the handicapped. For once, you'll have to depend on me. You will take my arm and I will lead you."

"Deprived of my hearing, my sight and my talent … it'll be pure torture."

"Just for three hours, at most."

"A three-hour flight. So, we're staying on this continent. That's a hint."

"And it's the only one you'll have."

She held out the iPod to me. I took it reluctantly, honestly wondering why in the world I was bowing to her absurd demands. All this work just so I'll be surprised. Pfft.

"Hold on." She was digging into her bag again, and drew out her sunglasses. "Put these on, you'll look more in character as a blind person."

"Ridiculous," I grumbled, but obeyed.

"You've put them on?"

"Yes."

"Good. Now close your eyes."

I did it, grimacing. Even with the sunglasses and my eyes closed, I could see shadows moving through my eyelids.

"A blind/deaf and blind couple. That's rare," I said, annoyed.

"And a human-vampire couple, that's not rare, I suppose?"

"Fine, you have a point."

She had a hard time repressing her laughter.

"You're amusing yourself at my expense, I suppose?" I mumbled.

"Yes!"

Christ, I had to really love her like a fool to submit to such treatment.

I felt air moving on my face; she was waving her hand in front of me.

"You see anything?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Close your eyes, cheater!"

"I'm not cheating. My eyesight is too good. But calm down, I see only shadows, nothing more. I can't see my surroundings nor accidentally read any signs."

"You swear?"

"Cross my heart."

"Good. Use the iPod now. And not try to get around my rules. I want to be able to hear the sound of the music leaking from the earbuds. Give me your hand and let me guide you."

I obeyed again, despite my horror over all this. I wasn't used to seeing nothing. For a vampire, it was even more anxiety-inducing to be cut off from two senses (or three, in my case) than it would be for a human. I wasn't habituated to being …weak.

"I don't like this," I whined.

She laughed again. "Don't be afraid. I'll protect you." I groaned. "You don't trust me?" she asked.

"I do."

"Then, come on. Our flight leaves soon. Volume up!" she ordered.

"Yeah, yeah."

I turned on the iPod, which started playing a Beethoven symphony.

"Can you - me?" I faintly heard between the chords of the violins and drums.

"WHAT?" I shouted.

She pulled out an earbud. "Good. I was conducting a test. I was asking if you heard me."

"Oh. Can we get on the plane now? I'd like to get this over with."

Three and a half hours of torture later, plus a taxi ride, I was at last allowed to see and hear again.

"About time! I couldn't have taken any more."

"You survived, didn't you?

"It was an unimaginable ordeal."

"Big baby."

We were outside, on a street in a city that I didn't recognize at first glance. Unsure if it was sunny, Bella had prudently led me to the shadow of a building. I looked around me and saw that the building was a church, a church surrounded by skyscrapers.

I had no memory of having visited here before, yet this place felt familiar.

"This is your surprise? I endured all that misery to go to church?"

She smiled at me, her expression again marked by an enigmatic tenderness. "The church isn't the surprise, but what's behind it."

"It's only a cemetery."

She nodded. "Among the calls I made was to the church office. I asked them to tell me how to get to where I want to go. Apparently, it's straight behind the tall gravestone with the cherub on top."

I had already found said cherub, made of granite and covered with moss. This cemetery had been around for a long time.

"I see it."

"After that, we have to turn left, and what I'm looking for is supposed be after six rows of tombstones."

"Well, let's go, Miss Mysterious. We're in luck; it's cloudy."

I followed the directions, Bella holding on to my elbow. Even if it had been sunny, it wouldn't have mattered; nobody was around. Who would want to linger in such a place, after all?

After the six rows of tombstones, I found a monument of white marble, eroded by time.

"Read the names," she murmured, as if she feared waking the dead.

I did, and I froze. My eyes wide, I stared at the words etched into the stone.

I stayed motionless for a long time, paralyzed, shocked. Something inside me pierced my sleeping heart. Something I couldn't identify. I didn't know if it was good or bad.

"You brought me to Chicago," I finally was able to say. "To my parents."

A feather squeezed my fingers. "I thought that we could come by and say hello to them before taking off for the unknown."

I lowered my eyes. Under my feet were my parents. Under my eyes was my old life.

My silence started to worry Bella.

"Are you upset?" she asked, apologetic.

"No. I … I just didn't expect this."

She squeezed my arm and encouraged me to kneel with her by the stone. "You've never been here, have you?"

I answered, my eyes fixed on the engraved words before me, but what I was seeing was something else entirely. I was reliving the time just after my rebirth.

"No. After my change, Carlisle took me far away from here so I could adjust. I hadn't even known that my parents had a marked grave, what with the chaos of the epidemic. Carlisle said nothing to me about it."

"He probably didn't know either. He was too busy taking care of you, watching you nonstop until you could control your thirst. What happened in the human world must have escaped his notices during your first weeks."

"I'm sure you're right."

I kept my eyes on the stone, immersed in the past while completely aware of the present with the white feather in my fingers. "People dropped like flies during the flu epidemic. In all the confusion, there wasn't always time for funerals – there were too many deaths at once. Often people were buried in mass graves, or cremated, without ceremony. That's what Carlisle was thinking of when I asked him about the death of my parents. We never returned here in case someone recognized me when I was supposed to be dead."

Bella caressed my fingers while her free hand stretched out to touch the crumbling stone. With great respect, she traced the engraving so she could read the words inscribed there. "Here lies Edward Masen Senior and Elizabeth Masen and their son, Edward Anthony Masen. A family reunited in the hereafter."

She frowned. "I was expecting to find your parents' gravesite. I didn't know it was yours as well."

"Carlisle did what he needed to make my death official. Before leaving with me, he told the hospital authorities that I had been cremated. Even if there was no body, someone must have thought it proper to put my name on the epitaph. And in a fashion, the stone tells the truth: Edward Masen is indeed dead and buried."

I was able to identify then what I was feeling: nostalgia.

Bella reached up to discover the hard line of my lips and she looked distressed. "I think that you brought a little of Edward Masen into your new life," she said, stroking my lower lip until I moved it into a sad smile.

"So, what are you waiting for? Talk to your parents!" she said suddenly. "It's been a long time since you've seen them, after all."

I tore my gaze from the stone to look at her in bafflement. Observing that I remained silent, she continued, "Okay, I'm going to start since you're too shy." She cleared her throat and turned her attention to the grave. "Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Masen. I'm pleased to meet you. My name is Bella Swan and I love your son."

_How about handshakes and a curtsey while we're at it?_ I wondered.

"Hey, you, say something."

I didn't like this playacting. But to please her I said some words.

"Hello, Father. Hello, Mother."

I raised an eyebrow at myself. I had instinctively reverted to the same tone and cadence that I would have used at the turn of the last century to address my parents.

"I … I apologize for not having come earlier."

I felt completely ridiculous speaking to a rock planted in the ground.

"Many things have happened in the last century. I am no longer the son you knew…"

I was suddenly ashamed to be here, as a vampire. I didn't feel worthy. The Edward of today was not the son of the Masens. My parents were dead and yet I feared their condemnation of me as a creature of the night, feared that they would reproach me for tarnishing the family honor.

"I try to be … human, as much as I can. I have done things that you would not be proud of, but I'm trying to make up for them."

A disapproving cluck answered my words. "Don't listen to him, Mr. and Mrs. Masen. Your son is an extraordinary person, and I believe that a lot of that is due to you. It's thanks to you that he can fight the harmful aspects and maintain the values that you taught him. Thank you for that."

I couldn't help but smile, amused and touched. I slowly shook my head, affectionately exasperated as I was by her penchant for idealizing me. But perhaps she was right, in a way. The education and the love that my parents had given me had doubtlessly helped keep preserve my humanity and made Carlisle's task easier.

Little by little I relaxed and forgot my uneasiness at facing this stone. "Carlisle Cullen, our doctor, you remember him? He took care of the three of us until the end. He's a good man. Don't blame him for doing … what he did. He gave me a second chance. I owe him everything, because if I hadn't survived I would never have met Bella."

Bella dropped her head in embarrassment, her cheeks pink.

"Today I have another family," I continued. "I think you would like them."

I began to describe each member of my family. I had an odd desire to win the approval of the two beings under the ground for this new family that had replaced them. I wanted my birth parents to know that Esme and Carlisle were worthy of becoming my parents for all intents and purposes.

Bella listened patiently, still with that tenderness in her eyes.

"What were you like back then?" she asked after a while.

"A model child, well dressed, polite, at least on the surface."

"And in reality you were a real rascal, right?"

"Like all boys, I suppose. My parents were well-regarded members of society. They would hold dinner parties and I would show up late, disheveled, with straw in my hair because I preferred to run in the fields than go to social events. My mother pretended to reprimand me, but as soon as she turned her back to the guests, she would tousle my hair and laugh, "Little scamp, what am I to do with you?"

Bella laughed and didn't notice immediately that I had stiffened. I was completely taken aback by what I had just said, by how easily that memory had come to me, as if it had happened yesterday. Never had I had such a clear image of my old life.

"Edward?" she asked. "Are you all right?"

"I …yes. I'm just surprised, that's all. All is that so far way, buried so deep in my memory."

"Go on," she encouraged me, her hands on mine.

In my mind, a dark, heavy curtain started to move. There was something to see there. Memories. Memories whose existence I had never even suspected were there because they were so well hidden. Being in front of this grave was like having a strong wind blow open the veil so I could see part of what was behind it.

We soon were sitting in the cool grass, leaning against the grave marker and I was telling her stories and details: the smell of my father's pipe, the texture of my mother's curls, which I liked to stroke when I was a child. We were joyful and sad all at once.

We stayed there for hours at that cold yet welcoming tombstone, as if my parents were silent but palpable witnesses to our conversation.

Once, another memory resurfaced and I became serious. Instead of to Bella, I spoke to my mother.

"Do you remember that feeling of isolation you sensed in me, Mother? Do you remember the constant melancholy? You were too intuitive. And I denied your intuition. I was too proud to admit that you were right. I didn't understand the emptiness in myself since I had ignored it, rejected it, denied it. That emptiness remained even after Carlisle made me what I am today. I didn't understand the source until I met Bella…"

I sensed my companion holding her breath.

"But _you_ did. You always knew that something was missing, even if you didn't know exactly was it was. Today you can know. I was simply incomplete. I was waiting for her."

I turned to Bella. A tear was rolling down her cheek. I drank it. It was the only part of her that I could allow myself to drink. Tears had a strange taste, novel but pleasant. Technically, for a creature like myself, any substance other than blood was tasteless. But not Bella's tears. To me, they tasted like dew, like life, like purity.

"Thanks for bringing me here," I whispered to her, my lips on her skin.

We embraced under the eyes of my parents. Then, after this detour into the past, we headed to the unknown future, never suspected that the journey we were embarking on would be the most dangerous and extraordinary of our existence.

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><p><em>Thanks for reading and reviewing!<em>


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